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My 2nd his 1st and we are having a small wedding

southerlandlesliemsoutherlandlesliem
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in Second Weddings
This will be my second time to marry and his first and we are going to have a very small wedding but I feel like I am taking away from his experience, but he is the one that wanted a very small wedding....should I try to talk him into having the whole package so that way he can have that experience that I already have had...I don't know what to do cause either way I will be happy with what we choose. Please help
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Re: My 2nd his 1st and we are having a small wedding

  • Sue-n-KevinSue-n-Kevin member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Discuss with him and ask HIM. Explain the pros and cons of each (most men don't really understand what it can mean emotionally or financially for either). Discuss budget, if you are both paying for it without any assistance, and the plans you have for your future. Will paying for a medium or large wedding put your future plans at risk?

    For example, my first wedding, my fiance's 3rd marriage. He never had a wedding celebration, justice of the peace both prior times. Because I have never been married, I really wanted a big celebration to share this with all the people who have been waiting decades for me to find the right guy, LOL. But I understand the 1) work, 2) cost, 3) emotional investment in this type of wedding. As I said, most guys don't. I'm doing a lot of DIY to save on costs, but then I'm crafty and can do this willingly.

    Hope that helps.
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  • AdelphiTNAdelphiTN member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Also don't think that 'small' means 'less meaningful' - we had only 40ish people at ours, and it was absolutely everything i dreamed it would be. I felt like we had a happy medium.  No BMs, GMs, ring bearers, etc. No rehearsals, no pre-defined reception seating, no fuss.

    We spent our time, money, and effort on location, food, & bar. we invited just our families and very closest friends. It was beautiful, intimate, and very special.

    I always suggest that you and FI pretend it is the week AFTER the wedding and you are 'remembering' what was special to you. That will help you figure out what you want.
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  • 2dBride2dBride member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If he's the one who wants a very small wedding, I wouldn't try to talk him out of it, unless you really want a larger one.  Too often, people assume that everyone really wants one type of wedding--generally Princess Diana's.  However, a lot of people actually prefer a more intimate event, or have other financial goals that conflict with a huge wedding.  I wouldn't assume that you know better than he what he would regret later.
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  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    Name Dropper 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    There is nothing wrong with a small intimate wedding.  It can have all the trimmings of a grand lavish affair without all the expense.  If your FI prefers a small intimate wedding and that is also what you want I don't see what the problem is, unless you want the large lavish wedding.
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  • JenniebeebJenniebeeb
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I think there is absolutely no reason you should "talk him into" something that it sounds like he's not interested in.

    I think you should probably ask him once more what HE really wants, and if he says Small then stick with it.  If he says Big, then talk about it....But listen to him.

    If you yourself wants a big lavish wedding, but are afraid to say something about it then I think that's something you two will have to talk over...

    Good luck with deciding, and congrats :)

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  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with all of the above.  Small is relative.  Since my FI has never had anything other that courthouse/JP wedding (twice), and I have only had a big Church wedding (once) -- small turned out to be something very different in each of our heads.  I was thinking 30 to 40, he was thinking 60 (he's been to some pretty big family weddings!). 

    Really though, we came to the conclusion that the type of ceremony and celebration -- intimate, with very close family and friends -- is more important to both of us than the number attending.  So, to keep it simple, elegant and intimate ...

    Officiant.  My cousin, a minister, will officiate.
    Greeting the guests.  We plan to greet each of our guests together before we process up the aisle together.
    Teeny tiny wedding party of 2.  My son is my best man, his best friend of 40+ years is his best man.
    Music.  My son and my cousin's wife will perform a violin duet during the ceremony.
    Setting.  The bar for cocktail hour is just steps away from the wedding canopy; the plated dinner will be served just inside the terrace. 
    Party.  Oh yeah...  lots of dancing with a great DJ to follow.  Both families LOVE to dance the night away.  :)

    Discussion with your FI is important.  As long as you have enough time to plan, your vision(s) will naturally evolve with time.  It has been great to go through each of the planning steps with my FI.  And, both of us have gotten a lot of great ideas here on TK.

    The only aspect that will be a "surprise" is attire.  We're buying dress (done!) and tuxedo (he's still looking) independent of one another ... waiting to see each other, fully decked out, just prior to the ceremony.  Woo hoo!

    Best of luck!!
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  • thealphabridethealphabride
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I love all of the advice given here and just have one thing to add.
     
    In my experience when a man tells you what he wants, he is being honest and sincere. Listen to him. If you want to talk it over that's great but my guess is that he wants a small wedding. You just need to sit down with him and define small.

    Best of luck and let us know what you decide!
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  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_2nd-his-1st-having-small-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:156a8122-88d9-4428-b954-026fda8729eePost:c8a2f6d2-cfd7-479b-94b5-c7868cb7cc87">Re: My 2nd his 1st and we are having a small wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]The last wedding had 50 guests, and <strong>I remember each and every face and what they said to me.
    </strong>Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    *sigh*  That's what we're going for.  We'll likely have about 50 guests and are SO looking forward to greeting our guests before the ceremony, mingling during cocktails and dancing 'til the cows come home with everyone after dinner.  I can't believe there are 250 days left ... Lord, why did we decide on such a long engagement??!!  Ha!
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  • southerlandlesliemsoutherlandlesliem
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    thank you all so much for the wonderful advice, we are going to talk it over again and I am pretty sure we will stick to the small wedding...i will let you all know what we decide.

    Thank you all so much
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  • squarepeg72squarepeg72
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We talked about a small wedding ... and then we started the guest list. Now it is not so small. My first wedding was in a church with mostly college friends and family. He has never been married before and both of our families are looking forward to the wedding. Your wedding is going to be perfect if you talk it over and then work together. I wanted outdoor, he wanted indoor, I wanted finger food, he wanted buffet style sit down dinner .... so we talked about it and compromised... outdoor for the ceremony and reception ... His favorite food for a buffet/sit - down dinner reception.

    Ask ... then listen ... he'll tell you what he wants ... Being married to you ....
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  • southerlandlesliemsoutherlandlesliem
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you squarepeg that is true that is what he wants is to be married to me...we have talked about and pretty much leaving it in my hands....thank you
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