Military Brides

I'm NOT a 50s housewife!! (vent)

One of the wives is basically making me feel like I'm not a good wife (well, future wife) if I don't stay here where my FI is stationed the WHOLE time. I plan on moving back to my home state when he deploys next spring, but because he is going to be gone the majority of the time from now until next spring, we've discussed me just staying in our home state when we go home for Christmas. That would mean I won't be here to see him for the few weeks between dets that he actually is here. It will be MUCH easier to plan our wedding from home, I miss my friends and family terribly, and my FI will barely even be here. The other wife tells me that its just "part of the Navy life."

Yes, my FI is important to me, but HIS job with the Navy does not define ME!

She has made another wife (who is former Navy) feel bad about moving to her home state too. She wanted her mother to help with childcare while she goes to school because her DH (who is in the Navy) is barely home with his job.

This wife also gave me crap for getting one of those "I <3 my sailor" stickers for MY car, saying her DH would never "let" her get one and that it should be up to my FI. I'm sorry, but in our relationship, things are equal. We discuss things together. I am not a 50's housewife!

How do I politely tell this wife that it's none of her business, and what we decide is between me and my FI?
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Re: I'm NOT a 50s housewife!! (vent)

  • edited December 2011

    Some of the Navy wives I've meet are just... mean. Simple enough. I would tell her thank you for her input, however it is a decision that is between you and your FI and not her. I've run across so many women, who feel like they deserve the "I'm better than you" award for staying at their duty station alone during a deployment - they somehow feel it makes them better. As long as you know what is best for you and your FI and you guys communicate and agree on it - than that's all that matters. Some of those women are insane - and I've just learned to stay away from them all and keep to myself - as far as the 'I love my Sailor" decal - I have the dixie cup magnet one - and FI drives my jeep with it on. Heck - I would just say, 'well, that sucks to be you then' but I'm not very good at biting my tongue. She sounds like a debbie downer who has too much time on her hands.I'm sorry she is acting this way towards you! If I can say one piece of advice it would be to just ignore her, its the simplest, easiest thing to do.

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  • calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think everyone has their own balance that works in their relationship, and it's kind of ridiculous to assume what works for one couple will work for another.  She's just plain wrong to judge you and make you feel bad, but it might stem from her own insecurities?  Maybe she hates being there all the time, but her husband insists on it?  I know that I for one will move back with my parents if FI is gone on a deployment and I don't have anything tying me to that place, like a job (that I like and pays well) or children in school.  Other people can't imagine moving back in with their parents for any reason.  It's all personal preference.

    As long as it works for you and your FI, then ignore her.  The next time she offers unsolicited advice, just say something like, "Well, I'm really happy with my sticker, but you certainly don't have to buy one if you don't want!  Isn't it great that we can each make our own choices that work for us?"  And smile and walk away.

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  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Refer her to this video:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEtFNUZQekc

    Really, just try not to let it get to you.  Generally, when people throw their lifestyles and choices in your face, it's a way of compensating for insecurities they have about those choices.  Just shrug it off.
  • calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_im-not-50s-housewife-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:dc121944-e6bf-45d5-86e5-8b20a883ef08Post:0b8a76e8-41a7-4411-a844-4663c87302be">I'm NOT a 50s housewife!! (vent)</a>:
    [QUOTE]How do I politely tell this wife that it's none of her business, and what we decide is between me and my FI?
    Posted by BinxRose[/QUOTE]

    Also, this is exactly how you do it - you politely tell her that you appreciate that she sees it differently and would perhaps make different choices herself, but that it's really none of her business what you and your FI decide to do.

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  • edited December 2011
    Ugh this is why I'm not part of our wives club.. It's amazing how catty wives can be. 
    Ex: We had a "passion party" while the guys were deployed so one wife had shirts made that said "sexually deprived for your freedom" haha... cute and dorky whatever. She asked if I wanted to buy one.. sure ok. I'll join the group so they wre like.. 25 bucks and that included a personalized whatever on the back. I asked what everyone else was putting on the back and she said "Mrs... smith, jones, doe, etc" ok so put MrsX on mine ( x= his last name) ok done.
    We get out t shirts and she had put MY NAME on it. MINE. Just "Miss Z" are you effing kidding me? I PAID for that shirt. Fine we may not be married YET and just planning, but EFF YOU I PAID FOR THAT IT CAN SAY MRS OBAMA for all I want!!!! *huff*

    So rude.
    Don't le the wife get to you. A lot of them LOVE comparing themselves to others to make sure they are ahead of hte "housewife" curve. Your relationship is very very different than hers. I would just respond with a,
    "We are choosing to do what we think is best for us as a couple" and let that be that. If she tries to continue the convo, just repeat. and repeat. She'll get the point.
  • edited December 2011
    Like others have said this is par for the course. Army, Navy, Airforce, Guard - it doesn't matter there are always going to be wives that do this bull (girlfriends that suck up to it too). Been there done that like FTL said she had a story - we all do, and depending on how much you can avoid them and can't you will get more.

    People will always have their opinion, but like pp said it is what works for you guys. I can't say what I would do in yalls situation. My FI deployed for a few months was back for a few (cycle on) so I never left, but that wouldn't have been practical in our case. And when we did the PCS from WA a month or odds ago there were some wives who were pissy with me about moving before the FI did and coming back jsut for the move and that were even more annoyed that I wasn't moving to Rucker with him. You just take it in stride - vent to a good firend and tell them all it is your life. I explained my/our reasoning, said it was a mutual decision between me and FI and that's the way it was going - they shut up about it (at least to my face :) ). You just need to decide if you want to ignore it or not. If you really want to tell her something just do it as calmly, logically and nicely as possible, but you don't need to baby her either. I feel like if they want to start that crap they deserve whatever they get for it. Everyone is different and has different views on all this stuff - like the magnets/car stickers. FI and I won't put anything but the yellow ribbon - no little stick people in army shirts, no unit stuff and no I love my "insert here," but that is just us it is mutual - his unit/battalion was very against it and both of us weren't that into the idea, but that doesn't mean we don't like seeing them on everyone else's cars.

    Free will :) - good luck with the wives club.
  • calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011

    My FI keeps telling me that I can have the little USMC emblem on one of my windows, but nothing else.  If he's active in litigation, he won't have any personal photos at work and has warned me that he won't wear a wedding ring - he's heard stories about unhappy defendants who have tried to cause trouble with a JAG's family, whether because they're unhappy with their representation or mad at the prosecutor from their trial.  One of my colleagues went on and on about how any man who won't wear a wedding ring or put pictures of their spouse on their desk is cheating.  Uh, k.  My Dad doesn't wear a wedding ring, but neither of my parents care.  If my FI doesn't want to wear one at specific times, or even ever, then I'm fine with that.

    Everyone has an opinion, some people are more aggressive with their own.  This is the same crazy nutcase who told me that she could never marry a military guy because she couldn't love a killer. 


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  • BinxRoseBinxRose member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for your support and advice ladies! I'm mot part of any wives club either, these women are just the wives of the guys in my FI's shop. I can't really avoid them unless we never want to be social. I'd like to be friends with them so I don't feel so alone (part of why I want to move home). I don't even have co-workers, as I'm a nanny (boy am I glad I wasted money earning my bachelors in this economy haha)! That is very true that she could be insecure or jealous about her situation. She is kind of "stuck" here because of her job (here's the REAL kicker...she's not even a Navy wife anymore! Her DH was sort of..."let go" from the Navy last month. They are now staying for HER job, though I think her DH is trying to get back in). But I don't feel tied to the area with my job, or for any other reason. @Firsttimer- that was pretty rude of that woman! Hope you got some money back. @Elle- that video was halarious! While I'm not looking for glamour, I'm certainly not looking to "obey" my husband like this wife is making me feel I should! @calindi- that woman clearly knows nothing about the military. My FI is trained to use a machine gun if need be, but his job typically is to SAVE people lol.
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  • edited December 2011
    All of this is exactly why we're not living on base.  Not even really living close to base.  I will probably only set foot on base to go to the commissary/MCX.  My BFF was like "No! You have to live on base, how else will you make any friends" (very quickly after she joined her wives club, the cattiness began, and it's still going strong.  Her next door neighbor won't even speak to her, and they are all "martyr" wives who think that their husbands rank is their own.).. Uh.. Sorry with friends like the other wives, who needs enemies?!  I know that not all military wives are young (under 21), catty, immature, uneducated, baby making machines.. but I'm still not going to subject myself to even a little bit of that.  H and I are not in any hurry to have kids, I want to finish my degree, H wants to be at least an E6 or higher before we even think about kiddos.  I've already encountered girls (wives) who were like "You're too young to have fertility issues", I was like "Uhh.. what gave you that idea?" she said (I kid you not): "I just assumed, I mean, you've been married for almost a year.. why aren't you pregnant yet? you don't have any kids at all? why did you even get married?" .. SERIOUSLY?! I will not associate with such Klassy girls.  Call me a snob, stuck up, or a b!tch if you want, but I'd rather have 2 good friends, than a base full of girls like that...

    Sorry for the vent...  Binx-I moved home as well while H finishes his Japan orders, so kudos to you for deciding what's best for you and your FI.
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  • BinxRoseBinxRose member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hahaha Sami! I think I would just bust out laughing if someone said something like that to me! My FI and I aren't going to start trying til his contract is up in 2 years so we can be with our family (and no way in HELL would I use the military hospitals)!! And thanks for the kudos! Now why can't gals like you be stationed here with me?! :)
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  • ggirl2001ggirl2001 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Unfortunately, even without the military you will run into women like this. It's a fact of life, some girls never grow out of their middle school snobbiness.

    That being said, we do not live on base, but mostly because the housing they offer is crappy and we get a better place for a good price.

    Also, I'm somewhat lucky since only a few guys in H's shop are married and he isn't really friends with the ones who are, so we don't run into too many problems. And, I'll be damned if some 20 year old girl tries to insult me. Really, that would just be amusing.
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  • LuluP82LuluP82 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_im-not-50s-housewife-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:dc121944-e6bf-45d5-86e5-8b20a883ef08Post:9d313398-5813-47f1-9094-5a6cebe373a2">Re: I'm NOT a 50s housewife!! (vent)</a>:
    [QUOTE]My FI keeps telling me that I can have the little USMC emblem on one of my windows, but nothing else.  If he's active in litigation, he won't have any personal photos at work and has warned me that he won't wear a wedding ring - he's heard stories about unhappy defendants who have tried to cause trouble with a JAG's family, whether because they're unhappy with their representation or mad at the prosecutor from their trial.  One of my colleagues went on and on about how any man who won't wear a wedding ring or put pictures of their spouse on their desk is cheating.  Uh, k.  My Dad doesn't wear a wedding ring, but neither of my parents care.  If my FI doesn't want to wear one at specific times, or even ever, then I'm fine with that. Everyone has an opinion, some people are more aggressive with their own.  This is the same crazy nutcase who told me that she could never marry a military guy because she couldn't love a killer. 
    Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

    C, my H always wear his ring (mostly because he says it's incredible the amount of wives who will come into base legal dressed totally inappropriately, claim they want to divorce their deployed Hs, to flirt with the unmarried lawyers. true story.) But he doesn't have pictures of me around, for that reason. Our business = our business.
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  • LuluP82LuluP82 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We also don't live on base, and I don't go to many activities because I hate the catiness! If people would just get their own jobs and lives, there would be so much less drama, but hey, thats just my opinion.
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  • ggirl2001ggirl2001 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Cal-does your friend know that some professions you can't wear rings anyway? My brother is a fireman, he doesn't wear his to work. My H  is an airframer mechanic. I don't want him to wear his ring when he's at work, too many things can happen to him.

    He does wear it other times, and he might wear it to work. He just takes it of and puts it in his cover.

    On that note, he has already lost it once and had to find it. In the apartment. He is sooo not used to wearing jewelry haha.
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  • edited December 2011
    Binx- haha I wish. I didn't say a thing... I tend to bite my tongue because it's definitely the safer way to go. In fact one o fhte wives just flipped out on my tonight. For seriously a horribly dumb reason. I just apologize, and she  was like "don't play nicely and pretend like you're the sweet one here" uuuh... ok.. then idk what you want from me. peeeace. 

    No more from that group of "support" haha
    You will find some great ladies though! Just expect that you will find some rude, nosey, gossipy, and/or nasty ones :/  That's just life unfortunately
  • edited December 2011
    ggirl - I can't wear my ring in my work either like you said about you H do much can go wrong doing mechanical work.My father also only wore his ring for about a month after my parents got married for the same reason and Fi's dad is in the same boat.

    I lost my e-ring once - i've worked out a way to not do that now, but yeah I never was a jewelry wearer and Fi probably wont wear a ring all the time either because of working on the aircraft. It just isn't worth the risk. We know what's up and I wear mine at nights and after work, but its almost reversed getting ready in the morning.

    FTL - I hate then the do that and they expect you to make a scene in front of everyone - its like they just want a rise out of you. I have to say I was very lucky at Lewis McCord because upon arriving I found a real friend in the unit. Everyone else was just rude and condescending right off the bat. It wasn't until the ringleader was moved that people started talking to me (subtracting about 4 women that my original friend introduced me to. We would/I would still do the events I was invited to even with the FI deployed - which i hated it's like they wanted to bring feeder food for the sharks. I have to say to that our unit/battalion almost everyone was married - all FI peers were with children - plural. I was the only girlfriend which made it odd because they were very anti girlfriend, but because I was the only one we couldn't ignore eachother because it woudl have been obvious but it was like right off the bat they assumed I was going to be this annoying little kid they would have to "deal' with. They were msotly all still friends with the FIs ex even though they broke up a year before I was even around and it was jsut miserable especially attending thing with FI gone.
  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Honestly, I don't care if people want to move back home during a deployment, but I don't ever plan on doing it (however I can't predict the future if we have issues when we have kids).  Also I think there is a difference between moving home when your H is gone for years compared to a deployment.  I will say for me though that staying near base alone was very beneficial to me as it taught me a lot about myself, and that is worth everything.  I wouldn't have found the friends I have here and made a life for myself here had I moved home.  This might be a flameworthy opinion, but I think when you choose to move home you are proving to be very dependent on your FI/H.  It makes a huge difference when you create a life for yourself where you are living, instead of just living around your H.  

    The thing I can't stand is the wives who decide to move back home, and then complain that they have no information from the command, and no support from the FRG.  Certain information can't be submitted online or over the phone, like dates, and that is something you need to accept if you choose to leave the area of the base.  

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  • BinxRoseBinxRose member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    dnbeach, I lived on my own all through college, 3 hours from my family. I worked 3 jobs on top of going to school full-time, just to pay for tuition/rent/food. Sometimes I had to sell my things just to pay rent. I live on my own when my FI is gone for a month or more for dets. I know who I am, and I dont need to stay here for 7 months all alone to "prove" anything. I have plenty of reasons to move home during his deployment. It makes more sense financially. My sister is having a baby next spring, so I'd like to be there for her and know my new niece or nephew. The job opportunities are better (all I could get here was a nanny gig). My FI doesnt plan on making a career of it, he only has 2 years left. Then we plan on moving back home, so I feel no need to become attached here.

    Good for you if being alone taught you something, but don't accuse anyone of being dependent of their FI/H if they choose to move home. Your assumptions are wildly innaccurate.
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  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_im-not-50s-housewife-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:dc121944-e6bf-45d5-86e5-8b20a883ef08Post:80425047-f240-4c64-8837-467c5fc0873d">Re: I'm NOT a 50s housewife!! (vent)</a>:
    [QUOTE]dnbeach, I lived on my own all through college, 3 hours from my family. I worked 3 jobs on top of going to school full-time, just to pay for tuition/rent/food. Sometimes I had to sell my things just to pay rent. I live on my own when my FI is gone for a month or more for dets. I know who I am, and I dont need to stay here for 7 months all alone to "prove" anything. I have plenty of reasons to move home during his deployment. It makes more sense financially. My sister is having a baby next spring, so I'd like to be there for her and know my new niece or nephew. The job opportunities are better (all I could get here was a nanny gig). My FI doesnt plan on making a career of it, he only has 2 years left. Then we plan on moving back home, so I feel no need to become attached here. <strong>Good for you if being alone taught you something, but don't accuse anyone of being dependent of their FI/H if they choose to move home. Your assumptions are wildly innaccurate.</strong>
    Posted by BinxRose[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Based off this response and your original post I'll say that I think you take things too personal.  Like I said I don't give a crap if anyone decides to move home, as that's your choice.  And everyone has their different reasons for why they do it.  If you can't handle someone making general opinions without taking it personally, then maybe international message boards aren't for you.  </div><div>
    </div>
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  • BinxRoseBinxRose member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    ahhh yes, the cliche "maybe you shouldnt use these boards" claim :)  I respected everything else you said was your opinion. But accusing women of being dependent just because they move home...come on.
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  • calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Beach, I do think that's a bit harsh.  Why pay rent somewhere when you can save money and are perfectly happy living with your parents?  If someone has a life set up somewhere, with a job and a career and friends, then fine.  And if it's every single time he leaves for even a few days that someone goes running back to their parents, then yep, someone might not be so good independently.  But if your significant other is gone for several months and you don't have anything tying you to a particular location, and you'd be happier elsewhere, why not?  I might very well choose to move to Spain for a few months while FI is gone or somewhere else just for the heck of it, not just where my parents are.  But why stay somewhere when you don't have any ties there and would prefer to be elsewhere?

    I've lived alone, and I find it very lonely to not share my house with someone - a roommate, FI, my family.  I don't think that makes me a bad person - it makes me an outgoing person who feels most comfortable with others around.  A silent house to me is a lonely house.  The alternative to moving home would be to have a roommate move in, but I have played the roommate roulette game before and it doesn't work out the best always.  I know my parents, we get along really well, and I'm happy living there.  If it means FI and I can put several month's rent into savings, then that's an added bonus and not one I would ignore simply to say I'm living independently or to try to prove something to someone who would judge me for that decision.

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  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_im-not-50s-housewife-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:dc121944-e6bf-45d5-86e5-8b20a883ef08Post:25ed1af5-a8d3-46f1-b8ae-9dd4e67eb349">Re: I'm NOT a 50s housewife!! (vent)</a>:
    [QUOTE]ahhh yes, the cliche "maybe you shouldnt use these boards" claim :)  I respected everything else you said was your opinion. But accusing women of being dependent just because they move home...come on.
    Posted by BinxRose[/QUOTE]

    <div>You have your opinion, I have mine.  But yeah, that's my opinion.  I stated that it might be a flame worthy opinion, and I'm okay with that.  But no, I don't think it's ridiculous to say that moving home proves that some are  dependent on their FI/H.  H and I have made a home and a life for ourselves here, and I have made my own life here as well.  I am more than just my husband's job, and have made more for myself here, so that's why I feel that if I were to move home it's like saying I'm only here for my H.  </div><div>
    </div><div>I also will fully say that I think your opinion depends on how you view your life in the military (general you, not anyone in particular).  H is career, so we know we will move often, and want to make sure that we have a home everywhere we live, not just a house.  Others just see living where they are as a means to an end, especially if they are getting out.  I'm not saying either way is right or wrong.  I just know for me that where we are living is our home, and this is where I feel I belong.  When we just recently went back to our hometown, it did not feel like "home" anymore.  </div>
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  • LuluP82LuluP82 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_im-not-50s-housewife-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:dc121944-e6bf-45d5-86e5-8b20a883ef08Post:2d6bb8dd-31ee-4309-a729-42fc1a9e28f6">Re: I'm NOT a 50s housewife!! (vent)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm NOT a 50s housewife!! (vent) : You have your opinion, I have mine.  But yeah, that's my opinion.  I stated that it might be a flame worthy opinion, and I'm okay with that.  But no, I don't think it's ridiculous to say that moving home proves that some are  dependent on their FI/H.  H and I have made a home and a life for ourselves here, and I have made my own life here as well.  I am more than just my husband's job, and have made more for myself here, so that's why I feel that if I were to move home it's like saying I'm only here for my H.   I also will fully say that I think your opinion depends on how you view your life in the military (general you, not anyone in particular).  H is career, so we know we will move often, <strong>and want to make sure that we have a home everywhere we live, not just a house.  Others just see living where they are as a means to an end, especially if they are getting out.  I'm not saying either way is right or wrong.  I just know for me that where we are living is our home, and this is where I feel I belong.  When we just recently went back to our hometown, it did not feel like "home" anymore.  
    </strong>Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

    I agree completely, even though I'm not sure how long H will end up staying in. When H was at OCS and TBS, I had been laid off. My parents asked me if I didn't want to go home instead of staying at our old place and paying rent while he was gone. Not going to lie, it was tempting, considering we were dipping into savings, and if we had put our stuff in storage and I lived rent-free, we could have gotten by without touching savings (this was before we were married, so no BAH). However, I didn't want to leave our home just because H was gone, especially going into a new lifestyle where he'd likely be gone a lot, I didn't want to set that precedent.

    To us, it's important to have our home and our family no matter where we are. Even though I don't feel I have much of a life here-- I telecommute to my old office and I don't have very many friends here yet-- I can't imagine leaving our home. The idea of leaving just because H is gone seems odd to me...and frankly, more 50s housewife-ish than the alternative, IMO.
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  • LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with Beach. We haven't PCS'd yet however when we do, I will create a life there also. I will not move home to my parents when H is gone. I might visit more but I'm independent enough to continue living where our home is.
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  • LetsHikeTodayLetsHikeToday member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    and I also think it's exactly opposity of a 50's housewife to stay in the current location when H is gone. It shows independence.
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  • BinxRoseBinxRose member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Again, my FI only has 2 years left. This isn't going to be our life forever. This doesn't feel like "home" to either of us. I AM only here for FI. As soon as we get back, he will be earning his bachelors while I earn my masters. We'd like to save money so we can pay off our cars and put a downpayment on a house when we move back. For us, our families and being financially responsible is more important to us than me staying here alone for no reason (again, I have no ties here).
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  • BinxRoseBinxRose member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My "50s housewife" thing has more to do with how the other wife thinks i should "obey" my FI. And i wont be living with my parents at home.
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  • rachellossrachelloss member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I know exactly what you are saying with planning a wedding at home, I am currently trying to plan a wedding at my fh's home bace while he is deployed from my house thousands of miles away and nothing is getting done. So if I was there I would be making leaps and bounds with the planning but I wouldn't have a job or the money to make it happen. But I am working on that and when he gets home from his deployment I am making the big jump. It will be a hell of a leap of faith too. All my friends think I am crazy to a certain extent. But I love him and I am doing it. So you too have to do what is best for you and for both of you. If that is sitting alone in a house on that bace then do that but it sounds like you have thought it out and you want to go to your home. Just make sure with the deployment that you find a way to get stuff to him or talk to him regardless of how often he can get on and make sure you are ready for the maybe if you are lucky once a week call or skype talk or something. Its almost killing me and my boyfriend currently but its only one or two months left. I can't wait ti hug him and never let him go.

  • edited December 2011
    There are DEFINITELY plenty of wives out there who want to think that being a military wife defines you.  It doesn't, and I feel very sad for those women who believe this.  Nothing bothers me more than AWESOME women who marry into the military and just become generic military wife.  One of my friends went from intelligent, independent, ballroom dancing underwear model to... just another marine wife.  It's like a loss to the world, really.  
    Bottom line here is do what is best for YOU and your relationship.  Regardless of what some people think, the world doesn't actually revolve around the military.  If being home makes wedding planning easier, then great!  It's a good option for you.  Plenty of women will go back home when their husband or fiance is overseas.  Others get engaged or married and go on finishing a degree where they are before going to join their husband elsewhere.  There's more to all of us that just being a military wife (or fiancee.)

    ~Katy
  • BinxRoseBinxRose member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks rachel and chick :)
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