Getting Married in Secret for Practical Reasons

beatlesgirl25 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-secret-practical-reasons?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5cae9a8d-a9ce-4abd-8ec6-2dabdcd7f480Post:d1cfeced-08a6-4214-9fc4-c48938009849">Re: Getting Married in Secret for Practical Reasons</a>:
[QUOTE]To all the women who see this as a lie, GET OVER YOURSELVES. Maybe you need to step back and re-evaluate your own wedding. Do you see your wedding as a means for you to get presents, or a way to show the world that you are married to the Love of Your Life?[/QUOTE]
I saw my wedding as a way to show the world that I was MARRYING the love of my life. As in, they got to witness the actual act of it. If people want to show how much they love each other, throw a party or vow renewal for all I care. Just don't call it a wedding if you're already married. 

[QUOTE]It shouldn't matter whether or not you have a signed piece of paper saying you are married 3 days prior, or 3 months prior. [/QUOTE]
Yes, it absolutely should. That signed piece of paper means you are married. That is the biggest deal ever, and much more important than a party.

[QUOTE]If it really matters so much, tell your guests that you are renewing your vows.[/QUOTE]
THIS IS WHAT WE'VE BEEN SAYING ALL ALONG. It's people lying about already being married and then throwing and faking a second wedding ceremony that we have a problem with. Please re-read this thread.

[QUOTE]If you've ever seen the Office, or How I Met Your Mother, sometimes having a small and simply ceremony with just the two of you can be really romantic, and not hurt anybody. [/QUOTE]
Well if if works on tv and everyone has a happy ending, then it must work IRL too! Because sitcoms are totally my compass for realism.

[QUOTE]We all have our own reasons for doing what we do, and who says any of you are the authority on lying. [/QUOTE]
I don't think anyone can be an authority on lying. It's a pretty concrete concept. Not telling the truth about something = lying, no?

[QUOTE]I am personally getting married because I want to be with the one I love for the rest of my life. NOT for presents, or the ceremony. And I want everyone who I love and who cares about me to be there. and I know for a fact that it won't make a difference if I celebrate it right then, or a few months after. So to all of you who feel this is ignorant, or snarky, or just plain uneducated, you are in major need of re-evaluation, because clearly it sounds like you see your wedding as a time to recieve recieve recieve, and not just have your friends and family join you in celebrating your love.
Posted by Chucksnblujeans[/QUOTE]
Sorry, I can't hear you from all the way up there on your high horse. And who exactly are you opposing here? The people who are saying that lying is bad are ALSO saying it's bad to lie so you can have gifts and a pretty princess day. Those who lie want their cake and to eat it too, so they are the ones you should be shaking your judgy finger at. I got married on the day of my wedding for the same reasons you listed, so I'm not quite sure who you're telling to re-evaluate their lives.

nda_roxybabe · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-secret-practical-reasons?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5cae9a8d-a9ce-4abd-8ec6-2dabdcd7f480Post:d1cfeced-08a6-4214-9fc4-c48938009849">Re: Getting Married in Secret for Practical Reasons</a>:
[QUOTE]To all the women who see this as a lie, GET OVER YOURSELVES. Maybe you need to step back and re-evaluate your own wedding. Do you see your wedding as a means for you to get presents, or a way to show the world that you are married to the Love of Your Life? It shouldn't matter whether or not you have a signed piece of paper saying you are married 3 days prior, or 3 months prior. If it really matters so much, tell your guests that you are renewing your vows. If you've ever seen the Office, or How I Met Your Mother, sometimes having a small and simply ceremony with just the two of you can be really romantic, and not hurt anybody. We all have our own reasons for doing what we do, and who says any of you are the authority on lying. I am personally getting married because I want to be with the one I love for the rest of my life. NOT for presents, or the ceremony. And I want everyone who I love and who cares about me to be there. and I know for a fact that it won't make a difference if I celebrate it right then, or a few months after. So to all of you who feel this is ignorant, or snarky, or just plain uneducated, you are in major need of re-evaluation, because clearly it sounds like you see your wedding as a time to recieve recieve recieve, and not just have your friends and family join you in celebrating your love.
Posted by Chucksnblujeans[/QUOTE]
Did you even read?! What the hell. Everyone has been saying if you're going to do this don't keep it a secret and instead call it a vow renewal.

Read what beatles posted again, and again until you get it.

sucrets4 · March 2010

Yeah, Chucks, your post is very confusing and contradicting.

baystateapple · March 2010

Beatles = 100% correct.

Blueyed228 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-secret-practical-reasons?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:5cae9a8d-a9ce-4abd-8ec6-2dabdcd7f480Post:d1cfeced-08a6-4214-9fc4-c48938009849">Re: Getting Married in Secret for Practical Reasons</a>:
[QUOTE]To all the women who see this as a lie, GET OVER YOURSELVES. Maybe you need to step back and re-evaluate your own wedding. Do you see your wedding as a means for you to get presents, or a way to show the world that you are married to the Love of Your Life? It shouldn't matter whether or not you have a signed piece of paper saying you are married 3 days prior, or 3 months prior. If it really matters so much, tell your guests that you are renewing your vows. If you've ever seen the Office, or How I Met Your Mother, sometimes having a small and simply ceremony with just the two of you can be really romantic, and not hurt anybody. We all have our own reasons for doing what we do, and who says any of you are the authority on lying. I am personally getting married because I want to be with the one I love for the rest of my life. NOT for presents, or the ceremony. And I want everyone who I love and who cares about me to be there. and I know for a fact that it won't make a difference if I celebrate it right then, or a few months after. So to all of you who feel this is ignorant, or snarky, or just plain uneducated, you are in major need of re-evaluation, because clearly it sounds like you see your wedding as a time to recieve recieve recieve, and not just have your friends and family join you in celebrating your love.
Posted by Chucksnblujeans[/QUOTE]

It actually does matter. If you got MARRIED 3 months ago then you cant get married again unless you managed a divorce in there somehow. Why don't you read the whole effing thread before you speak next time.

If you tell people you are not married when you actually ARE married, then you are LYING. Same if you tell them you are "getting married" when you are already married.

p.s Its received. I before E except after C.

banana468 · March 2010

Hmm....I saw my wedding day as the day that DH and I got married. Because that's the day we got married both in the eyes of the law and the Catholic Church.

It's amazing how I was able to come to that conclusion.

::proceeds to get over herself::

Chucksnblujeans · March 2010

I didn't realize we were still in high school. Excuse me for expressing how I feel, and having a different OPINION than some of you. Maybe everyone should just stop being so catty, considering the bride meant all of this in a joking manner, and everyone is taking it seriously and acting like she is the devil for even considering it.

so I'm not gonna jump on your catty-bitch train, I regret even expressing my opinion in the first place, and maybe I'll look at message boards where women are nice to each other and actually HELP the bride asking a question.

sucrets4 · March 2010

Apparently some of us are still in high school if we can't write out logical, non contradictory posts.

MeaghanandMichael · March 2010

thanks for the morning giggle Chucks. me thinks OP came back to tisktisk under another name... just a gut feeling

beatlesgirl25 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-secret-practical-reasons?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5cae9a8d-a9ce-4abd-8ec6-2dabdcd7f480Post:fee0ec2c-ec44-4179-b6aa-e1f7d59ed7c2">Re: Getting Married in Secret for Practical Reasons</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't realize we were still in high school. Excuse me for expressing how I feel, and having a different OPINION than some of you. Maybe everyone should just stop being so catty, considering the bride meant all of this in a joking manner, and everyone is taking it seriously and acting like she is the devil for even considering it. so I'm not gonna jump on your catty-bitch train, I regret even expressing my opinion in the first place, and maybe I'll look at message boards where women are nice to each other and actually HELP the bride asking a question.
Posted by Chucksnblujeans[/QUOTE]

Chucks - As a confused and judgy poster recently said: GET OVER YOURSELF.

Before you go feeling sorry for yourself, no one responded negatively to you for having a "different opinion," it was because you were judging everyone's marriage and telling us you're better than we are when your facts aren't even straight on the topic. You don't even know what you're talking about in this thread.

Nobody's calling the OP the devil. Again, do you read at all? She may claim to have meant all this in a "joking" manner, but she was pretty smug (and drunk?) from the beginning and just said that she posted it to get people riled up. It is a very serious topic, regardless of how it's presented. So people got riled up and discussed it. You get what you ask for.

[Deleted User] · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-secret-practical-reasons?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:5cae9a8d-a9ce-4abd-8ec6-2dabdcd7f480Post:c7b55a08-f2a1-4de9-a2e4-44d7c6431b8c">Re: Getting Married in Secret for Practical Reasons</a>:
[QUOTE]Do the people who think this isn't lying understand what lying is??
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

It's just like flying, but with out the F.

sucrets4 · March 2010

It was a joke, and I was referencing A Chorus Line, if you really must know.

cmeinla · April 2010

i wouldn't lie about it. Just tell your friends and family the circumstances, and why you're getting married early. there's nothing wrong with having a larger ceremony so that your friends can be involved later. I know a couple that got married on dec 31st for tax purposes, but on their 1 year anniversary they will be having a wedding ceremony in a church where they will renew their vows and have bridesmaids and the whole enchilada. Just don't register for both weddings

CourtneyBC · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-secret-practical-reasons?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:5cae9a8d-a9ce-4abd-8ec6-2dabdcd7f480Post:c2c15758-9041-4be3-bfd1-73fa31f1f7cf">Re: Getting Married in Secret for Practical Reasons</a>:
[QUOTE]I really don't see what the big deal is. I think if getting married will help her, so that she does not have to lose insurance, than she should. However, I don't see why she still can't walk down the aisle and celebrate with friends and family. Although, maybe you don't need to lie. Maybe you can just explain the situation to your friends and family. I would think they would understand and still be more than willing to celebrate your new marriage. A couple of my friends got "secretly married" and did not tell anyone because they wanted to have a nice wedding (although they never did), but when they finally told me, I didn't feel offended and lied to. I was happy for them. And even if they do end up having their nice wedding, I would love to go and even bring them a gift!
Posted by emily.ayala[/QUOTE]

I agree with Emily. You don't need to lie, but if it benefits you to push up your legal date of marriage, why not?

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