do i say something?

kjmullaney1 · August 2010

Hey ladies!

I"m MOH for a friend who lives on the other side of the country. Her wedding is in April, I just got an email from a BM asking if we are all free for a bridal shower in November around thanksgiving. I think that's wayyy to early, do I say or should I just let it be since I won't even be able to come?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · August 2010

Well, are there a lot of BMs who are spread out around the country? Perhaps she thinks that's a good time to do it because it's a long weekend and a lot of people might be around, visiting family. I agree it's way too early, but figure out what her motives are and perhaps suggest an alternate date.

kjmullaney1 · August 2010

nope the rest live in the same city as the bride

tenofcups4me · August 2010

I would say something. You can position it more as a question than a criticism and see how it goes. Maybe something like: Thanks for your email about the shower. Time is moving so quickly -- I can't believe the wedding is less than a year already! Anyway, just wanted to check if there's a reason you guys are thinking about doing the shower so early. I know typically the shower is a month or two before the wedding, so I was kind of suprised that you were thinking about November. blah blah blah

That's off the top of my head and I'd smooth it out a bit, but I don't see any reason not to at least ask about it. And if they want to keep it so early, so be it. But maybe the people throwing it don't really know the norms?

TTiger03 · August 2010

Talk to the BM, but I wouldn't call the bride on it unless it becomes a big issue. There is a lot of wedding etiquette that people don't know or ignore until they are throwing their own (or helping with a) wedding. Most likely this BM has never dealt with wedding stuff before and it just excited to have a party while she thinks people that otherwise might be out of town would be able to attend.

Were you planning on attending showers closer to the wedding or will you be unable to attend any prewedding weekend events? If you can't make it to anything, I wouldn't make a big deal of it other than to mention that it's not usual and attendance might be lower than she expects. (I'm thinking at the holidays people that are visiting are usually pretty booked.) You can be really nice about it and just ask her why she wants to do it this early.

danieliza1127 · August 2010

I don't know, the normal time frame is within 3 months of the wedding. I think since you're the MOH, it would be fine if you pointed that out and asked if there was a reason maybe for having it so early.

As MOH, are you not in charge of the shower?

heyimbren · August 2010

I see no problem in politely asking if there's a reason it's so early, there very well could be. My friend's mom is throwing her one in October, even though her wedding isn't until May because it was the only time that would work for the family that would be invited, and it fits in with school/work schedules.

I don't think it's a big deal to have a shower so early, but it is a bit weird.

kjmullaney1 · August 2010

Thanks for all the suggestions. I'm not in charge of the wedding since I live in a different state and won't be able to attend any of the prewedding parties. I took your advice and just said that i liked the ideas they had but was wondering about holding it in nov, since showers are typically held closer to the wedding date and I'll just leave it at that. No point in fussing if I'm not even going to be there! Thanks!!

Kristin789 · August 2010

Oh, this post hit home with me. I wanted to plan a shower in November for an April event, and I was pulled up short by the three women who were going to help me - they all told me in no uncertain way that IN THE SOUTH we all follow the REAL etiquette which says that a shower must be in a SIX WEEK WINDOW PRIOR TO THE EVENT. So the shower was moved to exactly six weeks from the event.

Now I understand that some people have relaxed their grip on "real" etiquette, but in some regions, it's still held tight.

Maybe you should add something to your note like: "I'm sorry to miss this early shower in November, and I hope you will all save the date of February ?? - that's the date of the shower I'm throwing Natalie as her MOH."

kathrynhabibti · August 2010

[QUOTE]Oh, this post hit home with me. I wanted to plan a shower in November for an April event, and I was pulled up short by the three women who were going to help me - they all told me in no uncertain way that IN THE SOUTH we all follow the REAL etiquette which says that a shower must be in a SIX WEEK WINDOW PRIOR TO THE EVENT. So the shower was moved to exactly six weeks from the event. Now I understand that some people have relaxed their grip on "real" etiquette, but in some regions, it's still held tight. Maybe you should add something to your note like: "I'm sorry to miss this early shower in November, and I hope you will all save the date of February ?? - that's the date of the shower I'm throwing Natalie as her MOH."
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]
I consider myself a pretty polite person and generally aware of proper etiquette, but I have a feeling that I'd get really schooled in the South.

I don't know, that addendum sounds a little.... I don't know, off somehow. Passive-aggressive, maybe; it just feels like there's something else behind it that isn't being said. Plus wouldn't they likely run into the problem of most of the guests being "taken" by the earlier shower? As you're not allowed to invite the same guests to multiple showers.

do i say something?

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