I can't stop crying right now. I literally JUST finally started feeling excited for the wedding, and FI just made me so upset.
So most of you probably know that I've really been planning this wedding alone. FI has a really demanding job and travels a lot, so he just couldn't devote any time to it and we joke that he's going to be a guest at the wedding. I truly did not mind the situation, to be completely honest I was excited to surprise him on our day and was really looking forward to seeing his reaction.
He is a private person and just seems to refuse to embrace this day at all. He just keeps complaining about having to dance with me and his mom in front of people, complains about photos, etc. I've let it slide off my back. Now he just came over and told me he does not want the videographer filming him getting ready.
We got two videographers JUST for this purpose. I know it's not the biggest deal in the world, I truly do, but I didn't really realize until now how much I was looking forward to getting to see those moments of him being a little nervous and excited and getting ready with his friends. And beyond that, it just feels like he will just continue to refuse to get into the day at all...like he's just keeping it at arm's length and is so afraid to show his feelings. And that he's really not taking into account my feelings or all the work I've put into making this happen. I'm sorry if this isn't making much sense, I'm just typing as I try to sort out how I feel. I know part of it is probably being emotional about the day in general, but I really just feel very lonely and like I'm the only one emotionally invested in the day.