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Parents...

TylerRowan+DHTylerRowan+DH member
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
My FW parents there are acting like since we got engaged 9/4/11 there is nothing going on (head in sand type thing). They r still controlling over my FW ie. still has a 2am curfew & she's 22, we both want to move out together before we get married but were scared they will disown my FW. We want to start planing our wedding but we have no budget in sight & dont know if they even want to help at all. what do we do?
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Re: Parents...

  • artbyallieartbyallie mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:5950ceb5-0417-4a03-a057-09fada7bfaa2Post:aed92557-fd66-4693-b379-9643cea2270a">Parents...</a>:
    [QUOTE]My FW parents there are acting like since we got engaged 9/4/11 there is nothing going on (head in sand type thing). They r still controlling over my FW ie. still has a 2am curfew & she's 22, we both want to move out together before we get married but were scared they will disown my FW. We want to start planing our wedding but we have no budget in sight & dont know if they even want to help at all. what do we do?
    Posted by TylerRowan+DH[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'm sorry, but if she lives in their house, she has to follow their rules. Also, if they want to contribute toward the wedding they will offer. You don't ask and if they don't offer, you're on your own. Most people do pay for their own weddings these days.</div><div>
    </div><div>Really, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, if she's not able to live on her own, she's probably not ready to be married. Everyone should have some independence before they do the co-dependent thing with someone, whether that's just living together or marriage.</div>
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  • StacyJennigesStacyJenniges
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I agree with Artbyallie, if you live under your parents roof you live by their rules.  My Fiance's siblings live with his folks and they strugle with this too but it's just the way it is.

    Why are you worried about your FW's parents disowning her if you move intogether?  is it a religious reason. 

    As far as for the nothing going on have you set a date yet?  If you have not set a date or the date is so far in the future there really isn't much to plan yet then it's probably not acting like there is nothing going on but rather that it's not time to start talking yet.

    Start saving money now for your wedding.  We have help from both sets of parents but we still have to pay for a good portion ourselves.  Also if you don't have a place of your own yet you will need to save up for that, even if you rent you will need money for a deposit and for first months rent, so just start to save money now you will that much better off when the wedding comes.

    "Faith Hope and Love are some good things he gave us, and the greatest is Love"
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  • joyfulhappy1joyfulhappy1
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Im with Stacy-good advice
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  • ashlidieashlidie member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    When do you plan on marrying?  Next year? 2013?  That makes a difference.  
    Second, assume you are paying for everything unless they offer to pay.  I asked my father to help with flowers since his close friend is a florist, but it is MY father and we are very close, I was comfortable asking him for this help up front.  IF your FI is comfortable, she can throw it out there because they may be unaware that you are trying to make plans.
    Third, I am 22, and if I still lived with my father then I have to follow his rules.  My boyfriend (now fiance) was not allowed to stay over, I couldn't come home passed a certain time, and he had his reasons.  He wakes up for work at 5am and he doesnt need to have the door wake him at 2 and then he cant go back to sleep.  

    Basically, all I can say is wait.  If you can't afford a wedding, you can't afford to live somewhere on your own.  We are saving for the wedding over two years and what we put aside each month is NOTHING compared to the rent, gas and electric, phone, tv, internet, etc.
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  • TylerRowan+DHTylerRowan+DH member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Getting married 11/16/12. Thanks 4 all the advice, hints & tips
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  • ashlidieashlidie member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I wasn't trying to be lecturing, I just want you to realize that being on their good side will be worthwhile in the long run.  It stinks and you often have to make sacrifices to please the family... but they are the package you are marrying into sooo I guess there is little choice if you want to maintain happiness.  trust me, it can be annoying pleasing so many people!
    June 2013 - Shoe Inspiration
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