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Shower Guest List

[Deleted User][Deleted User] member
First Comment
in Connecticut
So, I know I'm getting way ahead of myself since I still have a year to go before I have a shower but my sister asked for a preliminary guest list.  She wants to  get a ballpark of how many people because she said she's already started planning it out mentally.  I was making my list and realized that I have no idea who gets an invite and who doesn't.  I have all my close aunts, cousins and friends (and people who invited me to theirs) but what about the groom side?  He has 4 sisters...none of whom I've met yet since they live far away and he's not that close with them.  Do I ask his mom who else she wants to invite or is this somethig I decide since it's for me?  I don't mind inviting his sisters (I'm hoping by next year I will have actually met them) but I really don't want a lot of people there that I don't know...but I have no clue about etiquette for this!  TIA!
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Re: Shower Guest List

  • ali79gerali79ger
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Our wedding list is about 200 - my shower list was close to 70 - gasp!  Anyway, a lot of people do separate showers for the two sides, but my family and FI's wanted to do one big one.  SO, we all chose who we wanted to come - yes, they're all invited to the wedding too, but not every woman invited to the wedding was invited to the shower.  I chose my list (friends mostly), my extended family was all invited (as was FI's), then Mom & FI's Mom also chose their friends to come. 

    It really depends on if you're having one big shower or a couple...I'd go ahead and chat with FI's Mom about it though.
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  • Carebear62584Carebear62584 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    To compile our list, we are asking both of our moms for a list then adding in our friends after.  My mom has cousins she wants to invite that I don't know so I'm leaving that to her to figure out.  Luckily 2 of my cousins got married in the last 3 years so we have those lists to work off of.  I think I would leave it in your FMIL's hands to make a list for who she wants to invite or if she wants to have a separate shower.
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  • Vanessa630Vanessa630 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My mom threw me a shower with about 20-25 people at our house.  Then, DH's mom threw me a shower in Boston at a restaurant (guys and girls...about 70 people).  It ended up working out to have 2 separate showers for a couple reasons.  1) DH has a lot more family members and it just wouldn't have been fair for my mom to spend sooo much money when she had a pretty small guest list.  2) There's about a 2 hour difference and people were already travelling for the wedding. They didn't need to travel for a shower too. This way, it was close for everyone.

    But, my advice would be to be really careful with letting your FI's mom invite whoever. Because, keep in mind, whoever is invtied to the shower gets invited to the wedding.  DH's mom invited her 6 neighbors (who weren't on our orignal wedding list)...but I guess that was her way of putting them on the wedding list in the end. 
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for the advice!  The thing about my situation is that my mom has passed away and FI's parents are actually paying for our venue, catering and the open bar.  We would never be able to afford this type of wedding if it weren't for them.  (FMIL is great and I'm pretty close with her- I feel like she's trying to make up for my mom not being here).  In this case I feel like I should definitely let her invite who she wants to the shower...right?  My sisters plan on paying for it but I don't think it'll be more than 35-40 people.
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  • KFAW63012KFAW63012
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would ask your FMIL, but tell her that you will handle getting the actual invites out. Try and be upfront with her if there is someone that you don't want to invite.
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  • tammyo21tammyo21 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Agree with PP - from what I've read and who was invited to my shower, any female guest of the wedding should be included.  If they aren't invitied to the wedding, they shouldn't be invited to the shower.
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