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Okay to uninvite?

smileye90smileye90
10 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I know the hard line is STD= invitation, and no you are not the exception, but I really think I might be this time.  I sent the STD to my friend and her boyfriend.  They broke up.  I guess he was nice enough, but I have no independent friendship with this guy.  Because the STD was also addressed to him do I really have to invite him?  I doubt he'd show, but you never know.
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Re: Okay to uninvite?

  • AnysunriseAnysunrise member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    He's not going to show up. And if he does, it's probably going to be for a reason that would make him disregard your un-invitation anyway.
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  • smileye90smileye90
    10 Comments
    edited April 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-to-uninvite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2914ce4d-5474-421f-b76a-124c37c6e130Post:7b22fddf-a9f0-4912-aa87-ab7a64412fc1">Re: Okay to uninvite?</a>:
    [QUOTE]He's not going to show up. And if he does, it's probably going to be for a reason that would make him disregard your un-invitation anyway.
    Posted by Anysunrise[/QUOTE]

    <div>Well, he has a couple friends who will be attending, so I thought if I sent the invite there's a chance he might just think of it as a free night of food and drinking with some buddies.  He's not the type to cause a scene or anything.  </div>
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  • mdeidremdeidre
    100 Comments
    Did you send one STD addressed to both of them?  If so, that would be murkier for me.  Also, do you even have a current address to send the invitation to him at this point?  If not, the question is moot.  Anyway, like PP said, he's not going to show up.
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  • mdeidremdeidre
    100 Comments
    Did you send one STD addressed to both of them?  If so, that would be murkier for me.  Also, do you even have a current address to send the invitation to him at this point?  If not, the question is moot.  Anyway, like PP said, he's not going to show up.
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  • smileye90smileye90
    10 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-to-uninvite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2914ce4d-5474-421f-b76a-124c37c6e130Post:f299188f-0fb0-4181-bad0-ae48fcab21c4">Re: Okay to uninvite?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Did you send one STD addressed to both of them?  If so, that would be murkier for me.  Also, do you even have a current address to send the invitation to him at this point?  If not, the question is moot.  Anyway, like PP said, he's not going to show up.
    Posted by mdeidre[/QUOTE]

    <div>One STD addressed to both of them at her address.  I don't have his address, but I could get it if I really wanted/had to. </div>
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  • AnysunriseAnysunrise member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-to-uninvite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2914ce4d-5474-421f-b76a-124c37c6e130Post:347b6aa0-8807-44f1-bb98-a6d2d75f77f8">Re: Okay to uninvite?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Okay to uninvite? : Well, he has a couple friends who will be attending, so I thought if I sent the invite there's a chance he might just think of it as a free night of food and drinking with some buddies.  He's not the type to cause a scene or anything.  
    Posted by smileye90[/QUOTE]

    <div>If he's not going to cause a scene, and you were planning on him being there anyway, then why does it matter if he comes or not?</div>
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  • Bonzo2011Bonzo2011 member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its
    It was one STD addressed to your friend and her now-ex? I would think it is fine to just send the invitation to your friend, since that is who you intended to invite anyway. If you have no relationship to this guy now that he and your friend are not dating, I don't think there is any reason to invite him just because he was dating your friend when you sent out STDs.
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  • amys325amys325 member
    500 Comments 5 Love Its

    Meh, I wouldn't invite him.  Normally uninviting is a friendship ending move and I don't think you care to maintain that friendship.

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  • polichikpolichik member
    2500 Comments
    You're in the clear not to send it. You had invited your friend with a guest, but you did the proper thing by inviting him by name since they were an established couple. Now that they're no longer a couple, she would be invited with a new guest if she's dating anyone. You're fine to not invite him.
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  • smileye90smileye90
    10 Comments
    edited April 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-to-uninvite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2914ce4d-5474-421f-b76a-124c37c6e130Post:4b379187-8982-4cbf-9d16-c11088727404">Re: Okay to uninvite?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Okay to uninvite? : If he's not going to cause a scene, and you were planning on him being there anyway, then why does it matter if he comes or not?
    Posted by Anysunrise[/QUOTE]

    <div>Well, because we're not really friends.  We were friendly enough when they dated, but an independent realtionship never formed and I don't see us ever hanging out.  I'll invite him if etiquette dictates I must because the only thing it will matter is the cost. I'd just rather not if I don't have to.  Just like I'm not inviting every person I've ever had a friendly relationship with.  </div>
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  • AnysunriseAnysunrise member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited April 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-to-uninvite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2914ce4d-5474-421f-b76a-124c37c6e130Post:fba420ad-7b06-44ce-9354-c1b5e197425c">Re: Okay to uninvite?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Okay to uninvite? : Well, because we're not really friends.  We were friendly enough when they dated, but an independent realtionship never formed and I don't see us ever hanging out.  I'll invite him if etiquette dictates I must because the only thing it will matter is the cost. I'd just rather not if I don't have to.  Just like I'm not inviting every person I've ever had a friendly relationship with.  
    Posted by smileye90[/QUOTE]

    <div>Gotcha. Like PPs said, it's not a big deal, I was just curious.</div>
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  • smileye90smileye90
    10 Comments
    Seems that I'm in the clear, thanks! 
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  • elldee333elldee333 member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments
    I would agree, in this circumstance i'd say no...but i've been on the other side of this, and it REALLY hurt my feelings . My ex and I dated for 3 years, in which time we became pretty close to his high school friend and his gf...gf and i never made plans outside of double dates and whatnot, but we definitely became friends.

    Friend and GF get engaged...we go to their engagement party. I got an invite to the bridal shower...(couldn't go but sent a gift)....well my BF and I broke up, and I didn't get invited to the wedding separately. It really hurt my feelings, and I know they were stuck in a weird situation (because ex BF was bringing his new GF), and to be honest I wouldn't have shown up....but it would have been nice to still be considered and get an invitation.
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  • mwiederholdmwiederhold member
    10 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-to-uninvite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2914ce4d-5474-421f-b76a-124c37c6e130Post:afc241a2-ad15-4d82-a48d-9c82292c1803">Okay to uninvite?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know the hard line is STD= invitation, and no you are not the exception, but I really think I might be this time.  I sent the STD to my friend and her boyfriend.  They broke up.  I guess he was nice enough, but I have no independent friendship with this guy.  Because the STD was also addressed to him do I really have to invite him?  I doubt he'd show, but you never know.
    Posted by smileye90[/QUOTE]

    Absolutely Not, you are not obligated to invite him.  his invite was warranted b/c of his relationship w/ your friend, once that ceased, the invitation is retrracted.
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