Bride won't stop 'helping'

unsureb2b · December 2009

My best friend was the MOH in my wedding and she worked together with my mom and threw a bachelorette party for me. I had a good time, but was a little disappointed because my mom had to take the initiative to get it done in time because my MOH kept putting it off.. It was really not a huge deal, we never argued about it, but we both knew that when we got married, the other would host the bachelorette party. She never planned a bridal shower at all, again, not a big deal, but it would've definitely been appreciated..

NOW, she is getting married and I am her MOH.. I'm so excited for them and even though they aren't getting married in May, I've already started to plan both the bachelorette party and the bridal shower. Since they are getting married during prom season, I want to make reservations in advance if possible. I am very excited to do this for her, but am having some problems...

1. I have talked with the bride and set a date for the bachelorette party, and she also said that she wants it to be a costume party. Once I did that I emailed the (6) bridesmaids with that information and asked them for suggestions / their input. I only heard back from one.

2. I asked the bride about a possible date and number of people for the bridal shower and although she did give me a guest list, she didn't give me a date. She DID tell me what time of day, What kind of food, what kind of gifts and favors, etc.

She said, 'well, it would be cheaper to rent a place and bring in our own food. I want to buy shampoo gift sets for prizes, and that will be fine.

I guess the main problem I am having is that I want her to have something nice. I don't want her to plan it because that should be my job as the hostess, right? I can afford to give her a nice shower and bachelorette party, but how do I ask her to back off and let me do it? Am I being unreasonable?? We have been best friends for years so I know that she trusts my judgement and I wouldn't do anything that she wouldn't like, but I think she is worried about the cost, and that is not an issue!

She even said, "well, I don't like lia sophia jewelry, but one of the bridesmaids sells it, so she thought we could do that at the bridal shower." Maybe it's just me, but if my name is going on an invitation as a hostess, I don't want to do something as tacky as inviting guests to a bridal shower and then expect them to spend their money on jewelry or anything else! I just don't understand that?

I'm a little frustrated with the other bridesmaids for not wanting to have any input, and with the bride for wanting to plan it all herself... Am I being unreasonable? Any suggestions or solutions to this mess??

MsLaura31 · December 2009

***Long response***

As for the bridesmaids not helping, I've totally been there! I was the MOH for my bestie a year ago, and her other two BMs were her college friends (that I didn't know.) After insisting on coming in town early to help "set-up" the shower (which was silly since it was in a nice cafe and we only brought flowers and a guestbook) and insisting on buying those little round stickers that go on the bottom of Hershey's Kisses (of which I personally am not a fan,) the girls don't even show up! The BMs didn't bother to call the Bride either. She found out the weren't coming from a mutual friend.

For the Bachelorette party, I asked them if they wanted to plan it (as their special gift to the Bride) but they basically said No. So I planned it, no problem. But two weeks before the party, they called and told me they bought a ton of crap (like customized cups, puff-painted gift tote bags, and decorations for the hotel suite I reserved.) Now, I have to mention that I paid for the hotel, alcohol, hand made invitations, custom printed t-shirts and cake. When we finally had the party, a few of the guests generously donated some money towards the party. The other BMs demanded that I give them the money! They didn't even offer to split it.

I guess the moral of my story is, maybe you are better off with BMs who don't offer anything, rather than ones who offer help or make demands but never follow through. At least you know what you're dealing with.

As for the Bride planning too much, next time she tries to pipe-in just smile and say "I've got it under control! You have other things to worry about, and I want you to be surprised!" Repeat it as needed. You'll drive her crazy, but she'll survive and be thrilled with the end results!

Oh, and I agree, I would never invite guests to a party (especially one where you are supposed to bring a gift) and then ask them to buy something from a host.

I hope at least some of that helps.... If anyone got through that whole post, thanks for listening to my long over due rant!

danieliza1127 · December 2009

You're right, the lia sophia jewelry party is a terrible idea. Tell her that you don't think it's a good idea and then drop it.

I would just have an honest conversation with her. Tell her that cost isn't an issue and you really want to throw nice parties for her, so she should sit back and relax and enjoy it! Leave it at that. Just because she gives you suggestions doesn't mean you have to use every suggestion. She's probably just really excited.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · December 2009

Well, look on the bright side. At least she's not demanding an over-the-top party you can't afford. She's probably trying to keep your budget in mind and not overburden YOU.

But like pps said, just tell her, "Oh, I have it all under control. I'm sure you'll be pleasantly surprised." And change the subject.

unsureb2b · December 2009

Thank you ladies, I think I just won't bring it up or talk to her about it anymore, she already knows that she's getting one and when it is, so... the only thing I can think of that I may need from her is adresses to a few people... She gave me a list of about 45 people for her bachelorette party!! I think I'm going to narrow that down a bit and just invite the people I know she's friends with... and cut out people like, "that girl that the groom works with & his 3 cousins" lol--- maybe just invite them to the shower after I make sure they are invited to the wedding haha

jinxed8605 · December 2009

YOU are hosting it. The bride's imput is fine, but in the end you have to make the final decision! Let her know that you appreciate her imput and leave it at that. She'll be appreciative of whatever you do and if she doesn't, she's a spoiled brat.

Bride won't stop 'helping'

Re: Bride won't stop 'helping'

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