Kick out a bridesmaid?

Stoneec · December 2009

I asked a friend to be in my wedding and I haven't talked to her since. Is there a polite way to ask her to step down?

MyNameIsNot · December 2009

Nope.

Kicking someone out is a friendship ending move and makes you look like a bridezilla to everyone else. There are a few occassions where it is acceptable (trying to sleep with your FI, getting physically violent with you, etc). Drifting apart isn't one of them.

aerinpegadrak · December 2009

Short answer: no. Long answer: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Communication goes both ways. Have you tried getting hold of her? Do you know if there's something going on in her life that's causing her to withdraw from her relationships? But honestly, I hardly talk to my bridesmaids. They have lives, I have a life.

It doesn't matter how good you think your reasons are. She will be well within her rights never to speak to you again, and most of your mutual friends will probably side with her. Tie never goes to the bride in these cases, everyone who gets wind of the situation will dismiss you as a power-tripping bridezilla.

Mrs.B6302007 · December 2009

Why haven't you talked to her?

leeshab1982 · December 2009

It's hard to answer this one without knowing what's going on. Why haven't you spoken with her? Have you tried to contact her? What are the circumstances?

Unless she's done something awful and unforgiveable to you, there's not a polite way to ask her to step down. If you did that, she'd most likely be very hurt and it might cause the friendship to end completely.

mbcdefg · December 2009

If you're O.K. with totally ending the friendship, then it's your call.

But be prepared for people to talk behind your back about what a bridezilla you are. Especially since it seems like she's done absolutely nothing wrong.

Were you close when you asked her to be a BM, and then she suddenly stopped talking to you? Is this a case of her REFUSING to talk to you (maybe she's angry?) or you've just fallen out of touch? Has she moved or gotten a new job or a new significant other since you asked her to be a BM? Have you reached out to HER to talk, or are you just upset that she's not contacting YOU?

Also, when did you ask her to be a BM, and when is your wedding?

trix1223 · December 2009

Did you stop to look at the header at the top of the page? And this is your first post? MUD.

gottahavashorti · December 2009

No. But there are many rude ways to do so.

megk8oz · December 2009

That depends. Do you know a polite way to say to somebody "I don't want to be your friend anymore?".

lilcassers · December 2009

I don't necessarily agree with all the other posts. I don't think there is a sure way to bet that the other bridesmaids will be mad at you if you kicked this girl out. All of my BM are from diff groups of friends, and if I kicked one out, none of them would care less. They wouldn't side against me because they aren't all friends with each other, they just know them because of me.

If you have tried to hang out and talk with this girl and she hasn't reciprocated, I think it is okay to ask her to step out. Like the other posts said though, be prepaired to not have a frienship again, or for the friendship to be akward for a while.

If you really haven't called this girl either, then I don't think it would be fair to ask her to step out. Just because you are planning a wedding doesn't mean you are excluded from calling your friends and keeping in touch.

Let us know how things go! Good luck.

blackfire5th · December 2009

How long has it been since you asked?

mbcdefg · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kick-out-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:62fbf786-fc4e-42a9-b8aa-66f94cea7c01Post:9311030d-0fd5-448c-899e-41a04471f0a3">Re: Kick out a bridesmaid?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't necessarily agree with all the other posts. I don't think there is a sure way to bet that the other bridesmaids will be mad at you if you kicked this girl out. All of my BM are from diff groups of friends, and if I kicked one out, none of them would care less. They wouldn't side against me because they aren't all friends with each other, they just know them because of me.
Posted by lilcassers[/QUOTE]

They don't necessarily have to be friends with the rogue bridesmaid to think that it's a crappy move for the bride to boot her from the wedding, especially since it seems like she's done nothing wrong. Maybe they might get the feeling, "Geez, if we get busy with our own lives and lose touch with the bride for a while, does that mean that we'll get the boot, too?"

Maybe they WON'T care ... but hey, maybe they will.

banana468 · December 2009

You have almost nine months until the wedding. Why not work on your friendship with her between now and then?

No, there isn't a nice way to kick someone out.

goheels05 · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kick-out-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:62fbf786-fc4e-42a9-b8aa-66f94cea7c01Post:9311030d-0fd5-448c-899e-41a04471f0a3">Re: Kick out a bridesmaid?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't necessarily agree with all the other posts. I don't think there is a sure way to bet that the other bridesmaids will be mad at you if you kicked this girl out. All of my BM are from diff groups of friends, and if I kicked one out, none of them would care less. They wouldn't side against me because they aren't all friends with each other, they just know them because of me. I[/QUOTE]

Oh, well then, if the other bridesmaids aren't going to care, then it's perfectly fine to be rude to her friend.

<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" />

banana468 · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kick-out-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:62fbf786-fc4e-42a9-b8aa-66f94cea7c01Post:9311030d-0fd5-448c-899e-41a04471f0a3">Re: Kick out a bridesmaid?</a>:
[QUOTE] They wouldn't side against me because they aren't all friends with each other, they just know them because of me. Posted by lilcassers[/QUOTE]

That's not the reason why kicking someone out is going to make the BP upset. It can lead to other BP members wondering WHY the other BM was kicked out and they may feel that the bride was too harsh to her friend.

Think of it this way: You're out with a friend when she's suddenly VERY rude to the waitress at the coffee shop. No, you may not know the waitress but do you think that your friend was being nice? Can you look her in the eye and say that what she did was perfectly fine and believe it?

Kicking out a BM for no real reason is the same way.

mbcdefg · December 2009

Also, there's really no "asking" someone to step down from your wedding. You're effectively telling them that they're out. I'm sure you wouldn't say, "Would you please drop out of my wedding?" You'd be saying, "I want you to drop out of my wedding."

What would happen if you "asked" them to step down and then they said no? What then?

And like a PP said, there's no polite way to do it. You're basically ending the friendship then and there if you boot her.

jwright1 · December 2009

I kicked a bridesmaid out. I told her after having several months of her treating me and my fiance like crap it would be uncomfortable for everyone if she remained in the wedding. She still said I was a bitch but, I am so much happier that I won't have her in my wedding that I don't care. And no one thinks I am a mean for this except the girl I kicked out. If however, she has done nothing wrong, then it would be rude to ask her to drop out.

banana468 · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_kick-out-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:62fbf786-fc4e-42a9-b8aa-66f94cea7c01Post:c45f3588-637d-4193-8c5f-be19523a26a2">Re: Kick out a bridesmaid?</a>:
[QUOTE]I kicked a bridesmaid out. I told her after having several months of her treating me and my fiance like crap it would be uncomfortable for everyone if she remained in the wedding. She still said I was a bitch but, I am so much happier that I won't have her in my wedding that I don't care. And no one thinks I am a mean for this except the girl I kicked out. If however, she has done nothing wrong, then it would be rude to ask her to drop out.
Posted by jwright1[/QUOTE]

But are you still friends with her?

jeannigirl · December 2009

So your going to kick her out cause you haven't talked with her? She hasn't made contact with you? Have you just called her to see hows she's doing and tell her that you miss her , see if she wants to get together and do something with you.

That would be my suggestion. I would take the advice that is given here has

you are apparently new here.

wcvsb3b5 · December 2009

That's not a good reason to kick someone out of the wedding... Unless she has done something that makes you want to end your friendship completely, don't do it!

Kick out a bridesmaid?

Re: Kick out a bridesmaid?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards