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Wedding Etiquette Forum

NWR: New Year’s Eve Conundrum

 

DH and I have been friends with another couple we met in college for like 13 years now.   We’ve spend New Year’s Eve with them for probably the last 9 years.  The first few years we’d go out for dinner, dancing or something else fun.  Once they had kids, we’d go over for dinner at their house, play with the kids and play board games until midnight, still fun!  We love them very much and also love their kids, but they now have 3 kids aged 6, 3 and 1.  They are still fun and we see them frequently, but spending the day with 3 kids that age can be exhausting.  DH and I are thinking of having kids in the next year or two, and this year, we’d kind of like to do something different for New Year’s.  We don’t really have any other plans, we’re just thinking we’d rather not spend the day with their kids.  But we know our friends really look forward to spending NYE with us, so we feel really guilty making other plans when we’ve spend the last 9 years with them and we know they assume we’ll just do it again this year.

 

So my question is:  should we just suck it up and spend NYE with them?  Or can we tell them we’d like to do something else, even though we don’t have concrete plans yet?  Are we awful for wanting to go out and celebrate with adults?  If we do make other plans, are they going to hate us?

Re: NWR: New Year’s Eve Conundrum

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-new-years-eve-conundrum?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0fd59a9a-e4d9-4bc9-a6ca-ebf125cd4a7cPost:daacf50e-2d7a-4d76-981e-7038146b087c">NWR: New Year’s Eve Conundrum</a>:
    [QUOTE]  DH and I have been friends with another couple we met in college for like 13 years now.     We’ve spend New Year’s Eve with them for probably the last 9 years.   The first few years we’d go out for dinner, dancing or something else fun.   Once they had kids, we’d go over for dinner at their house, play with the kids and play board games until midnight, still fun!   We love them very much and also love their kids, but they now have 3 kids aged 6, 3 and 1.   They are still fun and we see them frequently, but spending the day with 3 kids that age can be exhausting.   DH and I are thinking of having kids in the next year or two, and this year, we’d kind of like to do something different for New Year’s.   We don’t really have any other plans, we’re just thinking we’d rather not spend the day with their kids.   But we know our friends really look forward to spending NYE with us, so we feel really guilty making other plans when we’ve spend the last 9 years with them and we know they assume we’ll just do it again this year.   So my question is:   should we just suck it up and spend NYE with them?   Or can we tell them we’d like to do something else, even though we don’t have concrete plans yet?   Are we awful for wanting to go out and celebrate with adults?   If we do make other plans, are they going to hate us?
    Posted by noodle_oo[/QUOTE]

    Think of another idea, and say "hey, H and I have decided that since this could be our last NYE sans kids or pregnancy that we are going to go out to __________ this year.  We would love if you could join us."
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  • Who knows, maybe they're sitting there thinking, "Man, I wish we could just spend NYE with our family this year and not have to host anyone!" :)

    And ditto what DNB said, just explain that you want to do something Adults Only while you still can.  They should understand and maybe they'll want to get a sitter and join you :)
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  • i like the idea of suggesting they get a sitter.

    or, you can spend the day and early evening with them - then go out on your own for midnight.
  • Wow, that was fast!  Thanks!  Unfortunately I know they won't even consider coming because I've talked to the mom about it and she complains that a baby sitter for 3 kids is way too expensive to be worth it, so I i know she won't pay for it. But I guess that might be a good way to get out of it...
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-new-years-eve-conundrum?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0fd59a9a-e4d9-4bc9-a6ca-ebf125cd4a7cPost:cb833b63-2b39-4dad-a873-88214fe95759">Re: NWR: New Year’s Eve Conundrum</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow, that was fast!  Thanks!  Unfortunately I know they won't even consider coming because I've talked to the mom about it and she complains that a baby sitter for 3 kids is way too expensive to be worth it, so I i know she won't pay for it. But I guess that might be a good way to get out of it...
    Posted by noodle_oo[/QUOTE]

    Really?  So they never go out?  No thanks.
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  • Could you stop by earlier in the evening and bring an appetizer, then head out for another party? I'd make other plans quickly and bring up the idea with them. Then you can say, "we were thinking about doing *this specific event.* You're welcome to come, but if you want to stay in, why don't we swing by on our way to the party for an hour?"
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  • I understand that a sitter could be expensive for 3 kids.  But what if you offered to go out to a nice, late dinner and made reservations for 9 or 10?  I would assume their kids would be in bed by then, and a babysitter would be much cheaper for 3 sleepings kids then 3 wide awake ones.  Just an idea, but I think you are perfectly fine to make plans earlier as well. 

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  • Thanks guys!  Appreciate the advice.

    They don't go out by themselves much.  They did before they had 3 kids, but not so much now.  I'm pretty sure the babysitters charge the same whether the kids are awake or not.  But they are also pretty early people, so they woudln't go out at like 9 PM anyway.  (my friend falls asleep by then!)

    They also live 1 hr away (they moved this year, used to be only like 40 mins), so going there and then elsewhere is not really practical.

    At least you guys are making me feel better that we're not total jerks for wanting to do soemthign different this year.    I was feeling really bad about it, but I guess as long as we tell them soon then we'll be okay.
  • Why don't you tell them you have other plans or want to spend what may be the last childless year alone/going out and suggest spending New Years day over at their house.
  • I understand your feeling bad, but I don't think you should feel forced to do something with your friends if they aren't willing to make compromised as well you know? If all else fails, maybe you can use the whole "we don't want to drive an hour with drunks on the road" excuse or something? :-/
  • Could you suggest getting them a sitter for a christmas gift? I can not imagine having three children and never doing anything. I watch 4 kids full time Mon-friday from about 6am- 7pm and on the weekends I cant wait to get out of the house and I get to send the kids home in the evening. But by the time they leave I have to pick up, do dishes, laundry and I am wiped out.
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