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truly heart broken... venting!

kellykeadykellykeady member
First Comment
in New Jersey
I was just informed that my aunt and her daughter( my younger cousin) will not be coming to my wedding! To make matters worse my cousin is a junior bridesmaid in my wedding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so upset...I don't have much family so having her in the wedding was a really big deal for me! So just wait till you hear the reason for this abrupt decision....my little cousin was invited to an elite horse jumping competition that just happens to take place on my wedding day! So they have chosen the competition over my wedding! I am so upset....my mom is beyond upset that her sister is doing this. I have no words to even explain how upset and dissapointed in my family I am. I also was informed of the situation from my FI. My Aunt called my Mom this morning to tell her what was going on and she asked my mom to tell me. My mom refused and told her that she is a big girl and that she will have to be the one to tell me. So my mom called my FI and told her so he would be prepared for my being a mess when he got home from work. So...pretty much my Aunt has yet to call me and my FI couldn't hold back something this important. I don't even want to speak to my Aunt when she calls. I could explode right now....anger, dissapointment, heart broken, just truly sad...Cry


Thanks for letting me vent!


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Re: truly heart broken... venting!

  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Sorry this happened :(

    I would take some time to cool off, and wait until you hear from your aunt to really find out what the story is. You're getting all this information secondhand (actually, it sounds more like third-hand or fourth-hand), so some details may have gotten skewed along the line. Do something right now to relax, and deal with this later.
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  • kasabbykasabby
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am with mbc--take some time to relax and calm down and deal with it in a day or two. Maybe your aunt will call and explain it herself.
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  • hcer0708hcer0708 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Sorry.. I agree w/pp. to take some time and cool down and i also think that it is tottally messed up that that they will not be attending, esp for the fact that she is in the wedding.
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  • kellykeadykellykeady member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks girls! My aunt doesn't even know that I know. So im wondering how long she will go before telling me. It's just stressful and overwhelming! I think I need a drink!
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  • rosierose914rosierose914
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree....take a breather and relax.  I can't imagine how upsetting this is to you.  Remember, don't let this take away from your day!  You can't choose your family, but you have chosen the person you are making a life with and you two will be a family!  As hard as it may be, try to focus on all of the joy that surrounds you at this time, because you owe it to yourself and to your future husband.  (Easier said than done-I'm sure!)
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  • kellykeadykellykeady member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_truly-heart-broken-venting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:8a4da377-9901-4997-9168-c35cd0e836aePost:42cf4306-ae54-44c4-a6fe-8859a2cea646">Re: truly heart broken... venting!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree....take a breather and relax.  I can't imagine how upsetting this is to you.  Remember, don't let this take away from your day!  You can't choose your family, but you have chosen the person you are making a life with and you two will be a family!  As hard as it may be, try to focus on all of the joy that surrounds you at this time, because you owe it to yourself and to your future husband.  (Easier said than done-I'm sure!)
    Posted by rosierose914[/QUOTE]


    Thanks you so much Rosierose914! This made me tear up in a good way and smile! B/c you know what it's very true....Thanks!
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  • nessi979nessi979
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    im sorry youre so upset, but i think you should think about it a little bit and calm down.   you didnt find out the best way, and im sure that has a lot to do with your feelings about it.  you've also got to realize that this is your wedding, not your cousins.  it doesnt mean as much to her as it does to you.  im sure shes very happy for you, but obviously this competition is VERY important to her.   Its a pretty big deal to be invited to compete in some of these horse shows. There is HUGE competition in NJ, and she must be very good to acheive just this much.   and, she's a junior bridesmaid.  i know it doesnt soften the blow at all, but at least its not your MOH.   

    Im sure its not the case, but you sound a little selfish.  Its got to be very upsetting to invite someone into something personal, and have them back out, but its not like shes calling out sick to go see the Jonas Brothers.   Be the older supportive cousin, call her up and tell her youll miss her very much but you wish her the best of luck in her competition and you'll have to have a lunch date to share pictures of each of your big days.  
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  • kellykeadykellykeady member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My mom's whole family lives in Maine and I see them very rarely. I just hurts that they won't be there!
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  • nessi979nessi979
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    unfortunately....you can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you cant pick your family.    I hope the burn cools off soon.  come the wedding day, itll be you & your husband and nobody else will really matter much.   :)
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  • peaches85peaches85
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have to agree with nessi that it sucks the way you found out, but your wedding is just that - it's YOUR wedding.  I remember back when I was really big into sports and traveling all over the country there was a chance my ASA softball team was going to be in a National Qualifier tournament the weekend of my aunt's wedding (that I was in).  She understood that if the dates coincided I might wind up missing the wedding or leaving early because softball was "my thing."  For riding it's an even bigger deal because it's an individual sport and not a team sport where your teammates can liift up the team in your absence.

    Just do what the pps have said and take a breather and wait to hear from your aunt.  And remember that the reason she called your mom is most likely because she's scared shitless to have to break the news to you.  So at the very least you can get satisfaction from knowing that she's probably squirming a bit right now, haha. 

    The situation sucks, but life goes on and your wedding is about you, not your absent cousin.
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  • npasquale16npasquale16
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_truly-heart-broken-venting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:8a4da377-9901-4997-9168-c35cd0e836aePost:33dff86d-4087-4e83-a578-7134cfc85c10">Re: truly heart broken... venting!</a>:
    [QUOTE]im sorry youre so upset, but i think you should think about it a little bit and calm down.   you didnt find out the best way, and im sure that has a lot to do with your feelings about it.  you've also got to realize that this is your wedding, not your cousins.  it doesnt mean as much to her as it does to you.  im sure shes very happy for you, but obviously this competition is VERY important to her.   Its a pretty big deal to be invited to compete in some of these horse shows. There is HUGE competition in NJ, and she must be very good to acheive just this much.   and, she's a junior bridesmaid.  i know it doesnt soften the blow at all, but at least its not your MOH.    Im sure its not the case, but you sound a little selfish.  Its got to be very upsetting to invite someone into something personal, and have them back out, but its not like shes calling out sick to go see the Jonas Brothers.   Be the older supportive cousin, call her up and tell her youll miss her very much but you wish her the best of luck in her competition and you'll have to have a lunch date to share pictures of each of your big days.  
    Posted by nessi979[/QUOTE]

    This! 

    No one is going to care about your wedding as much as you do.  In the end, you'll still get married.  Calm down and move forward from here.
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  • Faith2730Faith2730 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't think you are being selfish.  You have a right to be very upset at this moment.  It's only 2 months away from your wedding and she's backing out.    These are important people that should be at your wedding.  Maybe once you talk to her and find out the whole story you will feel different.  However, if I was in your position right now, I would be feeling the same way. 
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  • nessi979nessi979
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    yes, cause "Im sure its not the case, but you sound a little selfish" means "OMGYOUSELFISHBRIDEZILLABITCH"   *eyeroll*

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  • kellykeadykellykeady member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for some help....I think!  I'll be sure not vent on the knot anymore. This was my first and last vent. Sorry if some thought I'm being selfish/bridezilla....not really what I needed to hear when I'm already upset.
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  • tvlirenetvlirene member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
     I understand that you might be disappointed but this is probably a really big deal for your cousin and maybe you should even be happy for her.  I really do think you're being selfish and I also agree that your wedding is YOUR wedding and no one else is going to be into it as much as you are.  
    The part that just blew me away is that you're mad that people are actually giving you their opinions.  What's up with that?
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  • cherylanddan0706cherylanddan0706
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_truly-heart-broken-venting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:8a4da377-9901-4997-9168-c35cd0e836aePost:c9087600-6e52-4072-9a71-8d88e1834dbf">Re: truly heart broken... venting!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for some help....I think!  I'll be sure not vent on the knot anymore. This was my first and last vent. Sorry if some thought I'm being selfish/bridezilla....not really what I needed to hear when I'm already upset.
    Posted by kellykeady[/QUOTE]

    If you don't want to hear peoples opinions, then don't vent, end of discussion, do you agree with everything everyone says, I'll answer that for you, I'm sure you don't, unless your a liar and just pretend.  People are going to give their opinions and if you don't like it I agree you should NEVER vent on here, my god girl, now you are a selfish bridezilla that needs a swift kick in the butt. IMO of course...
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  • cherylanddan0706cherylanddan0706
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Oh and btw I agree you need to take a breather and relax, it sucks but like MB said you are finding out 2nd hand, its sad yes, the way you found out sucks yes, but its life, and life is life, its a big event to you, but obviously they found something bigger, thats their choice.
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  • ev4149ev4149 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I disagree with the people who are calling you selfish.  In my family, family comes first, end of story.  There is no way my mother and father would EVER had let me skip a family wedding for horseback riding, and I was in some competitive sports when I was younger.  Besides, what makes it worse is that she had previously committed to you.  The responsible thing would have been to honor her commitment.  But, don't let it spoil your day!  At the end, you will still be married and all will be well!
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  • mariaNryan mariaNryan
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    you def can pick your friends but not your family and to me this is sooo messed up!!!!! JUst try to relax!!!!!
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  • TuffysMommieTuffysMommie
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry this is happening to you, because it does suck to be let down. However, I was a competitive dancer (and still am) and it took over a major part of my childhood. I can see how to you it is your wedding vs. a horse competition, but to your younger cousin, it's a big achievement and her passion.  I missed many events in life that I would have loved to attend, but it just wasn't feasible with my rehearsals and competitions.  Would I go back and change it? Maybe, maybe not.

    Of course family is important, and of course your aunt and cousin are happy for you. But there is only so much time and things happen to fall on the same day. It sucks, but be happy for her achievements.

    Have you ever gone to see her compete in a competition? If you have, that's great and I'm sure she loves the support. If not, you should go and see how happy she is when she is doing what she loves. You then might also understand her reasoning for not wanting to give up a major competition.
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  • kellykeadykellykeady member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for all the insight girls! It's just sad I don't have much family attending the wedding in the first place so when I heard this I was devestated. I have also yet to hear from my Aunt or Cousin. I'm not upset at my cousin she is only 16 and right now horses are her passion. My cousin was my only family member in the wedding so now I just feel like the whole bridal party is my FI family because of course his family is huge....haha! Oh well....Life goes on!
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  • gymchick05gymchick05
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Aww Im sorry this is happening to you... but having been a competitive gymnast and being obsessed w/ qualifying to nationals, etc etc I see where I may have made the same choice at 16. Not that I didnt love and care for my cousin, but at that age, I just didnt get the big deal over weddings. I mean, as an adult I do, but think back to being 16 and you probably didnt "get it" then either. It is a crappy way to find out, and thats probably because your aunt cant think of a good way to tell you how this competition means as much to your cousin as your wedding means to her. I'd be upset if I were you too, but try to put yourself in your cousin's shoes- would you have made the same choice at 16? I know I probably would (not saying its right), but I missed my own prom for an important competition, so I get it. Maybe, if your getting a video, you can plan a day to see your cousin and have a viewing party- your wedding and her competition- and just enjoy each other?
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