June 2012 Weddings

Best friend has NO ring yet already researching venues and planning a wedding FOUR MONTHS BEFORE MIN

Hey ladies!

Just wanted to get what you guys thought on this...

I am the second one who has gotten engaged out of my group of friends and believe me the response has NOT been entirely positive. I have gotten that my ring is "too big", how are you paying for it, etc? I think these comments are insanely rude from people I thought where my friends. To top it off, some of the girls are mad because I've only been with my fiance a year and a half and they have been with their significant others longer and stll havent gotten a ring. One is even going as far as researching venues before shes gotten proposed to or a ring at all and plans to have it FOUR MONTHS BEFORE MINE?! I am so hurt and upset that I feel as if I'm being pushed to the side. WHat do you guys think??
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Re: Best friend has NO ring yet already researching venues and planning a wedding FOUR MONTHS BEFORE MIN

  • I had some relationships with friends change after I got engaged.  But, if one of them were to get engaged and get married before me I wouldn't care. I researched venues before I got engaged.  I honestly didn't see myself getting married so soon. I thought that I would be the last one to get married, but instead I'm the first. 
  • It's just petty jealousy.  Hopefully it will blow over.  That stinks that your friends don't seem happy for you though.  Depending on how close they are to you, maybe have some heart-to-hearts about the situation.
  • I have a friend who makes snarky comments out of jealousy as well. I just have to ignore it, and I am starting to realize that she is not a friend of mine. However, you only get one day. If your friend is getting married 4 months before you (which is a long time), she is by no means "stealing your thunder." If you are friends, you should be thrilled for her to be getting married as well, not angry because she is getting married before you. 

    Just my $0.02
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  • I agree with the PP's. I got engaged to my boyfriend of 5 years in July, and at the end of August one of my friends got engaged to her boyfriend of 2 years. For the past year and a half she's lived in FL when she used to live in NJ near me and we were very close. She moved for him, and now while he's deployed in the air force overseas, she's back home in NJ. She's been here for 2 months, and every time I try to get together with her she tells me that "I have no idea how busy she is with trying to plan a wedding. She's just TOO BUSY with wedding details to hang out." I finally just said, Okay, because you're the ONLY one who is engaged. That made her realize what she was doing. She apologized for stealing our date (Yes, we had 9/10/11 in mind, but not locked in until we had found a vendor. She found one and booked it without so much as a phone call to me.) and now we're back on track. 

    I think she's just jealous. Waiting 5 years for my ring was tough when others were getting engaged having dated less time. However, I think you should talk to her about it. Just be open about how you feel, and let her be open about her feelings. Maybe she's just frustrated and doesn't realize she's taking it out on you. These things are super tricky, but there's no harm for you in being honest and open. It will help you figure out if she's a good friend who is frustrated or if she is just catty. Either way you'll feel better about where you're at. 

    And I agree... no one will be thinking about her wedding at yours, but if you're really concerned that she'll  like all the same things you do, keep quiet about your plans. I told my friend about the 9, 10, 11 date, and she stole it without a thought because she liked it. If she had never known, she may have still booked it but at least I wouldn't have felt so screwed by it. 

    Good luck with everything and CONGRATS!!!!!
  • Thanks so much everyone! Of course I would be thrilled if she were getting married but I feel shes jumping the gun and all she talks about is how pissed she is that she dont have the ring yet. I told her to stop being mad because when she does eventually get it it wont be the same if she just keeps getting all angry. I'm not worried about her stealing my thunder, the issue I have is that most of the same people are going to be in the bridal party and she knows me and my fiance are paying for our wedding on our own and I really need to save. With her wedding possibly being 4 months before mine leaves a ton of expenses I don't want to deal with. I guess the worst case is I would just say no if she asked me to be in it. I didnt plan on putting her in mine (we are keeping it small with our family).
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  • One of my friends got married a year ago and had to deal with something similar from the rest of us. (I hate to admit!)  I think we were just surprised, and frankly, a little insecure.  She made a point to explain to us why she felt so confident in her relationship, and how happy she was.  She certainly didn't HAVE to do that, but very soon our happiness for her outweighed our reservations and we did everything we could to make her whole process as wonderful as could be.  As long as they're not being cruel, they'll come around soon enough.
  • I'll agree with pps that you only get one day for your wedding. While it may be jealously or not you won't know until you talk to her. I don't see why you mention her planning her wedding 4 months before yours. I've been engaged for a year and half and my sister only for 6months and her wedding is exactly 11months before mine. I was nothing but happy for her.

    As far as you saving and WP, you shouldn't worry about it until you are actually asked to be a part of hers.
  • I agree, just wait for it to blow over and if it doesn't then maybe they weren't friends to begin with.
    All my friends/bridesmaids/family are really happy for me/us. Although one of my BMs was saying how her proposal was going to be so much better than mine and how she wasn't going to say yes unless he got down on one knee and had a ring (becuase I opted for us to pay to go down to FI's best friends funeral instead of my engagment ring, (see my proposal story in my profile)) and stuff like that.

    So good luck hun! That would be horrible if that happened to me! I guess just kill her with kindness hun! :)
    "Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger."
    http://adkennard.weebly.com/
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