Bartender asks for tip jar to be put out

dawnp917 · August 2012

We got married this past weekend and the day went wonderfully. There was only 1 small faux pas that has me irked. At the end of the evening I saw that there was a glass for tips on the bar. When I asked my H about it he said he walked into a conversation with the bartender and a friend of his who is a bartender regarding tips. The bartender said they aren't allowed to put out a tip jar unless the host oks it. H thought based on this conversation that gratuities weren't included in our package and felt guilted into allowing this to occur as his friend kept saying the bartender wasn't making any money. I am horrified that the bartender had the nerve to ask this question and that our guests ended up thinking they had to tip.

I've sent an email to the venue explaining how unprofessional this was. I couldn't say anything the day of as our coordinator at the venue ended up disappearing. We asked for her a couple of times and she never came out.

I know there isn't much I can do about this after the fact and just needed to vent.

meofmanynames · August 2012

So are you mad about the bartender putting out a tip jar? I'm afraid I don't understand...

daffydillie · August 2012

I think I understand what OP was saying. I think she is afraid that her guests would think the bartender wasnt being tipped/paid outside of the tip jar. Was graitutity included? I would be slightly annoyed if I tipped the bartender or paid them and they felt the need to put out a tip jar and ask my guests to reach into their pockets.

Our bartenders are being paid $125 plus we plan on tipping them. I dont know how I would feel if they put out a tip jar. I saw this at the last wedding I went to and was slightly annoyed because the DJ announced to thank the bartenders with a tip and I spent all my ones. Later I found out the bride paid them $250 each cash to bartend the wedding.

meofmanynames · August 2012

Hmm... I've never been to a wedding that didn't have a tip jar for the bartenders, cash bar or open bar.

crash2729 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bartender-asks-for-tip-jar-to-be-put-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6c36f681-eca1-491a-97d9-51ccff305209Post:47d4eca3-8748-4b61-952b-60a762a9d848">Re: Bartender asks for tip jar to be put out</a>:
[QUOTE]Hmm... I've never been to a wedding that didn't have a tip jar for the bartenders, cash bar or open bar.
Posted by meofmanynames@gmail.com[/QUOTE]
My wedding didn't have a tip jar. I paid their tip and I would be pretty upset to know that I'm paying tips, but that wasn't enough for the bartender. However, H did okay it..so I'm not sure why you are upset with your venue.

dawnp917 · August 2012

H felt bullied into letting him put out the tip jar. The bartender made it sound like he wasn't being tipped by the venue. We paid the venue a 20% service charge for all food and beverages. I felt it was unprofessional of the bartender to even ask to be allowed to put out a tip jar. It made it sound like he wasn't getting tipped which he was.

melb2013 · August 2012

OP, I'd be upset too. But what's done is done *shrugs*

karbar42 · August 2012

I was initially against having a tip jar at our wedding, as we were tipping the bartenders and I didn't want my guests to have to open their wallets. However my husband ok'd it. He felt that if the bar tender was doing a great job and anyone felt like tipping it shouldn't be a problem. In the end it wasn't a big deal. I don't think anyone felt they were forced to tip, and the bartenders did well. It was 2 years ago now, but I think it was something about how the 20% was divvied up, it paid the bartenders but didn't tip them maybe.... I don't recall exactly. People talk about my wedding still, the photo booth, the good food... I don't think I've ever heard anyone say "but they had a tip jar for the bartender out, ugh so tacky". In fact I have been to a ton of weddings, don't think I've ever heard anyone complain about that and I think most weddings (none have been cash bar) have had tip jars. Just sayin' Focus on the good memories, let this one go!

jessicabessica · August 2012

Well, it sounds like your H okayed the tip jar. You and your H should have checked to see if the 20% service charge covered a tip for the bartender, and if not, you should have tipped him separately and not authorized the tip jar.

Plenty of guests will tip anyway at an open bar (they can just slide cash across the bar, no jar needed). I wouldn't worry about it. Congratulations on your wedding.

SB1512 · August 2012

I agree with Jessicabessica.I don't think there needs to be a tip jar to signal to guests that they should tip if they feel the service is exceptional........I've never seen tip jars or glasses out at the bars I go out to and I always just leave my tip on the counter of the bar. All weddings around here are open bar and as a guest I always leave a tip each time I order a drink, usually only $1. I'm aware (or hopeful) that the bride and groom are probably also leaving a tip but it just doesn't feel right to me to walk away after getting a free drink and not leaving a tip, so I wouldn't need a jar to signal it's ok to tip if I want.

kmmssg · August 2012

In defense of the bartender, he most likely sees none of that 20% service charge you paid. A service charge is NOT the gratuity.

I was mortified when I saw a tip jar at DD's wedding. Her now DH hired the bartenders and chose the option of putting out a tip jar rather than paying them a gratuity. In his very slight defense, I'm sure he didn't realize that he should have paid the gratuity. I was livid for a moment and remember going to our DOC and asking her to take care of it. She came back and let me know that my SIL had contracted it that way. We were hosting but DD and SIL covered the licensed bartenders (venue where you bring everything in). I felt like it made us look bad but in all honesty, I'm quite sure no one was offended as they are pretty common around here. (but then again, so are cash bars, which I refuse to have at one of our weddings).

zantster · August 2012

Dawnp, I can see why you might be irritated after the fact since it all happened without your knowledge or being given an opportunity to weigh in or respond. But unless there was a written rule of protocol at the venue forbidding tip jars at the bar (in which case he should be disciplined), he did the right thing by asking the host's permission. If your DH felt unsure it was up to him to hold off on giving permission and instead tell the bartender that he would get back to him and then go send a runner or whatever to find out the facts he needed to make an informed decision. Since he opted to give his permission without double checking despite his lingering doubts, that's not the bartender fault. The most I could see the venue being liable for is perhaps faulty customer service for the DOC not coming out.

But most importantly, I highly doubt your guests felt that you two were cheapskates. It's so common to have tip jars now that I don't think it reflected badly on you two or that anyone even thought that hard about it. I'm sure they were much too busy laughing, eating and boogeying on the dance floor to care. And that's what it's all about.

zantster · August 2012

Oops, I meant to put bartender's fault not bartender.

katehar01 · August 2012

If I were you, I'd be more upset about the coordinator disappearing. I'd write a review mentioning that, honestly; it's one thing is the venue doesn't provide a coordinator, but if they do, they should be around all night making sure the event runs smoothly.

ladybug480 · August 2012

In my experience Service charge is not the same as gratuity. The Service charge pays the base fee for waiters, bartenders to show up, and doesn't count towards a tip. So maybe the bartender was right?

TheSlowskys · August 2012

I don't blame you for being annoyed, and the issue I would have with this is that no one at the venue should be coming to you with any sort of financial decision/question on the day of. All that should be taken care of beforehand. I am sure my FI would do the same thing. My experience when looking for caterers was the service charges were for the staff as a gratuity but then we also had a line item for staff which was separate and didn't go to them

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bartender-asks-for-tip-jar-to-be-put-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6c36f681-eca1-491a-97d9-51ccff305209Post:de504ae5-593b-4877-bc6f-925aa566b696">Re: Bartender asks for tip jar to be put out</a>:
[QUOTE]In my experience Service charge is not the same as gratuity. The Service charge pays the base fee for waiters, bartenders to show up, and doesn't count towards a tip. So maybe the bartender was right?
Posted by ladybug480[/QUOTE]

He wasn't right to put out a tip jar. It is the host's responsibility to tip, not the guests. Although I did have guests who tipped the bartender at my wedding, there was no tip jar and no implication that they needed to.

But what's done is done.

dawnp917 · August 2012

The service charge at our venue was the gratuity. I had also intended to give an extra gratuity once I knew what the final amount was. The final bill was delivered to us on Sunday and we will be billed today.

I'm definitely not dwelling on this and I doubt many of the guests side-eyed it. The day was wonderful. I was really just horrified at the unprofessional nature of the bartender. Somebody should never ask for a tip.

TheVirginians · August 2012

Tell the venue manager so it doesn't happen again. There should never, ever be a tip jar at a private function.

lacey3eb · August 2012

Considering your H ok'ed the tip jar I don't see what the problem is with the bartender and/or venue. H should have discussed this with you prior to the event. Most of the time the 20% is not covered in the venue gratuity, but they typically spell out what is covered/no covered or the bride & groom should ask so they know who to tip. Most venues will tell you that you can choose to pay a tip ahead of time/or night of for the bartender OR they can put out a tip jar. A good host would opt to tip themselves and not have a tip jar. If your H assumed the bartender was not going to get any gratuity, he could have talked to you about including the bartender in your tips for the night and avoided the jar. I can see being annoyed that you found this all out after the fact, but really no problem with the venue except that they should have explained things more clearly through the process.

Peledreamsofrain · August 2012

It is mildly irritating, but at the end of the day, it's not going to ruin the rotation of the earth or anything.

Plus, thinking of it from the bartender's point of view: the service industry isn't known for it's high wages. You probably helped this guy give his family nicer meals for the month. There's worse things in life.

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