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RSVPs, Anxiety and Bridal Blues

mcollins2mcollins2
First Comment
in Florida-North Florida
We planned on having a small wedding with somewhere around 75-85 guests.  This is what we budgeted for.  This is what we both agreed we wanted to enjoy the evening with an intimate group of friends and family.  We sent out quite a few more invitations than that, including people we knew could not attend more out of courtesy than anything else.  You know what I mean.  With an RSVP date of 4/2, we have 65 confirmed guests, so I guess that means we're right on track, right?  But here I am stressed and worried about those that have not RSVP'd yet, and why haven't they?  And I find myself wondering if people are going to show up.  I am seriously having a bit of an anxiety attack about our final head count NOT BEING HIGH ENOUGH.  A few people that I asssumed would be there are unable to attend due to a prior engagement and I'm so disappointed.  Maybe I'm just being selfish.  I find myself thinking maybe people don't want to come sinc they have not sent in their RSVP. :-(

Am I crazy?!?  Is this normal anxiety / bridal blues?  We have less than 6 weeks to go and I feel so stressed...  Ugh.
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Re: RSVPs, Anxiety and Bridal Blues

  • amh04amh04
    First Comment
    edited March 2012
    We originially expected 75 guests - and ended up with a final head count of 55 - much less family came than we expected. But in the end - it was the perfect number for us. Everything went smoothly and we actually were able to talk with everone. I would just wait until the 4/2 RSVP date and give those you haven't heard a call.

    Wedding planning isn't completely glamerous - nor fun. Heck I hated most of the planning and things still came around. Just take a deep breath and know it'll be okay. It sounds like you have a good group coming already! And what your feeling is completely normal. I love my H but I did not love wedding planning/process.
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  • aamk2012aamk2012
    First Comment
    We just got married 3/2 at the White Room where we had a minimum for food and bev that we had to make, so we built the menu around the guest list.  We invited about  100 people (also knowing some would not be able to come) and ended up with 74  confirmed.  Then we had 6 not show up...4 b/c of a death in the family, and the other 2 for no good excuse.  We waited until a week after the deadline on our RSVPs and then called or emailed people. Some people do unfortunately wait until the last minuet to send responses, and some who are not planning to come do not respond at all. That's why it is important to follow up.  If you were hoping for 75-85, it sounds like you are on track.  Not everyone realizes that as the bride, you are checking your mailbox EVERYDAY for responses.  We had about 5 come in after our cutoff date.  Just be prepared for a couple of people to not make it to the wedding after saying they will.  It really stinks since you have already paid for them by the wedding day, but from what I have heard from my friends and from my own experience...it happens.  From what I went through, it seems that you still have time to get some Yes's.  Give it a few days and start following up after about 4/7.  No one was offended that we followed up. We said we had to give a final count to the caterer.  Some of those who we had to call turned out to be Yes's!  They just forgot to send the RSVP back per the deadline. I hope that knowing you are not the only bride who stressed over this calms you a little bit. Good luck!  
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  • jalifigjalifig member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I totally understand.  We are so over budget right now it is ridiculous.  We planned for 50 people, but people are coming out of the woodworks.  I mean people (family) I never anticipated that would come are coming with their entire family.  I don't even know these people.

    We have to put a deposit down now for catering, and i would like a realistic number of people to expect.  I wish these people would just send teh response cards which were due on the March 14th.  I am stickler for deadlines. 
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  • chickenbut143chickenbut143 member
    First Comment
    I agree w/ PP except all the ones we had to call ended up being a "still trying" and all others are all no's.  I guess they didn't want to tell us.  Who knows...  We had about 3 come after we already contacted them (and they said no).  Oh and we started calling the day before they were due.   
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  • mary1217mary1217 member
    First Comment
    edited March 2012
    We invited 114, and after the deadline were missing 27 RSVP cards (some couples).  I called, texted and FB messaged people. Our final headcount was 65 (10 lower than our guaranteed but it was only a fee of $250).  7 people did not show up.  In my opinion only one had a good reason - bronchitis.

    People not sending in their RSVP cards is nothing against you. People are just lazy.  Sometimes they just need a reminder.
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  • FutureMrsMiller25FutureMrsMiller25 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I was talking to my MOH about RSVPing tonight... When I sent out my invites a ton of people immediately responded and then it just... STOPPED. Nothing. She said she got a ton right away then a bunch right at the last moment. We are doing rsvping on our website only and it allows me to do mass emails with info to guests and updates so 2 weeks prior I plan to email people who have not RSVPed to (in a friendly way) remind them of their RSVP date but I am sure there are still people I'll have to harass. I set my RSVP date out further than I needed it bc I'm just someone who likes things done early and I didn't want to deal with hunting down people last minute. I get frustrated too bc I know people know by now if they're coming (basically everyone has to travel - the few local people have all responded - and it's also a holiday weekend) so why can they not just log on and tell me?? :)

    As far as being disappointed with people coming/not coming - everyone has their own things going on in their lives. My FI has made the point that as long as his IMMEDIATE family is there that is all that matters. I have turned down a lot of weddings in my day just because although I really like the couple I can't afford to go to every single wedding I get invited to. I'd rather buy them a nicer gift and send them my congrats. Try not to take it too personally. 
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  • SammieXO1031SammieXO1031 member
    First Comment
    It is normal. One thing my Dad kept telling me was the people who want to be there WILL be there. My husbands Aunt swore she wouldn't miss it for the world, never even sent back her RSVP. There are people that will respond, say they're coming and never show up. It happens all the time unfortunatley. What gets into people's heads? I have no idea. Don't stress !!
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  • Kris092988Kris092988 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited April 2012
    I got married on a military base, so I had to have everyone who was coming's name at the front gate, so my RSVP process was very hectic. Nobody from my husband's dad's side of the family even bothered to send theirs back or answer our calls, and it definitely got stressful and depressing that they wouldn't even speak to us about it. After confirming final head count a week before the wedding, we still had about 15 people not show. Statistically about 33% of RSVP's don't end up coming.
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