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Tricky shower situation -- long (I can't seem to ever post short ones!)

Beth0882Beth0882 member
500 Comments
in North Carolina
I have 6 BMs -- 4 out of town/state, and 2 local.  My MOH (and 2 other BMs) are in Colorado, and I told my MOH I was planning a trip out there for Labor Day weekend and she offered to set up a bachelorette party one of the nights there (which is awesome since Denver is awesome place to go out, and one of my sisters is there so I will get to celebrate with her). My best friend's mom (best friend is a aBM) offered to throw me a shower while I am there so all our friends and family in CO (where I grew up) can go.  So that is one shower.

I mentioned that I was having a shower in CO to my local BMs and they asked if I was having one here....that was a bit awkward.  I had to say, I don't know, no one has offered to throw one so I doubt it (how else should I have answered???)  They sort of said "well we could throw it, just tell us when and what you want".  It wasn't very enthusiastic, so I never really brought it up again, figuring if they wanted to throw it they would bring it up. 

Fast forward a few weeks and one of my good friends from law school, who is not in the wedding, emailed me and offered to throw a shower/bachelorette party here in GSO.  I wrote back and said she was sweet for offering and I would love it, and that my two local BMs had also mentioned it briefly, so she could email them and see if they wanted to help her coordinate since she is in CLT and we are in GSO.  I emailed the BMs to let them know she offered, and since then the two BMs have told me they would love to help. 

I don't think friend has ever emailed the BMs and today friend emails me saying she has contacted our other law school friends who would be coming from out of town and there is only one date they can do it if it is okay with me.  She asked for a list of invitees and mentioned another friend had offered to help plan. 

I am feeling bad about this -- I feel like I/friend is stepping on BMs toes and they will be annoyed if they don't get to at least help plan, since they are in the wedding party, but at the same time, I don't want to harass friend (who is being super generous) into contacting BMs.  Any advice??? Should I feel bad?  Is the fact that I have given all three ladies email addresses to all of them mean I should step back now and let them figure it out even though the two BMs don't know my other friend?
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Re: Tricky shower situation -- long (I can't seem to ever post short ones!)

  • sundrop24sundrop24
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Hmmm...my first thought is to step back and let them handle it.  If your BM's contact you for help, then step in and help.  Your friend is throwing the shower, she may feel more comfortable doing it on her own.  And if your BM's want to do something, they will.  I would just step back and don't worry. 
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  • pirategal03pirategal03 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I'd let it go.  You've provided the contact info.  If you're really worried you can e-mail the bridesmaids and say "friend asked me for addresses of who to invite to a shower, I just wanted to make sure I have yours correct before I send her the list", that way you're not pushing them to participate, but they know that it's really happening. 

    I've been a bridesmaid a few times and didn't help throw a bridal shower, it's not a requirement of being a bridesmaid.  Just make sure you put the friends/bridesmaids/law school friends on your invite list so none are completely left out. 

    If your bridesmaids truly want to help, they'll contact your friend now or when they get the invitation.
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  • NcsuPsychNcsuPsych member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Agreeing with others. You've given the information they need in order to contact each other, the rest is up to them.

    I to was recently a BM and wasn't involved in the planning process of a shower/bach party (I emailed MOH about helping but she never contacted me back)

    Overall.  . I'd let the course roll out and if either party mentions needing help, then step in, but otherwise, they're adults so I'd hope they could figure it out :o)


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  • sunnysarahinNCsunnysarahinNC
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I definitely agree!

    I have MOH and 5 BM. In August, MOH + 3 BMs will return to school; one other BM lives in Raleigh and another is here in Charlotte with me.

    Long story short, it's been way hard to try and even get all 6 of them together for a weekend to talk about the wedding! As you all know, I've had an extended engagement with the economy, and bridal party was selected while I was still in school.

    Now, being back in Charlotte for the past year, I have a lot of close girlfriends that I have reconnected with. They all want to be super involved, and have asked/offered to do more than even some of my BMs!

    My approach has just been to go with it, same as what everyone has said. I think being a BM means different things to everyone and different things to every bride Cool
    image122 Made the list!
    image 89 Are ready to party!
    image 11 Will be missing out!
    image 22 Can't find the mailbox!
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  • meredithl618meredithl618 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I say, don't get involved. There really aren't any rules about who can/can't throw you a shower. If someone really gets into it and plans you something, you shouldn't worry about anyone else feeling like they're getting stepped on.  If the BMs really did have a problem, um, they could do something else special with you, so it shouldn't be a problem.

    So, just let these things work themselves out on their own.  Good luck! 

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  • GirlieGirl27320GirlieGirl27320 member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_north-carolina_tricky-shower-situation-long-cant-seem-ever-post-short-ones?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:115Discussion:f942bdbf-1b64-4564-957e-1abf420d219ePost:45711cc1-9502-412d-b19a-a4462aadb99c">Re: Tricky shower situation -- long (I can't seem to ever post short ones!)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Agreeing with others. You've given the information they need in order to contact each other, the rest is up to them. Posted by NcsuPsych[/QUOTE]
    This is my thoughts, too.

    Leigh Anne & Billy
    *October 2nd, 2010*
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  • ecuchikaecuchika member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with the PPs you gave the info.  Just b/c they say they would like to something may have come up and they can't for some reason. If they want to throw you a shower or do something special they still can. I would just sit back and enjoy. You did all you could!
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  • Beth0882Beth0882 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks ladies :) 
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