Another case of COLD FEET?!

Re: Another case of COLD FEET?!

• kpwedkk member

  

  August 2010 edited August 2010

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_another-case-of-cold-feet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:af993c28-595c-4262-9fce-6c7f8ce35a92Post:079e520a-c076-4a68-8343-b8ecee749ec3">Another case of COLD FEET?!</a>:
  [QUOTE]Hi everyone!  I am looking for some advice!? My fiance and I are getting married in January.  We have been together for over 6 years!  That said, I worry because I don't feel such a strong sexual desire as I used to!  I don't know if it is simply the fact that we have been together for so many years or that I am less physically attracted to him (as he's put on quite a few pounds since we got together-- which could be another question-- how much should physical traits matter?!) or if it is a "cue" that we shouldn't married.
  
   I must also mention, that he still feels a strong sexual desire toward me! I am the type of person that doubts myself very much and worries about making the wrong choice about even LITTLE things, so you can imagine how worried I am about making the right choice about something that will pave the rest of my life!!! I typically don't make decisions until I cannot hold off any longer!  (Hence the fact that we just started planning the wedding last month.)  I do, however, know that my fiance is my best friend and we love each other with everything we have!  I am 100% myself around him and I can't say that about anyone else!  But with the less physical intimacy/desire, sometimes I feel like just that, best friends.
  
   Its not his fault, he feels the passion, its me.  I just want to know if this is normal with such a long relationship... I mean, how are married couples after 6 years?! Lastly, I must add, we do not currently have sex.  Too much information perhaps, but we have in the past and for the last couple years have decided to wait until we are married (for religious purposes).  Therefore, I am excited about that part! I just worry, after the time, that excitement will fade too?! Help! (sorry so long!)
  Posted by buckeyefan4life[/QUOTE]
  
  If you are basing your fiance's looks to not get married, even if it's a couple of pounds, what's going to happen 20 years from now, or 40 years from now ?
   when wrinkles set in,  bodies get bent and wacked out of shape (unless you plan to maintain for the rest of your life to be in the most fit condition ever).
  
  You keep mentioning that your fiance is your best friend, one to talk to, share your home with, cooking, working, and the hobbies of life.  Don't you want to stick by him forever and ever?
  
  Most folks out there don't get that time 6 years to spend forever with their best friend, and then take the next step into marriage, so you are lucky that you've ironed out the differences early on :)
  
  Go for it!

  
  "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart." ~ Miss K ~
  

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• KatyRoseM member

  

  August 2010

  While the physical is important, its not the only important thing.  Also how attracted you are changes throughout a relationship.  If it worries you so much you can talk to a professional about it, but it doesn't sound like you don't want to be married to him. 
  

  

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• nickchick member

  

  August 2010

  I agree with PP, maybe it would do you some good to talk to a professional about how you're feeling. I was in a similar boat in that I am incredibly indecisive about the smallest thing, so you can imagine how freaked out I was when we started talking seriously about marriage. (we've now been together about 5 years) But I knew I wanted to marry my DF, I just wanted to stop doubting myself. I talked to someone and got my own feelings and thoughts straightened out and it was the best thing I ever did because when he proposed I was able to wholeheartedly and without doubt say yes! It sounds like you love him and want to be married to him, so maybe this would help you.

  As for the attraction thing, not sure what to tell you except maybe it has to do with you guys not having sex? It seems like the more you have it the more you want it. lol

  

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• staceytaylor0704

  

  August 2010

  The lacking sexual desire could just have to do with the fact that you guys haven't done anything in so long as PP said.... But, it could also be a medical  problem with your body, or even psychological. Ask your doctor about it next time you go. Sounds crazy, but you never know.
  From everything else you said, it doesn't sound like you are not wanting to marry him! I hope you can get it worked out. Good luck

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• jmkes

  

  August 2010

  Though sexual desire is a component of marriage, it's not what you should base your decision to get married on.  You said y'all aren't having sex because of religious reasons  (also TMI but neither are we for that same reason) so maybe do a marriage prep course or counseling with your church.  We have learned SOOO much from going though that process with one of our pastors.  It helps us see beyond the physical and get down to the deeper connection that marriage should be based on.  Like pp said, you both will have wrinkles and gray hair one day.  Physical beauty is not the only thing that makes a person attractive.

  

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