buffet, sit down, too many people!

M&R7111 · July 2010

I have a while before I need to send out my invites, but this has been on my mind:

We originally booked the venue for a buffet dinner. We were informed that to have enough room for the buffet and the line of people, usually they make the cut off at 165 people. Any more than that we would need a sit down dinner.

My goal was to keep the guest list low (around 150) but that seems to be impossible due to FI's HUGE family and massive friend base. Currently, we are at 195 people and we cut "as much as possible" (ahhhh!).

FI (incorrectly, in my mind) assumes enough people will RSVP with regrets to have about 165 people and we can keep our buffet. (He ALWAYS quotes that "usually around 30 people do not come") I would LOVE THIS b/c sit down dinner will cost us about $2K more @195 people than a buffett @165 people.

BUT - I can't send invites to 195 people and not plan for them to all come. So in my mind, I need to send out invites to these people with a meal option, right? I need to assume all 195 will show up and we will have a sit-down dinner.

But then if FI is right and most of his out-of-state relatives do not show, and we CAN have the buffet, what do I do about the meal option? Just say "nevermind! we have a buffet instead" when the wedding happens? (EDIT andy below suggested this - tacky or no??)

Blueyed228 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_buffet-sit-down-many-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:d4c60a74-0b63-4ff8-93e7-bda271a7d80dPost:6bffdd02-82c7-457a-a262-279e4a484de4">buffet, sit down, too many people!</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a while before I need to send out my invites, but this has been on my mind: We originally booked the venue for a buffet dinner. We were informed that to have enough room for the buffet and the line of people, usually they make the cut off at 165 people. Any more than that we would need a sit down dinner. My goal was to keep the guest list low (around 150) but that seems to be impossible due to FI's HUGE family and massive friend base. Currently, we are at 195 people and we cut "as much as possible" (ahhhh!). FI (incorrectly, in my mind) assumes enough people will RSVP with regrets to have about 165 people and we can keep our buffet. (He ALWAYS quotes that "usually around 30 people do not come") I would LOVE THIS b/c sit down dinner will cost us about $2K more @195 people than a buffett @165 people. BUT - I can't send invites to 195 people and not plan for them to all come. So in my mind, I need to send out invites to these people with a meal option , right? I need to assume all 195 will show up and we will have a sit-down dinner. But then if FI is right and most of his out-of-state relatives do not show, and we CAN have the buffet, what do I do about the meal option? Just say "nevermind! we have a buffet instead" when the wedding happens?
Posted by M&R7111[/QUOTE]

No. Always plan on 100% attendance. If you are giving people a dinner option on the invitation, then that is what they should get.

If you are inviting that many people, I would get the buffet idea out of your head fast.

M&R7111 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_buffet-sit-down-many-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:d4c60a74-0b63-4ff8-93e7-bda271a7d80dPost:d54ead5c-ebaf-4d78-90bd-e1c061aacde6">Re: buffet, sit down, too many people!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to buffet, sit down, too many people! : No. Always plan on 100% attendance. If you are giving people a dinner option on the invitation, then that is what they should get. If you are inviting that many people, I would get the buffet idea out of your head fast.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

*sigh*, yeah, but I really wanted the buffet and small wedding (Waaahhh)<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-yell.gif" border="0" alt="Yell" title="Yell" />

Plus, I figured the buffet way was much easier b/c I wouldn't have to figure out meals for people on top of other planning.

I guess sitdown it is, unless I can get FI to cut more..........(not going to happen).

SarahPLiz · July 2010

I second Blue's notion. You need to go ahead and make a decision. If the plated is $2K more at 195, and 195 don't come, then you will be closer to your original budget for the buffet for each person that sends their regrets. Either invite only 165 or give up the buffet idea.

Blueyed228 · July 2010

Lol, sit down is nice though!

Like Sarah said, if that many people dont come, you will be getting a sit down dinner for the price of the buffet. Plus you get to invite everyone you want and dont have to worry about making cuts.

trix1223 · July 2010

People do try to say that there's a magic formula about how many people won't attend a wedding, but the fact is: there's just not.

you need to budget and plan for 100% attendance. So-if you're inviting 195 people, then give up the idea of the buffet and plan for the plated meal. If 30 people don't attend, then your wedding won't be any more expensive than the buffet style anyway. And if you're closer to 100% attendance, you won't be caught off guard.

andy71781 · July 2010

You know even if you do send out meal choice cards you can still do a buffet once you know your final count.

M&R7111 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_buffet-sit-down-many-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:d4c60a74-0b63-4ff8-93e7-bda271a7d80dPost:baa92286-0b04-459d-a936-a4f4e4644f2a">Re: buffet, sit down, too many people!</a>:
[QUOTE]You know even if you do send out meal choice cards you can still do a buffet once you know your final count.
Posted by andy71781[/QUOTE]

THIS is what I was wondering about! What do you think? Can I pull a bait n' switch or is that just tacky?

dawnmarie0627 · July 2010

Does your venue require you to tell them the exact meals beforehand? We are having a sit down and all we have to do is give them a head count seven days before. The day of the wedding they will have menus set up by every place setting and our guests will choose their choices then.

If your venue will allow you to do that, you won't have to worry about meal choice cards.

M&R7111 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_buffet-sit-down-many-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:d4c60a74-0b63-4ff8-93e7-bda271a7d80dPost:d7ad14e0-8282-4c4e-9ca7-8e15721c5ee0">Re: buffet, sit down, too many people!</a>:
[QUOTE]Does your venue require you to tell them the exact meals beforehand? We are having a sit down and all we have to do is give them a head count seven days before. The day of the wedding they will have menus set up by every place setting and our guests will choose their choices then. If your venue will allow you to do that, you won't have to worry about meal choice cards.
Posted by dawnmarie0627[/QUOTE]

Really? Thanks, I'll check on that. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

angiem33 · July 2010

I think personally you just need to plan a plated dinner, try the menu card option. If I RSVP'd for a plated meal and got the wedding to find out it was a buffet, I would really be unhappy ( I hate buffets) So NO IMO I do not think the "bait n switch" would be ok.

NillaWafer10 · July 2010

2K is a significant difference for only 30 more guests. That's $67 per person just for the added fee. I think that might put it in perspective for FI. Is having that couple really worth an extra $134?

sarah42nd · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_buffet-sit-down-many-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:d4c60a74-0b63-4ff8-93e7-bda271a7d80dPost:f85aae94-54e2-4578-aa20-d40eefdb69b4">Re: buffet, sit down, too many people!</a>:
[QUOTE]2K is a significant difference for only 30 more guests. That's $67 per person just for the added fee. I think that might put it in perspective for FI. Is having that couple really worth an extra $134?
Posted by NillaWafer10[/QUOTE]

I agree . $67 seems crazy to me.

M&R7111 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_buffet-sit-down-many-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:d4c60a74-0b63-4ff8-93e7-bda271a7d80dPost:dd3a04ca-40d5-42e5-bca8-44eec8449029">Re: buffet, sit down, too many people!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: buffet, sit down, too many people! : I agree . $67 seems crazy to me.
Posted by sarah42nd[/QUOTE]

The buffet is $71.00/adult, $35.00/child&vendor

With a max of 165 people (including children and vendors) the total is around $11K

The sitdown is $10+ so $81/adult and $45/child&vendor

With 195 people currently on the list, our cost is now $15K.

So by going over the 165 people mark we increase everyone's dinner by $10, PLUS, the 30 more people.

PS: The cost includes EVERYTHING, cake, open bar, ceremony, tax, tip......not just the food.

SO - lets just say I went with the sit-down b/c I invited 195 people, and only 165 people did RSVP and come. That means I could have had the buffet and paid $11K, but now I'm paying closer to $13K due to the different dinner. So 2K more for the same number of people I would have liked to have in the beginning.

I have it all on a spreadsheet so it makes sense in my mind.....I'll just shut up and go with the sit-down, since this guest list isn't getting any smaller. I just wish we had more money and FI had a full time job!!!!!

Kristin&eric · July 2010

umm we are having a sit down dinner but we are going to have surf and turf, so NO one is going to pick what they want. We do have 1 vegiterian and i will have to ask the venue about that. I dont know how to help with your problem besides maybe just selcting something universal

M&R7111 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_buffet-sit-down-many-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:d4c60a74-0b63-4ff8-93e7-bda271a7d80dPost:09befd6f-f9fe-44db-84f4-03402d55d6c4">Re: buffet, sit down, too many people!</a>:
[QUOTE]umm we are having a sit down dinner but we are going to have surf and turf, so NO one is going to pick what they want. We do have 1 vegiterian and i will have to ask the venue about that. I dont know how to help with your problem besides maybe just selcting something universal
Posted by Kristin&eric[/QUOTE]

The meal choices is not the issue really, besides being a major PIA. It's that if we invite 195 people - I HAVE to assume we are doing sit down. If it's true and most of these people won't show (so says my FI and FMIL) then I will end up paying more money for the origional amount of people.

Basically, I can't wait until last min to decide which to do. I have no choice but to send out invites with a meal option and if less people show, I can't do buffet.

And there are SO MANY picky eaters betweent the two families I could never do something universal.

sarah42nd · July 2010

My cousin is gettign married in Tuckerton, Jersey in Sept . The bill for EVERYTHING ( linens, food, etc ) was suppose to be $15000 but they talked the place down to $6000. You should get the quote from a few different places and see what kind of deal you can get .

karmellah · July 2010

glad my buffet is only $400

Blueyed228 · July 2010

Please dont pull a "bait and switch".

M&R7111 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_buffet-sit-down-many-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:d4c60a74-0b63-4ff8-93e7-bda271a7d80dPost:178a592d-f77c-4f87-bf2d-f4d585392d1f">Re: buffet, sit down, too many people!</a>:
[QUOTE]My cousin is gettign married in Tuckerton, Jersey in Sept . The bill for EVERYTHING ( linens, food, etc ) was suppose to be $15000 but they talked the place down to $6000. You should get the quote from a few different places and see what kind of deal you can get .
Posted by sarah42nd[/QUOTE]

The venue caters. I can't bring anyone outside in. However, my dad did install their phone system and knows one of the head guys. My "hope" is that he can get in touch with this guy and *maybe* we can get the sit-down price at the buffet price? He did a lot of free work for them when things went wrong. Fingers crossed.

catemeg · July 2010

It might be a massive PITA, but can you just not do a meal card? If two weeks before your wedding, it turns out you haven't had the right amount of people cancel, then you could call up people to ask their menu choice (if you can't do a menu card, which is definitely the best option - I hate choosing a meal a month in advance!).

sarah42nd · July 2010

I also seen alot of people who have a menu at the reception on each plate and then the people chose what one they want. But the issue there is then the cater might have to makethe same amount for both the dishes. I am not sure maybe you ccould work something out .

M&R7111 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_buffet-sit-down-many-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:d4c60a74-0b63-4ff8-93e7-bda271a7d80dPost:0883e306-a78b-4d3c-b3d0-87d52d3772bd">Re: buffet, sit down, too many people!</a>:
[QUOTE]It might be a massive PITA, but can you just not do a meal card? If two weeks before your wedding, it turns out you haven't had the right amount of people cancel, then you could call up people to ask their menu choice (if you can't do a menu card, which is definitely the best option - I hate choosing a meal a month in advance!).
Posted by catemeg[/QUOTE]

Me too! I always forget that I went with, then decide that i wanted the other dish once they come out.

I was thinking of this option, but calling almost 200 people sounds very time consuming. Plus, many people are out-of-state in the mid-west. It might get too cumbersome.

Plan: FMIL and I are working on a way to convince FI to cut the list. He has almost 50 friends on the list!! That's what I get for marrying a frat guy.

M&R7111 · July 2010

WE GOT THE GUEST LIST DOWN TO 165 PEOPLE!!!! yay!!

Buffet it is!

catemeg · July 2010

Great! Now the issue becomes a B-list - if people do decide not to come, it's hard to not make the others feel insulted for being second choice, since you obviously have extra people your FI would like to invite (though kudos to him for having made the cuts!)

But then again, if they're all frat brothers, they won't care anyway. Those are probably the best people to 'B-list' if you're going to do that. I know it's considered bad form, but I just can't imagine a frat brother getting all biitchy because he wasn't first round. Or even noticing.

M&R7111 · July 2010

Well, I don't think many people will know they are on the B list. The "cut" people don't have direct communication with the people who are currently invited. The people that have been removed don't inter-mingle with the people on the "A" list, which is mostly family.

Also, some of the people we "cut" knew that we were having space issues and said they understood if we didn't put them on the list. These are distant distant cousins that we see from time to time. Many family members even said "we aren't going to be able to afford to fly out there so don't worry about putting us on the list".

Besides, I've known I was on a B list for the last wedding I went to. I'm not offended, mainly because I know what its like to have to cut people!!!

Lisa8888 · July 2010

You have to plan based on the number of people that are invited. If you invite 195 then plan on a sit down. You can't send out invitations with meal choices for a sit down and then last minute your guests walk into a buffet. You can't plan based on some guess of how many people won't attend.

buffet, sit down, too many people!

Re: buffet, sit down, too many people!

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