Closed.

Wwalrath · March 2010

Closed.

sucrets4 · March 2010

If you're paying for it, you make all the choices.

That being said, it's difficult to plan something that they object to so many parts of. If they don't want to be doing things around the holidays, assure them that you will be doing all of the planning and won't be needed their help and time.

zitiqueen · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_much-say-grooms-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:ed1ae244-19d8-41a3-a8b6-84fc4221b1a8Post:92a6047c-8a27-42ff-a4cf-a9634e2dd97b">How much say does groom's family have??</a>:
[QUOTE]So, I am currently in the "planning to get married but not engaged" boat right now. When my bf first talked to me about getting married, we had a certain time frame, but because he is in the process of getting his college degree, his parents refused to give us their blessing unless we waited until he was finished with college...that is a whole year later than what we had planned. Not only that, but they said they didn't want us to have a January wedding because it was non-traditional and they didn't want to be working on wedding stuff during the rush of the holidays, so they said we couldn't get married until May. My bf is about 1.5 years away from having his college degree, but my question is, is it right for his parents to really have *that* much say in when we get married? After all, when the wedding is said and done, it is going to be the two of *us* who are celebrating our anniversary for years to come. ???
Posted by Wwalrath[/QUOTE]

They have as much say as their son allows them to have, which <em>should</em> be "none." Why is he giving them all this power over your future? What makes you think this will all end with the wedding? And why isn't the fact that he's letting them call all the shots making you run for the hills?

emarston1 · March 2010

Money = Power. If they are footing any part of the bill, they get a say. If you don't want them to have a say, do not accept any money from them.

However, I do agree with them in waiting until he graduates school before getting married. Most parents genuinely have their child's best interest at heart and by wanting him to finish his degree, they are doing this.

I know you feel like a "whole year" is a long time but honestly it's nothing in the grand scheme of things. And waiting a "whole year" should not worry you if you are sure you are going to be with this man for the rest of your life.

amagwire · March 2010

Don't worry about it. You're not engaged as you say in your post, therefore you shouldn't be planning a wedding, so no need to have any of these discussions with your boyfriend's parents about when, where and how.

megandjay · March 2010

zitiqueen- Not sure I agree. Yes they should not have all the power, but I would consider their thoughts. After all they will be her future family- and that will last a lifetime (as might bitterness over a wedding).

sucrets4 · March 2010

It's one thing to, say, serve ziti when they really wanted spaghetti. It's an entirely other thing to do something to genuinely piss them off. That's no way to start a marriage just because you want your way, so as much as it should be totally up to them, they should be taking his parent's feelings into consideration at least a little bit.

There's ultimately something else going on here. Could be that they're NOT engaged yet or that they don't like her or think that he shoudln't be getting married. Who knows.

megandjay · March 2010

And I actually think it is really good parenting advice to wait until after you graduate college to get married.

lyndausvi · March 2010

They only have as much say as you give them.

My brother got engaged the same year 2 of our siblings got married, the first grandchild was born and my parents moved from England to Norway (we are from the states)

My parents told my brother and SIL if they wanted money from them they had to wait a year. My parents were tapped out money wise from all the weddings and trips back to the states. My SIL was pissed. My parents didn't say that had to wait to get married, they just had to wait if they wanted financial assistance. In the end they waited because they wanted their money.

Not sure if there are any financial strings attached to waiting or not, but if there are then only you can decide if its worth it or not to wait.

redheadfsu · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_much-say-grooms-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:ed1ae244-19d8-41a3-a8b6-84fc4221b1a8Post:00e692d4-71ee-4f14-9260-baf25cf12cce">Re: How much say does groom's family have??</a>:
[QUOTE]Money = Power. If they are footing any part of the bill, they get a say. If you don't want them to have a say, do not accept any money from them. However, I do agree with them in waiting until he graduates school before getting married. Most parents genuinely have their child's best interest at heart and by wanting him to finish his degree, they are doing this. I know you feel like a "whole year" is a long time but honestly it's nothing in the grand scheme of things. And waiting a "whole year" should not worry you if you are sure you are going to be with this man for the rest of your life.
Posted by emarston1[/QUOTE]

This 100%. Plus you are NOT engaged, so do not worry about this yet.

erollis · March 2010

My question is are they paying for his education. I think that plays a big part in this situation. If they are and also plan to help pay for the wedding then I think they do have a say. Once you get married he will have to pay for all his higher education himself. That is not cheap.

If they aren't paying for his education and don't plan on helping with the wedding then I say screw them! Do what you want to do since the financial burden is on you guys. Whoever pays holds the power, whoever pays the most has the most say, etc.

Try not to stress over it. He can pop the question while he is still in school and you guys can have a long engagment if you want/ need to.

Wwalrath · March 2010

golden1215 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_much-say-grooms-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:ed1ae244-19d8-41a3-a8b6-84fc4221b1a8Post:3d7f5fa0-f3d7-4b95-839a-b80fb314c145">Re: How much say does groom's family have??</a>:
[QUOTE]i guess five years wouldn't be bad at all for preparing...but when no pre-marital sex is involved...that's a long temptation...
Posted by Wwalrath[/QUOTE]

Ah the REAL issue comes to light! Another virgin itching to get married asap. I've known many girls in your shoes, be careful not to rush things just to get some booty.

That said, my FI and I are getting married a year before he finishes his degree, we are older- he didnt go right from HS to college- but still, it's really no biggie to us.... or our families.

Do what you want.

scarybride2011 · March 2010

If they're pitching in, then they have some say. That said, this is your wedding, so I'd suggest you sit down and talk to them about it, but don't start an argument if you weren't planning on doing something thay didn't want you to. If you really wanted a January wedding, let them know. Besides, it's the bride and her parent's responsibility (traditionally) to see to all the wedding preparations. They shouldn't be worried about anything other than getting their suit or dress tailored in time.

sucrets4 · March 2010

GRRRRR I hate when people think that they can just delete what they said because they got their answer.

1. Someone quoted you, so it's STILL THERE
2. Someone else could learn and not ask the same damn question if you didn't delete it.

[Deleted User] · March 2010

Hush Sucrets! This is closed, damn it.

shoegal715 · March 2010

LOL I laugh when I see "closed." It's not closed - people can still read, post and rely.

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