this is the code for the render ad
Wedding Etiquette Forum

Inviting the boyfriends I´ve never met?

My fiance and I will be getting married in Costa Rica in January 2013. We live here, and it will be a small wedding (around 30 people) with his family, close friends, my mom, and maybe 2 of my best friends. We´ll be moving to New York (where I´m from) a few weeks after the wedding and plan on having a reception for our loved ones in NY, probably in April. This will be a little larger than the Costa Rican affair, but not by much (approximately 50 people).

My question is about plus-ones. None of the guests will be put in the position of not knowing anyone, since it´ll be family and good friends. Of course I´ll invite my best friend´s boyfriend of (on and off again) 5 years, since she´s my best friend, they have a legit history, and I´ve known him for years and have spent some time with him. What my other friends, though? Do they get plus-ones? Two of my friends will have been with their boyfriends for 1 year at that point (assuming they don´t break up before then!), but I´ve never met or spoken to the guys. In all fairness, that´s probably my fault for being the one who went on vacation to Costa Rica, fell in love with the country and decided to stay... then fell in love with a man and decided to marry him! But still, I don´t know the guys. I don´t want to be rude, but I also don´t want to invite people I don´t know, especially to a relatively intimate reception. So... What´s the protocol here? I realize I do´n´t have to worry about this at this EXACT moment, but I´d rather start figuring it out earlier rather than later.

Thanks in advance for your thoughts! :o)
Wedding Countdown Ticker

Re: Inviting the boyfriends I´ve never met?

  • Agreed....no one should have to take the flight to Costa Rica and then stay in  hotel alone especially if they are in an established relationship.  Whether or not you've met the guys is irrelevant. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-the-boyfriends-ive-never-met?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7a12fcda-06f0-44c4-b94b-1a2f7844d6f8Post:5ad1545f-0da4-4e1c-a81e-9625161a8e0a">Inviting the boyfriends I´ve never met?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance and I will be getting married in Costa Rica in January 2013. We live here, and it will be a small wedding (around 30 people) with his family, close friends, my mom, and maybe 2 of my best friends. We´ll be moving to New York (where I´m from) a few weeks after the wedding and plan on having a reception for our loved ones in NY, probably in April. This will be a little larger than the Costa Rican affair, but not by much (approximately 50 people). My question is about plus-ones. None of the guests will be put in the position of not knowing anyone, since it´ll be family and good friends. Of course I´ll invite my best friend´s boyfriend of (on and off again) 5 years, since she´s my best friend, they have a legit history, and I´ve known him for years and have spent some time with him. <strong>What my other friends, though? Do they get plus-ones? Two of my friends will have been with their boyfriends for 1 year at that point </strong>(assuming they don´t break up before then!), but I´ve never met or spoken to the guys. In all fairness, that´s probably my fault for being the one who went on vacation to Costa Rica, fell in love with the country and decided to stay... then fell in love with a man and decided to marry him! But still, I don´t know the guys. I don´t want to be rude, but I also don´t want to invite people I don´t know, especially to a relatively intimate reception. So... What´s the protocol here? I realize I do´n´t have to worry about this at this EXACT moment, but I´d rather start figuring it out earlier rather than later. Thanks in advance for your thoughts! :o)
    Posted by TaraKeeley[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Of course they should be invited. You are supposed to invite someone's significant other, no matter how insignificant they seem to you. It's especially wrong not to invite the SO when that person is have to do major travel to attend.

    </div>
    image
  • DEFINITELY not inviting people to Costa Rica without a plus one! I´m talking about the reception in New York when we return- sorry if that wasn´t clear.




    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-the-boyfriends-ive-never-met?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7a12fcda-06f0-44c4-b94b-1a2f7844d6f8Post:5860648b-27b1-4631-9313-6b19c39ec0f4">Re: Inviting the boyfriends I´ve never met?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You're asking someone to go to a DW wedding without a partner of a year?  No, that's not ok.  You'll need to invite the partners of those that consider themselves in a relationship.  For a DW, I think everyone should have a plus 1, but that's just me.
    Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-the-boyfriends-ive-never-met?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7a12fcda-06f0-44c4-b94b-1a2f7844d6f8Post:5860648b-27b1-4631-9313-6b19c39ec0f4">Re: Inviting the boyfriends I´ve never met?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You're asking someone to go to a DW wedding without a partner of a year?  No, that's not ok.  You'll need to invite the partners of those that consider themselves in a relationship.  <strong>For a DW, I think everyone should have a plus 1, but that's just me.</strong>
    Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]

    Plus me.  You plus me.  I'M YOUR PLUS ONE!

    I hate traveling alone.  I'll do it if I have to, but I try to avoid it, even if I know people at the destination.  To me, there are few things worse than your airplane seatmate deciding you look lonely.

    image
    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-the-boyfriends-ive-never-met?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7a12fcda-06f0-44c4-b94b-1a2f7844d6f8Post:0bae8297-1010-4e63-92b0-1d1d48e42a22">Re: Inviting the boyfriends I´ve never met?</a>:
    [QUOTE]DEFINITELY not inviting people to Costa Rica without a plus one! I´m talking about the reception in New York when we return- sorry if that wasn´t clear. In Response to Re: Inviting the boyfriends I´ve never met? :
    Posted by TaraKeeley[/QUOTE]

    <div>Same difference. They still need to be invited with their significant other.</div>
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-the-boyfriends-ive-never-met?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7a12fcda-06f0-44c4-b94b-1a2f7844d6f8Post:0bae8297-1010-4e63-92b0-1d1d48e42a22">Re: Inviting the boyfriends I´ve never met?</a>:
    [QUOTE]DEFINITELY not inviting people to Costa Rica without a plus one! I´m talking about the reception in New York when we return- sorry if that wasn´t clear. In Response to Re: Inviting the boyfriends I´ve never met? :
    Posted by TaraKeeley[/QUOTE]

    Oh!  Well in THAT case.... yes, you still need to invite their boyfriends.

    image
    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
  • Ditto.  It doesn't matter if you haven't met the SO, you still need to invite those in relationships with their SOs.
  • Okay thanks for the feedback =) Just wasnt sure what the right thing to do was if these guys are still around in a few months. I´ve heard a lot about only inviting the SO if they live together, if they´ve been together x amount of time, etc., so I was just wondering so I wouldn´t massively offend anyone. Thanks! :o)

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-the-boyfriends-ive-never-met?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7a12fcda-06f0-44c4-b94b-1a2f7844d6f8Post:f1fe7478-c618-418f-86ed-9e2deec20917">Re: Inviting the boyfriends I´ve never met?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay thanks for the feedback =) Just wasnt sure what the right thing to do was if these guys are still around in a few months. I´ve heard a lot about only inviting the SO if they live together, if they´ve been together x amount of time, etc., so I was just wondering so I wouldn´t massively offend anyone. Thanks! :o)
    Posted by TaraKeeley[/QUOTE]

    <div>Good call on double checking :) I didn't live with H prior to the wedding because of religious reasons so I hate that reasoning. As far as the time goes, it's just hard to judge how serious someone's relationship is based on time.</div>
    image
  • HuckSCHuckSC member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    I was a bridesmaid in a wedding that I had to fly to attend. I knew ahead of time my bf wasn't going to be able to attend, but him not even being on the invitation really irked me. But there was so much wrong with that wedding I could do a whole book on it.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-the-boyfriends-ive-never-met?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7a12fcda-06f0-44c4-b94b-1a2f7844d6f8Post:ba361776-26fc-423d-a714-2315cf4f0d25">Re: Inviting the boyfriends I´ve never met?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Inviting the boyfriends I´ve never met? : <strong>Good call on double checking :) I didn't live with H prior to the wedding because of religious reasons so I hate that reasoning. As far as the time goes, it's just hard to judge how serious someone's relationship is based on time.</strong>
    Posted by whitsy[/QUOTE]

    I hate that reasoning also. Sometimes people dont live together for financial or religious or professional reasons... and I agree about the time/seriousness thing. FI and I were definitely serious after two weeks haha!  These relationships my friends have seem somewhat serious, though since I´m not there I cant know. I´ll just take their word for it!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • We have a limit on the amount of people that we can have at our wedding, so we told all of our single friends and family that if they were single when they got their invitation, 3 months prior to the wedding, that we were sorry but they would not have a plus 1. My fiancee's brother starting dating someone about 2 weeks before we handed out invitations so she is invited.
    Also, by inviting your friends other halfs, you will get to meet them.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards