Was I in the wrong?

shoegal715 · October 2010

For some reason, this has been bothering me slightly.

Long story short, fiance's dad got married a few months ago. Fiance's mom passed away years ago. Fiance is not thrilled with his dad's new wife.

Anyway, about a year ago, fiance's dad's wife (girlfriend at the time) randomly told me that they were getting married. I was shocked, because fiance's dad said time and time again that he would never re-marry.

I struggled for a few days about whether or not I should tell my fiance this "news". In the end, I told him. I figured if the situation was reversed and he knew my dad was getting married and didn't tell me, I'd be pissed.

When fiance's dad FINALLY told fiance about his plans to marry, fiance said "yeah I know, Betty told Sally six months ago." Fiance's dad was quite pissed off at his now wife, and in turn, fiance's dad's wife was quite pissed off that I told my fiance.

What was I suppose to do though? Why couldn't she have just NOT told me?

It's all so high school and stupid, but I know fiance's dad's new wife is still pissed off at me, although it's the behind my back kind of pissed off, where she tells fiance's dad's other kids and not me.

Nebb · October 2010

Why is this coming up months after their wedding?

shoegal715 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wrong-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6c5a528f-453c-4714-b044-361dc8f5883aPost:c4f42f85-f490-4f98-8628-820b454a26f3">Re: Was I in the wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]Why is this coming up months after their wedding?
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

<div>Because it's all behind my back. And again yesterday when I saw my FSIL she brought it up that this new wife won't shut up about it.</div>

Nebb · October 2010

That seems like a pretty stupid grudge to hold for this long.

Birdie1483 · October 2010

No you weren't wrong. I would have done the same thing. Like you said, had the situation been reversed, you would have been really upset. If Fi's SMIL didn't want your FI to know, she shouldn't have said anything to you.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · October 2010

So you're asking if any of us will think you should have had more loyalty to your FI's now-stepmother than your own FI? Nope. I would have done the same thing. And I would have been pissed at his dad and stepmom, as well.

Birdie1483 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wrong-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6c5a528f-453c-4714-b044-361dc8f5883aPost:31f12b4e-b6a1-4cb4-b0f4-6f9a1adfdfc1">Re: Was I in the wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't worry about it, dear. <strong>She will never trust you with another secret again.</strong>
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

From the sounds of it, I don't think I'd want her to if I were OP. :)

[Deleted User] · October 2010

I agree with Nebb. Just drop it and let it go. If she remains pissed at you, that is her problem. Just be nice to her and don't bring up the issue.

noelle24 · October 2010

Your first responsibility and loyalty is to your FI. I would've done the same thing that you did in a heartbeat.

strlzfan11 · October 2010

I agree it does seem childish to still be talking about it now that the wedding is over. Did she tell you not to tell FI? If so, then I'd say you were in the wrong. That being said, if she had told you not to say anything I would've told my FI that I heard something big that I was asked not to tell you, but I think you need to have a conversation with your dad.

Beachy730 · October 2010

I would have done the same thing. And it was stupid of them to not think you would tell your FI. H and I tell eachother everything, and I would be pissed if he had heard that and not told me. It was also wrong of them to expect that you would keep it from your FI.

I would just ignore her. If she ever brings it up to you, I would just say something like "FI and I have a very honest and trusting relationship and thats not something I felt right keeping from him." Then drop it. If she can't respect that, then I really wouldn't care much of this woman's opinion of me.

iamjoesgurl · October 2010

I also agree that you were not wrong to tell your FI. I would have done the same thing. Like you said, if the roles were reversed, you would have wanted to know.

They will get over it eventually. (When they grow up.)

kathrynhabibti · October 2010

[QUOTE]Don't worry about it, dear. She will never trust you with another secret again.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]
I'd rather not have someone trust me with secrets that they want me to keep from the person to whom I'm supposed to be the most loyal. But if you'd be okay with that, then more power to you.

kathrynhabibti · October 2010

[QUOTE]I agree it does seem childish to still be talking about it now that the wedding is over. Did she tell you not to tell FI? If so, then I'd say you were in the wrong. That being said, if she had told you not to say anything I would've told my FI that I heard something big that I was asked not to tell you, but I think you need to have a conversation <strong>with your dad</strong>.
Posted by strlzfan11[/QUOTE]
This had to do with FI's dad. Would you think it would have been right to keep information about your FI's dad from your FI?

sister2groom · November 2010

Would you rather your ILs be mad at you or your FI feel like you hid something from him? Don't sweat it.

banana468 · November 2010

I agree with ten completely.

And CMGr, are you serious??

shoegal715 · November 2010

Thanks girls. I feel better now. It's actually so high school.

And no, she never told me not to tell my fiance. But from the way she said it, it was almost implied. But whatever, she put me in a very uncomfortable spot.

banana468 · November 2010

She's probably bad mouthing you because she got caught. It's her only line of defense.

kathrynhabibti · November 2010

[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Was I in the wrong? : If I had been asked not to tell then I would've told my FI that I heard some info about his dad that I was asked not to share, but that FI should talk to his dad. Yes I would feel uncomfortable keeping the secret, but by suggesting that FI talk to his dad it puts it on the dad to tell FI what's going on and lets me off the hook for having not said something. If there was no indication that my secrecy was requested, then I would I've said something the second I saw my FI.
Posted by strlzfan11[/QUOTE]
That's a very good suggestion, actually.

Simply Fated · November 2010

This wasn't something she should have told you or expected you to keep quiet about. This secret wasn't about a surprise party or a new puppy. I'd have told her that I didn't feel right keeping such a secret private and take it from there..
Either way, it's been awhile and it's a stupid thing to hold a grudge about, anyway. It's not like it effecting anything, so why is it still such a big deal to her?

JanoBean75 · November 2010

The only secrets I keep from H that concern him would be about gifts. Secrets I would keep? If a friend has an issue and it has nothing to do with H and she asks me not to tell anyone, I don't tell him. Only my best friend and I don't care if the Hs know the secret.

kathrynhabibti · November 2010

[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Was I in the wrong? : Of course not! LOL! Would you WANT her to share any more family secrets?
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]
I know you were responding to Banana but I have to apologize, turns out I TOTALLY misread the tone of your previous post. So sorry <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-embarassed.gif" border="0" alt="Embarassed" title="Embarassed" />

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