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A toast?

key721key721
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in Snarky Brides
    My former co worker sent me the toast he is writing for his brother's wedding. What would make this toast less uncomfortable? I have removed the names, but have left the rest unedited. Here it is...

    There is allot of things I can tell all of you about my brother I could talk about his good looks or his how smart he is but today I want to tell you about his heart he may not show it but my brother has a big one on a epic scale I used to believe my brother did not any reason to look up to me due to the fact he was succeeding in everything I couldn't but after a long talk he reassured me that I was wrong to fear this he said "___ I may be able to do all this stuff and have certain advantages but that's not what I look up you about you have dealt with so much like hospitals, doctors, and stuff and that took so much courage and that to me is something to look up to" he assured me he would be always be there for you I now live a much more happy life remembering his words and knowing he was there and also knowing he will be always be there if It may not seem allot to you but to me it helps me get through the day sometimes Bride's Name you should feel extremely lucky to marrying a guy with a heart this big
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Re: A toast?

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    Mrs.B6302007Mrs.B6302007 member
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    Better grammar, for one.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10
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    key721key721
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    I resisted the urge to edit the content. All of his e-mails read like this, so it can be quite painful to the eyes.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    When I read it, I replaced all of the references to heart with the word "dong" and it made me laugh.
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    sophistrylizsophistryliz
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    Better grammar, and it sounds like a pitty party for himself.
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    key721key721
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    The groom is a jerk to him, so this is all a complete fluff piece. Maybe I can get him to tone down the pity party part. Also, I do not like the last line at all. I think I will google wedding toasts and get him to start from "scratch."
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    key721key721
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    The writer always is looking for pity. I have toned down contact to e-mail as he can never get enough attention for himself.He also writes poetry. Lots of poetry.
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    key721key721
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    Cew, you are so right.
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    sophistrylizsophistryliz
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    Maybe he shouldn't make a toast.
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    Mrs.B6302007Mrs.B6302007 member
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    Key - I think you're on to something about using a more generic one online as a guide.  If anything, it should be more about the groom and less about the brother.  He could share 2 specific anecdotes about 2 different times where the groom helped/supported him and be done with it.  As it is now, it's just a giant ramble.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10
    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
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    key721key721
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    His family hasn't learned from the last wedding.
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    baystateapplebaystateapple member
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    I don't know how you made it through.  As soon as I realized there was no punctuation I skipped it.

    Cew -- I laughed out loud at work.
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    BecW2beBecW2be
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    Ha! I love you Cew. I swear to God I did the same thing. We have to stop sharing weed.


    OP, I think he just needs to stick with "Congrats, Brother and new Sister-in-law!" in this case. Anything else will be a monumental failure. My 8yr old speaks and writes more clearly than this. WTH do you work? Does he email people often, specifically customers? That's so scary.

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    kikibabykikibaby member
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    That was the longest sentence ever.
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    BecW2beBecW2be
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_toast?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:418e6a99-3c97-453e-b029-2fd2f2a376ebPost:33f04408-f16a-4187-9955-ce16c088c46b">Re: A toast?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Better grammar, and it sounds like a pitty party for himself.
    Posted by sophistryliz[/QUOTE]

    Or pity, even.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    I think the extra T was just kind of philosophical.
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    BecW2beBecW2be
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    Oops, my bad. I bet that's the greek spelling, from back when sophistry didn't mean the exact opposite of what it means today.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    We should really stop trying to correct people because we are obviously stupid.
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    Mrs.B6302007Mrs.B6302007 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_toast?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:418e6a99-3c97-453e-b029-2fd2f2a376ebPost:defba7fa-2a90-4d86-a561-a90d0fec3c4b">Re: A toast?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oops, my bad. I bet that's the greek spelling, from back when sophistry didn't mean the exact opposite of what it means today.
    Posted by BecW2be[/QUOTE]

    gigglesnort
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10
    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
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    beatlesgirl25beatlesgirl25
    First Comment
    edited April 2010
    While dittoing Cew would make for a funnier toast, I'll ditto Mrs. B. I think he needs to start from scratch, and 99% of the sentences should center around the groom, and not what the groom has said to the writer in regards to the writer's life. This is not the time for him to AW his own struggles. A simple, "My brother's support and encouragement have helped me invaluably in my own life," would suffice, and then he could move on to other things about the groom.



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    Schroeder246Schroeder246 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_toast?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:418e6a99-3c97-453e-b029-2fd2f2a376ebPost:c357005a-7d65-4056-9289-0b947fbc8115">Re: A toast?</a>:
    [QUOTE]The groom is a jerk to him, so this is all a complete fluff piece. Maybe I can get him to tone down the pity party part. Also, I do not like the<strong> last line </strong>at all. I think I will google wedding toasts and get him to start from "scratch."
    Posted by key721[/QUOTE]

    <div>Last line?!  . . . It was all one line!</div>
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    SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
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    I think it sounds like a eulogy.
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    BecW2beBecW2be
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_toast?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:418e6a99-3c97-453e-b029-2fd2f2a376ebPost:42fed008-6ba7-426b-a596-d193daf614fc">Re: A toast?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: A toast? : Last line?!  . . . It was all one line!
    Posted by Schroeder246[/QUOTE]

    Ha! That's so true!
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    megk8ozmegk8oz member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_toast?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:418e6a99-3c97-453e-b029-2fd2f2a376ebPost:904152e4-84fa-4348-9ba3-3a0886668a1b">A toast?</a>:
    [QUOTE]    . <strong>What would make this toast less uncomfortable?</strong>
    Posted by key721[/QUOTE]


    Bride's mother doing a strip-tease in the middle of the speech.

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    key721key721
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_toast?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:418e6a99-3c97-453e-b029-2fd2f2a376ebPost:f20b9504-5d9c-447e-b813-a5f89e40df70">Re: A toast?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ha! I love you Cew. I swear to God I did the same thing. We have to stop sharing weed. OP, I think he just needs to stick with "Congrats, Brother and new Sister-in-law!" in this case. Anything else will be a monumental failure. My 8yr old speaks and writes more clearly than this. WTH do you work? Does he email people often, specifically customers? That's so scary.
    Posted by BecW2be[/QUOTE]

    It was from an old college job. Yes, he has a lot of issues with making customers/employees uncomfortable. I had a habit of being nice to him, and boy, that has come back to haunt me in many ways.
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    key721key721
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_toast?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:418e6a99-3c97-453e-b029-2fd2f2a376ebPost:37e6661e-7cee-49a2-a6ae-b470ed7a7f9a">Re: A toast?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to A toast? : Bride's mother doing a strip-tease in the middle of the speech.
    Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]
    Ha! That may help the guests. He might not notice,he can never get to his point.=)
    Maybe a good fire drill?
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    mewebster59mewebster59 member
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    There is allot of things I can tell all of you about my brother, but today I want to tell you about his heart.  he may not show it but my brother has a big one, I mean on an epic scale.  I used to believe my brother did not have any reason to look up to me due to the fact he was succeeding in everything I couldn't,  but after a long talk he reassured me that I was wrong to fear this.  He said "___ I may be able to do all this stuff (explain stuff),  and have certain advantages, but that's not why I look up to you.  you have dealt with so much:  like hospitals, doctors, and stuff (explain stuff) which took so much courage and that to me, it is something to look up to. " he assured me he would be always be there for (Brides name), and I now live a much more happy life remembering his words and knowing he was there and also knowing he will be always be there.  It may not seem a lot to you, but to me it helps get through the day sometimes. Bride's Name you should feel extremely lucky to marrying a guy with a heart this big.

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    felicia220felicia220 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I took what he said and re-worded it.  It sounds like he was trying to make a point but didn't really know how, so I think I did it for him.  Hope this helps.

    There are a lot of things that I can tell you about my brother, but today I want to tell you about his heart.  He may not always show it but his heart and love is of epic proportions.  I have always looked up to my brother due to the fact that he is so successful in accomplishing things I never could.  I always wondered whether he looked up to me as well.  Well here is where that big heart comes in.  After a conversation one night, my brother told me “___while I have had many advantages in life, you were my inspiration.  You have overcome more than I ever could.  Your courage and will to never give up is something I have always looked up to”.  (Groom) Thank you for your kind words and always being there for me.  (Bride) I hope that you feel as lucky as I do to have (Groom) in your life.  And may you always cherish each other, as you are the luckiest people I know.  Congrats Bride and Groom.

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    AdelphiTNAdelphiTN member
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    How about this:

    There are many things I can tell you about my brother. He's handsome, smart, successful... but today I want to tell you about his heart.
     
    He may not show it but my brother has a big heart, on an epic scale. 

    We once had a long talk about looking up to each other and the courage that it takes to handle what life gives us. He was so reassuring and caring to me, and his encouragement helps me in more ways than I can explain.

    [Bride], I know that [Groom] will always be there for you, and that his heart is expanding even more today, as he marries the love of his life. You should feel extremely lucky to be marrying a guy with a heart this big.

    To the Bride and Groom!

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    key721key721
    First Comment
    Thanks for the suggestions. Much more polished, helps bring the warmth through. Your suggestions will be put to good use, thanks.=)
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