(NWR) Being harassed by a former friend

cookie0803 · August 2012

Good morning! This is sort of a P&R, but I will be back during my break at work to read/respond. I mentioned in a thread the other day that I had received a nasty Facebook message from a former friend claiming I was homophobic for getting engaged before he can legally be married.

I didn't respond to his message because it was hurtful and ridiculous. I simply deleted it and moved on, but he has continued to send these messages, each one meaner than the last. I ended up blocking him, and he put my name and number on his Facebook page, claiming that I was homophobic and I should be harassed to no end. I have received about 300 messages and texts, some threatening, all completely horrible. I'm sort of at a loss as to what to do to make this stop, and if anyone has some advice, I would love to hear it!

Mrs.B6302007 · August 2012

He put YOUR contact info on FB? You need to report him to FB. You also need to defriend him completely. Sounds like a police report eventually.

Mrs.B6302007 · August 2012

And while it would really suck for you to have to change phone #, that might be the way to go. When you give it out to your friends and family make it clear that they are NOT to share it with anyone else w/o your permission.

daffydillie · August 2012

Wow that is interesting. I actually had a similiar incident the other day. I would report to Facebook and call the police. I doubt trying to reason with him will work.

StephBeanWed61502 · August 2012

File a police report and change your phone number. Also, WTF?! Does he have no other straight friends who have married? Does he treat every straight person he knows who is married or is getting married like this? What a lunatic.

Winnertag1 · August 2012

Report him on facebook. I would file a police report & change my number as well. Also, if you end up filing the police report, dont delete anymore of the messages he has/other people have sent you.

You're friend is ridiculous, sorry that youre going through this.

HockeyFan4 · August 2012

If possible take a screen shot of his post asking people to harass you before you contact fb/police/change numbers.

Fluffernut · August 2012

Wow! Ditto PP...Report him to FB and call the police. If they can't do anything now, at least it's on record. Show them the text messages too. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Lizzieyounce · August 2012

Print out the updates/comments and the page that he listed your number on. You're going to have to change your number(s). I'd also talk to the police about harassment charges. Are you saving the texts/messages? Do so. I would consider a restraining / no contact order as well. I'd also report the guy to FB, and if you get any messages on your wall, report them too. Have you fixed your privacy settings on FB? I believe you can make your page visible to friends only. I'm sorry this is happening to you.

midgetthemighty · August 2012

Oh my goodness. I am so sorry you're having to deal with this and I agree with the others. Report it to FB and the police, especially get screenshots of everything, including where he put your personal information on his page (which I assume you knew about from a mutual friend since you blocked him) and change your phone number.

People can be so ridiculous sometimes.

Mrs.B6302007 · August 2012

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Looks like he's in violation of several of the ToS. Report his butt.

midgetthemighty · August 2012

Looks like he's also violating that last one by putting your information out there and asking people to harass you. I'd consider that facilitating.

"You will not facilitate or encourage any violations of this Statement or our policies."

Mrs.B6302007 · August 2012

True, true.

You know, I'm blown away by the number of people who actually sent hate texts. Wouldn't most people see a post like that on someone's FB wall and then roll their eyes? I guess not.

Mrs.B6302007 · August 2012

Oh, and about that. Every person who replied via FB is in violation, too. I'm very curious what the police have to say about this due to the magnitude of people involved.

Stackeye210 · August 2012

That's just awful and ridiculous. I'm not going to repeat everyone's advice but definitely ditto what has been said so far. Also, cell phone carriers don't typically charge you to change your number if it's because of harrassment.

angelstar975 · August 2012

I think you should post all of his contact information here so we can all harrass him for being an immature douche.

Seriously though, I'm sorry you're going through this. I would also file a police report. I don't really understand why he got the idea that you're homophobic because you're getting married. Like PP said, surely he's had straight friends get married before.

Summer2011Bride · August 2012

He sounds wacky. I agree with all previous advice so I won't repeat all of it, but just wanted to say I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Not only is he incredibly immature for doing this, but I also question every single person who has since texted/called you because of it. LIke a PP said, if I saw something ridiculous like this on FB, I would just ignore it. WHY would you ever text that person? Makes no sense.

musicalsunlight · August 2012

What a giant fuckhead. That is definitely harassment. please follow PPs advice and call the police about this. Don't let him off easy.

MyUserName1 · August 2012

I just cant get over what a fucking tool this guy is. AND his friends! What kind of person starts harrassing a total stranger over a vague allegation of homophobia? FFS this is insane. I'd really like to know if he does this hateful vendetta towards all straight people who marry.

Megbo2012 · August 2012

Ditto everyone else, and if you tell your carrier and show them these messages, I think they will be more than willing to change your number for you.

jemmini6 · August 2012

Definitely report him and possibly file a police report.

However, and I don't want to come off accusatory, but is there more to this story that made him react this way? I find it a little hard to believe that he'd go that far just because you got engaged... I'm not saying you did anything truly homophobic or anything, but maybe something completely unrelated that he's mad at you for and decided to use this to lash out? I guess I just hope there's something else going on and there aren't people that crazy to claim that getting married while gays can't is homophobic....

Regardless, I'm sorry you are going through this. Good luck getting everything sorted out.

cookie0803 · August 2012

That's for all the advice! I will be filing a police report, and it does look like I may have to change my number. I reported him and many others to Facebook, so hopefully the messages will stop. As for there being more to the story, the last time we spoke was when I commented on a picture of his kitten, saying he was adorable. He thanked me, and that was it. I honestly have no idea where this is all coming from. We have literally never had an unpleasant exchange before this, so it's really throwing me. My birthday is Friday, so I just hope this is all over before then.

fizzylemonade · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-being-harassed-by-a-former-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1cd38297-c33a-4939-b49b-cf8a2240b5aePost:324183a7-e98b-46d4-a922-f089a8ff622a">Re:NWR Being harassed by a former friend</a>:
[QUOTE]That's for all the advice! I will be filing a police report, and it does look like I may have to change my number. I reported him and many others to Facebook, so hopefully the messages will stop. As for there being more to the story, the last time we spoke was when I commented on a picture of his kitten, saying he was adorable. He thanked me, and that was it. I honestly have no idea where this is all coming from. We have literally never had an unpleasant exchange before this, so it's really throwing me. My birthday is Friday, so I just hope this is all over before then.
Posted by cookie0803[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry you're going through this.
If you're filing the police report you might want to show them the messages he originally sent you. If you just deleted them, go into the messages folder, then into the archive subfolder they will be there. If you deleted them out of that, send facebook a request & explanation and I believe they can restore them to your account to be used as evidence - they keep a log of everything that happens with your account.

(NWR) Being harassed by a former friend

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