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Wedding Etiquette Forum

F/U to cousin's wedding. Can I whine for a second?

Sorry for the semi-repeat. I don't know if people check old threads, and I'm in a bad mood and need to let off some steam. 

It's official. The date is set. The day after mine. Their wedding day is on the day I WAS going to leave on my honeymoon.

I talked to my cousin on FB chat today, and without trying to be a bridezilla, I gently asked him again about his date to see if it's confirmed. It is. He said they picked that day so my uncle and aunt who are flying in can save money. Fair enough. 

So I call my mom, who agrees that this sucks. I told her that I wouldn't be going to his wedding because the flights / honeymoon is booked and my mom completely shut that down, saying I HAVE to go to his wedding. My mom said she will reimburse us for the extra cost of changing our flights to the next day.  

My fiance and my dad are in my cousins enormous wedding party, and it just sucks for everyone. No one wants to go to back-to-back weddings, especially since they're at opposite ends of the city, and my cousin's wedding is morning wedding, which means people will be leaving early from mine.

I'm so disappointed and annoyed. If my uncle is worried about an additional flight, why can't my mom just give my uncle the money she was going to give me so he only has to PAY to fly out once? I feel like I'm starting to become a bridezilla and I don't like this. I haven't actually told my cousin how I feel, because I'm not sure it's my place. Should I express my concerns (obviously nicely) when I see him at Christmas?

UGH. I want to elope.
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Re: F/U to cousin's wedding. Can I whine for a second?

  • Think about how you will feel if you take the Sunday AM flight and then miss your honeymoon cruise. How will that affect the relationships with your cousin and your mom? 

    What about going to his ceremony but not the reception, and making your 2pm flight? I would probably try to gently talk to him at Christmas in case he is really just dense and doesn't see how much his decision is hurting you.
  • polichikpolichik member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2010
    Huh, I made my post a few hours ago but saw that it just posted. It should've been prior to the whole 14.5-hour wedding commitment that they expect from their guests.

    I think I'd go to the ceremony and end it there. You've been there for the most important part, and I think that not having your FI in their WP photos is fine. They made their choice, now you need to make yours.

    ETA: I was beyond zapped after the wedding, as I hadn't gotten any real sleep for about a week beforehand. I would've been miserable if I'd gone to any kind of event the next day besides the just-immediate-family brunch my parents had with us. I then slept for the rest of the day before we left for our HM. I know he's your cousin and you care about them, but you need to take care of yourself as well.
  • And I think your FI (then H) needs to bow out of that huge wedding party.

     Is he really going to want to get out of his tux, take a nap and then get into a different tux the next day?  Not to mention he'll be tired from his own wedding and then having to stand around for hours again?
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  • Attend the ceremony and then peace out. THEY WILL UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE A HONEYMOON TO GO ON! Our last cruise we left 24 hours before the boat sailed and our flights got delayed twice which put us in Florida only a couple hours before we were suppose to board the boat. After that experience I would say to leave at your original 2pm flight--No later!
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  • I agree - ceremony only, maybe a few family pics and then have a nice day we're going on our honeymoon. And no, I don't see how they could consider YOU a bridezilla when they clearly chose to do this. Pretty crappy, IMO, but you learn to deal.


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  • edited December 2010
    Thank you all for the support.  You all made me feel much better. I could feel myself on the verge of tears before posting, but now what's done is done, and I think I'm over it. I still think it's incredibly rude to the over-lapping guests, but shiit happens.

    I'm going to go to their wedding, allow the pretty pretty princess to have her pictures, eat dinner, leave the reception, stay at the hotel near the airport, and fly out early on the Sunday and pray there are no delays.  

    I'm chalking it up to being able to have one more day / night with my aunt and uncle who I rarely get to see. 
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  • lisalou402lisalou402 member
    Tenth Anniversary 100 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2010
    Is this all a lot of the same guests?

    I love weddings, and even I would not be happy with back to back ones with the same crowd.

    Also, the night before my wedding, the last thing I would have wanted to do would be be at another wedding!  So are they coming to your wedding on Friday?
  • I still say keep your HM plans. Are you and your FI paying for the HM (it sounds like you are)? Then your mom has really no say. Even if she paid for the WEDDING, this isn't the wedding, so I see no obligation to do what she wants. I would keep the honeymoon and send your regrets to your cousin that you had already booked a trip that day (that he knew about it, but you can keep this part out). I know it sucks if you're close to him, but look at it this way.
    It's one wedding. MOST of us will have to miss out on at least one wedding of a close friend/family member at some point in our lives because of a schedule conflict. That's life. It's not personal and it's not an insult to him.


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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fu-cousins-wedding-can-whine-second?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1cfc4f08-05ed-430f-9f5f-05003c8eba6ePost:c5462323-337e-4e13-94ec-eccf6b666f71">Re: F/U to cousin's wedding. Can I whine for a second?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Is this all a lot of the same guests? I love weddings, and even I would not be happy with back to back ones with the same crowd. <strong>Also, the night before my wedding, the last thing I would have wanted to do would be be at another wedding!  So are they coming to your wedding on Friday?</strong>
    Posted by lisalou402[/QUOTE]

    <div>I know, right?! I was thinking the exact same thing.  I could totally see them (especially her) bailing on my wedding.  They say they're both coming, but I guess time will tell. </div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
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  • Just please promise that you'll have a huge open bar so everyone is good and hungover for the 11:00 a.m. wedding the next day.
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  • Pffft.  Somebody would be getting their feelings hurt at Christmas because there is no way in hell I OR Noodle would be willing to do more than show up (and probably fall asleep) for the ceremony.  Then we'd be bouncing our happy asses onto the plane to go to our honeymoon.  I'm going to be honest, I think you should just go to the ceremony.  I know you're trying to maintain family harmony here, but for Godssake, this is kind of ridiculous. 

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  • So sorry you have to deal with such an absurd situation! Jeeze... Agree with PPs... attend the ceremony and stay for a few pics. Set a hard time when you know you need to leave and either try to make the flight you have set or reschedule it for later that evening.
  • OP, you are a far better person than I am if you're going to change your honeymoon plans to partake in that ridiculous day.  I'm not convinced I'd go if my cousin was having a wedding like that even if my wedding hadn't been the day before.  I mean, I'm having an hour and a half gap (less with travel) and I feel badly about that... what your cousin is doing is insane.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fu-cousins-wedding-can-whine-second?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1cfc4f08-05ed-430f-9f5f-05003c8eba6ePost:6217a759-0b47-4efd-bb3c-d89cd11074ea">Re: F/U to cousin's wedding. Can I whine for a second?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: F/U to cousin's wedding. Can I whine for a second? : She's really wants her pretty pretty princess day. Wedding starts at 11am. 5 hours of pictures all around the city. Cocktails at 4pm.  Dinner at 5pm. Wedding ends at 1:30am. 
    Posted by stellaella[/QUOTE]

    <div>5 HOURS OF PICTURES? WTF are the guests doing for that giant gap??</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fu-cousins-wedding-can-whine-second?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1cfc4f08-05ed-430f-9f5f-05003c8eba6ePost:c1fe7845-e007-40ff-a33d-cb1cd02d0532">Re: F/U to cousin's wedding. Can I whine for a second?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: F/U to cousin's wedding. Can I whine for a second? : 5 HOURS OF PICTURES? WTF are the guests doing for that giant gap??
    Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

    Getting drunk, I hope.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fu-cousins-wedding-can-whine-second?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1cfc4f08-05ed-430f-9f5f-05003c8eba6ePost:31d1196b-1b02-4e14-881b-bf315a36b22c">F/U to cousin's wedding. Can I whine for a second?</a>:
    [QUOTE] Should I express my concerns (obviously nicely) when I see him at Christmas? Posted by stellaella[/QUOTE]

    Absolutely not.  You'll just have to move pass this.  I totally understand how you feel, but don't bring it up.  Its not your place to.  Just grin and bear it.  Don't worry about this kind of stuff.  You're only engaged once in your life, enjoy this time.  At least he isn't getting married the same day as you.
  • Guess what, by the time your cousins wedding takes place, you'll be an married woman with your own family to take into consideration. 

    The days of your mom dictating your actions will be over.  Your new family comes first.  Do what is best for you and your new H, not what your mom thinks you should do.

    I second this.... good advice aMRSin09


    The day my H and I were married my dad screamed at me (afterwards at the dinner) then apoligized since he says he no longer owns me (an awful way to look at it... but I agree) my mother/father can no longer demand I do things. I do whats in the best interest of my new little family.
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