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Please Remove.

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Re: Please Remove.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-for-father-of-the-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f20dabda-72e6-4db7-ad46-8bfab25eb33dPost:803f2540-1a30-435c-98cb-4c785f8b58b2">Re: Help for Father of the Bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]As I've said over and over again, my daughter is not the one asking me for money. She knows not to do that. She is simply telling me what is going on in her life. She has said to everyone that she does not want another dime put into this wedding. My daughter has always been independent and good with her money, as she has been taught.
    Posted by IAmTheFatherOfTheBride[/QUOTE]

    Has it ever occurred to you that she may have been venting? Just give her a hug, apologize for the crap going on, and tell her you'll always be there for her!
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  • MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 The Witch City member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-for-father-of-the-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f20dabda-72e6-4db7-ad46-8bfab25eb33dPost:bfffeb96-0877-4c69-a056-f7570b06188a">Re: Help for Father of the Bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]Again, they don't care if this is what his parents want to spend their money on. No "standing up" needed.  And yes, there are strings attached to money for her wedding. My daughter is smart enough to know that this is how the world works.<strong> It was the same when it was time to give her car back for not being responsible and showing up for visits on time.</strong> It was the same when her mother and I split up, you want to be disorganized and live with no purpose like your mother, you can figure out your own college education and housing. Not my problem. I am her father and it is my job to teach her the ways of the world. I am amazed at how some of you seem to feel about money.
    Posted by IAmTheFatherOfTheBride[/QUOTE]

    Well aren't you a peach.  Emotional blackmail much?

     

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-for-father-of-the-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f20dabda-72e6-4db7-ad46-8bfab25eb33dPost:803f2540-1a30-435c-98cb-4c785f8b58b2">Re: Help for Father of the Bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]As I've said over and over again, my daughter is not the one asking me for money. She knows not to do that. She is simply telling me what is going on in her life. She has said to everyone that she does not want another dime put into this wedding. My daughter has always been independent and good with her money, as she has been taught.
    Posted by IAmTheFatherOfTheBride[/QUOTE]

    OK.  Then maybe you should try sitting down the B&G and asking them what kind of wedding they truly want.  Then encourage them to plan the wedding they want and cancelling all current plans.  If that is a private elopement, so be it. 
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its


    This is what I get out of this post:

    You gave "X" money to your daughter to be used for the wedding and as a gift
    .     - What you should have done is given "y" amount money for the wedding.  Then on the wedding day given them a check for 'z' amount.  You didn't even have to tell them about the gift until the wedding day.   That way your wishes were being honored.  Once you give the money to her it's out of your control.


    I really don't know what your alimony has to do with this.    Sure it sucks you have to pay alimony, but what she does with the money is none of your business.  Just like it's none of her business what you do with your money. 

    Future-in-laws -   your daughter and FSIL need to grow a spine.  If they don't want a big wedding then they need to say so.  Period.    If they give in then the consequences are for THEM to cover the costs.  Not you and not her mother.   Your daughter and FSIL.   If they choose to use all the money you gave them then it's their business.  Sorry, but you just have to let it go.

    At this point I would just step and way and let your daughter and her FSIL handle it.  You gave the money. Your part is done.  Actually you've done more than  your part.







    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • The issue is her mother who does not want to contribute a fair share

    yes, btu there is no obligation for anyone to contribute anything other than your daughter and her FI.

    do you want to give your daughter money to help her or to make some type of statement to your ex-wife?

    honestly, if you really want your daughter to be responsible about money and learn its value, you wouldnt be giving her anything towards her wedding to begin with, or youd give her a more tangible gift.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-for-father-of-the-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f20dabda-72e6-4db7-ad46-8bfab25eb33dPost:803f2540-1a30-435c-98cb-4c785f8b58b2">Re: Help for Father of the Bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]As I've said over and over again, my daughter is not the one asking me for money. She knows not to do that. She is simply telling me what is going on in her life. She has said to everyone that she does not want another dime put into this wedding. My daughter has always been independent and good with her money, as she has been taught.
    Posted by IAmTheFatherOfTheBride[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>I'm also very good with money. I'm being targeted for tax law in my firm because finance makes sense to me. Hell I opened a retirement account when I was 12.  But then I got engaged - and I made the stupidest decision of my life (from a financial perspective) by deciding to have a wedding instead of saving money for a house or whatever.  My parents would have cut me a check for the value of the wedding if I had eloped.  We gave that up for the experience.  So even people who were raised right with money and who are naturally very good with numbers, budgets, etc. can get sidetracked when it comes to wedding budgets and spending.  If she truly doesn't want more put into the wedding, then she needs to figure out how to manage what she does have so that she's comfortable with the result.  And I SERIOUSLY can't stress enough that she and her FI need to figure out now how to handle his parents as a couple.  She doesn't need to spend her whole marriage dancing to their tune.  That is another part of being independent - and owning her decisions when she does decide to do what they want.</div>
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-for-father-of-the-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f20dabda-72e6-4db7-ad46-8bfab25eb33dPost:b3e7522a-c5e4-4db1-9865-a37a490b3bf6">Re: Help for Father of the Bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]Liatris, you are not the only one responding. There are many that seem to think the problem is my daughter asking me for money, which she did not do. <strong>The issue is her mother who does not want to contribute a fair share and is now trying to convince my daughter to give the money back to me</strong>, accept some money from future in-laws, and the money from ex wife, have a destination wedding or elope and cut me out based on my past issues with my daughter. Ex is claiming she knew all along I would put up a fight about money and change my mind "again," leaving my daughter in a bad situation. She is using me to pay for her family and guilting me through my daughter.
    Posted by IAmTheFatherOfTheBride[/QUOTE]

    As to the bolded, let your daughter make that decision then!  And when she gives you the money back, you will hold it for her and the entire amount will become your gift to her at the wedding.  If you and your daughter have a good relationship now, then you won't be cut out of the wedding.
  • OP - you seem to know everything about the financial positions of your ex, your daughter, and her FILs yet complain that they don't know yours (as iti si not what it used to be).  Unless you are everyone's accountant, you don't know.  I also wouldn't be too sure that your daughter is only working PT because she wants to.  Have you taken a look around in the last six years?  The job market isn't what it used to be.  I'm an attorney and worked PT for about a year before getting a FT job - and I was dipping into savings every month to pay bills.

    As for your daughter's FILs steamrolling everyone with this wedding, this is for your FSIL to handle.  If he doesn't, especially knowing how your daughter feels about large crowds, then she has a bigger problem on her hands than this wedding.

    Nobody except the two people being married are responsible for paying for the wedding.  If you offer them money for the wedding, great but nobody can tell you how much to give.  That is entirely up to you.
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  • MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 The Witch City member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-for-father-of-the-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f20dabda-72e6-4db7-ad46-8bfab25eb33dPost:b3e7522a-c5e4-4db1-9865-a37a490b3bf6">Re: Help for Father of the Bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]Liatris, you are not the only one responding. There are many that seem to think the problem is my daughter asking me for money, which she did not do. The issue is her mother who does not want to contribute a fair share and is now trying to convince my daughter to give the money back to me, accept some money from future in-laws, and the money from ex wife, have a destination wedding or elope and cut me out based on my past issues with my daughter. Ex is claiming she knew all along I would put up a fight about money and change my mind "again," leaving my daughter in a bad situation. She is using me to pay for her family and guilting me through my daughter.
    Posted by IAmTheFatherOfTheBride[/QUOTE]

    Since you are only just now giving all the details and have spent a lot of your posts talking in circles, it's very difficult to give appropriate advice.

    However, I still stand my original advice that they need to refuse all money from all the parents and have the wedding they want.

    Your ex needs to stop getting involved in the relationship with you and your daughter and your daughter needs to tell her to butt out, so yes there is apparently some standing up to do.

    From the descriptions of your ex and your comments here, it's no wonder your daughter can't stand up for herself.

     

  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 Washington, DC member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    This thread just gave me a headache.
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  • Bless my loving and supportive father, who gave us a monetary gift to finance our wedding. He never once made our lives miserable with petty demands on how it was spent. Even though more than half the guest list was my husbands family, and they were too poor to contribute, he stayed classy and never hissyyfitted. I have the best father in the world, and love that he never tried to add stress on my wedding day.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 The Witch City member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-for-father-of-the-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f20dabda-72e6-4db7-ad46-8bfab25eb33dPost:019183cc-f1b1-4971-8790-3e2bb05e0094">Re: Help for Father of the Bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help for Father of the Bride : Why wouldn't I say that to her? I am her father and sometimes that means I need to say things that are considered tough love. When your daughter tells you she will be at your house in the morning to help clear her crap out of her old room so I can sell my home and finally move to where I would like to be, finally live in paradise and not support her or her mother anymore. She says she will be there in the morning, I call her at 10:30 and she is just leaving her mothers house where she was visiting and will not be at my house until after 11. This throws off my morning and I was very tired of her using the car I purchased for her when she was 15 and she can't even take the time to drive to my house and see me? And when she is not working to her full potential in college, simply looking at my ex and how she was a stay at home mom, only working part-time, thinking that is a life she might want to live. Why should I pay for an education she did not fully commit to? No, not going to happen, if she is not working towards having a purpose in life, I am going to tell her so I can help her change her path. I am her father and it is my job.
    Posted by IAmTheFatherOfTheBride[/QUOTE]

    Just wow.  It is not wonder you have a rocky relationship with your daughter.  There is a big difference between tough love and being a jerk.  You sir, sound like a jerk.

    Apparently your daughter has spent her entire life with you and the strings you attach to everything.  It's no wonder she doesn't want to accept your money (or is considering returning).

     

  • When your daughter tells you she will be at your house in the morning to help clear her crap out of her old room so I can sell my home and finally move to where I would like to be, finally live in paradise and not support her or her mother anymore. She says she will be there in the morning, I call her at 10:30 and she is just leaving her mothers house where she was visiting and will not be at my house until after 11

    instead of taking the car away, i would have thrown out all her crap.
  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    You still didn't answer my question. What exactly is your question? I'm so confused as to what your point is.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-for-father-of-the-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f20dabda-72e6-4db7-ad46-8bfab25eb33dPost:019183cc-f1b1-4971-8790-3e2bb05e0094">Re: Help for Father of the Bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help for Father of the Bride : Why wouldn't I say that to her? I am her father and sometimes that means I need to say things that are considered tough love. When your daughter tells you she will be at your house in the morning to help clear her crap out of her old room so I can sell my home and finally move to where I would like to be, finally live in paradise and not support her or her mother anymore. She says she will be there in the morning, I call her at 10:30 and she is just leaving her mothers house where she was visiting and will not be at my house until after 11. This throws off my morning and I was very tired of her using the car I purchased for her when she was 15 and she can't even take the time to drive to my house and see me? And when she is not working to her full potential in college, simply looking at my ex and how she was a stay at home mom, only working part-time, thinking that is a life she might want to live. Why should I pay for an education she did not fully commit to? No, not going to happen, if she is not working towards having a purpose in life, I am going to tell her so I can help her change her path. I am her father and it is my job.
    Posted by IAmTheFatherOfTheBride[/QUOTE]

    I think you have too many problems with your relationships with your daughter and her mother that are beyond the scope of this forum.

    What your ex does with the money you give her, or any other money she has, is not your business; nor is it really relevant to this thread.

    What is relevant is that your FSIL's parents want to have a wedding you are not willing to pay for.  So you need to talk about that to your daughter and FSIL, rather than getting defensive with us or talking about "tough love."  Nobody was rude to you when we pointed that out. 

    Also, you divorced your ex.  Your daughter didn't.  Keep that in mind throughout and stop taking your problems with your ex out on your daughter.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I don't call the MUD card often, but this seems to be heading in the that direction.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-for-father-of-the-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f20dabda-72e6-4db7-ad46-8bfab25eb33dPost:019183cc-f1b1-4971-8790-3e2bb05e0094">Re: Help for Father of the Bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help for Father of the Bride : Why wouldn't I say that to her? I am her father and sometimes that means I need to say things that are considered tough love. When your daughter tells you she will be at your house in the morning to help clear her crap out of her old room so I can sell my home and finally move to where I would like to be, finally live in paradise and not support her or her mother anymore. She says she will be there in the morning, I call her at 10:30 and she is just leaving her mothers house where she was visiting and will not be at my house until after 11. This throws off my morning and I was very tired of her using the car I purchased for her when she was 15 and she can't even take the time to drive to my house and see me? And when she is not working to her full potential in college, simply looking at my ex and how she was a stay at home mom, only working part-time, thinking that is a life she might want to live. Why should I pay for an education she did not fully commit to? No, not going to happen, if she is not working towards having a purpose in life, I am going to tell her so I can help her change her path. I am her father and it is my job.
    Posted by IAmTheFatherOfTheBride[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>This really really burns me - I have so much I could say about how you are parenting her with this sort of attitude.</div><div>
    </div><div>OP, you don't seem to be considering at all that your actions and behaviors might be influencing your daughter as well.  Every single negative quailty she may have does not come exlusively from her mother.   If it did, we wouldn't call it coparenting.
    </div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-for-father-of-the-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f20dabda-72e6-4db7-ad46-8bfab25eb33dPost:019183cc-f1b1-4971-8790-3e2bb05e0094">Re: Help for Father of the Bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help for Father of the Bride : Why wouldn't I say that to her? I am her father and sometimes that means I need to say things that are considered tough love. When your daughter tells you she will be at your house in the morning to help clear her crap out of her old room so I can sell my home and finally move to where I would like to be, finally live in paradise and not support her or her mother anymore. She says she will be there in the morning, I call her at 10:30 and she is just leaving her mothers house where she was visiting and will not be at my house until after 11. This throws off my morning and I was very tired of her using the car I purchased for her when she was 15 and she can't even take the time to drive to my house and see me? And when she is not working to her full potential in college, simply looking at my ex and how she was a stay at home mom, only working part-time, thinking that is a life she might want to live. Why should I pay for an education she did not fully commit to? No, not going to happen, if she is not working towards having a purpose in life, I am going to tell her so I can help her change her path. I am her father and it is my job.
    Posted by IAmTheFatherOfTheBride[/QUOTE]

    Good Christ.  Is your daughter 17 that you still treat her like this?  The time to set her on a path for college was when she was in grade school and high school.  If you didn't do it then, forget it.  She needs to come to this conclusion on her own now and having dear old dad tell her that she is a worthless failure (which is how you are coming across here) isn't going to do anything other than make her feel like she can't do it.  What I've gotten from everything you've written here so far is that you never encouraged her to do anything; you tried to control her decisions with money.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Whether your daughter is asking for money at this point is irrelevant. If she and her fiance do not want a big wedding, he needs to tell his parents to back the f off. You said they didn't want it and then that they didn't care if his parents wanted to spend all this money. Which is it? If they don't want the big wedding, which appears to be causing your daughter stress b/c they are making her feel guilty, they need to say thanks but no thanks. And you should write a separate check later if you want money set aside for a "gift."
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    In Response to Re:Help for Father of the Bride:[QUOTE]I don't call the MUD card often, but this seems to be heading in the that direction. Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

    Me too. Mostly because it keeps going in circles.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-for-father-of-the-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f20dabda-72e6-4db7-ad46-8bfab25eb33dPost:514a2d92-7afe-4c9c-9418-aee8dea3ed53">Re: Help for Father of the Bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help for Father of the Bride : No, I don't believe you're getting it. She does not care about the wedding. If his parents want to throw a big party, the kids don't care. If that is how they want to spend their money, that is fine. His parents want to take more of the money for the wedding than I expected to pay for our guests, leaving less for a gift. Her mother needs to accept responsibility here also because this is now money being taken from our daughter because my ex will not cover her family. <strong>My daughter refuses to ask anyone for money because she says it would be rude</strong> but her mother is the one being inconsiderate.
    Posted by IAmTheFatherOfTheBride[/QUOTE]

    Your daughter is right.

    I understand that tensions are high right now, and made worse by your relationship with your ex.  If the money you are giving her is court ordered alimony, there's probably nothing that you can do about it.  If financial circumstances have changed and you think that you should be paying less money to your ex, you should probably take her back to court.  But please try your best to remove this issue from hanging over your daughter's wedding plans.

    It sounds like B&G are being pressured by G's family to have a larger wedding than they want to have.  If this is truly the case, B&G should turn down all money that has strings attached and plan the wedding they want.  If your daughter asks your advice on this issue, this is what you should tell her.  Otherwise, tell her that you have a planned financial contribution and unfortunately you won't be able to increase it to accomodate the requests of G's family.

    As for your financial contribution specifically, it would be most gracious of you to give whatever gift you decide with no strings attached.  Are you concerned that the more money you give, the more over the top the celebration will be?  If so, you should give whatever portion you are comfortable with now and a separate amount after the wedding as a gift.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-for-father-of-the-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f20dabda-72e6-4db7-ad46-8bfab25eb33dPost:019183cc-f1b1-4971-8790-3e2bb05e0094">Re: Help for Father of the Bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help for Father of the Bride : Why wouldn't<strong> <u>I say</u> </strong>that to her? <u><strong>I am</strong></u> her father and sometimes that means<strong> <u>I need</u></strong> to say things that are considered tough love. When your daughter tells you s<strong>he will be at your house in the morning</strong> to help clear her crap out of her old room <u><strong>so I can</strong> </u>sell <strong><u>my home</u></strong> and finally move to where<u><strong> I would like to b</strong>e</u>, finally live in paradise and<strong> <u>not support her</u> </strong>or her mother anymore. She says she will be there in the morning,<u> <strong>I call </strong></u>her at 10:30 and she is just leaving her mothers house where she was visiting and <strong>will not be at <u>my house</u> until after 11</strong>. This<strong> throws off <u>my morning</u></strong> and <u><strong>I was very tired</strong></u> of her using the car<u> <strong>I purchased</strong></u> for her when she was 15 and she can't even take the time to drive to <strong><u>my house and see me?</u> </strong>And when she is not working to her full potential in college, simply looking at my ex and how she was a stay at home mom, only working part-time, thinking that is a life she might want to live. <strong><u>Why should I pay</u> for an education she did not fully commit to? </strong>No, not going to happen, if she is not working towards having a purpose in life<u>,<strong> I am</strong> </u>going to tell her so<u><strong> I can</strong> </u>help her change her path<u>. </u><strong><u>I am</u> </strong>her father and it is <u><strong>my job</strong></u>.
    Posted by IAmTheFatherOfTheBride[/QUOTE]

    Umm. Dude. I think you're being REALLY selfish about the whole thing. There's tough love and then there's being a douchecanoe, which is how you're totally coming off. Everything is about YOU and what YOU want.

    You shouldn't have to pay for her education, nor her car, but if her car was a gift with no stipulations made prior to and no warnings given, it's a douchey move.

    As a father, your job is to love, support and guide <em>her</em>. Now, you want to guide her mother's money and her FI's family's money.

    I have a feeling that this gift for the production of the wedding (and I stand by my statement of pulling the "wedding gift" money and giving it afterwards) isn't done out of pure love, but out of spite for her mother .
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  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 Washington, DC member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited February 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-for-father-of-the-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f20dabda-72e6-4db7-ad46-8bfab25eb33dPost:3de64714-c9d5-4425-975c-217163fa2b52">Re: Help for Father of the Bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]My daughter is going to have a nice wedding. I will have friends and family there that knew our family long before we divorced, they only know my ex's side of the story (I took daughters car away while she was stranded in a different state, took away the funding for her college, etc, making me out to be the bad guy) and I believe she wants the wedding to reflect this. Calypso, I was informed by a friend that I could not throw her belongings out because she would have needed more notice. She claimed that because we had just said "in the morning" 11 would be fine, but I was expecting her there around 9. 
    Posted by IAmTheFatherOfTheBride[/QUOTE]

    <div>I have no idea what this has to do with anything.  You're being absolutely ridiculous if this is influencing your feelings about your daughter's wedding.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-for-father-of-the-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f20dabda-72e6-4db7-ad46-8bfab25eb33dPost:019183cc-f1b1-4971-8790-3e2bb05e0094">Re: Help for Father of the Bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help for Father of the Bride : Why wouldn't I say that to her? I am her father and sometimes that means I need to say things that are considered tough love. <strong>When your daughter tells you she will be at your house in the morning to help clear her crap out of her old room so I can sell my home and finally move to where I would like to be, finally live in paradise and not support her or her mother anymore. She says she will be there in the morning, I call her at 10:30 and she is just leaving her mothers house where she was visiting and will not be at my house until after 11. </strong>This throws off my morning and I was very tired of her using the car I purchased for her when she was 15 and she can't even take the time to drive to my house and see me? And when she is not working to her full potential in college, simply looking at my ex and how she was a stay at home mom, only working part-time, thinking that is a life she might want to live. Why should I pay for an education she did not fully commit to? No, not going to happen, if she is not working towards having a purpose in life, I am going to tell her so I can help her change her path. I am her father and it is my job.
    Posted by IAmTheFatherOfTheBride[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?? I haven't seen a complete, well thought out statement from you this entire thread. WTF do you want from your daughter?! I feel bad for that poor girl. If my dad was b!tching about me and comparing me to someone he clearly harbors very poor feelings for on THE KNOT (FFS), I'd be one pissed off/hurt daughter. </div><div>
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  • Have you ever thought that maybe taking away the car while your daughter was stranded in another state might actually be a bad-guy move?  You could have corrected whatever behavior you found distasteful after she came home.  I agree with Good Luck Bear - sounds to me like you try to control her with money and other resources a parent typically provides a child.  If I were her I would just elope.  You don't seem to find yourself culpable in any of this, and I would bet that's what strains your relationship with her.
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  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    In Response to Re:Help for Father of the Bride:[QUOTE]My daughter is going to have a nice wedding. I will have friends and family there that knew our family long before we divorced, they only know my ex's side of the story I took daughters car away while she was stranded in a different state, took away the funding for her college, etc, making me out to be the bad guy and I believe she wants the wedding to reflect this.Calypso, I was informed by a friend that I could not throw her belongings out because she would have needed more notice. She claimed that because we had just said "in the morning" 11 would be fine, but I was expecting her there around 9.nbsp; Posted by IAmTheFatherOfTheBride[/QUOTE]

    Yep. Now I'm definitely thinking MUD. You're pulling in way too much that has nothing to do with this wedding.

    And your friend is an idiot. Unless your daughter was a renter with a lease agreement, you can do whatever you want with the things in your house. With no notice.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-for-father-of-the-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f20dabda-72e6-4db7-ad46-8bfab25eb33dPost:3de64714-c9d5-4425-975c-217163fa2b52">Re: Help for Father of the Bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]My daughter is going to have a nice wedding. I will have friends and family there that knew our family long before we divorced, they only know my ex's side of the story (I took daughters car away while she was stranded in a different state, took away the funding for her college, etc, making me out to be the bad guy) and I believe she wants the wedding to reflect this. Calypso, I was informed by a friend that I could not throw her belongings out because she would have needed more notice. <strong>She claimed that because we had just said "in the morning" 11 would be fine, but I was expecting her there around</strong> 9. 
    Posted by IAmTheFatherOfTheBride[/QUOTE]

    Starting to see all of your problems here.  You have poor communication skills and expect others to read your mind.  She was right.  11:00 am is still the morning.  If you wanted her there at 9:00 then you should have said 9:00.

    Lia - thank your parents for all of us also.  They reaised a great girl.
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  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    In Response to Re:Help for Father of the Bride:[QUOTE]I have no idea why my daughter would read this board or ever come here for advice. Posted by IAmTheFatherOfTheBride[/QUOTE]

    I don't know why I'm feeding the troll, but maybe because she's a bride and brides come here for advice.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-for-father-of-the-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f20dabda-72e6-4db7-ad46-8bfab25eb33dPost:d7fbc071-bb39-4593-b8ab-b25b0cb3cec3">Re: Help for Father of the Bride</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have no idea why my daughter would read this board or ever come here for advice.
    Posted by IAmTheFatherOfTheBride[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>How the heck did you find it then?  It's not unreasonable for someone planning a wedding to stumble across a wedding planning website.

    </div>
  • Does this thread remind anyone else of IAmTheMomma?
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