Is this weird?

shoegal715 · November 2010

My cousin (male) got engaged a few months ago. They're now in the process of picking their WP for their wedding in August.

My cousin's fiance has selected 13 bridesmaids. My cousin was shocked, telling her there's no way he can select 13 groomsmen. He wanted max 5. She had a mini-melt down and told him he HAD to find 13.

So my cousin has his 5 friends, and now he needs an extra 8. So he asked my fiance (who he knows but not well), my dad, my sister's boyfriend (they're been together 3 months), and the remaining groomsmen are men he has literally never met - they're the SO's of some of the bridesmaids.

I feel bad for my cousin - I mean his wedding party consists of people he's never even met.

When I kindly suggested to the bride that uneven sides are cool and modern, she said they have to be even - she wants the bridal party to walk down boy-girl, she wants a bridal party dance (yuck), and she said the photos and head table will be off.

Does anyone else find this weird? Have you ever been a "filler" bridal party member?

Anysunrise · November 2010

I find a 26 person WP bizarre, even aside from the filler part. That's like 1/3 my guest list.

jerseydevil · November 2010

<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-weird-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9836d0fc-f8bd-484c-a332-9c43375a2e5aPost:a794e1b7-8cb1-4c9c-9f66-943ac812b03b">Is this weird?</a>:
[QUOTE]My cousin (male) got engaged a few months ago. They're now in the process of picking their WP for their wedding in August. My cousin's fiance has selected 13 bridesmaids. My cousin was shocked, telling her there's no way he can select 13 groomsmen. He wanted max 5. She had a mini-melt down and told him he HAD to find 13. So my cousin has his 5 friends, and now he needs an extra 8. So he asked my fiance (who he knows but not well), my dad, my sister's boyfriend (they're been together 3 months), and the remaining groomsmen are men he has literally never met - they're the SO's of some of the bridesmaids. I feel bad for my cousin - I mean his wedding party consists of people he's never even met. When I kindly suggested to the bride that uneven sides are cool and modern, she said they have to be even - she wants the bridal party to walk down boy-girl, she wants a bridal party dance (yuck), and she said the photos and head table will be off. Does anyone else find this weird? Have you ever been a "filler" bridal party member?
Posted by shoegal715[/QUOTE]

Yuck is right! What a PIA for your cousin to deal with. This girl sounds like she seriously needs some quality time on these boards.

Calypso1977 · November 2010

my husband and his brother were both fillers at their sisters wedding for teh same reason. their mother said the girls "couldnt walk unescorted" and therefore the groom had to match her 6 attendants even though he really only had 3 or 4 guys he wanted.

emilyinchile · November 2010

The fact that she thinks these things are essential isn't weird to me, but I do find it weird that your cousin is willing to have 8 randos up there with him on his wedding day rather than have a conversation about this with his future wife.

Oh, and I do find 13 BMs quite weird in and of itself.

Beachy730 · November 2010

Tell her she should visit the knot message boards because from your experience people give great advice there.

And yes, I am a filler BM for BIL's wedding next year. My FSIL's exact words were "Fi has all these people he's asking to be GMs. He's up to 7, I don't even know 7 girls I would ask. So if I can't find any will you be my BM?"

I was just like, um, okay. Then a few days later MIL was saying something to me about the BMs and I said "um, I think I might be a BM?" I know now for sure i am, but it was probably the worst way you could ever ask someone. If it wasn't family, I would have said no.

andy71781 · November 2010

that is ridiculous. Does she have a huge wedding budget and guest list? FTR - I had 7 bms and H had 5 - granted it was only supposed to be 7/6 but my cousin got married HIMSELF that day but yeah - that's weird.

Stackeye210 · November 2010

Big bridal parties make for not so cute wedding pictures. Trust me, I was in one with 10 on each side - I can't imagine 13. UGH.

Ember01 · November 2010

I was a "filler" in a wedding once. The bride had already asked the bridesmaids (all mutual friends) and then her FI asked another guy to be in the weddings, so like 3 months after all the girls had been asked, I was asked. I said yes because our families are friends, but it was annoying that I had to buy a dress, pay for part of the shower, and do all that other stuff KNOWING that I was not on the top of her wedding party list.

shoegal715 · November 2010

Guest list is 300 people. And you KNOW she is going to have the double tiered head table. I won't get to sit with my dad or my fiance. Oh well, hopefully she'll at least put them beside each other so they have someone to talk to during dinner at the massive head table.

There's already an issue about money. She expects the money to come 50/50 from my cousin's parents and her parents. God love my uncle, he already said he is absolutely not contributing half. Out of 300 people, my cousin's people are at most 45 - 50.

They are Portuguese so they're going all out for this thing. Ceremony at 12 (FML), 3 - 4 hours for pictures, and a dinner at 5pm.

Beachy730 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-weird-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9836d0fc-f8bd-484c-a332-9c43375a2e5aPost:8f119065-e8a8-4c7f-9a22-a6fb95ef3e34">Re: Is this weird?</a>:
[QUOTE]Guest list is 300 people. And you KNOW she is going to have the double tiered head table. I won't get to sit with my dad or my fiance. Oh well, hopefully she'll at least put them beside each other so they have someone to talk to during dinner at the massive head table. There's already an issue about money. She expects the money to come 50/50 from my cousin's parents and her parents. God love my uncle, he already said he is absolutely not contributing half. Out of 300 people, my cousin's people are at most 45 - 50. They are Portuguese so they're going all out for this thing. Ceremony at 12 (FML), 3 - 4 hours for pictures, and a dinner at 5pm.
Posted by shoegal715[/QUOTE]

She needs to be directed to this board like yesteday.

mica178 · November 2010

This bride sounds like someone who would come to the board, ask a ridiculous question, then become defensive when her idea gets shot down. I don't know if a person who insists on EIGHT filler GMs is one with whom reason works.

shoegal715 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-weird-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9836d0fc-f8bd-484c-a332-9c43375a2e5aPost:2732142b-00ae-433f-ab97-5b974acf5606">Re: Is this weird?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is this weird? : She needs to be directed to this board like yesteday.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Next time I see her (Christmas) I'm going to casually tell her how great these boards are and send her the link to the E board. Hopefully she starts talking about her wedding, and asking questions. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

Beachy730 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-weird-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9836d0fc-f8bd-484c-a332-9c43375a2e5aPost:1730f73f-e2cd-4381-a780-ba522023c257">Re: Is this weird?</a>:
[QUOTE]I bet she'd ask how to demote her 8 filler GMs. :)
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

Because they aren't fulfulling their GM duties.

I would be willing to bet money though that this woman actually does kick out at least 1 member of the WP for lack of enthusiasm, effort, or performing their duties.

shoegal715 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-weird-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9836d0fc-f8bd-484c-a332-9c43375a2e5aPost:4ce4cebd-99bf-4d7e-b3d0-3a3103060d26">Re: Is this weird?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is this weird? : Because they aren't fulfulling their GM duties. I would be willing to bet money though that this woman actually does kick out at least 1 member of the WP for lack of enthusiasm, effort, or performing their duties.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

<div>I won't take that bet. </div><div>
</div><div>My cousin is 30. This girl is 29.</div>

salt78 · November 2010

I would have guessed more like 18.

PsyDet 2155 · November 2010

26 in a bridal party is ridiculous. The sides don't have to be even.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · November 2010

She sounds like a psychobitch.

And no, I've never even been a BM. I guess I filter my friends pretty well. I don't know if I even have 13 friends.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-weird-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9836d0fc-f8bd-484c-a332-9c43375a2e5aPost:8f7b34b4-c225-44f6-a0b5-244d14dcd342">Re: Is this weird?</a>:
[QUOTE]Big bridal parties make for not so cute wedding pictures. Trust me, I was in one with 10 on each side - I can't imagine 13. UGH.
Posted by Stackeye210[/QUOTE]

I was thinking this, too. Logistically, transportation seems like a nightmare. Thank god we had 6 people TOTAL and could get away with a 6 person limo.

Beachy730 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-weird-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9836d0fc-f8bd-484c-a332-9c43375a2e5aPost:95c65a3f-bb8c-49bb-8d20-4487f17bf8ec">Re: Is this weird?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is this weird? : I was thinking this, too. Logistically, transportation seems like a nightmare. Thank god we had 6 people TOTAL and could get away with a 6 person limo.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

Why would she care though? She doesn't plan on paying a penny.

I find it very hard to believe that someone has 13 women that they are just so close to that they couldn't imagine slighting by not having them as a BM.

cengle · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-weird-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9836d0fc-f8bd-484c-a332-9c43375a2e5aPost:d4e3de33-f764-4b57-8cc8-79d9a0c14009">Re: Is this weird?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is this weird? : Why would she care though? She doesn't plan on paying a penny. <strong>I find it very hard to believe that someone has 13 women that they are just so close to that they couldn't imagine slighting by not having them as a BM. </strong>
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

Seriously. I don't think I have 13 female friends at all.

Anysunrise · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-weird-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9836d0fc-f8bd-484c-a332-9c43375a2e5aPost:89c3d6ae-dd91-41c4-8885-850763714d0b">Re: Is this weird?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is this weird? : Seriously. I don't think I have 13 female friends at all.
Posted by cengle[/QUOTE]

I don't have 13 friends period.

doctabroccoli · November 2010

Man that cousin of yours is whipped, no offense.

Women are perfectly capable of walking themselves down the aisle!

And really, a WP dance with random strangers? I do not want to be forced to dance very closely with someone I have nothing to do with, thankyouverymuch.

doctabroccoli · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-weird-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9836d0fc-f8bd-484c-a332-9c43375a2e5aPost:89c3d6ae-dd91-41c4-8885-850763714d0b">Re: Is this weird?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is this weird? : Seriously. I don't think I have 13 female friends at all.
Posted by cengle[/QUOTE]

Neither do I. I have 13 or more female <font size="4">acquaintances, but not 13 good friends that I'd want up there with me!</font>

lgr0524 · November 2010

That is WAY too demanding! My fiance was going to have 6 guys to match mine, but his brother is going to be sent to Afghanistan now and will most likely miss the wedding. If he doesn't have anyone to fill his brother's spot I'm not going to freak out about it!

jessienjeremy · November 2010

Why cant each guy walk down with 2 girls. It wouldnt look bad and he wouldnt have to have 8 fillers.

I cant talk about having alot of BM's bc I have 10.. and FI has 10 GM's. However, these are people we talk to if not daily, then every other day and we are super close to.

shortee426 · November 2010

This reminds me of the episode of "Bridezillas" where there 35 people in the WP. It was ridiculous...they were lining the side aisles of the church.

suze423 · November 2010

Yikes. Ditto to they people who said they don't have 13 close friends. We had a WP of 4. All I wanted was a MOH, which was my brother, but DH chose his son and his cousin and asked that I have his cousin's wife as a BM. Aside from holding the rings and my brother giving a toast they were pretty much WP in name only.

jessienjeremy · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-weird-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9836d0fc-f8bd-484c-a332-9c43375a2e5aPost:92f46ae1-cb4b-4f60-9115-1faa18608934">Re: Is this weird?</a>:
[QUOTE]This reminds me of the episode of "Bridezillas" where there 35 people in the WP. It was ridiculous...they were lining the side aisles of the church.
Posted by shortee426[/QUOTE]

I saw that one!!! she was crazy anyway

Summer2011Bride · November 2010

I was at a wedding last summer where their bridal part was 30, yes THIRTY people! They had to have two tiers of tables for their head table. It just looked silly (most of the WP was family).

For the OP: I do think it's weird she wants such a big party and find it disturbing or unsettling I guess that her FI won't speak up to her or discuss it with her. He shouldn't have to just ask random guys to stand up for him. Hopefully it all works out!

LD1970 · November 2010

Not just weird, but hideous.

Is this weird?

Re: Is this weird?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards