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His friends aren't coming to the wedding

wishinstar2131wishinstar2131 member
First Comment
in Wedding Woes
My FH's(Future Husband's) parents and sister will not be at our wedding.  We live in Indiana but are getting married in Tennessee.   The date is not convenient for them.  So whatever we no longer talk to them anyway because of the way they have treated me as well has my FH and their attitude towards our engagement and marriage.  His family has actually told him he is making a mistake by marrying me and has tried to convince him to not.  Well that didn't work.  His parents and sister never told us congratulations on our engagement.  I could write a book about the terrible things his mother and sister have done to me.  Because of what they have done to me he uninvited them to our wedding.
But what really irritates me is his one best friend that he's had since he was in 7th grade.  When his friend got married my FH spent over $1000 on their wedding.  They have a child and we have spent a considerable amount of money on their son as well for baby shower, baptism, etc.  Well we were just informed that they might not be able to make it to our wedding in Tennessee because they are trying to be pregnant again by our wedding and they might not be able to afford it.  We are getting married in March and they aren't pregnant yet.  I am so ticked off about this.  I think it's a bunch of BS.  Any advice on how to handle the situation?  If his two best friends don't come my FH will have no one from his side at our small intimate wedding.  Which makes me feel terrible.
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Re: His friends aren't coming to the wedding

  • katorigasukikatorigasuki
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    you dont get to decide how other people spend their money.  weddings are not quid pro quo.  does it suck his friend wont be there, sure.

    is there anything you can do about it? no. move on.
    Report Reply
  • Zippy88kZippy88k member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_his-friends-arent-coming-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:a351dfd0-025e-4bec-b589-4addd96fb4f6Post:8498e2ef-578e-4187-9967-0068a11fcb21">His friends aren't coming to the wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]My FH's(Future Husband's) parents and sister will not be at our wedding.  We live in Indiana but are getting married in Tennessee.   The date is not convenient for them.  So whatever we no longer talk to them anyway because of the way they have treated me as well has my FH and their attitude towards our engagement and marriage.  His family has actually told him he is making a mistake by marrying me and has tried to convince him to not.  Well that didn't work.  His parents and sister never told us congratulations on our engagement.  I could write a book about the terrible things his mother and sister have done to me.  Because of what they have done to me he uninvited them to our wedding. But what really irritates me is his one best friend that he's had since he was in 7th grade.  When his friend got married my FH spent over $1000 on their wedding.  They have a child and we have spent a considerable amount of money on their son as well for baby shower, baptism, etc.  Well we were just informed that they might not be able to make it to our wedding in Tennessee because they are trying to be pregnant again by our wedding and they might not be able to afford it.  We are getting married in March and they aren't pregnant yet.  I am so ticked off about this.  I think it's a bunch of BS.  Any advice on how to handle the situation?  If his two best friends don't come my FH will have no one from his side at our small intimate wedding.  Which makes me feel terrible.
    Posted by wishinstar2131[/QUOTE]

    <div>ditto what the first person said. seriously? your wedding is the most important day in <em>your </em>life, but it doesn't stop anyone else's. i agree that it sucks, but you can't tell people how to spend their money. did you spend money on their child because you love them, or because you expected a full reciprocation?</div>
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  • catwalshcatwalsh member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I know it is expensive, but if it is really important that they be there and money is the only thing holding them back, could you offer to pay for their flight or hotel to make it easier for them.  If they still say no, then you know money was not really the reason and F**k them.

    We are still just trying to set a date, but I know that my Godparents do not have the money to fly out to the wedding.  I hope to offer them the flight with frequent flyer miles simply because I can't imagine them not there.

    Good luck!

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  • wishinstar2131wishinstar2131 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    No we did not do what we have done for them so that later on in life they would reciprocate.  I am also aware that I can't tell people how to spend their money.  I wish we could offer to pay for their hotel but there is no way we can afford it since we are paying for everything ourselves.  I am putting myself through school which makes the budget even tighter.  The only thing I can do is I can get them a discounted rate at a hotel down there since I work for a hotel chain. Which I have offered to do and was told that they'd let us know.
    My issue is that this is supposed to be his best friend and for him not to come is irritating.  Especially since when we invited them they said they would be coming and were looking forward to it, but I understand that things change. 
    I know there is nothing I can actually do about it.  I just feel really bad for my FI
    Report Reply
  • phunluvin82phunluvin82 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That really sucks...I would feel bad too for him not to have anyone at the wedding.  My FI and I are getting married in New Orleans where we live, which is far away from where our family and friends are.  We knew we wanted the wedding down here, but we knew that it would be a trade-off.  Having the wedding up north would have meant that basically everyone would be within driving distance.  Having it down here means that it is a big expense, and some of the people that we want to be there just won't be able to afford it. 
    Report Reply
  • NotPersephoneNotPersephone
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with PP's that it is terrible that no one from his side will be at your wedding.  Nonetheless, for the sake of your friendship, I would try to separate your feelings about his family from your feelings about his friend.  How annoyed would you be if there was no drama with the in-laws and they told you that they could not afford to come?  Would you be more disappointed than annoyed?  It is, after all, just a coincidence that the family issue and his friend's money issues are coming up at the same time. 

    I would try to be extra careful thay they not get the impression that you are annoyed that they may not be able to attend.  Since your FI is already having issus with his folks, he may need his friends more than ever now (and neither of you need a second source of drama).  Let him be the one to get annoyed with them.
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  • deepcovejackiedeepcovejackie
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think you should actually be more concerned about your relationship with his family.  At your request, he un-invited his immediate family?  That's going to have huge repercussions as you start your life with your new husband.  I'd focus on sorting that out.
    Report Reply
  • baconsmombaconsmom member
    5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_his-friends-arent-coming-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:a351dfd0-025e-4bec-b589-4addd96fb4f6Post:f1a512a9-1739-4a38-8c2a-ac26a031bdb0">Re: His friends aren't coming to the wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know it is expensive, but if it is really important that they be there and money is the only thing holding them back, could you offer to pay for their flight or hotel to make it easier for them.  If they still say no, then you know money was not really the reason and F**k them. 
    Posted by catwalsh[/QUOTE]
    WTF? Because they won't take charity just to go to a stupid wedding, they don't care about the couple? This is terrible advice.<div>
    </div><div>OP, you sound like a peach. I can't imagine why your FH's family hates you, what with this delightful attitude you have about everyone in your life. I hope life gives you exactly what you deserve. </div>
    image
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