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September 2010 Weddings

Poll: Traditions

I want to know which "traditional" wedding elements are you including or skipping, and why.

Are you wearing something old, new, borrowed, blue? Have you picked them yet?

Are you doing a "dollar dance"?

Are you doing the garter toss?

Are you doing the bouquet toss?

Are you doing some kind of kissing gimmick? (IE Kissing bells, making people sing, just letting them clink their forks on their glasses)

Are you have a send off toss? What are you using (bubbles, rice, birdseed, something else)?

Can you think of anything else to add that you are including or not including?

Have you gotten any negative feedback for any of your decisions?

Has FI said anything about which ones he likes or doesn't like?
Me: 26 DH: 32
TTC since 08/2010
Anovulatory since at least 12/2010 (probably longer, unDx)
Dx PCOS 3/2012
SA 5/25/12--normal
June 2012--50mg clomid+TI--BFN
July 2012--50mg clomid+Ovidrel+TI--BFN, lining at 5mm
August 2012--5mg femara+Ovidrel+TI

Re: Poll: Traditions

  • I want to know which "traditional" wedding elements are you including or skipping, and why.

    Are you wearing something old, new, borrowed, blue? Have you picked them yet? Yes I am.  My something old is my Grandmothers wedding ring.  My mom got it when my Grandma passed away and then she gave it to me for Christmas on year.  I plan on tieing it around the handle of my bouquet.  Something new is my dress, necklace, earrings, garter and possibly more stuff.  I haven't got anything borrowed and haven't decided for sure what my something blue will be.

    Are you doing a "dollar dance"? Can you tell me what this is?  I've never heard of it before

    Are you doing the garter toss? Yes, FI loves hunting and I bought a set of garters that are camo (brown & green, which are also our wedding colors) with a little deer charm on them as a surprise for him.

    Are you doing the bouquet toss? Yes.  My FI was in a wedding summer of 2008 and I caught the bouquet, then the following weekend he was in another wedding where he caught the garter, then a year later we were engaged.  Its a neat tradition that seems to have worked out for us (non of our friends have got married since) so we definately want to incorporate it into our wedding.

    Are you doing some kind of kissing gimmick? (IE Kissing bells, making people sing, just letting them clink their forks on their glasses) We're still thinking about this one.  We know that people are going to want to do something, but we would like to do something other than letting people clink forks on their glasses.

    Are you have a send off toss? What are you using (bubbles, rice, birdseed, something else)? I don't think we're doing anything, if we do it will probly be bubbles.

    Can you think of anything else to add that you are including or not including? The only other tradition that I can think of that we are including is the fact that FI is not going to see me before I walk down the aisle.

    Have you gotten any negative feedback for any of your decisions? Nope, haven't really talked to anyone besides each other about what were doing as far as traditions.

    Has FI said anything about which ones he likes or doesn't like? We have talked about and agreed on all of the things I have mentioned, but the biggest thing that he wants is to not see my dress or see me before I walk down the aisle.
  • Are you wearing something old, new, borrowed, blue? Have you picked them yet? Yes, but I haven't picked them out yet.

    Are you doing a "dollar dance"? Nope.

    Are you doing the garter toss? No.  I don't really like it (nothing against those of you who are doing it, just not my thing).

    Are you doing the bouquet toss? Maybe. Never really liked participating, so I'm not sure I want to have it. Perhaps an anniversary dance instead.

    Are you doing some kind of kissing gimmick? (IE Kissing bells, making people sing, just letting them clink their forks on their glasses) We're not planning anything, but his family will be clinking glasses.

    Are you have a send off toss? What are you using (bubbles, rice, birdseed, something else)? Probably going to use bubbles - I like the pictures.

    Can you think of anything else to add that you are including or not including? I'm not doing a father/daughter dance?  Major family issue there, but the short story is, I haven't even spoken to him in 5 years.

    Have you gotten any negative feedback for any of your decisions? Not that I'm aware of.

    Has FI said anything about which ones he likes or doesn't like? I don't think he's totally on board with the kissing/clinking glasses, but he's resigned that we can't stop his family. I think he's a little disappointed about not doing garter/flower toss.
    My deal is that I am going to murder your puppies and piss on your rainbows. -diablesse Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • Are you wearing something old, new, borrowed, blue? Have you picked them yet? I'm going to wear them, but I haven't picked them yet.

    Are you doing a "dollar dance"? Nooo.

    Are you doing the garter toss? Nope.

    Are you doing the bouquet toss? Nope.

    Are you doing some kind of kissing gimmick? (IE Kissing bells, making people sing, just letting them clink their forks on their glasses) Definitely not.

    Are you have a send off toss? What are you using (bubbles, rice, birdseed, something else)? Nope.

    Can you think of anything else to add that you are including or not including? Not doing a first dance or father daughter dance.

    Have you gotten any negative feedback for any of your decisions? Nope, it's my wedding day and no one else cares if we do that stuff.

    Has FI said anything about which ones he likes or doesn't like? He doesn't care, as long as we are married :)

    Basically I'm not doing any of the traditional things.  I'm not traditional, never liked them at other weddings and don't feel the need to include any of them at mine.  They don't hold any meaning or value to me.. but I'm not judgmental or anything to those who do these things... to each their own :)
  • Are you wearing something old, new, borrowed, blue? Have you picked them yet? I don't think I am-- that is unless it comes up the day before or people (like Otto's sisters and/ mom start giving me things that complete this tradition. I don't know why I'm not-- I'm just not superstitious like that....

    Are you doing a "dollar dance"? I don't think we are doing this either. I was never really a fan of this idea....i feel like stripperish...I do hope to dance with those family members/friends that would like to througout the night though :o) Id like to think I am approachable enough without having to pay a dollar :o)

    Are you doing the garter toss? Once again, nope. I personally don't like this tradition...it kinda creeped me out at an early age when I was at my parents "renewal of vows" (which was a WASTE of money anyway since they got divorced) when my cousin who was then 13ish caught the bouquet and a straggly looking man in his 40's caught the garter..... it was borderline pedo.... :o/


    Are you doing some kind of kissing gimmick? (IE Kissing bells, making people sing, just letting them clink their forks on their glasses) I think we may keep it simple and keep to the glasses... I don't want to add anymore rubbish on the tables than what is needed. Plus everyone knows that clinking on the glasses does.....so I won't change this

    Are you have a send off toss? What are you using (bubbles, rice, birdseed, something else)? Ummmm.... we haven't talked about this one yet-- but I think we may do bubbles...easy clean up and fun for the kids to play with at the reception (since it will be a kid friendly wedding)

    Can you think of anything else to add that you are including or not including? We are actually doing the Anniversary dance---that's how I will give my bouquet away. I am thinking about have secret BP wagers going on who they think will be the last couple dancing :oP

    Have you gotten any negative feedback for any of your decisions?Nope--it's really just FI and doing the planning and we pretty much agree on a lot of things :o)

    Has FI said anything about which ones he likes or doesn't like? He mentioned that he didn't like the dollar dance and the  garter/bouquet toss--which works fine with me :o)
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  • Are you wearing something old, new, borrowed, blue? Have you picked them yet? yes and yes!! :-D

    Are you doing a "dollar dance"? no, but that is not typical is either of our families

    Are you doing the garter toss? yes!

    Are you doing the bouquet toss?yes! We both think its fun :)

    Are you doing some kind of kissing gimmick? (IE Kissing bells, making people sing, just letting them clink their forks on their glasses) my family always has done the clinging on the glasses, and at my FI's cousins wedding his family did it too - so Im assuming we cant get out of that one :-P

    Are you have a send off toss? What are you using (bubbles, rice, birdseed, something else)? bubbles :)

    Can you think of anything else to add that you are including or not including? I think my aunts want to do either the Grand March or the Tarantella - not sure what we will do yet

    Have you gotten any negative feedback for any of your decisions? almost! FI isnt Catholic and neither is a lot of his family so we opted to have a wedding ceremony sans Communion and my mom almost had a heart attack! which is odd because I dont remember the last time she has been to Church...but then, a week later, after she tells me our neighbor did the same thing - she says "arent you glad you have such an understanding mom?!" I almost died laughing!!!!!! lol

    Has FI said anything about which ones he likes or doesn't like? I think FI is uncomfortable with the Church thing as a whole just because he is unfamiliar with the prayers and stuff and he said he doesnt want to look clueless lol - doesnt seemed to be bothered by anything else :)
  • I want to know which "traditional" wedding elements are you including or skipping, and why.

    Are you wearing something old, new, borrowed, blue? Have you picked them yet? I want to but I haven't picked them yet. I'm even doing the end of that saying that is "and a shiny sixpence in her shoe" (may not be exact quote) - just think it would be fun and I plan to put the "history" of that in our program for reading material ;-P

    Are you doing a "dollar dance"? Probably; I don't really care either way

    Are you doing the garter toss? Yes

    Are you doing the bouquet toss? Yes

    Are you doing some kind of kissing gimmick? (IE Kissing bells, making people sing, just letting them clink their forks on their glasses) I don't think so; not too crazy about this idea

    Are you have a send off toss? What are you using (bubbles, rice, birdseed, something else)? I wanted to use sparklers but reception CITY won't allow them and church MANAGEMENT won't allow them... :-( If anything, bubbles

    Can you think of anything else to add that you are including or not including? Nope

    Have you gotten any negative feedback for any of your decisions? Nope

    Has FI said anything about which ones he likes or doesn't like?
     Nope

    :-)
  • Are you wearing something old, new, borrowed, blue? Have you picked them yet?
    I think so, lots of new stuff (dress, veil, some earrings, shoes), my grandmother's pearls for the something old, and someone gave me something blue.  If someone gives me something borrowed, I'll do it, if not, I won't.  It's not super important to me.  Jeff's mom might die though if I don't.

    Are you doing a "dollar dance"?
    No.  I hadn't heard of these until TK.  I understand that in some cultures it's the norm, but since neither of our families does it, it would seem extremely tasteless.

    Are you doing the garter toss?
    No.

    Are you doing the bouquet toss?
    Like someone else, we have very few single people at our wedding, so probably not.  I may do something like the anniversary dance to give it away, though I'm not sure two old people would want my bouquet!

    Are you doing some kind of kissing gimmick? (IE Kissing bells, making people sing, just letting them clink their forks on their glasses)
    I'm not planning on it, but FI's family is big on clinking forks against glasses (something I HATE) so they may do it anyway.  My plan for the day is to just roll with whatever they do and not let it get to me!

    Are you have a send off toss? What are you using (bubbles, rice, birdseed, something else)?
    The only thing we're allowed to do it bubbles, and I wasn't going to until I saw some really awesome pictures.  Now we're considering it!

    Can you think of anything else to add that you are including or not including?
    We're not buying a cake server or toasting flutes, just using the ones at the site.  I know people keep them as keepsakes, but it seems like a waste to me.  We're having a friend officiate the ceremony, and it won't be religious in any way.  We aren't having a bridal party.  No father-daughter dance, and I'm pretty sure I will walk myself down the aisle.  The mothers are picking their own clothes, I don't care what they wear.  That's most of the non-traditional stuff I can think of!

    Have you gotten any negative feedback for any of your decisions?
    Tons.  FMIL is the queen of negative feedback, from how I plan to wear my hair, to our choice of hotel and our thoughts on the cake flavor and entrees.  But the big ones are not having the wedding in a church (they don't know a friend is officiating yet!), not having a bridal party (I get feedback from EVERYONE, not just family, about that), and Jeff not wearing a tux and not wanting to grow his hair out.

    Has FI said anything about which ones he likes or doesn't like?
    We're on the same page about everything so far.  He feels even more strongly than me about the garter toss and dollar dance.  He wishes we could not have any dancing at our reception, but I told him we have to have music for our guests at an evening reception, even if I don't want to dance either.  Most other stuff he's more laid-back about than me (as in, everything his mom complains about) even though he agrees with my side.
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  • Are you wearing something old, new, borrowed, blue? Have you picked them yet?
    I want to, but I haven't chosen them yet.

    Are you doing a "dollar dance"?
    No. They've been done at some of the weddings in my family, but not all, and I don't like it. My friend did it at her wedding and I just didn't think people still had them.

    For the pp who asked what it is, it's where you have a BM and a GM collect a dollar from each guest who wants to dance with the bride or groom respectively. Alternatively, I have seen it done where you actually have to pin your dollar to the bride or groom to dance with them.


    Are you doing the garter toss?
    I don't want to, FI does. Mostly I did this poll because I wanted to see who all was doing this one. FI thinks that I don't want to do anything fun, but I don't really feel comfortable with anyone (even my husband) hanging out under my dress while my dad watches.

    Are you doing the bouquet toss?
    I was planning on it, but now I'm trying to figure out how many singles will actually be at this wedding...

    Are you doing some kind of kissing gimmick?
    We're going to use bells as escort card holders.

    Are you have a send off toss?
    Boo typos! Anyways, I think we may do bubbles.

    Can you think of anything else to add that you are including or not including?
    We're going to have an anniversary dance, and we won't see each other at all the day of until I walk down the aisle. Our ceremony starts at 6pm so it's going to be a long day without seeing FI. I think I'll just be so glad to finally see him that I won't be so nervous about the wedding.

    Have you gotten any negative feedback for any of your decisions?
    I haven't really talked with anyone else about this part of our plans, so no one has had a chance to tell me what they think. FI and I did talk to some of our friends about the garter toss debate though. We actually came close to maybe having an almost fight about that.

    Has FI said anything about which ones he likes or doesn't like?
    He really wants to do the garter toss. His argument: It's tradition, his brothers will give him sh!t if he doesn't do it, he thinks that me and my family are so concerned with what's "appropriate" that we never do anything fun. My argument: it's kind of tacky, no one wants to see him up my dress, little kids are going to be there, and I really don't like the other half of that where the guy who catches the garter has to dance with the girl who caught the bouquet, and yeah I think it's inappropriate to be felt up in front of my family and little kids!!! I have no idea who's going to win this one...
    Me: 26 DH: 32
    TTC since 08/2010
    Anovulatory since at least 12/2010 (probably longer, unDx)
    Dx PCOS 3/2012
    SA 5/25/12--normal
    June 2012--50mg clomid+TI--BFN
    July 2012--50mg clomid+Ovidrel+TI--BFN, lining at 5mm
    August 2012--5mg femara+Ovidrel+TI
  • I know some people want to do the garter toss, and I'm not trying to offend any of them, but here are my thoughts on it, maybe they will help Amanda with her FI:

    I have always felt really uncomfortable with the garter toss.  As a child it actually kind if traumatized me, I thought it was so gross and inappropriate (not that I knew the word then).  As an adult, I find it awkward, and it's embarassing if the guy makes all the suggestive faces and whatnot.  Even in pictures of people's weddings it can be awkward to see.  And I feel SO BAD for the girl who catches the bouquet, she doesn't want some guy, possibly a stranger, up her dress! 

    Also, if you don't have a lot of single girls at your wedding, there's no point to having the garter toss, so maybe you can get your FI to look at it that way.  If there's no one to put the garter on, no point having the toss!!
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  • We'll have people that are technically "single" (unmarried) but they are in long-term, committed relationships. Sometimes it just seems really skeezy.

    I went to a wedding this summer where they did the garter toss and bouquet toss. One of the groomsmen, who is usually kind of a ham and a really funny guy so this wasn't out of character for him, caught the garter. The way he put the garter back on the other girl, who has a boyfriend, was so tacky. The DJ didn't help matters, playing "the stripper" while he was practically giving this girl a lap dance!!!

    I was horrified! I was like there is absolutely no way I would ever be ok with that at my wedding! FI was at that wedding, he saw the whole thing too, and thought it was hilarious! I told him of course you thought it was hilarious, but did you look at her face while this was happening to her?!

    And then I said, you saw that I almost caught the bouquet, would you have been ok with him doing that to me?? He still didn't get it. He said if I caught the bouquet he would have tried harder to get the garter. I swear he just totally misses the point sometimes.
    Me: 26 DH: 32
    TTC since 08/2010
    Anovulatory since at least 12/2010 (probably longer, unDx)
    Dx PCOS 3/2012
    SA 5/25/12--normal
    June 2012--50mg clomid+TI--BFN
    July 2012--50mg clomid+Ovidrel+TI--BFN, lining at 5mm
    August 2012--5mg femara+Ovidrel+TI
  • Wow, LTB.  I thought stories like Amanda's were bad enough (pretty much the norm), but that is just awful.
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  • Ok where I'm from the garter toss is different.  I have never seen anything like you girls are explaining.  The guy who catches the garter never puts it on the girl who catches the bouquet.  The groom does go up the brides dress and pull the garter off with his teeth, then tosses it and thats the end of it.  Supposedly whoever catches the garter and whoever catches the bouquet will be the next ones to get married (not to each other lol) and thats it.  I don't think I would want to do it at my wedding if thats the way it was.
  • I've always seen it where the guy who catches the garter puts it on the girl who catches the bouquet.  If you don't do that, it does eliminate one uncomfortable factor.  However, watching the groom take the garter off the bride with his teeth is not something I would want to see.  I've actually never seen that in person, only in pictures, though I have seen some raunchy expressions and stuff in person, but it's always been taken off by hand.
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  • Oh no, my FI wants to use his teeth. He even said something about stashing a pair of panties in his pocket and instead of coming out with the garter in his teeth he'd have the panties! I smacked him (on the arm) when he said that.
    Me: 26 DH: 32
    TTC since 08/2010
    Anovulatory since at least 12/2010 (probably longer, unDx)
    Dx PCOS 3/2012
    SA 5/25/12--normal
    June 2012--50mg clomid+TI--BFN
    July 2012--50mg clomid+Ovidrel+TI--BFN, lining at 5mm
    August 2012--5mg femara+Ovidrel+TI
  • Well this is a tough one.  Usually my take on stuff like this is: if it's common in your circle, people will be fine with it.  But it sounds like your FI and his friends are all about the idea, whereas you and your set are not.  So I don't really know how to do a happy medium.  I can see how, if you're raised where this is totally fine and a fun part of the wedding, it comes off uptight if someone doesn't like it. 

    You guys are just from different worlds on this one, and unfortunately it's something that pretty directly affects you if you give in to his wishes, but it's also upsetting to put your foot down and have him say 'you're no fun'.  Is there any way to get across to him that there are plenty of people that aren't frigid and 'no fun' but don't like the idea of the garter toss (actually, most of the people in this thread)?  Can you say no garter toss, but concede something else?  Like a goofy groom's cake or something?
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  • He thinks it's really important to prove his manliness by doing this. He's the youngest of 5 siblings, 4 of whom are boys. So he has 3 older brothers that he has to "impress" This is the only thing so far he has really wanted.

    Part of me wants to let him have this, but he won't accept like a toned-down version of it. He says if we're not going to do it right then we shouldn't do it at all. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I really don't want him groping me under my dress in front of my dad and my aunts and uncles and all my cousins! If his family wants to see it it's their weirdness, I know my family doesn't.

    I just don't know what I can give him instead of this that will make him happy. He really does think that my family is so polite and appropriate all the time that we just don't have any fun. And then I say that we do have fun, we just have appropriate, family-friendly fun, like a giant family trip to Disney World.

    Laura, I'm with you where when I went to weddings as a kid it made me really uncomfortable. No one in my family has done a garter toss in a long time. My dad didn't at his second wedding, my aunt got married the year before and they didn't do it then either. I think the last time I went to a wedding for anyone I was related to where it did happen was my mom's half-sister's wedding. No one from my mother's side of the family will be at my wedding, so I really don't think anyone on my side is expecting to see this.

    Every time we talk about it we disagree. I'm afraid if I fold on this and let him do it, I'm going to be so uncomfortable and embarassed at the wedding that with all the other emotions of the day I'd just end up crying. He says that if we don't do it, that I'll regret it years down the road. I just don't know how to make FI be happy with not having the garter toss. I think I'd be more unhappy doing it then he would be skipping it, but I don't think he understands that.
    Me: 26 DH: 32
    TTC since 08/2010
    Anovulatory since at least 12/2010 (probably longer, unDx)
    Dx PCOS 3/2012
    SA 5/25/12--normal
    June 2012--50mg clomid+TI--BFN
    July 2012--50mg clomid+Ovidrel+TI--BFN, lining at 5mm
    August 2012--5mg femara+Ovidrel+TI
  • I am so sorry you're in this position.  Best of luck trying to sort it out - I really hope you figure out a compromise, or one of you gets the other to see their point of view.  Hopefully something can happen so that both of you are happy!  Normally I would tell you to just give in because it means so much to him and it's just a little thing, but for me this really isn't a little thing.  If you can make it be a little thing for you, then by all means give in, but I completely understand where you're coming from.  I also get that this is something special to him - it's just so hard!  **hugs**

    This may not work for you, but are you guys having a join bachelor/bachelorette party?  My FI and I have been thinking about it, and I know others who have done it.  If you are, you could do it there!  I'll bet you'd be less uncomfortable in a setting like that, since it will just be friends and it won't be your wedding day, but he'll still get to do it in front of his brothers and friends.  Just a thought...I'm not suggesting having joint parties just to fix this problem, but just in case!
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