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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Bridesmaid drama

I'm a bridesmaid in a college friend's wedding this summer. One of the other bridesmaids, who I'll call Lucy, is a childhood friend of the bride. Lucy and the bride lived next door to each other growing up and are still very close. Lucy was raised by her grandparents, and they are invited to the wedding, too.


For the past year, Lucy has been dating a guy who her grandparents don't approve of. According to Lucy, they don't like him because he doesn't have a job and still lives with his parents. However, Lucy also admitted her grandparents view him as very controlling/dominating, which she swears “is totally not true.” I've never met the guy so I can't say what he's really like. 


Lucy confided in me recently that she's thinking about asking the bride to revoke her grandparents' wedding invitation. Her reasoning is that she wants to bring her boyfriend to the wedding, but her grandparents despise him so much, Lucy and her BF wouldn't be able to enjoy themselves if her grandparents are there too.  


I told Lucy I thought this was a bad idea--who would want to put the bride (her best friend!) in that kind of position? Plus the wedding is going to be large, almost 300 guests. I told Lucy that she and her BF could easily avoid being around her grandparents, but that didn't sway her. I also suggested she just come solo to avoid the drama, but she said no, she really wants to bring BF. 


Yikes. I don't want to get too involved in this situation (it's really none of my business, after all), but is there any other advice I could give Lucy to keep her from talking to the bride? I think it's a horrible idea to tell a bride to "uninvite" someone from their wedding, unless there is some extreme reason like the person being abusive, etc.

Re: Bridesmaid drama

  • HockeyFan4HockeyFan4 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited April 2012
    you are right.  The bride shouldn't uninvite people, and it is rude of Lucy to ask her to.  Lucy and her BF and her grandparents are all adults and should be able to act as such for an event.  The most Lucy could do was politely ask the bride to sit her and her bf away from her grandparents.
  • I think if Lucy is a good friend she would not put the bride in this situation. It's awkward and it's asking the bride to do something completely rude. I agree with PP that they can all act like adults and suck it up for one day.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-drama-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ee9c80ca-9c1f-4e30-8f7b-6412885dad7aPost:cc27161f-7041-49e8-84f2-1aae77e55158">Re: Bridesmaid drama</a>:
    [QUOTE]you are right.  The bride shouldn't uninvite people, and it is rude of Lucy to ask her to.  Lucy and her BF and her grandparents are all adults and should be able to act as such for an event. <strong>The most Lucy could do was politely ask the bride to sit her and her bf away from her grandparents.
    </strong>Posted by HockeyFan4[/QUOTE]

    I like this idea, if they are doing assigned seating. If they're doing a head table and excluding WP dates, that could make it really awkward for her BF.

    I hope that Lucy will heed your advice about not asking the bride, her best friend, to rescind the invitation for her grandparents.
  • SparrowSongSparrowSong member
    500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited April 2012
    Lucy is being very selfish. She should realize her grandparents probably very much want to be at the wedding of this woman who was so much a part of their lives when the two girls were children.  She can handle one night without her boyfriend in the interest of making a very nice evening for her grandparents. 

    Or she can just bring him anyway and get him to charm the grandparents to death with how kind and polite and attentive he is to their granddaughter in the formal setting. Maybe they will open their mind some to his good qualities. 

    In no way is convincing the bride to be rude on her behalf an option though.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-drama-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ee9c80ca-9c1f-4e30-8f7b-6412885dad7aPost:cc27161f-7041-49e8-84f2-1aae77e55158">Re: Bridesmaid drama</a>:
    [QUOTE]you are right.  The bride shouldn't uninvite people, and it is rude of Lucy to ask her to.  <strong>Lucy and her BF and her grandparents are all adults and should be able to act as such for an event.</strong>  The most Lucy could do was politely ask the bride to sit her and her bf away from her grandparents.
    Posted by HockeyFan4[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this 100%. They are adults and should act like adults
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  • I'd tell Lucy that once guests are invited, they can't be uninvited, so asking the bride would just hurt their friendship.  I might be tempted to throw in something about dealing with her own issues herself, but that probably wouldn't be helpful.
  • I would hate to be put in that position. Tell Lucy that it is VERY rude to rescind an invitation and that it is very crappy for her, as the brides friend, to put her in a stressful situation. Because I would be very stressed out if a close friend was causing a stink over inviting someone else.
  • Kindly tell Lucy that its not a good idea to suggest something like that to the bride. 
  • Thanks ladies, I agree with all of you.

    Unfortunately, I just talked to the bride and she told me Lucy actually asked her this afternoon to "uninvite" her grandparents! I can't believe it. The bride said she told Lucy no, as that would be incredibly rude and she doesn't want to choose sides in their disagreement over the BF. Also, apparently after the bride said no, Lucy said she's going to try and persuade her grandparents not to attend "so she and her BF can have a good time." What a mess!!

    My friend the bride sounded really upset. I mean, really? Lucy is her oldest and closest friend, and out of all the things you worry about when planning a wedding, something like this should NOT be on the list. I'm astounded that they can't all attend and be adults for a few hours, for the bride's sake. Ugh...
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