What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??

trix1223 · January 2011

I've written and then not posted this about 4 times during this discussion, because it sounds so melodramatic. But I have to say this:

revived: for me, the point here is that if your WP volunteers to help, take them up on it. Absolutely jump at their offer. It's lovely of them.

But please don't think that someone who doesn't offer is somehow less a friend than the person who does offer. Because that's kind of what I'm getting from reading your posts.

That really "good" friends will OFFER to stuff envelopes, tie bows, make favors, etc. because they're your "good" friends. And that those who don't offer to help with "fluffy stuff", however important to you, are sort of second tier friends.

We had dinner with two of our dearest friends last night. As is the case on NYE, we started dissecting the past year, which was a kind of rough one for our family.

This friend would never, ever, ever offer to do help with wedding minutiae. I know her well enough to know that's just not something she'd enjoy or even think to offer to help with.

But last January, when I called her from the hospital ER where we were waiting for our DD to come out of emergency surgery: guess who jumped in her car: (slippers, pj pants, and all) on a cold winter night, and sat with us, held our hands, and prayed with us until DD was out.

Then when a terrible situation happened to our other DD only months later, you know who I called as we drove out of state to get to DD? And do you know who texted or emailed me almost every day until she could see me again and pour me a glass of wine and has listened while I poured my heart out for the last several months? You guessed it.

Is she a "bad" friend because she doesn't offer to do "stuff"? Not in a million year. Because when I've turned to her for the important things, she's been there as fast as she could.

And I don't offer to help her with "stuff". But when she called me because her brother committed suicide, or when her marriage to her ex ended, I was on her doorstep, Entenmann's in hand, and cried with her and listened, and gave her the loving support she needed.

I just have an awfully hard time equating the level of friendship with how much "stuff" one will do for me, or that I will do for them.

There are things that matter, and there are things that are "nice". And I can't judge a friend on the things that are "nice".

revived86 · January 2011

i think the last two posts take the cake. you guys are right. i understand and agree with everything you both said.

brooke- Timeframe is a big thing, and it makes sense if someone is not as excited as you are about your fall 2014 wedding. lol

trix- thanks for sharing such a personal story. gosh, you almost made me cry. you're right that those are the things that really matter. i get what you're saying.

you guys win:-) i stand corrected. I just love weddings too much i think! lol

tldh · January 2011

@Trix::Standing ovation:: This is why you are our den mother. I truly hope that 2011 has the common decency to make up for all of the horrible things that happened to your family in 2010.

AutumnFair · January 2011

I should clarify (though bablingbrooke pretty much did it for me), that when it comes to actual wedding and pre-wedding parties then of course it's about you, because, well, it is. All the people there are obviously wanting to see you get married. It was more the other 99% of the engagement period where you just can't expect people to be involve in your wedding. My bad for not being more specific with the time frame (had a novel going).

trix, I hope 2011 brings your family and your friend's family lots of goodness and happiness.

bablingbrooke · January 2011

@Trix: <Huggs> This year will be better than last for you and your family, I just know it. Here's to another year of Mama Trix as the WP/MM den mother!

trix1223 · January 2011

Awwww. Thanks everyone. We happily burned a 2010 calendar today. It was cathartic.

And because of your warm comments, I have been inspired to (finally) create an avatar for myself.

bablingbrooke · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_think-means-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:214f145e-1b02-4bcf-84fe-678d25b95ebaPost:3fd03513-bc04-4f83-9cbe-591c1ebd3fe2">Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??</a>:
[QUOTE]And because of your warm comments, I have been inspired to (finally) create an avatar for myself. =)
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]
Mama Bear! Love it :)

AutumnFair · January 2011

Haha, it's so you trix!

squeakyduck · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_think-means-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:214f145e-1b02-4bcf-84fe-678d25b95ebaPost:cd042bba-8a2e-4dfd-8e37-a905b2c061ec">Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid?? : I'm so confused. Are you a BM? Did she kick you out? What's going on? I'm just nosy.
Posted by vicki0508[/QUOTE]

<div>Two different friends. I am a BM for one friend, and I was one for a totally different friend until she kicked me out. I wrote a thread on the WP board about the kicking out. It sucked. </div>

lalap69 · January 2011

I love the new avatar Trix!

And I hope that 2011 makes up for the awfulness of 2010. I love that you burned a calendar.

revived86 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_think-means-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:214f145e-1b02-4bcf-84fe-678d25b95ebaPost:a1ca8df9-d1a7-402f-b63f-f66679724fa1">Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??</a>:
[QUOTE]NO is not a dirty word.....and people aren't "bad friends" if they decline to do something for someone else. It means they don't have time, money or just dislike the task and would rather crawl across broken glass than do it.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

So i know we're kind of done with this conversation, but i need you all to know that i never meant that you are a bad friend if you just say no to something. I am sorry it came across that way.

revived86 · January 2011

Ahhh okay okay i am really not trying to start something here again but i just found a thread on the Snarky Brides board called "Cookie Cutter TK Advice you hate," and one of the things that was brought up was the whole all your BMs need to do is show up at the wedding with the dress. I posted there and mentioned how i got into a discussion over here with all of you about that, and you disagreed with me, but i was happy to see that some people do agree with what i had been saying about this.

I'm honestly just posting this here so that if any of you see my post over there you dont think i was trying to flame you behind your back. I wasn't, i'm just glad that there are people who see where i am coming from:-)

Ok that's all thanks!

bablingbrooke · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_think-means-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:214f145e-1b02-4bcf-84fe-678d25b95ebaPost:10fa2c9b-dbfb-4a09-a1c8-fec4fc2d9d96">Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??</a>:
[QUOTE]Ahhh okay okay i am really not trying to start something here again but i just found a thread on the Snarky Brides board called "Cookie Cutter TK Advice you hate," and one of the things that was brought up was the whole all your BMs need to do is show up at the wedding with the dress. I posted there and mentioned how i got into a discussion over here with all of you about that, and you disagreed with me, but i was happy to see that some people do agree with what i had been saying about this. I'm honestly just posting this here so that if any of you see my post over there you dont think i was trying to flame you behind your back. I wasn't, i'm just glad that there are people who see where i am coming from:-) Ok that's all thanks!
Posted by revived86[/QUOTE]
Yes, SB posters always have newbies' backs (eye roll).<div>
</div><div>I love how you claimed you wanted a lively discussion (read: multiple POVs) and then got upset that no one agreed with you.</div>

tldh · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_think-means-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:214f145e-1b02-4bcf-84fe-678d25b95ebaPost:10fa2c9b-dbfb-4a09-a1c8-fec4fc2d9d96">Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??</a>:
[QUOTE]Ahhh okay okay i am really not trying to start something here again but i just found a thread on the Snarky Brides board called "Cookie Cutter TK Advice you hate," and one of the things that was brought up was the whole all your BMs need to do is show up at the wedding with the dress. I posted there and mentioned how i got into a discussion over here with all of you about that, and you disagreed with me, but i was happy to see that some people do agree with what i had been saying about this. I'm honestly just posting this here so that if any of you see my post over there you dont think i was trying to flame you behind your back. I wasn't, i'm just glad that there are people who see where i am coming from:-) Ok that's all thanks!
Posted by revived86[/QUOTE]

You know that it's called the Snarky Board for a reason right?

ETA: I stopped lurking there months ago because I never saw any actual advice being given. The reason we've been posting what we have been is because the advice actually works. I've yet to see a bride come back and tell us that chilling out and not expecting anything of anyone except her FI backfired on her. And for the record, despite what the SB thinks, it's a rare rare post when we call somebody a bridezilla.

bablingbrooke · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_think-means-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:214f145e-1b02-4bcf-84fe-678d25b95ebaPost:cd333201-3313-462e-b6cc-25fa83ec87c6">Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid?? : You know that it's called the Snarky Board for a reason right?
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]
A lot of people miss that, which always mystifies me.

revived86 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_think-means-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:214f145e-1b02-4bcf-84fe-678d25b95ebaPost:bb65967b-e363-4273-9fc2-c17be0321801">Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid?? : Yes, SB posters always have newbies' backs (eye roll).<strong> </strong>I love how you claimed you wanted a lively discussion (read: multiple POVs) and then got upset that no one agreed with you.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I know. I regret saying that...what ensued was not what i expected, to be honest. </div><div>
</div><div>I know i'm a newbie, and i understand that you guys have developed friendships with one another that i totally respect and am really glad you have, but i guess i still dont think that means that you have to be hard on people who arent regulars here. It's okay if you disagree with me, tho- it really is!</div>

bablingbrooke · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_think-means-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:214f145e-1b02-4bcf-84fe-678d25b95ebaPost:273d540d-225b-4dd9-a8b4-5e76855b455e">Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid?? : I know. I regret saying that...what ensued was not what i expected, to be honest. I know i'm a newbie, and i understand that you guys have developed friendships with one another that i totally respect and am really glad you have, but i guess i still dont think that means that you have to be hard on people who arent regulars here. It's okay if you disagree with me, tho- it really is!
Posted by revived86[/QUOTE]
No one's being hard on you for not being a reg. That's not a crime. What I do find off-putting is asking people for their opinions, then getting "huffy puffy" (as my DH likes to say) when people offer opinions you don't like. Don't be put off by it, recognize that others won't always agree with you.<div>
</div><div>But I take exception to the idea that just because someone's new they get the short end of the stick. It's absolutely not true. I share my opinion with whoever asks for it, and I don't always agree with the regs. I also have a habit of calling them out when I think they're too mean to new people for the crime of being new. Your attitude in this regard kind of offends me.</div>

revived86 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_think-means-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:214f145e-1b02-4bcf-84fe-678d25b95ebaPost:7705fb22-9d99-4d91-a22c-ffde4099ce82">Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid?? : No one's being hard on you for not being a reg. That's not a crime. <strong>What I do find off-putting is asking people for their opinions, then getting "huffy puffy" (as my DH likes to say) when people offer opinions you don't like. </strong> Don't be put off by it, recognize that others won't always agree with you. But I take exception to the idea that just because someone's new they get the short end of the stick. It's absolutely not true. I share my opinion with whoever asks for it, and I don't always agree with the regs. I also have a habit of calling them out when I think they're too mean to new people for the crime of being new. <strong>Your attitude in this regard kind of offends me.</strong>
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>What do you mean by huffy-puffy? I disagreed with you, you disagreed with me- that's it. I found some people who expressed the same exact sentiment as me, and let them know i agree with them, too, and then told you guys about it so that you didnt think i was try to talk bad about you behind your backs. </div><div>
</div><div>Also, i mentioned like 10 posts ago that we could just agree to disagree about this, but it kept going...</div><div>
</div><div>I *do* think you guys are harder on newbies, and that's my opinion that i'm entitled to have and you're entitled to disagree with. I'm sorry if that offends but its what i have seen from the posts on here.</div><div>
</div><div>Seriously, i was just coming on here for a talk about what bridesmaids are meant to do at weddings because I am really excited about being in my friends wedding next fall. That's all.</div><div><div>
</div><div>

</div></div>

trix1223 · January 2011

Revived: I don't care whether you have 12K posts or 12 posts. I respond to the idea being presented, or the question being asked.

I will say, though, that often, when a poster says "I should be able to do whatever I want, because it's MY DAY!!!!!!!!" there is a correlation to the number of posts they have.

FWIW: We were all "newbies" once. Some stuck around, some took their ball and went home when they didn't get affirmation or validation for what is, in the opinion of some who respond to them, a bad, bad idea.

bablingbrooke · January 2011

You've been getting offended that people don't agree with you and that the discussion is carrying on. You don't have the right to shut down a discussion any more than I do--people will happen upon it, not read all 80 responses, and keep responding. Ask for opinions, but be prepared to get ones you don't like. If you can't handle that, maybe the internet isn't the place for you.

It's great to be excited for your friend. I'm excited for my friend. But don't try to project that onto other people. It's not realistic to expect every BM to be zomgWEDDING for her friend for the entire length of her engagement. Hell, as a bride I wasn't thinking about my wedding every day, and I guarantee you weren't either. You said some pretty strong things about the value of friends who won't give up their Saturdays to help you plan, and strongly implied that those people couldn't possibly be true friends, so you're going to get strong reactions to that, because it's a pretty offensive thing to say.

revived86 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_think-means-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:214f145e-1b02-4bcf-84fe-678d25b95ebaPost:0d358d51-b33c-4db6-91eb-923de979126d">Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??</a>:
[QUOTE]Revived: I don't care whether you have 12K posts or 12 posts. I respond to the idea being presented, or the question being asked. I will say, though, that often, when a poster says "I should be able to do whatever I want, because it's MY DAY!!!!!!!!" there is a correlation to the number of posts they have. FWIW: We were all "newbies" once. <strong>Some stuck around, some took their ball and went home when they didn't get affirmation or validation for what is, in the opinion of some who respond to them, a bad, bad idea.</strong>
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I don't tend to spend a ton of time on message boards regularly- i'll go in spurts here and there, depending on how busy i am IRL. That doesnt mean i'm taking my ball and going home because i didnt get affirmation. I'm not sure if that's what you meant but i dont think everyone who isnt a regular poster left because of a reason like that.
</div>

AutumnFair · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_think-means-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:214f145e-1b02-4bcf-84fe-678d25b95ebaPost:10fa2c9b-dbfb-4a09-a1c8-fec4fc2d9d96">Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??</a>:
[QUOTE]Ahhh okay okay i am really not trying to start something here again but i just found a thread on the Snarky Brides board called "Cookie Cutter TK Advice you hate," and one of the things that was brought up was the whole all your BMs need to do is show up at the wedding with the dress. I posted there and mentioned how i got into a discussion over here with all of you about that, and you disagreed with me, but i was happy to see that some people do agree with what i had been saying about this. I'm honestly just posting this here so that if any of you see my post over there you dont think i was trying to flame you behind your back. I wasn't, i'm just glad that there are people who see where i am coming from:-) Ok that's all thanks!
Posted by revived86[/QUOTE]

You know what I find funny? That only ONE girl brought up the "BM need to be interested in my wedding". NO ONE else in that 7 page discussion did I see anyone else agree with the poster so I don't know where in the heck you get how ALL of the SB posters are agreeing with you. I'm glad I read through all the messages in the post because it almost sounds like you are trying to start a board war since the post hasn't been touched for awhile and you NOW are bringing it up. If you have seen and understand our point you will let this topic go because if you post this topic (which I'm pretty sure there is a VERY if not exact same question a week back on WP) on Etiquette, WW, CC, the most active boards you will get the same responses.

And I looked back here is the SAME question asked on WP. <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_having-bridesmiadbeing-bridesmaid-mean" rel="nofollow">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_having-bridesmiadbeing-bridesmaid-mean</a>

revived86 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_think-means-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:214f145e-1b02-4bcf-84fe-678d25b95ebaPost:1b2a70b5-d93d-45d2-b24e-0a3aae0e5810">Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??</a>:
[QUOTE]You've been getting offended that people don't agree with you and that the discussion is carrying on. You don't have the right to shut down a discussion any more than I do--people will happen upon it, not read all 80 responses, and keep responding. <strong> Ask for opinions, but be prepared to get ones you don't like. If you can't handle that, maybe the internet isn't the place for you.</strong> It's great to be excited for your friend. I'm excited for my friend. But don't try to project that onto other people. It's not realistic to expect every BM to be zomgWEDDING for her friend for the entire length of her engagement. Hell, as a bride I wasn't thinking about my wedding every day, and I guarantee you weren't either. <strong>You said some pretty strong things about the value of friends who won't give up their Saturdays to help you plan, and strongly implied that those people couldn't possibly be true friends, so you're going to get strong reactions to that, because it's a pretty offensive thing to say.</strong>
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>What do you mean by "not being able to handle" getting opinions I disagree with? I just try to respond to people and tell them what i think about what they say. i think thats okay.
<div>
</div><div>you're absolutely right that that is an offensive thing to say, and i really, really did not mean to say that:-( I don't even remember saying anything about something "giving up their Saturdays to help me plan." I'm sorry if that's what you thought i meant because it wasn't. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>
</div></div>

bablingbrooke · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_think-means-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:214f145e-1b02-4bcf-84fe-678d25b95ebaPost:8082f640-6f44-4234-aa87-b4d6c173e102">Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid?? : What do you mean by "not being able to handle" getting opinions I disagree with? I just try to respond to people and tell them what i think about what they say. i think thats okay. you're absolutely right that that is an offensive thing to say, and i really, really did not mean to say that:-( <strong>I don't even remember saying anything about something "giving up their Saturdays to help me plan.</strong>" I'm sorry if that's what you thought i meant because it wasn't.
Posted by revived86[/QUOTE]
You said over and over that if you refused to help a bride plan her wedding without a "good excuse" that you were being a bad BM and a bad friend. Over and over. I can quote them if you want. I think they were already quoted, anyway. Extrapolating "they need to give up their Saturdays to help plan" from "they should help you in their free time, even if they don't want to" isn't such a leap.

revived86 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_think-means-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:214f145e-1b02-4bcf-84fe-678d25b95ebaPost:a5594d36-5d3c-4d98-8f63-e9fab7c92c53">Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid?? : You know what I find funny? That only ONE girl brought up the "BM need to be interested in my wedding". NO ONE else in that 7 page discussion did I see anyone else agree with the poster so I don't know<strong> where in the heck you get how ALL of the SB posters are agreeing with you. </strong>I'm glad I read through all the messages in the post because <strong>it almost sounds like you are trying to start a board war since the post hasn't been touched for awhile and you NOW are bringing it up. I</strong>f you have seen and understand our point you will let this topic go because if you post this topic (which I'm pretty sure there is a VERY if not exact same question a week back on WP) on Etiquette, WW, CC, the most active boards you will get the same responses. <strong>And I looked back here is the SAME question asked on WP.</strong> <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_having-bridesmiadbeing-bridesmaid-mean" rel="nofollow">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_having-bridesmiadbeing-bridesmaid-mean</a>
Posted by AutumnFair[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I didnt say ALL the SB posters agreed with me. I just saw that one girls comment and then also saw several comments that said people were tired of hearing that all your BMs need to do is show up. </div><div>
</div><div>I am sooo not trying to start a board war:-( it makes me really sad that you think i am...i saw someone post on there just yesterday, too, so i thought it was still an active thread.</div><div>
</div><div>someone pointed out that WP thread at the beginning of this one- when i first posted on here i had been under the impression that this board was for BMs and moms rather than brides, while the WP board was for brides. I understand thats not the case now, tho.</div><div>
</div><div>I have no plans to repost this question anywhere, btw:-)

</div>

bablingbrooke · January 2011

M&M has more or less become the WP Overflow board since very very few BMs, MOHs, and MOBs sign up for TK accounts unless they're also getting married themselves. And as we discussed earlier, many former brides are also former, current, or future BMs so it's not like there's a dividing line.

trix1223 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_think-means-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:214f145e-1b02-4bcf-84fe-678d25b95ebaPost:8baf0901-1129-4bac-beda-d47213fc5f6f">Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid?? : I don't tend to spend a ton of time on message boards regularly- i'll go in spurts here and there, depending on how busy i am IRL. That doesnt mean i'm taking my ball and going home because i didnt get affirmation. I'm not sure if that's what you meant <strong>but i dont think everyone who isnt a regular poster left because of a reason like that.</strong>
Posted by revived86[/QUOTE]

The operative word in my post, which you quoted was "some". Some stick around. Some take their ball and go home. I never said, nor even implied, a thing about "everyone".

revived86 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_think-means-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:214f145e-1b02-4bcf-84fe-678d25b95ebaPost:c90d0016-01e8-4466-bce9-cb6b1908a318">Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid?? : You said over and over that if you refused to help a bride plan her wedding without a "good excuse" that you were being a bad BM and a bad friend. Over and over. I can quote them if you want. I think they were already quoted, anyway. <strong>Extrapolating "they need to give up their Saturdays to help plan" from "they should help you in their free time, even if they don't want to" isn't such a leap.</strong>
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You may not see it as such a leap but it is not what i mean. Really. </div><div>
</div><div>The ONLY thing i think someone would not be a great friend for doing is to be completely intent on doing the absolute bare minimum for her friend and not even being gracious during the process (eg, rudely telling that that you hate the dress, it's too expensive, etc etc) I just think that you should do something- whatever you CAN do- to help your friend and be happy for her. That is it, honestly. I'm sorry if i totally misrepresented my views before.

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revived86 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_think-means-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:214f145e-1b02-4bcf-84fe-678d25b95ebaPost:f240cebe-70ae-48a5-80bd-1841401b6491">Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid?? : The operative word in my post, which you quoted was "some". Some stick around. Some take their ball and go home. I never said, nor even implied, a thing about "everyone".
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

<div>okay, i understand, sorry. I wasnt sure if you meant "Some + Some = Everyone" of just "Some + Some = Still just some" I get it now, thanks:-)</div>

bablingbrooke · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_think-means-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:214f145e-1b02-4bcf-84fe-678d25b95ebaPost:57c27372-6f20-4833-a998-c09dbe0df339">Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid?? : You may not see it as such a leap but it is not what i mean. Really. The ONLY thing i think someone would not be a great friend for doing is to be completely intent on doing the absolute bare minimum for her friend and not even being gracious during the process (eg, rudely <strong>telling that that you hate the dress, it's too expensive</strong>, etc etc) I just think that you should do something- whatever you CAN do- to help your friend and be happy for her. That is it, honestly. I'm sorry if i totally misrepresented my views before.
Posted by revived86[/QUOTE]
They have to wear it. Good brides consult the BMs on their budgets before they even start to look, and would never force their friends to wear something they hated. Really. I completely changed the BM dress color after my friends hated my first choice (which truly did look awful on them) and went with another one I wound up liking 100x more but just hadn't thought of on my own. My feelings weren't hurt, they weren't mean about it, it's fine. As a BM I've always been given some degree of choice in the dress (usually along the lines, "Here's the color, pick something you like") or the bride bought it (case with my friend who's getting married now--her mom is buying all the wedding outfits in India for us). If they have to pay, they should get a say.<div>
</div><div>Really, it's not a crime for a BM to have an opinion on how she spends HER money.</div>

What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??

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