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I am in need of advice.....
My mom who i am not particularly close with, (the reason being that she was very verbally abusive growing up, frequently put her interests above the interests of herself above her kids, and is highly aggressive), has been acting very bad as it relates to my wedding.
For starters she is upset b/c i opted not to receive an engagement ring from my fiance (we are financially strapped right now and i recently lost my job). She thinks this is deplorable and that he should rack up debt to pay for one, but i disagree. She has bullied me repeatedly about the issue and has a negative attitude about it and is sharing this attitude with family.
Next she is upset that I do not wish to get married in my hometown. I haven't lived there for many years and none of my friends live there, and it is not of particular significance to me. I would rather get married where my fiance and I live now, where our friends and colleagues are, and where it would make planning easier. When my fiance and I expresed that we were still thinking of where the location would be and that my hometown was an option, but not yet the definite pick she blew up, and began trying to intimidate my fiance and told us she would not be paying for a wedding not in my hometown.
Next I discussed with her the colors of the wedding and asked her to pick out a dress for herslef in the color scheme and she purchased a dress not in that color scheme.
The final straw came during our wedding tasting when she arrived an hour late and announced that she has just gotten engaged, and proceeded to discuss her wedding plans with our caterer.
Being furious with all of this i cut off communication with her and sent her an email, explaining that she is being controlling and selfish and ruining my wedding, and that from here out i would be planning and paying for things myself. I also requested and apology. She left me a voicemail crying saying im a horrible daughter and that she is not apologizing, and now im pretty sure she's not coming to the wedding.
How do I handle this? I would like my mom to come. However, I am tired of being pushed around and bullied. I am also tired of her thinking she should always be the center of attention and that it’s her way or the highway. This has been our dynamic my entire life, and I just suck it up. But when it comes to my wedding and future husband I have to put my foot down. Any advice?