Invited to bridal shower but not the wedding or reception

pkornell · March 2012

Wedding etiquette question.

My friends daughter is getting married and I am not invited to the wedding or the reception. But, I am invited to bridal shower. Is this typical etiquette? It seems odd to me. What do you think?

Gabrielle76 · March 2012

That's very rude. People who are invited to any pre-wedding parties should also be invited to the wedding.

Mrs.B6302007 · March 2012

It's rude. It's perfectly acceptable for you to decline.

goobersinlove · March 2012

Yes it's very rude. As I am sure you are feeling, it sends the message that she would like a gift from you, but she doesn't actually want you at the wedding that your gift is supposed to be in celebration of. I would decline the shower.

cwaggoner07 · March 2012

All of PP. Rude, rude, rude. She wants your gift but doesn't want to have to pay for your meal/ drinks at the wedding.

RamonaFlowers · March 2012

Rude.

This looks like nothing but a gift-grab to me, and I'd personally be declining.

amymaysa · March 2012

Like others have said, tha's rude! I personally wouldn't go or send a gift.

HobokensFury · March 2012

DItto PP. That's horribly tacky and rude. Feel free to decline.

dori851 · March 2012

I agree with everyone else, it is extremely rude & gift-grabby. I would definitely decline if I were you.

achiduck · March 2012

This happened to me with an acquaintence of mine. She said her H's side of th guest list was "just too large" to invite everyone she wanted to and as such to include those people she decided to include them in the shower. I did go b/c I like her but I definitely spent much less on a gift then I would have normally.

kizznible · March 2012

That is not right, It is understood that anyone invited to the shower is invited to the wedding. I would take offense to this and decline.

rlavach · March 2012

OP, how do you know that you're not invited to the wedding? Have the invites already gone out or did someone credible actually tell you that?

I only ask because due to scheduling, my shower occured before my wedding invites went out. Perhaps you are invited?

MJandDL · March 2012

The ladies at my church always throw wedding showers for anyone getting married and invite all the ladies in the church. I've been to several when I wasn't invited to the wedding and it didn't bother me because that's just the way it's always done. When it comes to my shower though, I will feel extremely uncomfortable having people there that aren't invited to the wedding. It's already awkward when people at church ask me when the wedding is and I know they aren't going to be invited...

AshnRobo · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_invited-to-bridal-shower-but-not-the-wedding-or-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:2facff6b-a232-4ae0-87f9-fd3fd7c0480aPost:8233f38f-4e1f-4114-b445-1165c3525231">Re: Invited to bridal shower but not the wedding or reception</a>:
[QUOTE]OP, how do you know that you're not invited to the wedding? Have the invites already gone out or did someone credible actually tell you that? I only ask because due to scheduling, my shower occured before my wedding invites went out. Perhaps you are invited?
Posted by rlavach[/QUOTE]

This was my thought too.

Treenymph · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_invited-to-bridal-shower-but-not-the-wedding-or-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:2facff6b-a232-4ae0-87f9-fd3fd7c0480aPost:e3b79720-392a-4759-8bf7-4924db156788">Re: Invited to bridal shower but not the wedding or reception</a>:
[QUOTE]The ladies at my church always throw wedding showers for anyone getting married and invite all the ladies in the church. I've been to several when I wasn't invited to the wedding and it didn't bother me because that's just the way it's always done. When it comes to my shower though, I will feel extremely uncomfortable having people there that aren't invited to the wedding. It's already awkward when people at church ask me when the wedding is and I know they aren't going to be invited...
Posted by MJandDL[/QUOTE]

I think it's different when it's a specific group like that. Often people in groups, churches and at work see each other all the time but arn't close enough for them all to go to the wedding. I know my work does that for baby showers; it's an open invitation to everyone to participate; whether you know them or not!

I think it makes a big difference who's hosting it as well. Sometimes the bride doesn't make up the guest list so it's not a gift-grab on her part.

I just realized: Two days ago my good friend from work declared that she was going to host a bridal shower for me. She may have been a little over zealous, because she then told another co-worker (not invited to the wedding) that she was invited to this hypothetical bridal shower. Now I'm thinking that if she's serious about doing it, I'd better talk to her about this issue!

Grits8812 · March 2012

Uh no. She is gift grabby. You should either be invited to both or neither.

amandamarielynn · March 2012

I agree with the others. It sounds like a tacky "I want a gift but you're not worth the catering cost" move to me too. It's fine to decline. And don't send a gift. I have tons of family and they always send out the bridal shower invite WITH the wedding invite because no one wants to pay stamps twice when they could just send it all at once. So I doubt they "forgot" your invite.

Actually, dont' even decline. Don't accept or anything. Seriously, that's so distasteful I wouldn't even dignify it with a response.

TiffannieF · March 2012

Yes rude.

But I will say my MIL threw me a shower and invited like 30 people who I had never met before (members from her church)...it was so awkward for me. But at least these were people I didn't know...this is somebody you know...

stacym13 · March 2012

If it's your friend's daughter.... maybe your friend wanted you there?

Otherwise, if you feel it was more of a "I want more gifts" thing, give her what she's asking for and purchase a book on etiquette as a gift. LOL. Just kidding. Don't do that.

Just ask her if there is a specific reason she invited you to the shower and not the wedding. Maybe there's a reason? Maybe she really doesn't have a clue

However, I wouldn't feel comfortable inviting people to my shower and not my wedding.... don't men do that though? Invite all the guys to the Bachelor's Party but tnot the wedding? Idk what they do!

Invited to bridal shower but not the wedding or reception

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