How do i encourage FI without sounding critical or bossy?

FieryNutMeg · December 2009

FI and i both love food. The difference is that i have a love affair with vegetables and many other things healthier than his habits.

He tends to choose fried foods and only eats raw carrots and a small variety of salad greens (spinach, romaine, and some mixed salads). Good thing that he's not a dressing fan . . .

i try to encourage him to eat a salad with every meal (at least with every dinner) to up the vegetable/green count.

It breaks my heart when he criticizes himself about his appearance. He's said such things as "i hate being the fattest guy in the room" after some friends left or "i look enormous in that photo" . . . i don't know what to do.

i love him for who he is, but i want him to be happier with the way he looks and to be healthier for our future together. i want to encourage him in ways that are positive.

Additionally, i've found myself eating more and not going to the gym as often since we've gotten serious (we've only been engaged a few days now!). i've definitely noticed weight creeping on and clothes getting tighter.

With the days getting longer, i'm hoping we can fit in more hikes and walks together. i'm a runner, but that's nowhere on his agenda. i'd like to make a pact/plan to hit the gym together at least once a week, but i know he's a little self-conscious there too.

i'd also like to change his/our eating a little bit at a time without sounding like a total control freak. He *loves* fruit (fresh and dried), so that would be a really easy thing to keep stocked. Is it totally overbearing if i packed the snacks in the house (and to go to his office) up in 'portion sized' baggies??

Help!

MidniteSun383 · December 2009

It's only overbearing if he thinks it is. My FI was never into being healthy before and felt like he could lose some weight, but never really bothered. When I decided to get back into working out and eating well, he followed. I take care of grocery shopping for both of us and stock healthy foods that I know he likes. But we also made the decision for both of us to get healthy together. I would talk to your FI about it and see what he wants. He has to want to get healthy for him to actually bother putting in the effort. If your FI doesn't like to go to the gym, see if he'll walk/bike/rollerblade/ski with you. If you do it together, it'll be more fun and probably easier on both of you!

AK_Sue · December 2009

I struggled with the same problem, so I started with a disclaimer that what I had to say came from love and concern for his health, and that I hope he can hear it without thinking I was being critical or nagging him.

I said what I had to say and he said, he knew what I said needed no disclaimer because he can see in my face that I only love him and wants what's best for him. He asked for my help in keeping him in line. I said, OK with the condition that if I ever sound like a nag that he tell me immediately. There were a few times that I made suggetsions for better choices and asked him if I sounded naggy when ever I did that he laughed.

So far so good, and he's lost 12 lbs! I am glad I just put it out there because it is working for us, and when I wonder if I should say something or be quiet I ask him.

AK_Sue · December 2009

As for exercise we have a lot of fun with our Wii and he gets a decent work out from that in fact he started feeling better enough that it has been easier for him to do other exercise.

VitaLuna · December 2009

FI knows he needs to lose weight, but I do too (and more), so it wasn't really my place to tell him he needed to. What I did was started eating healthier for myself, and he naturally followed suit. You can't eat unhealthy at home if there's not junk food in the house. I also cook dinner most of the time, and he eats whatever I make (a good way to get in healthy stuff).

Portion control was a huge thing for me. Anytime we bring snacky-type stuff home, or stuff that we'd be inclined to overeat, I put it in portion size bags. He doesn't mind it at all, and it keeps both of us on track.

About the dried fruit, though... definitely encourage him to eat fresh versus dried. It's not only better for you nutrient wise, but a lot of dried fruit has sugar added.

tinydancer842 · December 2009

FI & I diet together. It was a mutual decision, made easier by the help of each other. First & foremost, agree that you will work together to be healthy & will help each other out. Make sure you don't direct it completely on him, also make it about you. Tell him you need his help to stay on track too! Second, only buy healthy foods & explore healthy recipes you can both enjoy together. Before you go out for a meal decide what you want to eat & check the calories/fat online to see if it's really worth it.

therockisblinding05 · December 2009

FI also has horrible eating habits. Luckily, I've noticed for men, that it's much easier to lose the weight (grr). FI starting playing a few games of basketball with friends like 5 times a month or something and lost 15 pounds. Are there some friends he has with whom he can be active? Plus, encouraging him to spend time w/ the guys will make you look like a very understanding woman!

Also, I started sneaking healthier ingredients into his dinners because I know he wanted to lose weight but didn't want to give up his favorite foods. Stuff like fat free sour cream in casseroles or wheat bread in certain dishes. He didn't even notice the difference and I didn't have to feel like a nag. Try the Cook Yourself Thin book...I've heard good things! GL!

moshi's paw · December 2009

I am having the same issue. FI and I started living together in October, and holy CRAP have I packed the weight back on. All that hard work at the gym and my healthy eating habits were quickly flushed down the crapper, because he has zero motivation to do any kind of exercise and he eats WAY more than I do and rather unhealthy foods too. That definitely rubbed off on me, because after a while it was like "what's the point? i ate a salad for lunch and went to the gym for an hour and today he went to McD's and sat at his desk". I've tried to tell him that I need support from him to help me lose the weight again, and at teh same time we should make an effort to start off our married life with a HEALTHY lifestyle. He says as of Friday (Jan 1) we're back on the wagon. Hopefully he means it this time.

lifeizbeachy · December 2009

I was in the same dilemna. When I cleaned out our kitchen and since I buy most of the groceries he kind of didn't have a choice at first. Iy helped that I found a cookbook with recipes that he liked and left him feeling staisfied, but this didn't stop the McD's lunches and the occassional stops on the way home to grab a bag of chips and cookies and ice cream. When I tried to say it was hard to have it in the house he kindly started eating the WHOLE bag of chips so their wouldn't be any left for me.

Then two things happened.... all of his work dress shirts started pulling at the buttons and he went for his annual physical and his DR. kept referring to him as the fat guy, lard a*#s and told him he'd better lose weight or find another Dr.

He came home telling me I needed to help him eat healthier. I told him everything I have been feeding him was low fat/cal. foods and if he just let me make him lunches and he quit buying 44oz. sodas , chips cookies and ice cream he'd be good.

He did and lost 12 lbs in 2 1/2 weeks! The same amount it took me 3 months to lose, following the same program and he hasn't started working out yet. Men..... grrrrrrrrr

cukimerrydoll · January 2010

OP, I'm in the same boat (including that I'm a runner...).

Food is the biggest area that I cannot get him to change. He's started working out with his cousin regularly, which is great!

But his eating habit suck... and they are really starting to affect our savings. When we can't get bills paid because so much is going toward his lunch budget... we have a problem.

But his mom and I are PSYCHOTIC budgeters... so we should be able to help him get it together. I figure in our case, starting in the wallet is going to be easiest.

He says the biggest problem is finding food that fills him up, so I'm starting to find some fiber-rich lunches to help in that area.

FieryNutMeg · January 2010

Thank you all SO much - he and i had a discussion and made a list of healthier eating habits we want to make together . . . yay, new year!

i naturally choose a lot of healthier foods and tend to shy away from a lot of the stuff he habitually picks up. The problem is that i *like* the stuff he picks up too.

The fiber-rich thing is a good tip - one of his complaints is not having a breakfast that fills him up. He's also uber-picky. He doesn't like yogurt or eggs or cheese unless it's melted in/on something. *sigh* He *does* like fruits and breads (of course). Does anyone have a good breakfast muffin recipe per chance?

i wish he would go for my packing his lunch . . . he says he needs to "get out of the office" for lunch. My suggestion is to go for a walk then!

Rolling with the punches . . .. rolling with the punches . . . too bad he's as headstrong as i am! ;-)

lifeizbeachy · January 2010

Jimmy Dean has some breakfast sandwiches and breakfast bowls that my fi loves now. D'Lights are made with egg whites, low fat cheese and turkey sausage or bacon. They are 260 cal. 18g protein.

It may not be perfect but for him better then the 2 sausage egg and cheese biscuits he was buying on is way to work which were 570 cal. EACH. The first time I made him one I served it with fruit and he said, I'll need 2 of these to fill me up. I said, eat that and let me know. Most of the time he has been satisfied with one sandwich, but even on the days he wants 2 they don't add up to half of his previous breakfast habit. They are pricey but on sale often and I just found them ay Sams Club now.

How do i encourage FI without sounding critical or bossy?

Re: How do i encourage FI without sounding critical or bossy?

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