Bridal Shower - who plans it

Dee729 · February 2010

Who is generally in charge or planning for my bridal shower?

trix1223 · February 2010

Anyone but you. You don't get to ask for a shower, and you don't get to tell someone to plan it for you.

It's a gift that you are given. I've been to showers planned by moms, aunts, cousins, WP, and/or friends.

danieliza1127 · February 2010

In my circle, usually the MOH and BMs plan and host it but I know in some circles it's common for the Mom or Aunt to host it. Regardless, if someone wants to throw a shower for you, they will offer.

lizstill13 · February 2010

Ditto PP. Anyone but you. You shouldn't even be thinking about a shower. If someone wants to plan/host one for you they will do it. You may be asked to provide a guest list, but ultimately the final decision is on the host.

berrytr · February 2010

I've heard that it may be viewed kinda tacky if a family member (mother, sister) hosts the shower as some may think the family is peddling for gifts. Usually, the members of the bridal party host. In short, anyone but you.

duckie1905 · February 2010

Anyone that offers to plan one can plan one (even immediate female relatives, depending on what is acceptable in your social circle). The only person that doesn't plan it is you.

You also cannot ask for one. Either someone offers or you just don't have one.

lynlovesjoe · February 2010

I'm sorry, but every couple should be able to honestly ask their MOH to throw the bachelorette and bridal shower unless someone else volunteers (who isn't direct family) Family shouldn't host it because it is like the whole family is demanding gifts. Very awkward!
I think the MOH normally understands this is one of her duties. She doesn't have to pay for it, it can be pot luck at someone's house. Even my house possibly. As long as she sends out the invites, then the faux pas is non existent.
And if nobody offers to throw one, then let wedding party members know that that is what you want, and if you have to, pay for the event and don't tell people. haha.
I really don't believe faux pas matter in honest relationships, and hopefully you have that with your loved ones. If not, then I think that is sad.

lizziemoopsc · February 2010

A shower is a gift, not an entitlement. BMs ONLY duties are to stand up with you in a dress you've picked out- anything else is a gift. If someone offers, that is lovely, if they don't, it really may suck, but you don't get one. Even potlucks can be more financially taxing than they could afford, just with invitations and posting! Also, if all you want is a nice time with friends, call everyone and go out to dinner, but don't insist on them showering you with gifts. Asking for a shower for the gifts is obviously gift grabby.

emilyinchile · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bridal-shower-plans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:099d5a50-5bb2-41df-a7f5-90a4b19345dePost:f6fd57cc-ce5d-45f5-a9de-c0143d14ca4a">Re: Bridal Shower - who plans it</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry, but every couple should be able to honestly ask their MOH to throw the bachelorette and bridal shower unless someone else volunteers (who isn't direct family) Family shouldn't host it because it is like the whole family is demanding gifts. Very awkward! I think the MOH normally understands this is one of her duties. She doesn't have to pay for it, it can be pot luck at someone's house. Even my house possibly. As long as she sends out the invites, then the faux pas is non existent. And if nobody offers to throw one, then let wedding party members know that that is what you want , and if you have to, pay for the event and don't tell people. haha. I really don't believe faux pas matter in honest relationships, and hopefully you have that with your loved ones. If not, then I think that is sad .
Posted by lynlovesjoe[/QUOTE]

:headdesk:

By this logic, I should be able to ask my friends to pay for me next time we go out to dinner. They're my friends, they should be happy to do it! Just because my friends and I are close doesn't mean I'm going to be rude to them. Asking someone to throw you a party is rude.

If you want gifts so desperately that you would pay for your own shower, save the money and go buy yourself the gifts instead. More direct and less tacky.

duckie1905 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bridal-shower-plans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:099d5a50-5bb2-41df-a7f5-90a4b19345dePost:f6fd57cc-ce5d-45f5-a9de-c0143d14ca4a">Re: Bridal Shower - who plans it</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry, but every couple should be able to honestly ask their MOH to throw the bachelorette and bridal shower
Posted by lynlovesjoe[/QUOTE]

<div>Sorry, but I was raised to not ask for presents. I was raised to be grateful for what I got and otherwise keep my mouth shut.</div>

gottahavashorti · February 2010

Anyone who offers to host a shower can host it. There's no designated person, and it's not okay to ask for one. But there you go Dee, lynlovesjoe has volunteered to host your shower at her house, as long as it's a potluck.

trix1223 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bridal-shower-plans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:099d5a50-5bb2-41df-a7f5-90a4b19345dePost:f6fd57cc-ce5d-45f5-a9de-c0143d14ca4a">Re: Bridal Shower - who plans it</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry, but every couple should be able to honestly ask their MOH to throw the bachelorette and bridal shower unless someone else volunteers (who isn't direct family) Family shouldn't host it because it is like the whole family is demanding gifts. Very awkward! I think the MOH normally understands this is one of her duties. She doesn't have to pay for it, it can be pot luck at someone's house. Even my house possibly. As long as she sends out the invites, then the faux pas is non existent. And if nobody offers to throw one, then let wedding party members know that that is what you want , and if you have to, pay for the event and don't tell people. haha. I really don't believe faux pas matter in honest relationships, and hopefully you have that with your loved ones. If not, then I think that is sad .
Posted by lynlovesjoe[/QUOTE]

Oh dear. There is such a sense of entitlement here that it's quite mind boggling. Here's the long and short of it. If no one offers to throw you a shower YOU DON'T GET ONE.

You don't tell people to give you one. You don't give it for yourself and pretend someone else is giving it for you. You don't give it for yourself and own up to the fact that you're giving it yourself. You don't get one. The end.

CTGirl30 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bridal-shower-plans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:099d5a50-5bb2-41df-a7f5-90a4b19345dePost:f6fd57cc-ce5d-45f5-a9de-c0143d14ca4a">Re: Bridal Shower - who plans it</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry, but every couple should be able to honestly ask their MOH to throw the bachelorette and bridal shower unless someone else volunteers (who isn't direct family) Family shouldn't host it because it is like the whole family is demanding gifts. Very awkward! I think the MOH normally understands this is one of her duties. She doesn't have to pay for it, it can be pot luck at someone's house. Even my house possibly. As long as she sends out the invites, then the faux pas is non existent. And if nobody offers to throw one, then let wedding party members know that that is what you want , and if you have to, pay for the event and don't tell people. haha. I really don't believe faux pas matter in honest relationships, and hopefully you have that with your loved ones. If not, then I think that is sad .
Posted by lynlovesjoe[/QUOTE]

This is poor advice - you don't ask someone to throw a party for you so you can get gifts.
And a shower is NOT a duty - not every bride gets one. Showers, if given, are gifts to the bride and she should be gracious and appreciative if given one. Not demanding of one or expecting of one...that kind of attitude is a surefire way to get your friends to give you the side eye and for people to think you're obnoxious. Even if they don't tell you (that's what we're here for).

bablingbrooke · February 2010

I'm sorry, but every couple should be able to honestly ask their MOH to throw the bachelorette and bridal shower unless someone else volunteers (who isn't direct family) Family shouldn't host it because it is like the whole family is demanding gifts. Very awkward!
I think the MOH normally understands this is one of her duties. She doesn't have to pay for it, it can be pot luck at someone's house. Even my house possibly. As long as she sends out the invites, then the faux pas is non existent.
And if nobody offers to throw one, then let wedding party members know that that is what you want, and if you have to, pay for the event and don't tell people. haha.
I really don't believe faux pas matter in honest relationships, and hopefully you have that with your loved ones. If not, then I think that is sad.

Nononononononononono. Just no.

PUT DOWN THE BRIDAL MAGAZINES.

Hasn't it ever occurred to anyone why the average price of a wedding has skyrocketed over the past 20 years? It's because magazines and TV and movies have created new "traditions" that our generation thinks are must-haves. If these truly were traditions, the prices of weddings would keep pace with inflation. They don't.

How would you feel if someone came up to you and said, "I'm turning 21 and it's a day I've been looking to all my life. As my best friend it's your job to throw the party. I want it to be for 30 people at this location, date, and time. I will plan everything. But you have to pay and send out the invites. Otherwise it's just tacky." Would YOU respond well to that?

banana468 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bridal-shower-plans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:099d5a50-5bb2-41df-a7f5-90a4b19345dePost:f6fd57cc-ce5d-45f5-a9de-c0143d14ca4a">Re: Bridal Shower - who plans it</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry, but every couple should be able to honestly ask their MOH to throw the bachelorette and bridal shower unless someone else volunteers (who isn't direct family) Family shouldn't host it because it is like the whole family is demanding gifts. Very awkward! I think the MOH normally understands this is one of her duties. She doesn't have to pay for it, it can be pot luck at someone's house. Even my house possibly. As long as she sends out the invites, then the faux pas is non existent. And if nobody offers to throw one, then let wedding party members know that that is what you want , and if you have to, pay for the event and don't tell people. haha. I really don't believe faux pas matter in honest relationships, and hopefully you have that with your loved ones. If not, then I think that is sad .
Posted by lynlovesjoe[/QUOTE]

I don't think you're all that sorry.

That's really bad advice. OP, please don't follow it.

Faux pas matter the MOST in honest and close relationships!! I care more about how my friends feel than how my great aunts or second cousins feel!

megandjay · February 2010

I think it is usually a friend, MOH, BM, aunt or cousin who officially hosts. I know the Mom is not supposed to host, but for most of the showers I have been to the Mom has been very involved with the planning, which I don't have a problem with.

I can't imagine asking or demanding that someone throw me a shower, that seems very Bridezilla...

HisCB · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_bridal-shower-plans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:099d5a50-5bb2-41df-a7f5-90a4b19345dePost:835e9842-2f2c-43c9-ad7d-eef0313da86f">Re: Bridal Shower - who plans it</a>:
[QUOTE] Nononononononononono. Just no. PUT DOWN THE BRIDAL MAGAZINES. Hasn't it ever occurred to anyone why the average price of a wedding has skyrocketed over the past 20 years? It's because magazines and TV and movies have created new "traditions" that our generation thinks are must-haves. If these truly were traditions, the prices of weddings would keep pace with inflation. They don't. How would you feel if someone came up to you and said, "I'm turning 21 and it's a day I've been looking to all my life. As my best friend it's your job to throw the party. I want it to be for 30 people at this location, date, and time. I will plan everything. But you have to pay and send out the invites. Otherwise it's just tacky." Would YOU respond well to that?
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

well said!
i agree that the cost of weddings have skyrocketed well above inflation.

if someone hasnt offered to give you a shower and you are feeling left out, then subtly hint to your best closest friend, it should NOT be about the gifts at all!

as for family throwing the party, the idea that it will make the family seem gift hungry is just silly. i have never thought that. this concept brings the subject of the shower back to gifts, its not about being showered with gifts, its about being showered with love and attention!

banana468 · February 2010

HisCB, most people don't feel that way though.

Many adult women I'll talk to feel that the shower is about presents. They consider it one of the "wedding guest expenses".

cicconesp · February 2010

In defense of Dee729 she never said she was asking for one. I have had many people already approach me with questions regarding our shower including my future mother in law, and my FI's stepmother. While I agree asking for one is tacky a bride may easily find herself in a spot where she's forced to provide some feedback and or limited coordination on behalf of her friends and family. It’s not wrong to want to know what the normal etiquette is. I sincerely hope every bride is lucky enough to have friends and family want to throw her a shower!! Happy Planning!

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