Awful gift from Future MIL

marissalindgren · October 2010

The Future MIL gave my fiance and I waterford romance toasting flutes as an engagement gift, which the expectation that we will use them at our wedding. Seems wonderful, except that I am not a heart person, nor do I even remotely like crystal. Problem is, she likes hearts (has loads of accessories, shoes, etc that have the design) and I lean towards leopard print, skulls, and Harley Davidson.

She is so proud of picking out the flutes, even mentioning to my mother recently if I had shown them to her, and "aren't they just gorgeous?" (my mother thinks they're hideous as well)

I just discovered the gift receipt in the box for the flutes. Any advice on inviting her to the store with me to pick out new flutes that are a bit more "me" and a lot less "her"?

....and if I don't or can't return the flutes (they are well past the return policy date, but I'm hoping to find a friendly sales associate at the store...wishful thinking on my part) I plan to 'decorate' my flute. To hide the hearts. Yes, I am completely planning to desecrate Waterford.

I'm just not sure which will offend/ upset the future mil more: returning the flutes, or 'decorating' them. Either way, my wedding, my accessories.

** Just want to add that the only reason we are not eloping is for our mothers. We are planning an intimate (15 people) destination wedding that is very simple and affordable.

lalap69 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_awful-gift-future-mil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b5b4a6d1-0939-43b6-9fae-1d9f9fe44f86Post:8615adac-4fd0-4ad3-93d4-73ce7e6c8e22">Awful gift from Future MIL</a>:
[QUOTE]The Future MIL gave my fiance and I waterford romance toasting flutes as an engagement gift, which the expectation that we will use them at our wedding. Seems wonderful, except that I am not a heart person, nor do I even remotely like crystal. Problem is, she likes hearts (has loads of accessories, shoes, etc that have the design) and I lean towards leopard print, skulls, and Harley Davidson. She is so proud of picking out the flutes, even mentioning to my mother recently if I had shown them to her, and "aren't they just gorgeous?" (my mother thinks they're hideous as well) I just discovered the gift receipt in the box for the flutes. Any advice on inviting her to the store with me to pick out new flutes that are a bit more "me" and a lot less "her"? ....and if I don't or can't return the flutes (they are well past the return policy date, but I'm hoping to find a friendly sales associate at the store...wishful thinking on my part) I plan to 'decorate' my flute. To hide the hearts. Yes, I am completely planning to desecrate Waterford. I'm just not sure which will offend/ upset the future mil more: returning the flutes, or 'decorating' them. Either way, my wedding, my accessories. ** Just want to add that the only reason we are not eloping is for our mothers. We are planning an intimate (15 people) destination wedding that is very simple and affordable.
Posted by marissalindgren[/QUOTE]
I think both will offend her. It sounds like you don't care about that either way though.

FWIW, personally I'd give in on this issue. I'd rather deal with having toasting flutes that weren't particularly my style than hurt my FMILs feelings. At the very least, I wouldn't mark them up so that she'd see what I'd done or invite her to come with me to return them. That's just throwing your ingratitude in her face.

bethsmiles · October 2010

Really? They are so horrible that its worth offending your FMIL and possibly ruining the relationship you may have with her? Somehow I doubt that. It may be your wedding but the wedding is just one day, the marriage is a lifetime and this woman is going to be a part of your life. I would just get over it. Your FMIL made a nice gesture (with good intentions) by getting them for you.

melissamc2 · October 2010

Just use the flutes for champagne one night of your life and make the woman happy, since you claim that the only reason you are doing any kind of "wedding" is for the Mothers. I promise that not one person in attendance is going to make a FB status about the toasting flutes of the self-proclaimed Harley badass having had hearts on them, and it's not going to take points off of your "coolness" chart at the end of your life.

AdeleDazeem · October 2010

On the one hand, they are just toasting flutes. They only have to be used once and it will make your mother in law happy.

On the other hand, I understand how you feel. I'm going to be annoyed if someone gives us toasting flutes (or a cake cutter??) for our wedding when I already have other plans for that.

But, even so, I'd just use the flutes.

Pick your battles. If this is one you really want to stand your ground on, tell her you've already picked something else to use but that you'll use hers for holidays, celebrations, etc in the future.

Since I have no idea what you plan to do the flutes, I would advise you not to damage them. That's just a bit too disrespectful for me. You'd do better just being honest.

MairePoppy · October 2010

They're just glasses.I don't remember even looking at the toasting flutes at anyone's wedding. It sounds like it's important to your fmil, she probably intended for you to have them as an heirloom. Think of the future daughters or granddaughters that might one day enjoy them. After the wedding, wrap them carefully and put them away.

Since your wedding is a year away, I anticipate many other surprises from your fmil. It would probably be a good idea to show her pictures of your leopard/Harley/skull theme, asap. Let her help you pick out a few things within those limits. I think a leopard printed ribbon tied around the flutes or leopard printed coasters might be okay with her, once she understands the theme. But please don't return her thoughtful gift.

aerinpegadrak · October 2010

Really? Really? Potentially destroying a relationship that you will have to deal with for YOUR ENTIRE LIFE over a miniscule detail that will be part of your wedding for all of five minutes? Really? I just can't comprehend that level of short-sightedness and self-centeredness.

Just use the damn flutes and make the woman happy. Geez.

trix1223 · October 2010

Two pieces of glassware is more important to you than the relationship with the woman who will be your MIL for years, not to mention the grandmother of any children you might have? Really?

Reality check for you: what did the toasting flutes look like at the last 6 weddings you attended? Can't remember. That's because this absolutely is not a big deal. The silly wedding industry would have you believe that the correct toasting flutes are critical to the success of your wedding and marriage. That's just so freakin' not true.

Get over it. Use the glasses. And how about being grateful that you have a FMIL who bought you a very expensive gift to try to please you.

MairePoppy · October 2010

Marissa-it's not a good idea to post under your real name.

BeeBee22 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_awful-gift-future-mil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b5b4a6d1-0939-43b6-9fae-1d9f9fe44f86Post:a1476f62-7ea8-4282-9dfa-347697b8b6a0">Re: Awful gift from Future MIL</a>:
[QUOTE]Really? Really? Potentially destroying a relationship that you will have to deal with for YOUR ENTIRE LIFE over a miniscule detail that will be part of your wedding for all of five minutes? Really? I just can't comprehend that level of short-sightedness and self-centeredness. Just use the damn flutes and make the woman happy. Geez.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This. Either replacing or "decorating" them would most likely devastate your FMIL from what you've said. Clearly you hate them, but no one else will remember them. Most people won't even get a good look at them, even with that small a group, as you use them for ONE toast. It would be horribly immature, short-sighted and just plain mean of you to mess with them. Be gracious, use them, put them in a box and never look at them again. Sheesh,

</div>

graysquirrel · October 2010

We have all gotten, or will get, gifts that are hideous to us. But they are gifts. You don't have to like them or rave about them or even display them on your home. You are out nothing by having them. It sounds like the ugly sweaters that grandma used to give-- you wear it on Christmas and then hide the thing away for a year. I think the same rule of courtesy can apply here-- us them once to make FMIL happy and then pack them away. It is a small gesture and NO ONE will take any notice of your flutes.

skippylouwho · October 2010

I'm guessing your FI loves his mom. You, hopefully, love your FI. You would insult and hurt his mom this way? How does that show that you love and respect him and what is import (his mom) to him?

It's his wedding too - does he want to desecrate Waterford - actually it should be that you want to desecrate his mom and her feelings.

Simply Fated · October 2010

I would just suck it up and use them. This isn't a battle worth fighting, imo.

tldh · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_awful-gift-future-mil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:b5b4a6d1-0939-43b6-9fae-1d9f9fe44f86Post:a1476f62-7ea8-4282-9dfa-347697b8b6a0">Re: Awful gift from Future MIL</a>:
[QUOTE]Really? Really? Potentially destroying a relationship that you will have to deal with for YOUR ENTIRE LIFE over a miniscule detail that will be part of your wedding for all of five minutes? Really? I just can't comprehend that level of short-sightedness and self-centeredness. Just use the damn flutes and make the woman happy. Geez.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

This. A thousand times. Most of us had parts of our wedding that were to please someone else. As soon as you invite guests to your wedding, it is no longer only about you and your FI.

TheCranberry · October 2010

I didn't even know people bought special flutes for their weddings until I started planning mine. Only one of my friends (out of many) had special flutes; everyone else just used whatever champagne flutes were provided by the caterer.

It's just a glass you'll use for one night. You don't even have to drink out of them the whole night. Just use it during the toasts and tell her you don't want them to get lost or broken and put them away.

Look at it this way, at least she didn't get you a pimp cup.

fyrefairie · October 2010

What a petty selfish child you are! You FMIL made a loving gesture...maybe its not to your tastes but isn't it the thought that counts? How lovely that she wanted to gie you something for your engagement and so you don't like hearts? Who cares? Taking her to pick something else out? Covering them up? How on earth would you feel? THat's just cold. Use the flutes. And be grateful. And hope your FMIL never knows how unappreciative you are. Does your FI have any idea that you intend to do soemthing so hurtful to his mother?

jjones3636 · October 2010

While I can understand that these flutes are not your style I just do not see how this gift could be classified as awful. I feel as if you should just toast with the flutes and be done with it. What has your FI said?

Just remember to pick and choose your battles.

mysticl · October 2010

Returning them is extremely offensive. It is very unlikely that anyone will notice. I can only tell you about the flutes at one wedding I've been to and that's because I saw a pic after the fact. If anyone does notice and makes a comment just say they were a gift from FMIL.

The only "decorating" that I think you could get away with is to tie a ribbon around the stem in a motif that is more your style.

JennaV26 · October 2010

Just use the flutes. No one will even notice them at the reception and it seems like it will really hurt her if you return them.

IMO this isn't a battle worth pursuing.

tenofcups4me · October 2010

Yeah, sorry, I have to agree witih everyone else -- they're just toasting flutes. While they do sound kind of hideous, I can't see how would hurt to use them, and I can see how it will hurt to not use them.

MrsMack10612 · October 2010

I don't know if they are the same ones...but I just Googled "Waterford Romance Toasting Flutes". If you hadn't said they were hearts, I probably wouldn't have really noticed. http://www.bestcrystal.com/products/detail/index.cfm?Product=1766&Category=265

I think you're making too big a deal about this and by wanting to return or decorate them you sound petty & childish.

And agree you should suck it up and use them...it won't kill you for one day - but could ruin the relationship for years to come.

sister2groom · October 2010

I googled them too, not exactly what I would pick either, but for crying out, you not only will only use them for one night, you'll use them for one drink all night. They're clear toasting flutes, with some etching that resembles a heart, you're probably the only one who will notice the design (if you're even looking at them). At least they're not bedazzled.

IAmLymelady · October 2010

Use them. Or, alternatively, use them at another event that your MIL will be present for. Tell her that you don't want anything to happen to them, taking them to the reception risks them getting lost or broken, and that you would love to use them when you have champagne in your home. Invite her for dessert and champagne after the wedding; invite both sets of parents. This will work out especially well since you're going to a destination wedding.

Waterford is good crystal, even if you don't like crystal, there is some objective beauty to be found in it that you can focus on. One thing that I love about Waterford is looking straight down into the glass; the bottom of the base is cut into a pattern, and it gives each glass design an individual sort of snowflake. The lines on those flutes are very clean and contemporary. Feel the weight of it and see if you like it. That gives you ways to compliment your MIL on the gift, even if you don't like them.

It's very possible that she understands your style and is looking at the wedding as the one day to heartify you. It's probably making her very happy that she found you such nice things, and they're glasses that she can't use so I wouldn't be surprised if she's doing some vicarious living through you.

I agree with other posters. The cost of offending your mother-in-law is higher than the benefit of using the flutes you want; it's not like she's insisting you wear her old wedding dress. The only reason you'll even remember these flutes is because you hate them. I really can't tell you what my flutes looked like.

wifeandmommy0609 · October 2010

You said your doing the wedding for your mothers.. so why not use them for just one night and then store them away.. After all your doing it for your mothers right?

travelchick321 · October 2010

The flutes don't sound bad at all....one Christmas I got a basket full of anti-aging creams....I was 24 yrs old!!! Consider yourself fortunate and make her happy for one day..

ivyrose13 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_awful-gift-future-mil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b5b4a6d1-0939-43b6-9fae-1d9f9fe44f86Post:8615adac-4fd0-4ad3-93d4-73ce7e6c8e22">Awful gift from Future MIL</a>:
[QUOTE] I'm just not sure which will offend/ upset the future mil more: returning the flutes, or 'decorating' them. Either way, my wedding, my accessories. ** Just want to add that the only reason we are not eloping is for our mothers. We are planning an intimate (15 people) destination wedding that is very simple and affordable.
Posted by marissalindgren[/QUOTE]

<div>Can we say bridezilla? "My wedding, my accessories"? Whoa... unless you are marrying yourself, it's not just your wedding, it's your fiance's wedding too. Secondly, we aren't talking at $20 set of toasting flutes from Oriental Trading, we are talking a $100+ set of Waterfords. You should be respectful and greatful, that was a very generous gift. I agree with PPs, use the flutes for one night, it's not worth offending FMIL, and then you can pack them away and never see them again. </div><div>
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</div>

M&R7111 · October 2010

FI and I just got some wrapped gifts from FMIL when we were over there for dinner a few weeks ago.

She gave us a set of flutes, a cake serving knife, and a guest book.

I thought "cool, something we don't need to spend money on"

However, they were cheap no name items, probably from Michaels or AC Moore (I recognized the packaging). The pen from the guest book doesn't even write. I was thinking of getting FI and myself really nice flutes that we can engrave and display.

But, oh well. I'm glad we don't have to buy them now and it's not that big of a deal - just a change in a very very very small aspect of our wedding. And FMIL is happy - which is a VERY GOOD thing.

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