Customs and Traditions

Bridesmaids Issue

I am wondering if it would be expected that I ask my fiancé's brother's wife to be one of my bridesmaids. I was told that it would be like a smack in the face if  I didn't ask her. Please let me know! 

Re: Bridesmaids Issue

  • I think it's a bit of a stretch to say that in-laws are expected to be given a place in the wedding party.  We had all of our siblings as attendants, but never even considered asking their spouses (and all are married). 

    Your attendants are supposed to be your very closest friends.  If his brother's wife qualifies, ask her.  If not, don't.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • I agree with stagemanager on this. Having just been a "best woman" in a wedding, and being that my fiance's sister will be his "best woman" in our weddding, I can say that I think it's totally acceptable to have everyone in the wedding party stand with whoever they are closest with. So that is something to consider if you do decide that you want her in the wedding party.
  •  usually siblings make it into the bridal party, but I've never heard of siblings' spouses being expected.

    what really matters though is WHO is telling you this? your FI? your FIL?  is it going to be a major issue in the family if you don't have her as a BM? how much of a fight are you willing to go through in order to not put her in the bridal party? It might not be worth it. If FIL and FI are expecting it, perhaps you can just make peace and let her be a BM.
  • Yea, I had never heard of sibling's spouses being involved in that way either that's why I wanted to ask around and see what other people had to say. It isn't my FI that is adamant about this at all, it's another member of the family but I mean I definitely wouldn't make it a huge deal if it's going to be important to other people. As long as I have my girls up there, I guess I don't care whether she'll be up there or not--she's the one who's gotta pay for the dress, not me! haha Overall what it boils down to is that I don't want to create any bad blood in the family....however, I'm not sure she is even expecting to be in the wedding at all, I think it's just this other family member who thinks she might. Who knows! Thanks for all your help ladies! :) 
  • LoveBugBabyLoveBugBaby member
    edited July 2010
    I don't think there is anything that dictates who MUST be in your wedding, it's more a personal choice!

    If you're not that close with her, then she should understand not being asked to be a bridesmaid!

    I'm really not that close with my SIL, but I was in her and my brothers wedding, and I just felt like it was appropriate that I ask her to be in mine - since she IS family.
  • I think its a decision your FI and you need to make together... I'm not super close to my FI's brother's significant other (she was his gf when we got engaged, they recently got engaged themselves), but I'm friendly enough with her... However, I know that it was really important both to FI and my FILs that she be included in the wedding party, so I didn't even think about it--I asked her to be a BM. 

    Even if you're not that close, just remember she's your FSIL... being part of your bridal party may make you guys closer and that will definitely help out later on when you guys are all at family parties and what not.  But don't feel that you need to exclude your girls for the sake of her!
  • I had the same dilema - wondering if I should ask my 2 future sister-in-laws to be bridesmaids with my sister and best friend. I would say if you are close to her it might be nice to include her in the ceremony, if you're not that close it probably wouldn't matter either way. If you're not that close but still unsure, think of how many people are on your guest list. If you're having a huge wedding but don't have a very big wedding party you could ask her. Luckily my dilema solved itself for me when one of them has shown absolutely no interest in my engagement and has never said congratulations or aksed to see the ring, and the other has shown outward anger to me and my fiancé about us planning to get married in Hawaii. Problem solved, theres no way I'm asking them, I'm sticking to who I'm close with. Good luck and maybe you're dilema will solve itself too, you never know.
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