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Any suggestions would help

So, I am going through a lot of family conflict right now.  My FI an I were engaged in March of 2009.  Shortly after that my borhter and his girlfriend were engaged.  The whole family figured he would "race" to get married before me.  Well, he did.  He and his "now" wife went to the JP and got married a Tuesday afternoon and were having their reception the following Saturday....the day of MY bridal shower....which he knew about before he made his plans.  Anyway, he never invited me to be there for his "ceremony" with the JP....which I can get past....but he fought with my parents about it and then lied to other family members saying that my parents did not want to be there.  He made it very clear that the "ceremony" was supposed to be just between him and his FI.  Well, it turns out that it didn't happen that way.  My grandmother and aunt were at the "ceremony" as well as several other people.  My parents are devastated and I am upset for them.  To wrap this saga up...there is now a rift in the family to the point my grandmother and aunt (who were at my brother's "ceremony") didn't even talk to me at my bridal shower.  The family keeps telling us (my parents and I) that we need to be the bigger people and support my brother...as well as telling us that there are two sides to every story.  The thing is....no one wants to hear OUR side of the story...they want us to be sympathetic to them being placed in the middle. 

Regardless....here is my concern.....My cousin (aunt's daughter) and I have always been very close.  I was the MOH in her wedding and she it the MOH in my wedding.  I am also the Godmother to her oldest child and was just asked to be the Godmother to her youngest.  I am afraid that becasue of the rift in the family that it is going to cause a lot of stress on her....as she would be in the middle of the family rift.  I know that I need to talk to her about it but I don't want her to feel like she would be choosing sides.

I am NOT mad at my grandmother and aunt for being there for my brother.  I am more upset that after everything my parents have done for my brother emotionally and financially over the years that he would treat them this way.  He knew how important it was for my mom to be a part of this for him...oh, and my brother is always saying he wants our family to be closer and doesn't understand why we aren't.

So, to wrap this up.....what is the most respectful way to deal with my cousin, and the rest of the family members.  My wedding is in October and I don't want to have this be the cause of a lot of stress.  I want my day to be as special (and stress-free) as I had envisioned it to be the day I got engaged.

Thanks for hearing me out.....and any suggestions, advice or plain words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated...I know this was a long one!

Re: Any suggestions would help

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited August 2010
    Your brother sounds like a manipulative troublemaker. It's unfair of your GMa and aunt to take his side, when they don't know the whole story. I think you are a saint if you are not angry with them.

    You should not let the behaviour of your other family members affect the good relationship you have with your cousin.  Tell her your side of the story. If she thinks the situation will be too stressful for her, then she will let you know. But I have a feeling that she will stick by you.She may even be able to get your story across to your GMa.

    Word of wisdom? I'm sure this is not the first or last time your brother has/will lie to manipulate your family.  It will catch up with him sooner or later.
  • I'm not sure exactly what to tell you here. Their wedding doesn't deserve quotations, for starters. They had a ceremony, not a "ceremony." Just because they had a JOP ceremony doesn't mean it wasn't in any way real. Obviously, it sucks the way they handled telling family, and it double sucks they had a reception on your bridal shower day. However, that's now over and done with and everyone needs to grow up and move on.

    As far as your cousin goes, until she mentions being uncomfortable being in the wedding, I'd just leave it. Everyone is grown ups and they need to start acting like it.
  • Unless your cousin brings it up, I wouldn't say anything.  Since she asked you to be the godmother to her daughter, I imagine she is not letting the family drama get to her. 
    09.10 Siggy Challenge
    PhotobucketMy favorite picture is of the night we got engaged!
  • I understand the "beating" them to be married thing: My cousin got engaged a few months after me and was trying to beat me to get married too. Unfortunately all the dates the "picked" were unavailable at her venue. They ended with one about a month before mine, paid a deposit. Fast forward 3 weeks she finds out shes pregnant and due 1 month before her wedding date. They post pone their wedding till...they dont know and now they aren't even speaking to each other.

    But anyhow I think that you need to speak to your aunt and grandmother and tell them that they have yet to even try to listen to your side of the story. Your cousin seems to have made her decision and I assume knows what she is getting into.

    Well all I can really say is that all things work out eventually.
    *~* Mrs.J *~*
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