Random friendship poll

tlv204 · January 2010

This is mostly theoretical and therefore more black and white than anything would be in real life, but I'm just curious. I know these kind of sound like the same thing, but I guess I'm just curious about whether people would have human contact even if it was crappy contact rather than next to none at all.

alixzafiris · January 2010

I'd be perfectly fine with option one most of the time, I think. But as a rule, though I can be social, I don't generally like people and could probably get along just fine without them for an extended stretch of time - not forever, but for a good while. I relish being alone.

tlv204 · January 2010

See alix I think that's my issue, I'm overly social. I'd rather have someone to talk to even if they flake out on me than have no one to talk to at all. I'm just now realizing that this might be my downfall. It's making it very difficult for me to accomplish my resolution, which is to cut out my poisonous friends, because I don't have that many who would be left over honestly.

I think I need to reconnect with other friends and try harder to make new ones, then this wouldn't be an issue.

crfische · January 2010

I don't think it's healthy to only have your DH.

I'd rather have number two because as long as you knew that was how they were and weren't totally let down when they didn't follow through, that's better than only having ONE person in your life.

That's just asanine to me, but I am a highly social person, so there's there. I need that outside contact.

tlv204 · January 2010

Yeah fishy that's what I was thinking. And it's not like they're terrible people, I just need to not rely on them as much as I have in the past because I already know they'll probably flake.

PS- I'm really sorry I keep venting to you guys about friend issues. I'm fully aware that many of you may be sick of me complaining, but I also want to say thanks for chatting with me about it.

AmoroAgain · January 2010

Meh, friends shmends. I'm generally aight by myself. I don't suffer fools easily, and while I could easily have had friends in Italy, they weren't the kind of people I'd hang out with normally, and I wasn't about to just "do it" because I was in a desperate situation (so to speak).

crfische · January 2010

Life in my world is about balance.

I need dates with my husband. I need nights with my girlfriends. I need days with my mom or dad. I need to be able to hang out with my siblings. And granted a lot of the time, these worlds collide, and that's fantastic, but I make a concerted effort to make sure I'm attending to all of my relationships.

Nebb · January 2010

I dont have many RL friends (I know them in person but rarely if ever see them, as well as internet friends), so it pretty much is my H and I. Im ok with that - we have a lot of space with our respective interests and hobbies, jobs and what not. It works for us so Im ok with it. Ive always been a loner, so im ok with being on my own (if Im not with him).

crfische · January 2010

AND, I'm fucking persistent.

If that person means something to me, and they keep flaking, I'll keep inviting them out.

BUT that's not to say I'll let people treat me like shiit and continue to want to hang out with them.

But I have acquaintances, so to speak, that i love spending time with when I can, even if they aren't the most accessible or reliable people.

SwedishChick2011 · January 2010

I voted #1 because when you think about it, if you have only crappy friends, you don't have any real friends.

SarahPLiz · January 2010

WHen I was with my ex, he was my only friend because he liked it that way. I turned out to be the flake to some people and it was not fun. It was very unhealthy and I'm glad that's over.

I love FI, but I also love my girls and my sisters and all my guy friends. I am not an extremely social person, but FI and I don't share EVERY interest in common, so we both need our social groups.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_random-friendship-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c35989a9-13cb-4b85-a01a-529f91e201edPost:fd87f5dc-11ab-4594-b397-03a4ec0ab20f">Re: Random friendship poll</a>:
[QUOTE]See alix I think that's my issue, I'm overly social. I'd rather have someone to talk to even if they flake out on me than have no one to talk to at all. I'm just now realizing that this might be my downfall. It's making it very difficult for me to accomplish my resolution, which is to cut out my poisonous friends, because I don't have that many who would be left over honestly.
Posted by tlv204[/QUOTE]

THIS. I feel like a lot of my friends have dropped out of my life and/or are flaky. Some of them I love, but they're still flaky. I have a handful of really close ones, though. Sometimes I DO want an opinion that's not FI's opinion, or I want to tell a story to someone and like to have someone else who will appreciate it. And that may or may not be FI.

I love to have more couples friends, IRL though. Even my friends who are in relationships are in crappy relationships. I don't have any friends who are married. Period. Just people from high school and college who I keep in infrequent contact with. Maybe because people leave LA before they have kids and stuff.

tlv204 · January 2010

Hmm, I'm intrigued about the poll results. It's a lot more balanced than I expected.

Also, sometimes I really wish I had siblings

Being an only child was fun sometimes, but man can it be lonely.

I also need to keep reminding myself that I don't need to cut people out of my life completely, just maybe not rely on them so much or take their flakiness personally. So I guess this is more of a personal problem than a friend problem.

Nebb · January 2010

Im an only child too, but I think with me I grew up on my own living a fair distance from my friends so I didnt get to hang out a lot and I think that fudged up most of my social skills. I just hate being social now. I know its cliche but you need to be able to be happy on your own, alone. Its not the ideal all the time, but theres nothing wrong with having few friends. Cutting them out now, doesnt mean forever besides, you might drift back together there is no way to know. You deserve better than putting up with flakes just because you think you need friends.

betrothed123 · January 2010

I'm currently questioning some of my friendships because I'm starting to notice how flaky these people are. I've always been quite the loner so I'm not sure how much I'll miss people that I talk to maybe once every month now.

I don't have very many friends IRL anyway. I'd rather have a few very good friends than a bunch of crappy friends.

abbalish · January 2010

I voted #1. I hate not being able to depend on people. And while I do have some of these flaky friends, I take them at face value. There are people that I know would not be there for me when push came to shove. And that's fine, because we can still have a good time hanging out.

More often than not, I'm perfectly happy spending time by myself. But I also love having a handful of close friends who I can completely trust.

jajph1974 · January 2010

I'd rather have one really good friend than a bunch of crappy ones.

tlv204 · January 2010

Thanks Nebb

that's a good point. I think my job doesn't help, just because I have so little adult contact and sometimes end up alone at home for days at a time with no subbing jobs. I mean in limited chunks of time, I love being alone. I have recently learned to bind books and embroider, and am learning to crochet with my mom, and I love to read, I think I just get bored easily and like to talk. About everything, all the time. That's one of the reasons I like to knot, I get to talk talk talk (well, kind of) about all kinds of things even if everyone else I know is working and busy

tlv204 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_random-friendship-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c35989a9-13cb-4b85-a01a-529f91e201edPost:a99bdbb3-570d-4c75-bb3a-76ccd0da5cd3">Re: Random friendship poll</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd rather have one really good friend than a bunch of crappy ones.
Posted by jajph1974[/QUOTE]

Oh absolutely me too, but I don't have ANY really good friends at the moment, other than H. I'm working on it. That's why I'm wondering about this.

crfische · January 2010

I love my freakin' husband, but I just couldn't limit my social interactions to being with just him.

I'd be going out and finding ways to make friends, if that was the case. But I know it's different for everyone.

AmoroAgain · January 2010

T, having siblings isn't always awesome. I go months without speaking to either of mine, and that's when I lived in the US too.

tlv204 · January 2010

Yep fish that's the plan. I just recently reconnected with a friend I've known since kindergarten, lpstl and I have hung out several times now, and I'm also conciously hanging out with several of H's friend's SOs that I used to hang out with in college, so it's not like I'm just sitting at hom whining ALL the time, I just can't quite figure out what to do with some of my flaky friends.

Amoro- I'm sorry about your siblings

But you're moving to SWEDEN! So that's pretty sweet at least

You're still going to knot from there right? When do you move? Will it be any easier to get a job there compared to Italy if the thing with your H's company doesn't pan out? Good luck!

crfische · January 2010

Meh, my flaky friends I chalk up as just that. Flaky.

Do you enjoy the time you spend together when you're together?

tlv204 · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_random-friendship-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c35989a9-13cb-4b85-a01a-529f91e201edPost:686986fa-febc-424f-8f49-ae5d3f4707f2">Re: Random friendship poll</a>:
[QUOTE]Meh, my flaky friends I chalk up as just that. Flaky. Do you enjoy the time you spend together when you're together?
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

Yes, usually I do. That's a good point.

AmoroAgain · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_random-friendship-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c35989a9-13cb-4b85-a01a-529f91e201edPost:afeb4565-47a5-4813-b410-4f877cbb935a">Re: Random friendship poll</a>:
[QUOTE]. Amoro- I'm sorry about your siblings :( But you're moving to SWEDEN! So that's pretty sweet at least :) You're still going to knot from there right? When do you move? Will it be any easier to get a job there compared to Italy if the thing with your H's company doesn't pan out? Good luck!
Posted by tlv204[/QUOTE]

lol... it's okay! They are who they are. *shrug* I don't like them so much, they don't like me so much, so hey! It's all right.

Yep, I'll still knot from here, and we're working on the work thing. ;)

crfische · January 2010

Well, then I'd still make the effort.

If it crosses the line where they are hurting your feelings or making you feel crappy, then you need to clean out your closet, but if, when you're with them, you enjoy them, I think that still says something.

JessAndTrav · January 2010

I've learned that the quality of friendship trumps quantity any day of the week.

crfische · January 2010

Yeah, but for your DH to be your ONLY friend?

I believe in quality vs. quantity, too, but man. Being with ONE person exclusively for your social interactions is mind boggling to me.

Nebb · January 2010

I dont think theres any simple answer to this question really. It sounds like you have a lot of hobbies but genuinly need more than that. Just do what will make you happiest, the less upset when someone does happen to flake.

katiewhompus · January 2010

I'm typically a loner so I'd rather half Dh than 5 billion "fake" friends. In college I had probably had a few social circles with about 20 friends in each circle. I thought it was awesome. Then I graduated and only talk to maybe 3 of those friends on a regular basis.
I blame it on being an only child and traveling a lot. I was never in a place long enough to really get "best friends" or have someone who has known me forever.
I'm also insanely shy, so meeting new people or hanging out with new people is really hard for me to do. I get very jealous of people who can walk into a new job and have coffee dates (not romantic type) and meet after for drinks. I'd never be able to be like "hey lets go out for coffee sometime"

salt78 · January 2010

The older I get, the more people that were just acquaintances have just sort of fallen away. So now I have a really close core group of friends and honestly, I don't feel the need to have any more.

Oh and I'd definitely just take FI over a bunch of people that really didn't give a crap about me.

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