Etiquette

Feeling a little sad...sharing my day.

So I have mentioned this ad nauseam but my first cousin, closest family member to me on my mother's side, supposed to be a groomsman, is having his wedding the same day as mine.  Like 10 hours away.  I've known since Thanksgiving and I've felt better about it and have been mad again at various times. 

He claims he did not known about my date (though I told him), immediately after he decided on 7/24 he "found out" that it was my date and refused to change it, I know the venue had other dates this summer open.

Of course now our family members have to choose and this is the time they are making the choice.  I got an rsvp today from my aunt whose daughter is our flower girl.  I'm close with her and her husband (my uncle) and their two sons, as well as their daughter. It seems that the boys are going to my cousin's wedding while my aunt and her daughter are coming to mine.  I know that this is equitable and not their fault but I feel sad that neither wedding gets the entire family there. 

There is nothing I can do obviously.  Just wanted to share.
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TTC since July 2011
Dx: Annovulation, u/s dx of PCOS
HSG = all clear
February-March 2012: 50 mg clomid + trigger+ TI = BFN
April 2012: 100 mg clomid + trigger + IUI = BFN
May 2012: Follistim + triggger + IUI = BFN
June 2012: Benched due to cysts
July 2012: Follistim + trigger + TI = BFN
August 2012: Benched due to cysts
September 2012: Follistim + HCG trigger + IUI = BFN
October 2012: Benched due to cysts
November-December 2012: IVF #1 Stims start 11/30 27R 20M 19F. Transferred 1 amazing blast and froze 8. 12/23: BFP! Beta #1= 86 Beta #2=186 6 weeks 1 day saw h/b; u/s at 9 weeks 1 day, no h/b D&C 1/31 FET scheduled for April 2013

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Re: Feeling a little sad...sharing my day.

  • awww and here I was sad my sisters common law husband probably won't make it to my wedding because his friend is getting married the same day.

    Are the weddings in the same town?
  • edited May 2010
    That really is annoying.  I can't fathom why anyone would knowingly plan their wedding the same day as a close family member. 
  • Well, that sucks.

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
  • No, they're 10 hours apart, as OP stated.

    Sorry, andy. That's a bummer. But at least families are trying to make sure they support both you and your cousin. Out of curiosity, why couldn't you change your date?
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  • Thanks ladies.  I don't typically like pity parties but I guess I'm having one right now.  Superhero - the weddings are really far away from each other.
    <a href="http://whereareyoubabywiltrout.blogspot.com">My TTTC blog</a>


    <img src="http://tinyurl.com/39xewop" width="250">
    <img src="http://tinyurl.com/279nuaf">


    TTC since July 2011
    Dx: Annovulation, u/s dx of PCOS
    HSG = all clear
    February-March 2012: 50 mg clomid + trigger+ TI = BFN
    April 2012: 100 mg clomid + trigger + IUI = BFN
    May 2012: Follistim + triggger + IUI = BFN
    June 2012: Benched due to cysts
    July 2012: Follistim + trigger + TI = BFN
    August 2012: Benched due to cysts
    September 2012: Follistim + HCG trigger + IUI = BFN
    October 2012: Benched due to cysts
    November-December 2012: IVF #1 Stims start 11/30 27R 20M 19F. Transferred 1 amazing blast and froze 8. 12/23: BFP! Beta #1= 86 Beta #2=186 6 weeks 1 day saw h/b; u/s at 9 weeks 1 day, no h/b D&C 1/31 FET scheduled for April 2013

    [IMG]http://i50.tinypic.com/2pye4xi.jpg[/IMG]
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_feeling-little-sadsharing-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e048d694-4cc4-4663-ab2c-82340b146007Post:3e779fdf-82ce-40d3-ae32-ad83314ff983">Re: Feeling a little sad...sharing my day.</a>:
    [QUOTE]No, they're 10 hours apart, as OP stated. Sorry, andy. That's a bummer. But at least families are trying to make sure they support both you and your cousin. Out of curiosity, why couldn't you change your date?
    Posted by brookelynpaisley[/QUOTE]
    I had already booked everything and had STDs printed and the place wasn't available any other date during the summer.  I checked immediately once I found out about his - but we had it booked since February and it was almost full then.
    <a href="http://whereareyoubabywiltrout.blogspot.com">My TTTC blog</a>


    <img src="http://tinyurl.com/39xewop" width="250">
    <img src="http://tinyurl.com/279nuaf">


    TTC since July 2011
    Dx: Annovulation, u/s dx of PCOS
    HSG = all clear
    February-March 2012: 50 mg clomid + trigger+ TI = BFN
    April 2012: 100 mg clomid + trigger + IUI = BFN
    May 2012: Follistim + triggger + IUI = BFN
    June 2012: Benched due to cysts
    July 2012: Follistim + trigger + TI = BFN
    August 2012: Benched due to cysts
    September 2012: Follistim + HCG trigger + IUI = BFN
    October 2012: Benched due to cysts
    November-December 2012: IVF #1 Stims start 11/30 27R 20M 19F. Transferred 1 amazing blast and froze 8. 12/23: BFP! Beta #1= 86 Beta #2=186 6 weeks 1 day saw h/b; u/s at 9 weeks 1 day, no h/b D&C 1/31 FET scheduled for April 2013

    [IMG]http://i50.tinypic.com/2pye4xi.jpg[/IMG]
  • Sorry Andy :(  I can kind of relate, though.  I've been sad and mad lately that my really close cousin is choosing to go to the cast party for his summer play instead of my wedding.  And I'm sad and mad my family isn't pressuring him to do the right thing.  I keep thinking, in ten years he won't remember this party, but he'll regret skipping my wedding for it.
    Abigail Rose, EDD 6/8/13 BabyFetus Ticker

    Nose Job Blog
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_feeling-little-sadsharing-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e048d694-4cc4-4663-ab2c-82340b146007Post:883f4618-9eba-414b-a17d-32f1c021c16d">Re: Feeling a little sad...sharing my day.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sorry Andy :(  I can kind of relate, though.  I've been sad and mad lately that my really close cousin is choosing to go to the cast party for his summer play instead of my wedding.  And I'm sad and mad my family isn't pressuring him to do the right thing.  I keep thinking, in ten years he won't remember this party, but he'll regret skipping my wedding for it.
    Posted by KentuckyKate[/QUOTE]
    Ugh that sucks.  My family did pressure my cousin to change the date but I think it made him mad and more sure of his decision to keep it as is.  How old is your cousin?
    <a href="http://whereareyoubabywiltrout.blogspot.com">My TTTC blog</a>


    <img src="http://tinyurl.com/39xewop" width="250">
    <img src="http://tinyurl.com/279nuaf">


    TTC since July 2011
    Dx: Annovulation, u/s dx of PCOS
    HSG = all clear
    February-March 2012: 50 mg clomid + trigger+ TI = BFN
    April 2012: 100 mg clomid + trigger + IUI = BFN
    May 2012: Follistim + triggger + IUI = BFN
    June 2012: Benched due to cysts
    July 2012: Follistim + trigger + TI = BFN
    August 2012: Benched due to cysts
    September 2012: Follistim + HCG trigger + IUI = BFN
    October 2012: Benched due to cysts
    November-December 2012: IVF #1 Stims start 11/30 27R 20M 19F. Transferred 1 amazing blast and froze 8. 12/23: BFP! Beta #1= 86 Beta #2=186 6 weeks 1 day saw h/b; u/s at 9 weeks 1 day, no h/b D&C 1/31 FET scheduled for April 2013

    [IMG]http://i50.tinypic.com/2pye4xi.jpg[/IMG]
  • I'm sad for you too... that's really too bad.
    Can't wait for our wedding in Banff! I am truly marrying my best friend :).
  • NebbNebb member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Your cousin sounds like hes a bit of a turd, what a crappy thing to do. :(
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  • That sucks Andy. I had my pity party yesterday too. Some of my cousins that I'm close to aren't coming either. There isn't really any good reason either. They just aren't coming.
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  • Aw that sucks, I'm sorry :(.  Think of it this way, your family now knows what a jerkwad he is and that is what he'll be remembered for.  You will be favored!  huzzah!
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    My Bio Updated 4/6/10
  • It sounds like your cousin pulled something rather crappy....
  • Seems like a pretty shitty thing for your cousin to do, but the bright side seems to be that your family members are trying to be as fair as possible and aren't just picking favourites.
  • That sucks.  He doesn't deserve to have any of your family attend his wedding.  Does your family know that you planned your wedding first on that day & he picked that day even though he knew it was your wedding date? 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_feeling-little-sadsharing-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e048d694-4cc4-4663-ab2c-82340b146007Post:a6a47729-20ba-40ef-82ea-790fcf3b4ffd">Re: Feeling a little sad...sharing my day.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Feeling a little sad...sharing my day. : Ugh that sucks.  My family did pressure my cousin to change the date but I think it made him mad and more sure of his decision to keep it as is.  How old is your cousin?
    Posted by andy71781[/QUOTE]
    He is only 19.  I get that at 19 parties are a big deal and you think you're really missing out when all your friends are talking about one you can't go to, but I also think sometimes you have to make a kid do the right thing.  I'm upset that my aunt and uncle  didn't even ask him to change his mind, and I think they'll all three regret this later on.
    Abigail Rose, EDD 6/8/13 BabyFetus Ticker

    Nose Job Blog
  • Sorry OP I guess I missed that part of your post.  It's too bad it isn't in the same town and they could have done both.

    I hope that everything ends up working out.  It's really too bad that he wouldn't change his date.  Does the date maybe have meaning to him and his partner?

    Just try to remember the most important thing, you and your FH are in love and even though not everyone can be there to share your special day this will be the best day of your life!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_feeling-little-sadsharing-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e048d694-4cc4-4663-ab2c-82340b146007Post:883f4618-9eba-414b-a17d-32f1c021c16d">Re: Feeling a little sad...sharing my day.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sorry Andy :(  I can kind of relate, though.  I've been sad and mad lately that my really close cousin is choosing to go to the cast party for his summer play instead of my wedding.  And I'm sad and mad my family isn't pressuring him to do the right thing.  I keep thinking, in ten years he won't remember this party, but he'll regret skipping my wedding for it.
    Posted by KentuckyKate[/QUOTE]

    Do you actually believe that your cousin will regret skipping your wedding?  I seriously doubt it.  I've missed family weddings and at 38 I have yet to regret it.  In fact, I am more apt to remember the things that I did because I wanted to rather than those that I was forced to do.

    If someone forces him to go, he'll just resent it, which is even worse.  Honestly, I would rather go to a cast party than to a wedding.  Maybe the "right thing" is to allow a 19 year old to make his decision about what he wuold rather do that day.
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  • Smokey, in this case, it is almost the equivalent of missing a sibling's wedding, so yeah, I seriously think he will regret skipping my wedding.  When his dad died, he, his mom, and his brother moved in with my family and we were raised together for 3 years.  When they moved out, it was to another house in the same neighborhood.  When I found out he chose to attend a party over my wedding, my feelings were and are seriously hurt.  I could see your point if it was just some cousin in another state who I didn't know very well, but it's not.
    Abigail Rose, EDD 6/8/13 BabyFetus Ticker

    Nose Job Blog
  • Thanks everybody...I took a long walk with FI and I'm feeling better.  Re: other family - yes they know that I planned my date first.  Within an hour of him announcing his date lots of family members told him that it was my date and asked him to change.  I actually didn't hear about it until the day afterwards.  He refused and my uncle is I guess just trying to make a bad situation a little better by going to his (so there are some family from my side there).  I still hate it.  I don't think I'll ever be able to respect his FI/wife for letting him do this. 
    <a href="http://whereareyoubabywiltrout.blogspot.com">My TTTC blog</a>


    <img src="http://tinyurl.com/39xewop" width="250">
    <img src="http://tinyurl.com/279nuaf">


    TTC since July 2011
    Dx: Annovulation, u/s dx of PCOS
    HSG = all clear
    February-March 2012: 50 mg clomid + trigger+ TI = BFN
    April 2012: 100 mg clomid + trigger + IUI = BFN
    May 2012: Follistim + triggger + IUI = BFN
    June 2012: Benched due to cysts
    July 2012: Follistim + trigger + TI = BFN
    August 2012: Benched due to cysts
    September 2012: Follistim + HCG trigger + IUI = BFN
    October 2012: Benched due to cysts
    November-December 2012: IVF #1 Stims start 11/30 27R 20M 19F. Transferred 1 amazing blast and froze 8. 12/23: BFP! Beta #1= 86 Beta #2=186 6 weeks 1 day saw h/b; u/s at 9 weeks 1 day, no h/b D&C 1/31 FET scheduled for April 2013

    [IMG]http://i50.tinypic.com/2pye4xi.jpg[/IMG]
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