Wedding Etiquette Forum

Cutting Family from Guest List?

I am trying very hard to cut down my guest list so that we can afford to invite people to a nice wedding.  Currently, I am running in to an ethical dilemma.  I have a lot of cousins... I mean A LOT of cousins (parents are divorced and remarried)!  Almost 50 people on the guest list are JUST cousins and their spouses or significant others (the majority being my family as it is much larger than my fiance's).  Most of these people I don't see or speak to more than once a year.  Sure, some I'm close to, but I'm not "like sisters" with the majority.  There are friends I have that I am closer to and are more like family to me.  So my question is: is it OK to invite SOME cousins and not others?

Re: Cutting Family from Guest List?

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    We did. If we don't have regular contact with people, we didn't invite them. But our family dynamic allowed for that and we knew there would be no fallout. Every family situation is different.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Generally people suggest to invite in circles, however, because there are so many cousins, I think you can invite the ones you want. I think reasonable adults who know they barely see you once a year will understand not being invited. Just be prepared for backlash. 

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If you seldom see them, then I wouldn't invite them.  It is possible that there will be backlash, but again, if these are people you seldom see, they may not mind not being invited.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cutting-family-from-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c85da5a4-b67a-4758-a257-81b6ec45b548Post:8859cc46-93db-4c59-b9e3-92e7385e3c61">Cutting Family from Guest List?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am trying very hard to cut down my guest list so that we can afford to invite people to a nice wedding.  Currently, I am running in to an ethical dilemma.  I have a lot of cousins... I mean A LOT of cousins (parents are divorced and remarried)!  Almost 50 people on the guest list are JUST cousins and their spouses or significant others (the majority being my family as it is much larger than my fiance's).  Most of these people I don't see or speak to more than once a year.  Sure, some I'm close to, but I'm not "like sisters" with the majority.  There are friends I have that I am closer to and are more like family to me.  So my question is: is it OK to invite SOME cousins and not others?
    Posted by bopple321[/QUOTE]

    <div>Is there someone you can ask to do "damage-control" if you will with those that don't get invited? Meaning that if anyone in your family seems to be getting offended/upset over this, your damage-control person can sit them down and explain how you guys just can't afford to invite everyone. That's what I've ended up needing to do, as I have a very similar problem.</div>
    Don't mind me... I haven't slept since last Wednesday.
  • Definitely ok!
    ****The Future Mrs. Ikeard**** wedding countdown
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    We did the same.  We invited all of my dad's cousins, but when it came to the cousin's children, I only invited the ones I am close to.  One of my dad's cousins, I don't think I would know their children if I tripped over them.  The only thing we made sure to do, was invite all of the siblings within the family.  So for one set of siblings, the one I hadn't seen for years, but I still invited her, since all her other siblings were invited.
  • Only invite those you see on a regular basis, find a damage control person to help you.

    I have 23 first cousins on my father's side of the family, more than half have adult children who are married.

    When my brothr got married 5 years ago, he only invited the cousins he spoke to on a regular basis.  I ran damage control and made it clear is was a small intimate wedding and we had to make the unfortunate decision to keep the guest list small.

    Now I am about to be married, but this is my second marriage, first wedding though. I am only inviting my aunts/uncles, no cousins. I'll have an adult daughter run damage control.

    Good luck.
  • Thank you, everyone, for all of the advice!  I'm glad to see that most people think what I'm doing is OK.  To clear some stuff up, I'm not splitting up siblings and I'm inviting the spouses and SO's of my chosen cousins where applicable.  My FI's cousins and stepcousins will be invited (there are only 7 of them, total) but for me, only my cousins on my mother's side will be invited.  None from my Dad's side (I see them once a year on Christmas and not even all of them are there) and none from my stepfamilies.  I figure no one needs to know who's a cousin and who's not so it shouldn't cause too many problems.
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