(Maybe) a change of plans

tiffmarie84 · April 2011

**I want to preface this by saying that I looked at other boards to get advice on this and members on other boards were so rude. Trashing brides for doing what we are considering doing. So, I am hoping you ladies can help me out here***

We were planning on 7/7/12 having a big wedding with all the trimmings in a nice hotel. We just found out though do to unforseen financial circumstances that we will not be able to afford this. My FI gets limited vacation time this year so we were thinking of having a ceremony this july with 40 family members followed by a dinner in the restaurant where we had our first date. Then on our original date 7/7/12 we would have a bbq/picnic like party at my father in law's house. Nothing fancy, but we'd dress up a little bit, have a DJ and get come catering.

What do you guys think? We know if we put it off now because of money we will always put it off. We would have the evnts closer together, but my FI job only gives us time off in july each year. Other members on the other boards have said it's a cop out, trying to not be sad that we didn't get to have the 'princess wedding' and that it's insulting to guests.

And if I'm only having my reception in July 12 am even allowed to post on this board anymore?

AllyG303 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_maybe-change-of-plans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:0751bb0c-616d-414a-9747-9bfad2d432f2Post:babd20e3-2127-4bef-8bb3-9d8842af9a88">(Maybe) a change of plans</a>:
[QUOTE]**I want to preface this by saying that I looked at other boards to get advice on this and members on other boards were so rude. Trashing brides for doing what we are considering doing. So, I am hoping you ladies can help me out here*** We were planning on 7/7/12 having a big wedding with all the trimmings in a nice hotel. We just found out though do to unforseen financial circumstances that we will not be able to afford this. My FI gets limited vacation time this year so we were thinking of having a ceremony this july with 40 family members followed by a dinner in the restaurant where we had our first date. Then on our original date 7/7/12 we would have a bbq/picnic like party at my father in law's house. Nothing fancy, but we'd dress up a little bit, have a DJ and get come catering. What do you guys think? We know if we put it off now because of money we will always put it off. We would have the evnts closer together, but my FI job only gives us time off in july each year. Other members on the other boards have said it's a cop out, trying to not be sad that we didn't get to have the 'princess wedding' and that it's insulting to guests. And if I'm only having my reception in July 12 am even allowed to post on this board anymore?
Posted by tiffmarie84[/QUOTE]

We aren't too picky about whose posting on this board, so of course you can still post if you are having a reception in July '12!

With that said, I understand about the expensive wedding at a hotel--I about had a heart attack when I saw our wedding contract. But, is there a reason that you don't want to have the picnic/bbq reception AS your reception? I don't know where you are planning on tying the knot, but would it fit everybody that you are inviting to the casual reception? If so, I might do the rehearsal dinner at the restaurant where you had your first date with just close family and the bridal party, and then have EVERYONE come to the wedding and picnic/bbq reception. Nobody said that a reception had to be princess-like expensive, fancy, 3-course meal just because you are wearing a wedding dress and your FI is wearing a tux.

tiffmarie84 · April 2011

My father in law's house is under renovations currently, so there is some doubt whether it would be ready in time for this july. But the backyard is so beautiful and is a few acres, so we would definately have the reception there if we could this year. But we don't want to plan and pay for things and have things not be ready. Plus, I know we could use next year's tax return to make the party really great. We have to do it in july because the only time my fiance gets off so we can travel back our home state (where all our guests live) is in july.

This whole situation has been a mess b/c my FMIL is just giving us so much crap about it. She was really rude when he told her what we were considering doing. Which I don't understand because we are paying for everything and she'll be at ceremony and reception.

Why is my wedding creating drama?

LADY324 · April 2011

why are you in such a rush to get married this July? If money is an issue I would want a longer engagement to save for a nicer reception. That will still give you a year to save money and get your tax return for next year like you said.

Are you leaving any details out? I don' t get why the other girls would have been mean according to the story that you are tellling us.

tiffmarie84 · April 2011

They weren't rude necessarily to me, but others who were trying asking questions in the general subject matter. I didn't want to ask after that.

We want to get married this year so if something else unforseen pops up again we are married. Postpoing/rescheduling a party is no big deal to us, but putting off getting married isn't really something we want to do. We would elope, but we don't want to do that to our parents. We are the type of people who are really careful with money and we feel like the way the economy goes we could put this off for years which we don't want to do because we want to start a family. It's really difficult when you only have 14 days every year that are open to you to do things.

AllyG303 · April 2011

Personally, I think you should wait and do the whole thing next year as planned, just with the smaller scale bbq/picnic like you mentioned above instead of the hotel extravaganza. It sounds like you already have a lot going on right now and it's creating more drama than it's worth.

If you're wanting to make everyone happy, just get married next year before the party at your FIL's house. That way, no one will complain about not getting to go to the ceremony, etc. If you just want to get marred this year though, I'd go with the smaller wedding and restaurant reception that you can afford (if FIL's house isn't ready for the party this year). If you still want to throw the party next year, call it an anniversary party instead of a pseudo-reception.

Nobody said that people need to attend a ceremony to go to a party (as long as you aren't considering it your official reception or registering for gifts for it, I don't see a problem)

avsfan33 · April 2011

Have the wedding you can afford, scale back. You don't need a big fancy wedding. The reason you're getting married is because you love your FI not because you want a big pretty princess party. Yes, I used the same word the other boards did because that's how you're coming across. Change the venue and cut costs elsewhere.

If you're having a restaurant reception, you should be paying. Guests shouldn't open their pockets for your wedding. It's rude and TK's favourite word "tacky". I don't know if you said you're paying but you should be if you aren't.

If you wait a year for a reception, you're going to hurt a lot of your guests. Why do you need two receptions? Why can't you have a cake and punch reception the same year instead of making people go twice? It seems very AW, sorry. From what I picked up you want to do a tiered guest list if you split the date, which I'm sorry is rude and going to insult your guests. If you're only inviting 40 people to your ceremony, only those 40 should be invited to your reception next year.

I really don't understand how you say you can't afford your wedding when it's over a year away but can somehow rush to get married this year. I'm not trying to be "mean" but it's the truth.

LADY324 · April 2011

Well you have to do whatever is best for you. If in 10 years from now you will still be happy getting married and not having a huge reception then go for it. If starting a family is more important to you then just have a small ceremony. If you can't do the backyard thing look into parks near by. But just have a back up plan in case the weather is bad.

What about having it at a restaurant with just your close friends and family?

Nati05 · April 2011

I'm a little confused, I guess I'm not understanding well. But why are you guys considering doing things this year if you're short on money? Wouldn't that make this july's events more difficult? I'm also not getting where family members are upset. Is it because they want to have everything together? Sorry I got lost on this one.

Anyway I agree with PPs. Especially if money is the issue, why rush it? That'll just make finances more difficult, not to mention you'll be paying for things twice. Just keep the date as planned and change the style of the wedding, that's all. Have it in FIL's yard which will surely be done by then, and have a simpler wedding. No need to change and seperate dates. Just change up the style/ theme.

littlemoments324 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_maybe-change-of-plans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:0751bb0c-616d-414a-9747-9bfad2d432f2Post:babd20e3-2127-4bef-8bb3-9d8842af9a88">(Maybe) a change of plans</a>:
[QUOTE]**I want to preface this by saying that I looked at other boards to get advice on this and members on other boards were so rude. Trashing brides for doing what we are considering doing. So, I am hoping you ladies can help me out here*** We were planning on 7/7/12 having a big wedding with all the trimmings in a nice hotel. We just found out though do to unforseen financial circumstances that we will not be able to afford this. My FI gets limited vacation time this year so we were thinking of having a ceremony this july with 40 family members followed by a dinner in the restaurant where we had our first date. Then on our original date 7/7/12 we would have a bbq/picnic like party at my father in law's house. Nothing fancy, but we'd dress up a little bit, have a DJ and get come catering. What do you guys think? We know if we put it off now because of money we will always put it off. We would have the evnts closer together, but my FI job only gives us time off in july each year. Other members on the other boards have said it's a cop out, trying to not be sad that we didn't get to have the 'princess wedding' and that it's insulting to guests. And if I'm only having my reception in July 12 am even allowed to post on this board anymore?
Posted by tiffmarie84[/QUOTE]

First of all....OF COURSE YOU'RE ALLOWED TO POST ON HERE!!!! lol silly for thinking you couldn't!!!

Next, I think that you and your FI need to do what is best for you financially. I don't agree with people going into debt, especially for a wedding. You can have just as nice of a wedding scaling back.

So, instead of getting married this July...why not save a few more dollars and get married on your original date, get married in a cute church, park or even in your FIL's backyard and have the party there? Then maybe you'll be able to invite a few more people, or even just keep the 40 friends and family....

But again, you and FI need to do what is best for you two. Keep us posted dear!! It'll all work out. It may not be the fairytale wedding you were hoping for, but sometimes you don't really need that. It's all about you and your FI being married! Everything else is just added extras! <3

fancieface · April 2011

I understand the difficulties in life and work schedules and finances. So I think if you and your FI are both on the same page with getting married this July and all the other details comes second then I say go for it. Get married this July and plan for the reception you want next year. Both you and he are the ones paying for it and its about what works best for the two of you, You will always have opinions that can be upsetting and different from yours. But stand confident with your FI and plan accordingly. It must be hard because your FMIL is making things a little difficult but if it was me- I think my FI and I would just plan the wedding and the reception the way we want and when someone has something to say about it, I would just politely stay quiet ( if it was his mother) or have my FI say in a polite way that you made these decisions together and its what works best because of finances and work schedules.

I also understand opinions on TK but don't let that steer you away from posting here. You're always welcome to post on this board. The ladies are very nice. Good luck

tiffmarie84 · April 2011

The reason we want to get married this year is to do it before anything else goes wrong. If we did end up losing our rental home (which we always intended to make our home when we moved back) at least we're husband and wife. I have been talking to my friends about it and they're really supportive. I think the only people who would be insulted is his cousins. I keep thinking that the best man might be deployed again between now and next july or if my FI gets laid off (which rumors are always running around that layoffs are just around the corner), or if his grandmother passes away are just some of the things that would stand in the way or hinder our far out plans.

If we do go forward with the small affair this july, of course we would be paying. I don't want to be tacky lol.

I thank everyone for their constructive criticisms. I would really just like to have a back up plan or two now . I put this post up because I wanted some advice and I'm happy with that I have gotten here.

LADY324 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_maybe-change-of-plans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:0751bb0c-616d-414a-9747-9bfad2d432f2Post:f9c85b03-2578-4aec-be68-182f4cf0695a">Re: (Maybe) a change of plans</a>:
[QUOTE]The reason we want to get married this year is to do it before anything else goes wrong. If we did end up losing our rental home (which we always intended to make our home when we moved back) at least we're husband and wife. I have been talking to my friends about it and they're really supportive. I think the only people who would be insulted is his cousins. I keep thinking that the best man might be deployed again between now and next july or if my FI gets laid off (which rumors are always running around that layoffs are just around the corner), or if his grandmother passes away are just some of the things that would stand in the way or hinder our far out plans. If we do go forward with the small affair this july, of course we would be paying. I don't want to be tacky lol. I thank everyone for their constructive criticisms. I would really just like to have a back up plan or two now . I put this post up because I wanted some advice and I'm happy with that I have gotten here.
Posted by tiffmarie84[/QUOTE]

Do either of you have stable jobs with stable incomes? This is also something to consider as well. Bad financial situations are one of the leading causes to divorce as well. How long have you guys been dating? How old are both of you? You have to do what is best for you but maybe you might want to consider waiting to see how you guys are financially in a couple of months?

mrsbunyip · April 2011

I'd wait till July 2012. Save up the money. Keep it simple. If push comes to shove and something should happen (like a lost job, God forbid), use the money you were saving up for yourselves and just go to a JOP with your closest friends/family. If you're worried about the unexpected, that's life. Who is to say nothing will happen between now and July 2011? The world could end, everyone could lose their jobs, dogs could become rulers of the world. Don't worry about what could happen. Just worry about you marrying the person you love, and the people that you want to be there will be there.

lsk40 · April 2011

You don't think it will be hard to plan a wedding in another state and do it in 3 months and what about the guest won't it kind of be short notice

Kimberly0402 · April 2011

First and foremost, you are more than "allowed" to continue to post on this board. and second, I apolgize for the rudeness of some people. I have also been exposed to the rudeness of other boards. I think that your plans are great. It's your life and your wedding and it should be 100% your decision. Who cares what they think. It's about you and your fiance.

We were in a similar situation earlier this year. Fortunately for us, it worked itself out and we can ccontinue with our plans. My boyfriend lost his job just before Christmas, got a better job in February and then 3 weeks later, I was told that I was being laid-off at the end of the year. I'm a teacher. Since then, I have found out that my job was reinstated and we will be okay, but it was a horrible time in between. We considered getting married this July 28th and then having a small celebration on July 28, 2012 (the original date).

Good Luck and congratulations!!!

l_everett · April 2011

I say do what ever makes you happy! It's you and your FI's big day and it should be what you want and feel comfortable with first and foremost (especially if you're the ones paying for it). I mean the ppl get too caught up in the wedding... this is about a marriage! and if you dont want to wait and you're with the person you know you want to be with forever, get married and now and have the bigger reception later if you thinks that's best for you.

p.s. congrats on that weightloss ticker, way to go!

Heather Wood · April 2011

Do what you want to do..and yes you can still post on our board...sounds like next year would be a great first year anniversary party!

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