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Dilemma: How to include Step-Mother and Step-Sisters???

giirly06giirly06
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in Moms and Maids
Hey, This is my very first post... and possibly not the last, but i have something that has been eating away at me.
To give a background, I lived with my dad and step-mother, and her 3 children (all younger, the oldest one is 6 years younger than i am) for about 5 years (when i was 13-18 yrs old) We are pretty close and all get along. My birth mother and I are great friends, I only left her to live with my dad because i barely ever saw him. I am having troubles with deciding how to incorporate my step-mother, birth mother, and mother-in-law into the wedding.

ALSO, i do not want my two younger step-sisters (now 13 and 15), who look up to me, to feel left out by not being in the bridal party. I am not looking to have a huge wedding party, so after including my close friends (3) and FH's only sister (16yrs) (we are pretty close - and I feel bad that I feel obligated to include her because FH asked her bf to be one of the ushers (without talking to me first - they have only been dating a short while) so we can't really have him and not her :S) My only blood sister has just announced she is pregnant (yay to me being a new auntie!) and is due (roughly) the week before the wedding... So i think i will just leave it up to her to decide if she would like to be apart of the wedding party (only thing is she is 8 years older than me and we were never really that close - but she will always be my sister :D)
FH has already picked his closest friends/relatives for his ushers (total: 5) and does not want to include my blood brother (they are friends, yes, but not that close - only talk at family functions) he thinks it maybe a little awkward, and if they were closer friends then he would have no problem. SOOooo.... I really need some help with this...

1) How to include Step-Mother, Birth Mother, and FMIL into wedding (fyi: obvious tension between step-mother and birth mother :S)

2) Do I include younger step-sisters in wedding party, or give them important but small roles for helping with the wedding? (i figured that the 15 yr old wouldn't be too excited, but would just do it to please me, but the 13 yr old would be delighted, yet shy)




:: July 10, 2010::
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Re: Dilemma: How to include Step-Mother and Step-Sisters???

  • lovemygrandkidslovemygrandkids
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    At my SIL's wedding this past summer she used her two teenage nieces ages 13 and 14 to help direct people to their tables.

    Just inside the entrace of the banquet room they sat at a table, asked the guests name and looked it up in a chart arranged in alphabetical order by last name then first name and told them which table number and her 12 year old nephew took the people to their table.  It was great and all three kids felt honoured to be part of their aunt's wedding.  It also a no fuss, no confusion way of people finding out where they sit.  My DD is borrowing the idea for her wedding next year.

    Other than that there are readings and perhaps giving each mother a task to do that is all their own.
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  • lindz1234lindz1234 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    My Fatehr eand Step mother are going to walk down the aisle to their seats together ahead of the bridal party, then my mother (who is not remarried) is walking down with my brother. Directly after that.  My step brothers, who I am not extremely close to are in charge of getting people to dance.  They are all bringing "dates" with them and hve been told when during to first dance to step in with their dates to dance (hopefully encouraging others to join in) also same thing with keeping the party going.  They are all younger than me and really wanted something to do and it just popped into my head.  KEEP PEOPLE GOING.  Good luck, I hope that helped

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  • giirly06giirly06
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you guys, so much, for your input and excellent ideas! This definately helps me out alot, you have no idea.
     
    Thanks!


    :: July 10, 2010::
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  • Catwoman708Catwoman708 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Please keep in mind that you don't have to include everyone in the family in the wedding or give them a "job" to do to make them feel honored and included.  Some people actually feel insulted to be given a "lame" job like guest book attendant, usher, or program hander-outer. 

    And the parents (FMIL and Stepmom) will already have their hands full just getting ready, dealing with their other family and friends, and being in photos.  They will feel honored and included just to be there to see you married.

    If I understood correctly, your FI is having 5 groomsmen, and you have 4 or 5 BMs, but one will likely drop out due to having a baby due the week before the wedding.  That would leave you with 3-4 BMs? 

    If you really want to include them, then ask your stepsisters to be BMs, but don't give them some other "job" unless they actually suggest it or ask if they can help.  The GMs and BMs don't have to be evenly paired, you can have an odd number on one side. 

    You could ask your brother to be an usher or do a reading, or to escort the mothers to their seats as a special favor to you. 

    And be sure to tell each and every one of them how special they are to you, how much it meas they will be there, and ask for a special photo of just the two of you together on your wedding day.  Yes, that's a lot of extra photos, but it is only a few minutes total.
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  • osaurus77osaurus77 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Both of my parents are remarried. My dad's wife has a son and two daughters. I am not that close to them, so they will end up being guests at the weding.

    But you have to do what works for you.
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