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She is being a bossy mother-in-law!

tyandvoyiatyandvoyia
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
My soon to be mother in law is always creating drama. If she doesn't get her way, she "stresses out" and takes DAYS off work, her blood pressure goes up and she blames my wedding for it. The lastest problem is she wants to invite 40 people to our wedding and my fiance and I just can't afford it and she wants my parents to help pay for her friends to  come!! We will allow some of her firends to come just now 20 couples.Now she not communicaing with me, did not show up to my step daughters birthday party and personal I think she being a total brat about. My issue is that I love her and want us to have a great relationship. What should I do?
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Re: She is being a bossy mother-in-law!

  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You should talk to your FI about setting boundaries.

    He needs to say, "Mom, we can invite X amount of people but that's all that the budget allows."

    And if she puts up a fuss, your FI needs to diplomatically handle her.  Adult temper tantrums are worse than ones from a child.
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  • tyandvoyiatyandvoyia
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I totally agree... we have had a sit down with her and his dad and they have suggested changing the date, taking out loans and have even called us selfish. Call me crazy, but arent we suppose to be a little selfish if its our wedding and we are paying for it. I realize you dont only marry the man, but also the family and I don't want to start off like this. I care aout her, but she is honestly making me a little bitter towards her. Its not about her and what she wants. I feel like we have to baby her... ALL THE TIME! Should I just ignore her tantrums or try for another solution?
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  • redheadtmkredheadtmk member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ignore her tantrums. This sets the tone for the rest of your married life. When you have kids they will pull the same bullying tactics for holidays etc. You made your decision of what you can afford and want. You gave them a guest allowance. They will get over it and life will go on. Good luck and hold your ground
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  • gailpetegailpete member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry your FMIL is being such a brat.  She is completely out of line.

    Definitely stick to your guns and don't let her pressure you into taking out loans to pay for her extra guests.  If you and FI wouldn't mind the extra people (and have the room), tell her that you can afford for her to invite X number of people.  If she wants to include more than that, she can pay for them.  The cost will be $Y per person.  When figuring out that cost be sure to include food, drinks, cake, invitations, centerpieces, linens and any other costs that will increase as you add more people to the guest list.

    Good luck, it sounds like you and FI will have your work cut out for you.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    From your post it sounds like you and your FI along with your parents are paying for the wedding...correct?  If so, then you do not need to add any additional people from her side, especially if you can't afford it.

    From now on do not discuss anything wedding related with her and if you have to then let your FI do it because it is his mother not yours.

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