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Snarky Brides

I am SO irritated with my matron of honor!

Mostly just a vent - with CN at the bottom.

I live three hours away from my hometown where my fiance and I are getting married.  Three of my bridesmaids are my younger sisters - the oldest of which, who is 22, got married last year.

I'm trying really hard to do things differently from her wedding, which should seem like it would be easy to do, but so far, I'm running into weird details, starting with the wedding date.  My sister got married November 21, and we are getting married November 20.  Same weekend.  I tried really hard not to pick that date - but the venue was booked all the other weekends in November, couldn't do it on Thanksgiving weekend, December wouldn't work, January is a crapshoot with weather, we didn't want to wait longer than that and so on - so whatever.  Who cares.

The lady who's decorating my reception hall is excited because one of my colors is pewter.  She goes "oh, the table cloths we used for your sister's wedding have pewter in them!"  They are GORGEOUS but they are pretty distinctive (they are black with a really recognizable paisley pattern on them)... and using the same ones on the same weekend just doesn't sit well with me.

With less than five months to go, we still have yet to order bridesmaids dresses.  Not many dresses at David's Bridal come in pewter, so we were limited to choice in the dress - one of the dresses - YUP - is the same dress my sister had us wear at her wedding.  My mom was like "well they are really flattering dresses!  We can just use the same ones!"  Yeah, ok, except, I want them to wear different ones?!  David's came out with their new fall line of dresses so I had my two girlfriends who are my other bridesmaids go and try on another really cute strapless gown that came in pewter, and they LOVED it.  FANASTIC!  I just had to wait for my sisters to come try them on.

They came yesterday.  Drove the three hours to try on the dresses.  Around lunchtime, I got a call from my sister (matron of honor) and she says "Well, we don't like the dresses.  They make us look wide, and like we have a tummy.  We should just use the dress that I used."  After that she rushed me off the phone, saying they had to hurry up because they had one other errand to run and they had to get out of town.  When I asked her why she didn't call me so I could go and see them in the dress, she just says "Oh, I dunno."  Did they have time to go back so I could see them?  Nope.

...WTF?

One of my other bridesmaids is a little heavier and she told me that the dress didn't make her feel wider or fat at all, in fact she says she felt gorgeous in it, and after talking with my two younger sisters - they actually really like the dress.  So basically it's my matron of honor who's being extremely picky for whatever reason, which I really don't get.  She is ALWAYS extremely difficult about everything, not just wedding things. 

I am livid.  I'm pretty close to just throwing my hands up and saying screw it, and having my mom (she's paying for my sister's dresses) just order the damn dresses.  I just can't believe my sister could travel three hours, put on a dress for two minutes, say no, not let me see it, and then have to leave as fast as she can.

AND since I know this is a "wall of text" here's some CN:  I'm angry with my matron of honor sister because she traveled three hours to try on a bridesmaids dress I want my girls to wear, didn't call to have me come with them to see them in it, vetoed the dress, and rushed out of town.
panther

Re: I am SO irritated with my matron of honor!

  • Hmmm.  I think if a newb posted this, she would get flamed, but I kind of see where you are coming from.  I mean, the driving all the way out there and then trying on the dresses w/o you there sucks, especially if that had been the plan.  But if anyone felt frumpy in it,  I think you should respect that. 

    I totally don't blame you for not wanting to "copy" your sister's wedding.  Completely.  My first cousin got married almost exactly one year before me.  They had a very fall theme with lots of brown and orange and candy corn.  Everything they did was stuff I already had in my head that I really wanted to do for my wedding, and I left thinking, "damnit, if I go through with my plans everyone's going to think I copied them when really we just had the same idea."  I think I managed to pull it off and only one person commented on the similarities, and it wasn't in a snarky way, it was just like, "oh, Brandon did that too and I thought it was so cool."  But yeah, I get what you are saying. 
  • I honestly don't think the tablecloths are that big a deal. I don't remember any tableclothes from the weddings I've been too. Besides, you'll have centerpieces and plates on them anyway, so ultimately who cares what covers the tables? if they match and look good, just use them.

    As for the dresses, just pick one. If you have a dress you love and all other BMs love, go with it. Tell your sister that's the dress and it's final. I know people say you should just give a color and material, but when it's one person causing a fuss and lying about it, I'm not as lenient.
  • If you don't want the same dresses, then maybe you should shop at a different store.

    The date and the tablecloths don't matter. You can use different tablecloths with pewter runners. I doubt anyone but your sister will remember a year later.

    I can see you being disappointed, though.
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  • I've actually always been pretty lax on what dresses the girls want to wear - because really, all I care about is that they wear something that they feel pretty in.  But when they kept gravitating toward that same dress - it just rubbed me the wrong way.  In the big scheme of things, I know it doesn't matter.  I probably sound weird in saying this - but I really want them to pick any dress to wear that they want, as long as it's not the same dress my sister used!

    Gah. 

    I actually feel better after bitching about this now.  Kudos to anyone who read that.
    panther
  • It sounds like everyone likes the dress but your MOH. It looks like your only options are to order the dresses knowing she doesn't like it, or letting them pick out their own dresses that come in pewter.

    If it helps, I was the MOH in my sister's wedding two years ago and I HATED the BM dress she picked out and I definitely voiced my opinion. No one else had a problem with them so she went with the dress she liked and honestly, the day of the wedding we all looked great and I realized I was just being a brat. Your sister will get over it.

  • Can everyone just get the style that want in the same color?

    That's the option I gave my bridesmaids and even though they are slightly different heights and body types, they picked the same dress! They love them and the dresses look great with my color scheme.

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  • When I was in my dad's second wedding (I was 9 or so), my former stepmom made my stepsis and me wear hot pink dresses made of this silky-type material. And when I say hot pink, I mean hot friggin pink that hurs yuor eyes. I despised the dress but wore it because I really liked my stepmom and wanted to make her happy.

    Tell your sister you could always put her in a pink dress with poofy sleeves. Maybe then she'll be happy with the pewter dress.

  • No one will notice the tablecloths.  I can't even tell you what the last few weddings I've been too colors were. 

    Since your sister is the matron of honor, can she wear the other dress, and everyone else wears the one that's already been picked out?

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  • These are the table cloths - still not sure about it.  I'd probably rather just do plain black.





    And J&K - I have considered letting her wear the different dress, except the dress she used is a little less (for lack of a better word) fancy than the dress the other girls would wear.  I'm not against the matron of honor wearing a different dress, I just sorta think if she's going to do that then the dress should be really grand.
    panther
  • edited July 2010
    I'm not sure if anyone suggested this, I only skimmed.  What if all the girls get the dress that you (and they) really like, and have your MOH get a different dress in the same color and material.

    ETA: J&K did suggest this.  Sorry. Undecided
  • Can't your sister, since she is you MOH, wear the same dress and your other BM's wear the dress that you like?

    I am sure there are other pewter tablecloths out there. Just look around. I do understand not wanting to use the same things as your sister.

    If she is as difficult as you say, I am even surprised that she is not giving you a hard time about having your wedding the day before her anniversay. Uh Oh...I hope I didn't just stir something up. Surprised
    And the whole time, my future husband was in the room...... image image
  • Do you have pictures of the two different dresses?
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  • edited July 2010
    This is the dress my sister used:





    And this is the dress I want to use:





    From the front you can't really tell, but the back of the dress I like has the same ruching as it does in the front and it's cut in this really cute, ass-flattering pattern.  My girlfriends look ADORABLE in it.  My sister's dress is just flat in the back.

    When we were still considering using my sister's dress we thought about using a different brooch on the side so it wouldn't be the exact same - which I'm kinda okay with - but I'd still like to use a different dress.  The brooch on the side is just the same kind of concept.
    panther
  • So your MOH wants to use the same one she used, right?
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  • I really like the second dress, the one you want. I don't care for the first one.
  • edited July 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-irritated-matron-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:32d3ab61-ae61-4050-97ca-50ba6007dae9Post:ca335471-5905-4983-8bd0-956fef219cea">Re: I am SO irritated with my matron of honor!</a>:
    [QUOTE]So your MOH wants to use the same one she used, right?
    Posted by MarriedInAFever[/QUOTE]


    ...Right.  Which is <em>so weird</em> to me.  It kind of goes out of character for her.  When MISSCOURTNEY mentioned she was surprised my sister wasn't up in arms over my wedding date - yeah, it surprises me too.

    The fact that my sister thinks the dress makes her look "wide" is really proposterous too.  She's a tiny size four.

    I dunno.  Maybe she just delights in being difficult for whatever reason. 
    panther
  • edited July 2010
    Ok, first, Don't sweat the date thing- it's really NO big deal

    And, If your accent colors/flowers are different from your sister's, I say use those tablecloths, too! Why not? It's not like 20 years from now you'll be comparing and whatnot- think of it as you both having similar and excellent taste! - I love those tablecloths!

    Finally- since it seems all the other girls LIKED the dress you liked, why not have them order it, and then your MOH/Sister can wear the dress from her wedding in the same color- it's totally fine to have the MOH in a different dress, and this way you get what you want with less drama.

    That's my 2 cents.
  • I would probably just let the MOH go with the dress she wants in the same color. Since she's the MOH, I don't think it would look too out of place.
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  • How much is that dress? I kind of want to buy it for a nice long evening dress. I think the second is absolutely adorable!

    I'm kind of seeing that your sister loved her bm dresses and wants to be able to wear them herself, since she didn't get to the first time. I would just tell her "Sis, I love you, but this is my wedding and I don't want it to be a clone of yours. The other girls like and wearing this style, but if you want to wear the style you chose for your wedding that is fine as well."

    Have the girls wear the second (which they like) and your sis wear hers and call it a day.
  • CellesCelles member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    I think you should fire her, personally.  But do it soon, while you still have time to find a replacement MOH.

    ... Or what Katiewhompus said.  That might be better.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-irritated-matron-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:32d3ab61-ae61-4050-97ca-50ba6007dae9Post:1c0f5c45-2bb6-4221-b5e5-ffeafe16237e">Re: I am SO irritated with my matron of honor!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think you should fire her, personally.  But do it soon, while you still have time to find a replacement MOH. ... Or what Katiewhompus said.  That might be better.
    Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]

    <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-surprised.gif" border="0" alt="Surprised" title="Surprised" /> Haha, well, things aren't THAT bad.  I definitely couldn't "fire" her.

    Katie - the second dress is $145.
    panther
  • Boo, more than I want to spend on a fun dress...ok...so I need to make one of my friends get married and pick THAT dress and make me a BM but then make her pay for it...no? Aw :(
  • edited July 2010
    I like the second dress best.  If you want all of your BMs in one dress I think it would be fine since the majority like the second.  You could also give your sister a couple of coordinating options for her dress since the MOH dress is sometimes different when the BMs have identical dresses.  I like these ones to coordinate with the 2nd dress you posted:

    http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Strapless-Satin-A-line-with-Pleated-Chiffon-Bodice-F13573_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-Shop-By-Color

    http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Structured-Satin-Dress-with-Chiffon-Ruffle-F14108_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-Shop-By-Color
  • I wore the first one as a BM dress too. I totally agree that the second one is a little "fancier" than the first. Tell your sister to just suck it up and wear it - she will totally get over it, her wedding has come and gone when she got to pick your dresses!
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  • Ok, maybe this makes me sound like a huge biitch, but your sister needs to STFU and wear the dress you chose. Seriously, the dress you chose is beautiful and flattering. I don't see how it's so different from the dress she chose for her own wedding that she can find that much fault in it? And part of being in someone else's wedding is wearing the damn dress they chose. Gah.


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  • LOL Bubbalub - your response made me laugh :)

    Thanks for that.  Sometimes I feel like I'm being a brat about this whole thing but yeah, I really don't see what her deal is with the dress.  I'll probably have my mom go ahead and order them anyway.
    panther
  • I got my BM's dresses at DB.  Pic is in bio.  My girls range from size 4-18 and they all look and feel great in them.  The front panel is really figure flattering.
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  • ok 1) i thought both pictures were of the same dress, so having MOH in the one she wants won't look out of place... let her dress it up with a brooch and honestly people will be looking at you, not the WP lol.. 2) am i the only one getting a jealousy vibe from MOH? from what OP has said, i kinda get the feeling that MOH is maybe being a bit passive aggressive... maybe she feels sad that her wedding is over and now all the attention is on the OP?

    my advice is this: you can't control your sister's actions but you CAN control how you re-act to them. Try not to make this into something that goes beyond the wedding

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