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Article posted on Slate - what do you think?

MrsKocalMrsKocal member
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in New York-New York City
http://www.slate.com/blogs/blogs/browbeat/archive/2010/06/24/in-defense-of-1.aspx?GT1=38001

I think this article was obviously written by someone who is either (1) not married or (2) got married in a place where the costs per guest were under $50 a head. Because he definitely didn't get married in NYC if he thinks +1's are no big deal (and look at the link he used for the "Uggh I hate plus 1's" - those brides are complaining about spending $50 a head - ha!!!)

My wedding cost $250 PER PERSON. We invited 300 PEOPLE (thankfully half of them were from California so only 200 showed up!). +1's were a BIG DEAL for us.  I agree with the author that his girlfriend of one year should have been invited to the wedding where they were obviously both friends with the bride and groom, but I think to always expect a plus one just because you bring "fun people" is the most rude expectation a "friend" could have.

We invited anyone who was in a relationship to bring their signficant other, but single people (as in, no boyfriend or girlfriend) could not just FIND a person to bring with them. We were not paying for a "first date" night, we were inviting you to celebrate with us at our wedding. So, if you can't do that on your own, stay home and save us the $250. Otherwise, come and be happy for your friends, and learn to socialize like an adult. Use the slow songs for a smoke break.

I was the +1 at a wedding once - a casual boyfriend invited me to his friend's wedding in college.  I had a miserable time - I didn't know anyone except my bf, who knew everyone!  He could have easily gone on his own and had a blast, and the bride and groom would have saved a lot (it was a at an expensive LI venue).  So, not everyone *needs* to have a +1 - I think this author is lacking in social skills if he thinks he HAS to have a date to have fun.

That's just my opinon - what do you guys think?
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Re: Article posted on Slate - what do you think?

  • sjnsjnsjnsjnsjnsjn
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    This.
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-york-new-york-city_article-posted-slate-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:114Discussion:9af93013-f985-4749-8104-2c8d5f29178bPost:36bb9cb5-d0ab-47e5-b588-411a73ba85d2">Article posted on Slate - what do you think?</a>:
    [QUOTE] We were not paying for a "first date" night ..
    Posted by Mrs.Kocal[/QUOTE]

    Indeed.  I shouldn't be introduced to someone at my wedding.  I should be surrounded by people that I have a relationship with... now, if I don't really know your live-in/fiance/etc., that's different, but yeah, seriously, I can't afford for you to bring your buddy/craigslist ad responder/what have you.  Ridiculous.  Even if I could afford it, I wouldn't want such randoms at my wedding...
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  • MrsKocalMrsKocal member
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    edited December 2011
    totally!  I actually did have some people that I met for the first time at my wedding (s.o.'s of old friends who I had just never met) and it was awkward.  "Hi, I'm John, so and so's boyfiriend.  Nice to meet you. Congratulations, by the way."

    It was weird, I'm not gonna lie.
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  • MrsKocalMrsKocal member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'll add that the ONLY time I was actually offended by the lack of a +1 was right before DH and I were engaged - he got an invite to a wedding of a friend back in California that was JUST addressed to him.  Now, at this point we  had been living together for 2 years and he had moved ACROSS the COUNTRY to live with me.  If that doesn't say "serious relationship" I don't know what does!  And the friend obviously knew this because he sent the invite to DH in NY.  DH declined - he wasn't going to fly to California to go to a wedding by himself! 

    In that case, I should have been invited, by name - not even a +1!
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  • Jane_BirkinJane_Birkin
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    this guy sounds like a total jerk! he clearly doesn't understand what goes into planning a wedding. my parents were adamant about inviting all the singles with guests because we don't know if all of my cousins are dating anyone....DH and i had to choose a larger, more expensive venue that we liked less, just to accomodate these extra potential guests. we also were $250 a head and definitely noticed the cost of the extra +1s of people we didnt; know. one of our friends who knows *all* of our friends brought her Mom, who we have never met, as her guest. really?? i don't mind inviting peopel with guests if they don't know anyone, but it seems ridiculous to bring her mom. instead of dancing with her friends, she wound up babysitting her mother and leavign early because her mom got too drunk.

    thsi guy also clearly has an inflated sense of the caliber of dates he chooses for weddings. we're supposed to be grateful that his date will circulate and talk to the great-aunts? what great-aunt wants to talk to a stranger when they're surrounded by their family? the wedding guests who do know the other people don't want to be bothered meeting someone they will never see again, when they have actual friends to be socializing with on a special day.
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  • alisonzalisonz member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-york-new-york-city_article-posted-slate-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:114Discussion:9af93013-f985-4749-8104-2c8d5f29178bPost:36bb9cb5-d0ab-47e5-b588-411a73ba85d2">Article posted on Slate - what do you think?</a>:
    [QUOTE]We invited anyone who was in a relationship to bring their signficant other, but single people (as in, no boyfriend or girlfriend) could not just FIND a person to bring with them. We were not paying for a "first date" night, we were inviting you to celebrate with us at our wedding. So, if you can't do that on your own, stay home and save us the $250. Otherwise, come and be happy for your friends, and learn to socialize like an adult. Use the slow songs for a smoke break.
    Posted by Mrs.Kocal[/QUOTE]

    I agree 150%!!! Aside from the money issue, I don't want a room full of strangers, much less hundreds of photos of them. We are including all of our guests boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses and we made a few exceptions for single people who wont know many people because we want them to enjoy themselves.

    I do have a fear that a few of my single friends are going to just show up with a date, assuming they had a +1 even though I didn't put that on their invitation.

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  • MrsKocalMrsKocal member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-york-new-york-city_article-posted-slate-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:114Discussion:9af93013-f985-4749-8104-2c8d5f29178bPost:5ac79a6a-6329-4b52-b24c-16e478f7d0a1">Re: Article posted on Slate - what do you think?</a>:
    [QUOTE] one of our friends who knows *all* of our friends brought her Mom, who we have never met, as her guest. really?? i don't mind inviting peopel with guests if they don't know anyone, but it seems ridiculous to bring her mom. instead of dancing with her friends, she wound up babysitting her mother and leavign early because her mom got too drunk. thsi Posted by Jane_Birkin[/QUOTE]

    I had a guest who I invited with her husband show up with her daughter.  And she knew about two tables worth of people there (she is one of my bellydance students and I had about 20 students there who she knew).  I invited her husband because that is protocol, not because I wanted her to bring someone.  If he didn't want to go, I would have gladly saved the money - she had plenty of fun with her friends that were there and her daughter did not need to take his place!
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  • Goldlie11Goldlie11
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    edited December 2011
    Right now it looks like we're giving plus ones to people who are married, engaged, or living together.  Currently my MOH is not seeing anyone.  If she wants, she can bring a date or friend.  The same goes for the best man.  I'm paying 100+ pp after taxes and tip.  I'm not shelling out that kind of money for random people.  Furthermore, we're trying to keep the wedding intimate.  I agree that the guy sounds like a jerk.



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  • caitmLAcaitmLA
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    it is a nice gesture, a guest should be responsible and only bring a significant other and not as an opportunity for a free date.
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  • megandjaymegandjay member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-york-new-york-city_article-posted-slate-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:114Discussion:9af93013-f985-4749-8104-2c8d5f29178bPost:6f79fa53-4ae8-4872-afb7-9aa06abaf08c">Re: Article posted on Slate - what do you think?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Right now it looks like we're giving plus ones to people who are married, engaged, or living together. 

      I agree that the guy sounds like a jerk.
    Posted by Goldlie11[/QUOTE]

    Ditto. We gave +1 to people in long term relationships, not for random dates.

    This is is a jerk and has no clue how much wedidng costs, nor that they are not just a 'party' but a celebration of a marriage- an important milestone in a couple's relationship! Not for randoms!!
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