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jassy84 · September 2010

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redheadfsu · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_father-of-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:6beae0a4-1a5c-470c-9975-f1b6201a8c28Post:b80301f9-2702-46a2-a18c-06fbee65a814">Father of the groom</a>:
[QUOTE]My finace's mother has been harassing him since we've been engaged (6months now) about not having is father as the best man. He's chosen to have his brother. She keeps on crying to him that she is so disappointed and hurt that his dad is not the best man and feels as though he has no role in the wedding. His role is FATHER OF THE GROOM!!! I'm beyond frustrated with this woman but my finace feels that it's best for him to deal with her. And by deal with her, I mean listen to her cry and berate him. He's not backing down but it's been a constant strain on us and now my parents too. They are upset that his mom isn't letting him just enjoy OUR day. Any thoughts or suggestions??
Posted by jassy84[/QUOTE]

Your FI is right, he should handle it. If and when they ask you about it say, "Oh, FI is in the next room let me get him." or "When he gets back I will let him know he needs to call you. Lovely weather today, isn't it?"

His mother may always act like this if something doesn't go their way. He knows how to handle his family. Although you may not agree with how he is handling it, since he isn't backing down what's the big deal? Don't let it bother you.

Your parents should not even know this is an issue. If your FMIL asked them about it, then have them repeat the above too.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · September 2010

My thought is that your future mother in law is being a tad bit dramatic and overbearing.

But I have no advice. Your fiance is dealing with it, and that's how it should be. I've been to weddings that have had the father as the best man - but certainly, it is up to the groom to choose whoever he wants his best man to be, and in this case, its his brother. So that's that.

If you want your fiance to be more forceful with his mother about how its going to go down, take it up with him.

vegasgroom · September 2010

Probably best for you to stay as far away from this as possible since he is at least standing his ground. The fact that he's doing that means his priorities are right, i.e. on you, the marriage and he's having who he wants as BM instead of being controlled, and whatever his actions are towards his mom may just be the easiest way for him to deal with her.

If you get involved and try to push him to deal with her in a different way, get your parents involved and he has to listen to them talk about how he interacts with his mom or how she behaves, you get emotional, etc., that's just going to be more for him to deal with and no help to him, which will lead to it hurting one or more relationships (yours/his, his/your parents, his/his moms, yours/his moms) for no appreciable gain, or he may stop talking to you about things like this, which again, doesn't help anyone.

If my FI told her parents about everything that pisses me off and they felt the need to comment to me on it I'd probably stop telling her things (overlooking the fact that her doing that would annoy me to begin with).

Sounds like his mom is just a drama queen and annoying, as time goes on and you're married and he's less willing to listen to it she'll probably back off at some point and/or he'll be less likely to listen to it, just let it work out over time.

tldh · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_father-of-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:6beae0a4-1a5c-470c-9975-f1b6201a8c28Post:081caf1f-a359-4b54-a2f4-a1cc76f30cfc">Re: Father of the groom</a>:
[QUOTE]Probably best for you to stay as far away from this as possible since he is at least standing his ground. The fact that he's doing that means his priorities are right, i.e. on you, the marriage and he's having who he wants as BM instead of being controlled, and whatever his actions are towards his mom may just be the easiest way for him to deal with her. If you get involved and try to push him to deal with her in a different way, get your parents involved and he has to listen to them talk about how he interacts with his mom or how she behaves, you get emotional, etc., that's just going to be more for him to deal with and no help to him, which will lead to it hurting one or more relationships (yours/his, his/your parents, his/his moms, yours/his moms) for no appreciable gain, or he may stop talking to you about things like this, which again, doesn't help anyone. If my FI told her parents about everything that pisses me off and they felt the need to comment to me on it I'd probably stop telling her things (overlooking the fact that her doing that would annoy me to begin with). Sounds like his mom is just a drama queen and annoying, as time goes on and you're married and he's less willing to listen to it she'll probably back off at some point and/or he'll be less likely to listen to it, just let it work out over time.
Posted by vegasgroom[/QUOTE]

Well Said!!!

OP- please do not delete posts. It's rude to those who answered your question and does a disservice to anyone who may have had a similar problem looking for an answer. Also, once you are quoted, it does you no good since your words are in another person's post and only they can delete it. Also, by doing this, it's like a beacon for others who see a deleted title to check out what was going on.

girl2bewed · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_father-of-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:6beae0a4-1a5c-470c-9975-f1b6201a8c28Post:15222ec7-40b5-48cb-b887-95d86336e630">Re: Father of the groom</a>:
[QUOTE] Also, by doing this, it's like a beacon for others who see a deleted title to check out what was going on.
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

Exactly why I came snooping :)

JenniferLuvsCandy · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_father-of-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:6beae0a4-1a5c-470c-9975-f1b6201a8c28Post:cda0a0aa-37e7-4773-b055-671b6f772006">Re: Father of the groom</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father of the groom : Exactly why I came snooping :)
Posted by girl2bewed[/QUOTE]

me too :)

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