What would you do?

csousa1 · August 2011

My dad is not my biological father - he married my mom when I was 10 and adopted my sister and I when we were 16 and 14, but I have known him all my life and have considered him my dad since I was 4. My biological father is a man I have not seen since I was 2, when my mom kicked his abusive drug-addicted ass out of our lives. He tried once to contact us when I was 14, but my mom marched right back to court and renewed the restraining order and we never saw him, which was fine with us.

My mom recently found my grandmother and one of my aunts on Facebook. I'm debating friending them, at least my grandmother, who is the only family member from that side that I actually recognize and remember (the last time I saw her I was about 8, the rest I haven't had contact with since I was 2). I want to ask her if I have any half-siblings that she is aware of, and how I might get in touch with them. It is something I have daydreamed about since I was young, having brothers and sisters from elsewhere in the country and becoming friends with them as an adult.

This daydream suddenly becoming a possibility gives me mixed feelings. It is exciting to know that I may actually be at the point in my life where I can meet these people, if they exist, but I am also afraid of contacting that side of the family. I don't want some big hullabaloo, or a tearful reuniting, and I don't think I'm ready to meet or talk to my biological father anytime soon. I don't even really know what I would say to my grandmother, whom I haven't seen or spoken to in 18 years. But the temptation to meet cousins and potential half-siblings is strong.

I know this is something only I can decide, but I was just wondering if anyone may have advice or if anyone has been in a similar situation. I think I would have to tell my mom about it before I made any moves, and that would have an affect on my choice as well. She would tell me that I should do whatever I want, but I know that any avenue of contact with that side of the family will stress her out. Any thoughts are welcome, thanks ladies!

lunarsongbird · August 2011

I've never been in this type of situation before. If you heart is telling you to go for it- I would reach out to your gradmother, but I would also explain how you are feeling (that you aren't ready to see your biological father soon, ect.)

::hugs::

I hope you figure out how you want to proceed.

ravenray · August 2011

I have never been here but just want you to know that we are here for you *hugs* I'll pray that you will be given guidance in the best choice.

anythinggold · August 2011

I've never been in any situation like yours, but I would discuss it with my mother -- after all, she knows your grandmother best. With grandparents, unfortunately, you can't dilly-dally on important things because you may lose your chance sooner than you expect, so I would get the OK from mom and go for it!

NurseyK · August 2011

One of my very good friends was the product of a teen pregnancy. Her mom raised her, married, and she now has 2 younger half siblings.

She tried contacting her bio dad when she became an adult... he never wrote back, much less attempted to contact her during her childhood years. She hired a PI and found out her bio dad has a wife, kids, family, and life. This has saddened her immensely. She has since decided that since he can't recognize her existance as his daughter, she just doesn't that kind of heartache in her life.

I don't know if this helps... but you will never know if they are looking for you too unless you try. It will take a lot of emotion, but if you decide to try to contact your grandma, I'll be here for you.

What would you do?

Re: What would you do?

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