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Moms and Maids

Rose ceremony for mothers..not cool?

My brother had a rose ceremony in his wedding that honored the mother of the bride and groom. They both hand one to their respective MILs. Well she handed hers to our stepmother instead, which sucked because I felt my mom's sadness that day. They weren't the closest at the time and had a falling out, but our stepmother has been a major B!T(# our whole lives and never once tried to help or support him with anything.

It may sound ridiculous but I really would like to honor my mother on my wedding day, not because of what happened before, but because I love her like crazy and I believe she deserves it. I actually saw a wedding on TV where the the bride and groom got a "last kiss before marriage" from their mother, since they were the ones that gave them the first kiss into life. I thought it was great, but I don't know if we'd want to do that.

My problem here is that I don't want to offend my stepmother like my mother was offended, but I don't want her to get a damn rose. ha ha.. she's never been a mother to me. I don't think she'd be crazy upset or anything, she's kind of a cold-to-the-bone type, but would it just be mean spirited? I'm not trying to be at all, I just really want my mom to be part of the ceremony. ughh... sometimes relationships with stepparents can be difficult. I'm not even prepared to think about the daddy/daughter dance and my stepdad.

Re: Rose ceremony for mothers..not cool?

  • mgietler76mgietler76 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Honestly I think you should get all the mothers concerned a corsage and call it a day. If you want to make your mom feel special do it at a time other than the wedding where it won't feel like a slight to your step-mom.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    What your sil did was mean spirited. I don't know why a bride would use her marriage ceremony as a way to publicly slight her new mother-in-law. Not a very nice way to enter a family. If she wasn't getting along with your mother at the time, she could have left out this little part of the ceremony. No one would have missed it.

    I think it would be fine to give the biological mothers their roses or last kisses. Unless the stepmother had a role in raising you, I don't think she should expect to be treated like an MOB. I am a both a mother and stepmother of adults, if that counts for anything.

    If you are getting bouts and corsages to honor close family members, it would be nice to include stepmother in that.
                       
  • edited December 2011
    OK....Your idea for the kiss ceremony...Brought a tear to my eye.  I really think that is the sweetest thing ever.  And your mother did give you your first kiss.  I wouldn't call it a last kiss. Maybe "New Life" kiss or "new Beginnings"
  • brixylovebrixylove member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I thought the kiss idea was great too! When I saw it, it was just so sentimental and sweet! I definitely wouldn't leave my stepmother out of getting a corsage. She doesn't deserve to be intentionally insulted or anything. Ya know, I don't think it's that big of a deal now that I've really been thinking about it. If I do the corsage then no one feels excluded and I can still do something special with my mother. Everyone is an adult and with that there shouldn't be hard feelings, I don't think. Thanks ladies for the advice! :)
  • peanutty2peanutty2 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    ha, i'm having a similar debate with myself.  My officiant suggested a rose ceremony for the moms as well and wants to include my stepmother.  I am close to my stepmother, and she's been in my life for about 12 years now.  But she's still not my mother.  I don't want to offend my stepmother by excluding her, but don't want to offend my mother by including her!  It is so tricky :(  I dont' have my advice either way so I"m sorry this is useless I just wanted to express I feel your pain lol 

    If it helps though, I am *leaning towards* having my stepmother walked down the aisle (so she's acknowledged and "special") but only having my mom and his mom step up for the roses.  I would think she'd have to understand that this is for my mom!  Here's hoping anyway!

  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_rose-ceremony-mothersnot-cool?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ee63070a-f491-4770-bada-64c6a9f280aaPost:0a77cf8d-63cb-4ef8-bb6b-c430d76e893d">Rose ceremony for mothers..not cool?</a>:
    [QUOTE]but because I love her like crazy and I believe she deserves it. I actually saw a wedding on TV where the the bride and groom got a "last kiss before marriage" from their mother, since they were the ones that gave them the first kiss into life. I thought it was great,Posted by brixylove[/QUOTE]

    If you do it for THIS reason, it will be fine.  Your stepmother, however long she has been in your life, did not give birth to you.  Include her in corsages, and in the program if you use one.

    As for Father/Daughter dance, I saw something great at a wedding last year.  The bride was close with both Dad and SDad.  She danced to one song (a longer one) and danced the first part with Dad, second part with Stepdad and the very end he handed her over to husband!
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
  • edited December 2011
    I love the idea of the kiss ceremony - I need to look this up and see about incorporating it into my own ceremony!  If you go that route, instead of the flowers, it would be a lot easier to honor just the biological mothers.  You could also honor your mother with a moment alone before the ceremony. You could give her a card expressing your thoughts or a small gift but the important thing would be the momeny with just the two of you.
  • edited December 2011
    Love your idea for the last kiss what I would suggest in addition is to make sure to get your step mother a corsage that way shes not getting ther your not my mom attitude.
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