Really would like some opinions and suggestions....

Agey310 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://connecticut.weddings.com/Sites/weddings/Pages/main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_really-would-like-opinions-suggestions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:65Discussion:6591dc67-7476-48bf-90c7-2dc94a146572Post:957f56d5-7d2d-46a3-99fd-6d9dd593d175">Re: Really would like some opinions and suggestions....</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you're missing the point. You shouldn't have asked your parents for a budget in the first place. Now that you're an adult, you need to assume that you're paying for the wedding until they volunteer to pay for it. 1)And these are things that YOU want. That's great. You need to figure out how to pay for those things. 2) Why do you need to decide on a venue in 5 weeks? You really need to be figuring out a budget first. THEN start looking at places. That might even mean postponing your trip back to CT and postponing your wedding. 3) Your mom is bucking the costs that you've quoted because she is either not into your plans (and if she's financing this, she gets to say what she likes) and because what you want isn't in her budget. You need to grasp that what you want needs to come out of your pocket. 4) You already said that you'll be paying for rings and a honeymoon out of your pocket. It seems like you need to scrap the honeymoon plans and put your money to the wedding. Not everyone gets a honeymoon so this isn't some kind of right as a bride. Scale back on rings too and go for something modest. And now figure out the budget that you and your FI CAN come up with. That might even mean a backyard event. And what's so bad with that - particularly if it means that you had a wedding that was within YOUR means rather than one that was outside your parents' means?
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

Wow I don't know where I was yesterday for the beginning of this, but here's some input now. I agree with all of the PP. When I first read this post, I'll be honest, it made me really angry. The way that you are coming off with dealing with your parents sounds horrible (I am sorry, but I am being honest). It should not be up to your parents to pay for YOUR wedding, I think we're all in the same boat with this sentiment. I agree with banana that you should NOT be setting the 5 wk deadline to book something. Honestly, why rush if you know that the finances are not in order? Besides all of that, it seems a little rude to me that you are running full steam ahead with your wedding planning and are seeming to belittle your sister's engagement and planning. Regardless as to whether or not she wants something low key, don't you think you should chill out and let her have her moment? Perhaps your mom is not very receptive to your wedding planning because she is already preoccupied with your sister's planning? Maybe your sister is also saying she wants something low key because she is aware of the finances with you parents and is trying to take some pressure off of them. Just some thoughts.

I would seriously reevaluate your own budget (without your parents) and go from there. As a Knottie who is paying for her own wedding, a honeymoon is def. not in the plans so that I can put that money toward the acutal wedding. Something to consider. Good luck.

wrdgirl · May 2010

I am another bride-to-be who is budgeting a $10k wedding all paid for between me and my FI.

A few things you may need to figure out before you come up with a venue location, do a bit of research online first and ask around for quotes. Most vendors are pretty good about getting back to you with answers.
1) I think you should create a huge list within the next week or so with practically every possibly location in CT so that you can compare and contrast.
2) Do you want everything all inclusive (food, venue, wedding night room, wedding cake, decorations etc.) or do you want to do each separately (e.g. look for your own caterer, look for your own florists etc.)? Villa Bianca might be a place you wanna check out.
3) Are a lot of your friends and family here in the east? Maybe you can ask if they are willing to help you with some of the planning and projects to help with cutting costs?
4) Find a dress that is under 300 dollars.
5) Figure out what you want in a photographer. I find that the ones I like in CT are very very expensive (over $3000) so I look outside the state. I found one in MA who is a lot cheaper, doesn't have everything I want but has most of what I want and he only charges me $165 for his traveling expense any where in CT (came down to under $2000).
6) Get creative! Do you like to DIY? Maybe you can make your own centerpieces etc.
7) Small guest list!

But the bottomline is, it's still really early in your engagement but I am sure you have your own reasons to book a place in 5 weeks I think it's doable. You just need to make sure you do enough research, ask around for references, talk to people, figure out what you are willing to spend and what you aren't, how many per person you are willing to spend (don't forget to include tax and gratuities and/or service fee - sometimes incl. w/ tips and sometimes not).

Please don't let some of the comments get to you, I am sure you probably feel a lot of pressure. The ladies just want to give you the best advice to let you be more realistic about the situation because wedding planning is NOT easy and they don't want you to feel like you'll hate it at the end of it all because of all that stress.

I think it may seem right now is not a good time to talk with your parents about money as it does appear they are stressed about it too. They want to give the best for their daughter but I am sure your mom feels like she can't and doesn't want to let you down. So start with yourself first, figure out how much you and FI can afford (even if it's a couple of grand you can still do something! Maybe not as nice but if you're creative it's doable

)

Hope this helps and good luck!

kjs08 · May 2010

I talked to my mom last night to let her know how I was really feeling with everything that has happened. Like I posted earlier, communication is not important in my family and she said she was shocked to be hearing high numbers but relaxed when I got more details about what the price includes (plates and such because she finds it hard to believe that people rent that stuff just for a wedding, but that's her) and my FI and I talked about looking at more places closer to my parents. He also spoke with his parents and they are going to help where they can as long as it doesn't directly involve my mother so there's no stepping on toes. She's agreed to come with me to look at dresses because she really didn't understand how important this is to me. We're both on the same page and I feel better. I wrote my original post not sure how I was feeling and just needed to get it out because everything I was feeling was bothering me. I'm not a bridezilla, I didn't approach the situation in the best manner, and everything has been straightened out and I'm on the same page with my mother.

kjs08 · May 2010

I'm also going to be doing a lot of do-it-myself for the wedding (centerpieces especially), invites, and I know a couple people who are photographers and DJ's so I have to get in touch. There's a lot I haven't mentioned because I didn't deem it necessary. The reason we're picking a place in 5 weeks when we go back East is 1)we'll already be there; 2) we both work in education and summer was the easiest time to get married with requesting time off. I also know from living on the shoreline of CT for 24 years that nice places book 12-18 months in advance for a summer wedding, even if the place is small and the prices we found were in magazines and could have changed and could be negotiable depending on what we want/don't want.

ZoeTheDog · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_really-would-like-opinions-suggestions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:65Discussion:6591dc67-7476-48bf-90c7-2dc94a146572Post:0900fddc-eb6f-4fef-81ee-992332988824">Re: Really would like some opinions and suggestions....</a>:
[QUOTE]I talked to my mom last night to let her know how I was really feeling with everything that has happened. Like I posted earlier, communication is not important in my family and she said she was shocked to be hearing high numbers but relaxed when I got more details about what the price includes (plates and such because she finds it hard to believe that people rent that stuff just for a wedding, but that's her) and my FI and I talked about looking at more places closer to my parents. He also spoke with his parents and they are going to help where they can as long as it doesn't directly involve my mother so there's no stepping on toes. She's agreed to come with me to look at dresses because she really didn't understand how important this is to me. We're both on the same page and I feel better. <strong>I wrote my original post not sure how I was feeling and just needed to get it out because everything I was feeling was bothering me.</strong> <strong>I'm not a bridezilla, I didn't approach the situation in the best manner, and everything has been straightened out and I'm on the same page with my mother.</strong>
Posted by krand08[/QUOTE]

I'm hoping you apologized to her.

ZoeTheDog · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_really-would-like-opinions-suggestions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:65Discussion:6591dc67-7476-48bf-90c7-2dc94a146572Post:404d8c64-8d5d-4a71-8daf-6e0cf39633e5">Re: Really would like some opinions and suggestions....</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm also going to be doing a lot of do-it-myself for the wedding (centerpieces especially), invites, and I know a couple people who are photographers and DJ's so I have to get in touch. There's a lot I haven't mentioned because I didn't deem it necessary. The reason we're picking a place in 5 weeks when we go back East is 1)we'll already be there; <strong>2) we both work in education and summer was the easiest time to get married with requesting time off.</strong> I<strong> also know from living on the shoreline of CT for 24 years that nice places book 12-18 months in advance for a summer wedding,</strong> even if the place is small and the prices we found were in magazines and could have changed and could be negotiable depending on what we want/don't want.
Posted by krand08[/QUOTE]

This is unfortunate because that will be the most expensive time but I guess you can't change that. But looking in the most expensive area? Did you read any of the advice the other girls gave you? Perhaps an Indiana wedding would be more affordable?

kjs08 · May 2010

I did apologize for my reaction considering what I know now and she apologized to me for not letting me know for not being upfront about their situation.

banana468 · May 2010

How about apologizing for asking in the first place??

Seriously. You're not owed anything.

elmcity bride · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_really-would-like-opinions-suggestions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:6591dc67-7476-48bf-90c7-2dc94a146572Post:9ca42318-803b-4c50-ac51-d3e0e9c3f094">Really would like some opinions and suggestions....</a>:
[QUOTE] <strong>I also asked why they hadn't been saving for our weddings (my sister and me) considering my sister has been engaged for almost 2 years.</strong>
Posted by krand08[/QUOTE]

This might be harsh as well, but why haven't YOU and FI been saving for you own wedding.

My parents still havent given me budget becuase they just say they'll cover what they can and it's been beyond my expectations.
To be honest if your parents give you $1 then you should thank them graciously.

They are your parents but it's not a duty to cover the cost of a wedding.

My advice would be to find a smaller venue / try having a Sunday or Friday wedding n the off season to cut costs.
Instead of open bar do cocktail hour and then just beer and wine, that can save a ton
Also look at appetizer/ champagne only receptions
Or if you say your guest are travelling anyway why not a destination wedding at an all inclusive resort (mexico, dominican republic etc

Good luck and hopefully you will use these boards for other DIY and OTher money saving tips I think everyone on here is really helpful with that

Congrats on your engagement!

ZoeTheDog · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_really-would-like-opinions-suggestions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:65Discussion:6591dc67-7476-48bf-90c7-2dc94a146572Post:fb955080-8004-4d17-bed5-f86097e93ac0">Re: Really would like some opinions and suggestions....</a>:
[QUOTE]How about apologizing for asking in the first place?? Seriously. <strong>You're not owed anything.
</strong>Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

Part of me wishes she had posted this on the E-Board...that would have been grand.

christikao · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_really-would-like-opinions-suggestions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:65Discussion:6591dc67-7476-48bf-90c7-2dc94a146572Post:940fb252-de24-4198-9c9e-c9a07edba5f0">Re: Really would like some opinions and suggestions....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Really would like some opinions and suggestions.... : Part of me wishes she had posted this on the E-Board...that would have been grand.
Posted by ZoeTheDog[/QUOTE]

Hahaha...It would of been very entertaining.

OP, you can get married in the winter time like Melko (she's in education too) and that will save you a lot of $$. You do get winter break don't you?

starrbuk13 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_really-would-like-opinions-suggestions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:6591dc67-7476-48bf-90c7-2dc94a146572Post:940fb252-de24-4198-9c9e-c9a07edba5f0">Re: Really would like some opinions and suggestions....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Really would like some opinions and suggestions.... : Part of me wishes she had posted this on the E-Board...that would have been grand.
Posted by ZoeTheDog[/QUOTE]

<div>hahaha i can't tell you how many times i've thought that over the past 2 days!!!!!</div>

ZoeTheDog · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_really-would-like-opinions-suggestions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:65Discussion:6591dc67-7476-48bf-90c7-2dc94a146572Post:5ef101ce-74f2-4930-9b77-f29db355ffa6">Re: Really would like some opinions and suggestions....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Really would like some opinions and suggestions.... : hahaha i can't tell you how many times i've thought that over the past 2 days!!!!!
Posted by starrbuk13[/QUOTE]

Because it would have gone on and on and on...this would be like 300 posts by now...

klw304 · May 2010

What's the E-board?

tashala107 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_really-would-like-opinions-suggestions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:6591dc67-7476-48bf-90c7-2dc94a146572Post:940fb252-de24-4198-9c9e-c9a07edba5f0">Re: Really would like some opinions and suggestions....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Really would like some opinions and suggestions.... : Part of me wishes she had posted this on the E-Board...that would have been grand.
Posted by ZoeTheDog[/QUOTE]

I thought the exact same thing! I

had to sit on this for a little while before posting. I think think the girls on this board have given you a lot of options and opinions to have an amazing wedding on a smaller budget. It may not be the wedding you originally envisioned but you can work to make it the wedding of your dreams.

Like many of the other ladies, my FI and I are footing a large portion of the wedding bill, with a small amount of help that was offered from his parents. I've known since forever that my parents would not be able to contribute due to their financial situation. We are going to have an amazing wedding because we are working to find deals and saving our asses off!

Really take the time to read some of the PP. Start saving if you haven't already.. or push back the wedding... There are some great ideas given! Head over to the budget board where you can learn how to do a lot with a little bit of money.

Good luck... and congrats on your engagement!

tashala107 · May 2010

klw304- the E board is the etiquette board... they tend to be a little less "sugar-coated" than the local board

jenandcris · May 2010

I've been quiet... The girls on the board already gave you perfect advice, but...

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_really-would-like-opinions-suggestions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:6591dc67-7476-48bf-90c7-2dc94a146572Post:0662e230-4551-4fd6-afd8-ddd7cbeb04d1">Re: Really would like some opinions and suggestions....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Really would like some opinions and suggestions.... : This might be harsh as well, but <strong>why haven't YOU and FI been saving for you own wedding</strong>.
Posted by elmcity bride[/QUOTE]

That's what I would like to know. My FI and I are still in school and won't even have graduated by the time we get married, but we decided that having a two year engagement would allow us to save up enough money for the kind of ceremony we want. Trust me- living on two college students' salary is NOT much <em>but </em>we save $250 per paycheck towards our wedding fund.

I don't think that the mid-west has as big of a break as we do in the east (my siblings in OH are only off for a week for Christmas and NYE), but a week off with New England's off season discount is better than paying <em>thousands</em> more in the summer. If you look at Melko's bio, you'll see how beautiful and tasteful her winter wedding was!

And I agree about (P&) E!!!

crushme8602 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_really-would-like-opinions-suggestions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:65Discussion:6591dc67-7476-48bf-90c7-2dc94a146572Post:0900fddc-eb6f-4fef-81ee-992332988824">Re: Really would like some opinions and suggestions....</a>:
[QUOTE]I talked to my mom last night to let her know how I was really feeling with everything that has happened. Like I posted earlier, communication is not important in my family and she said she was shocked to be hearing high numbers but relaxed when I got more details about what the price includes (plates and such because she finds it hard to believe that people rent that stuff just for a wedding, but that's her) and my FI and I talked about looking at more places closer to my parents. He also spoke with his parents and they are going to help where they can as long as it doesn't directly involve my mother so there's no stepping on toes. She's agreed to come with me to look at dresses because she really didn't understand how important this is to me. We're both on the same page and I feel better. I wrote my original post not sure how I was feeling and just needed to get it out because everything I was feeling was bothering me. I'm not a bridezilla, I didn't approach the situation in the best manner, and everything has been straightened out and I'm on the same page with my mother.
Posted by krand08[/QUOTE]

Call me a bitch, but it's people like you who don't deserve any help at all. Spoiled and expecting - no matter what other people's circumstances are- you seem to be only looking after yourself. I hope you've taken some people's comments to you into consideration here, seems you have some growing up to do. Some things are more important that others, and if you take a step back and relax, maybe you will see and realize what truely matters here (and with the wedding planning process).

starrbuk13 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_really-would-like-opinions-suggestions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:6591dc67-7476-48bf-90c7-2dc94a146572Post:8dbe7fc2-9cc2-48c3-987f-53cd94bf9b9b">Re: Really would like some opinions and suggestions....</a>:
[QUOTE]klw304- the E board is the etiquette board... they tend to be a little less "sugar-coated" than the local board
Posted by tashala107[/QUOTE]

<div>that's putting it nicely!!! :)</div>

sloanacz · May 2010

I've already posted but I feel like if you don't take the pp into consideration you will be royally f$#%@&. When we got engaged we had every thought in our head that we would be paying for our own wedding, that's why we made it a 2 year engagement for planning and saving. Then my mother and father who are divorced seperatly said " we will help" and my mom said "plan the wedding you want the money will be there. So I did. It's still under 25k more like 20ish. Now that 2010 my father is backing out of what he said (which I figured) and my mom is saying well I don't know why you planned such a big wedding. We still have the means to pay for the remaining balances but NEVER depend on anyone to pay for anything. Be prepared for anything to happen. Even if they do decide to contribute just pretend there not and still save for the full amount of the wedding incase of anything. If you end up not needing the money you saved you'll have money for a house downpayment,honeymoon what have you. Just don't depend on anyone. that's the moral to my story.

Whippet8 · May 2010

off topic, but thanks girls for the january wedding love :-)

akulaji · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_really-would-like-opinions-suggestions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:65Discussion:6591dc67-7476-48bf-90c7-2dc94a146572Post:76ca4b31-cf1b-47b4-8712-0b0297f35901">Re: Really would like some opinions and suggestions....</a>:
[QUOTE]off topic, but thanks girls for the january wedding love :-)
Posted by melko4886[/QUOTE]
Alise, your wedding was totally gorgeous and you looked amazing! (I can't believe your honeymoon is in only two months!!!!) I had actually always wanted a winter wedding, but it didn't work out for our timing, so I 'readjusted' my desires and fell in love with our spring wedding instead. Sometimes things don't work out the way you envision or plan and you just have to go with the flow... and you know what, my wedding was perfect in the end.

SuMmErKuTiE · May 2010

Ditto Carrie.. Alise everything about your day was gorgeous! FI and I have talked about how we wish we had gone with a winter wedding instead. All of the winter weddings I've seen have been absolutely beautiful. :0)

Damen'sB2B · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_really-would-like-opinions-suggestions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:6591dc67-7476-48bf-90c7-2dc94a146572Post:51a988e4-6e63-4408-8443-eb3cfa2d79b9">Re: Really would like some opinions and suggestions....</a>:
[QUOTE] AND one more thing...I'd re-read Damen'sB2B post above . Good for her. I'd love to go to her wedding. And I'd give her a nice gift too.
Posted by ZoeTheDog[/QUOTE]

Aww I just noticed this bit. Thanks ZoeTheDog, you're so sweet! You know, I'd be willing to accept a gift in the mail! haha j/k
Btw, I noticed that we're both September brides. I hope your planning is going well!

Karebear852k3 · May 2010

Honestly, PPs have given you great advice. An affordable New England wedding is possible to do if you aren't setting impossible expectations. It may not be easy, but start saving and set your date way into the future (like 2 years) to give yourself/FI time to save. Maybe by then your sister's wedding will have come and gone and your parents won't be so freaked out about money and maybe a little more secure with money where they can OFFER to pay on their own (who wants to be expected to pay for anything these days.). Have a smaller guest list - this definitely keeps costs down. Choose your venue wisely. Come up with a budget of what you can spend so you don't fall in love with a venue/a dress etc. that you can't afford. But if you just got engaged, you do not need to pick a venue in the next 5 weeks (especially if you hold off on the wedding for a year or 2). If your parents don't have a lot of money and neither do you and FI, then in all likelyhood you are NOT going to have the big day like on Platinum Weddings or anything seen on TV. Bottom line is you can lower your satisfaction with your day by having unrealistic notions of how it should be and make yourself miserable or you can lower your expectations and settle for what could be a nice, simple, but beautiful day.

Karebear852k3 · May 2010

"A mathematical formula for happiness: Reality divided by Expectations. There were two ways to be happy: improve your reality or lower your expectations."
— Jodi Picoult (Nineteen Minutes)

This is the quote I was trying to refer to for you. This is what you need to do. Which one do you think is easier?

Really would like some opinions and suggestions....

Re: Really would like some opinions and suggestions....

Choose Another Board

Search Boards