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flower girl

lynnandmorganlynnandmorgan
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My daughter is going to be a flower girl in a wedding this July the bridal shower is being held later this month. I received an email yesterday stating, " the bridesmaids had a meeting and decided to bake goodies and purchase 7 $5 gift cards as prizes for the shower." I inquired further and via email received information that my daughter is to provide all 7 gift cards for the shower. I didn't have a flower girl in my wedding and am unclear of her responsibilities. I'm also a little irritated that if I do have financial responsibilities (other than the dress) why I wasn't informed of a meeting being held. Does the flower girl usually participate financially in a bridal shower? What other obligations does she have for this wedding? What is the best way for me to handle this situation?
Any advice would be appreciated.
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Re: flower girl

  • pokepoke27pokepoke27 member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    WTH. No one has any "duties" except to buy the dress and show up. No one can just decide that you need to provide gift cards for the shower. 

    Just email them and say you're sorry but you can not participate in planning the shower.

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  • mica178mica178 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    I have never heard of the flower girl being responsible for any part of pre-wedding party planning.  That's ridiculous.
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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    That's awfully presumptuous on behalf of the shower hosts. I'm embarassed for them.

    Agree with the others.  Send a polite e-mail to the hosts that, due to her age, she will not be able to participate in the pre-wedding events. 
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  • SparrowSongSparrowSong member
    500 Comments 5 Love Its
    LMAO

    They decided the flower girl was financially responsible for the girt cards? That's just flat out hilarious. 

    Say "no thanks" mom of flower girl. You are responsible for nothing but providing cute kid who can manage to throw some flower petals on the floor. 
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  • Cortney1982Cortney1982 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    I wasn't aware that bridal showers were something that little kids attended.  How desperate are they to go as far as having a child finance their party?  As much fun it would to be snarky, I would just reply to them that your child is unable to finance or attend the bridal shower.
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  • hannahmasseyhannahmassey
    100 Comments
    Say, " actually, she loves to bake chocolate chip cookies! We'll definitely bring some!" Then only show up with cookies. When they ask about gift cards say, "I didn't think you were serious! Why would a child be responsible for buying gift cards!??!" Loud enough for people to overhear. Anyways, even though its only 25, this is absolutely insane. This is the mother of all etiquette fails. I would've verbally ripped those bizniches a new a.hole, then put them on blast to everyone I know. I just dont get it!?!?!!!
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  • jessicabessicajessicabessica member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    If they wanted you to contribute on behalf of your daughter, then yes, you whould have been involved in the planning, but ditto PPs that I have never seen a flower girl contribute to planning or financing a pre-wedding party.  I like Lucy's suggested language to keep it a little lighter.
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  • Winnertag1Winnertag1 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Lol that is ridiculous.

    No one in the wedding party has a financial responsbility except to get a dress and show up, ESPECIALLY a flower girl.

    If they wanted you involved than you should have been at the meeting and from there it would be your choice, they cannot force it on you. I wouldnt get the gift cards, I would reply and say that the Flower Girl cant attend & unfortuntely she wont be buying the gift cards either.

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  • lynnandmorganlynnandmorgan
    First Comment
    Thank you for all of your advice ladies. You have all confirmed what I was thinking.  My husband asked if they expect her to participate in financing "gifts" for the shower what's next, financing the bachelorette party? He said if that's the case let the bridesmaids know that there was a meeting and we have decided to throw the bachelorette party at Chuck E. Cheese......as funny as that sounds and as much as I would love to see the look on all their faces.  I think in order to keep peace he shoud have no part in the email I send.
    Thank you again!!!!
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  • FluffernutFluffernut
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_flower-girl-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4b72a575-15eb-40a5-a0eb-d85df46c64fePost:e62434a8-949a-4d31-b8cb-f976d8791eae">Re: flower girl</a>:
    [QUOTE]How on earth can a young child be expected to contribute financially to pre-wedding parties? That's just crazy talk, and I'd send back a polite e-mail saying that your daughter won't be able to participate in or help finance the pre-wedding parties. That's just ridiculous. ETA: I'd probably try to word the e-mail so that it doesn't come across as heavy-handed. Something along the lines of, "Obviously, because of her age, Little Suzy won't be attending or helping to plan the pre-wedding parties.  Since <strong>she currently has only $1.37 in her piggy bank</strong>, she won't be able to contribute gift cards."
    Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]

    I love this! 

    OP, that is ridiculous!  I agree with the polite e-mail back to the people planning.  I bet if she did contribute, they would probably not even note that she was part of the hosting of the event.  People are so interesting sometimes!
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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Somehow I think the shower hosts are more interested in Mom's checkbook attending than in the actual flower girl attending.

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  • kfraskfras member
    100 Comments
    edited May 2012
    For both my cousin and sister's bridal showers the mothers of the flower girls did contribute on their behalf. HOWEVER, they were asked if they would like to, they were not required to. And they were asked if they would like to prior to any BM meetings and also asked if they would like to attend the meetings. So they were present when all decisions were made. They also did not contribute for the price of the showers (we had them at restaurants and paid per person), but they did contribute to the gift. This is because in both instances, the flower girls were older (not young, they were all around age 11) and they had voiced that they wanted to be included in the group gift we were purchasing, with their name on the card along with the bridesmaids.

    I don't think it is the worst thing in the world if you are asked to contribute, but I do think you should have been ASKED not TOLD.

    Please PPs don't eat me alive for that comment, haha. I am just giving personal experience.
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